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Monthly Archives: November 2012
Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/14/2012
Detroit’s Finest Baby!
Whatever, its Wednesday, fuck off, suck a dick, a dead horse dick to be exact! I’m sure Rawdog’s having nightmares about that. Remember when Ellis had that dream about a yellow bracelet that he coveted to this day, yeah he fucking got it. Tully had a dream too, some crazy shit about doing the show in some resort area, with Reggie Jackson joining Ellis n Rawdog. Just before they went on the air, Rawdog just started vomiting, and Tully noticed it was dark outside making him think a Big Fucking Mega Storm was coming. Fucking weird dude! What else is weird, Gavin Rossdale is a huge fan of The Jason Ellis Show, says Ellis’s doctor. If your not sure who that dude is, he’s the lead singer of Bush he’s married to Gwen Stefani. Radiohead is NOT grunge! Tully and Ellis took the liberty of schooling Rawdog on what is and isn’t “grunge”. Ellis was there to witness it firsthand and Rawdog wasn’t, so shut the fuck up. And just when you think Tully loves us as people, we find out he’s no longer donating blood to save our lives despite numerous calls from the Red Cross, so basically #fucktully! Kid Rock does really loves us all, and Mitt Romney, and hunting with Ted Nugent, talking shit on Howard Stern….I’m kinda not so sure feeling his love anymore. He also made his own beer company ‘Bad Ass Beer’, cause all the brewers in his town sold out to foreigners, helluva guy. Rawdog is a hell of a guy when he hasn’t had any nuggets to eat. Bush baby didn’t get to grab any before the show, so his tumbly was a bit rumbly, which posed the genius question, what would Rawdog do for some nuggets? We’ll get back to that later, for now lets focus on the facts. Fast food eaten consistently will lead to blockages in your arteries, has been linked to dementia, and Rawdog hates Dr. Drew!
Fuck this honey, I need NUGGETS!!!!!
Bean ain’t such a bad guy, as he has recently donated a kidney to a co-worker, but Ellis still wants to kick his ass. Speaking of kicking ass, the former owner of McAfee virus software has gone apeshit. From bathsalt consumption methodology perfection, to killing his neighbor and evading cops for almost a day buried in some sand, its a must read! Anyways, back to Rawdog and his love of nuggets. Welcome to the ‘Eat Like A Dog Nugget Challenge’ where two contestants get to walk on all fours, in pursuit of nuggets they must grab using only their mouths, and dip into a sauce and then devour. Todays challengers were Cumtard and of course Rawdog. Somehow Rawdog got an advantage as he only had 4 nuggets to Cumtard’s 6 but what the fuck ever. The game was over as quickly as a boys first time, with Rawdog winning, but only by the advantage he was giving. So this wasn’t a smash hit, we did find out @KevinCraftSucks hates onions like you and I hate old people, yeah! So get ready for next week, where the contestants will have to drink an onion flavored smoothie while potentially vomiting across the studio, Red Dragons!
Here’s a fat chic for you Doug Benson
The Vatican has intensified their hatred of gays and is willing to fight against gays all over the world. Meanwhile, if your of German descent, you are a killer by blood. This also applies if your say Italian, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, fuck man anything but Canadian really. Oh and be sure to follow @future41 on Instagram as he will now be tweeting naked pics with hashtags written on these bitches nice ladies. Now that all the serious shit is out of the way, lets get to our returning guest, super stoner Doug Benson. He just came to shoot the shit really. Talked to Rawdog about his fast food denial, and they taked about masturbating and weightlifting (notice there is no comma separating the two), oh and of course movies since Doug has his own podcast about them. We heard some audio Cumtard had from one of Doug’s shows, and I quote “Will Pendarvis is a shit head”! Then we played another fun game, ‘Hollyweed Squares’. Doug and Rawdog were on a team verse Jason and Tully, and they had to guess whether the thing in question is a cartoon, or a strain of weed. Doug and the Dog whooped up on Ellis n Tully, and Doug knew a few of the strains of weed mentioned first hand, what a guy. Unfortunately he can’t make it to see The Reckoning in person, but like me will be checking it out on Ellismania.com I’m sure.
Alf was too stoned to even answer the next question.
Hollywood News mutherfuckers! Bieber got another ticket pushing some sick Ferrari around West Hollywood. The Biebs also allegedly proposed to Selena Gomez, which she replied ‘Fuck Off’. Then Hollywood News got real for a second……real gay. Speaking of real gay, Joe Simpson is at it again, well his wife is since she’s changing her new book up to be more of a ‘tell all’. Some gay dude is People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2012. Remember that song 19 years ago by Carmen Electra? Yeah well her new shit is just as unforgetful so enjoy! In That Totally Fucking Sucks News, Shane Carwin blew out his knee just a month before is next fight – I personally hope you get better soon dude! Final Calls was just about the usual shit, hot chics with tattoos, In This Moment doesn’t really exist, and if Linsanity says “vista” Tully will nut punch him off his feet. Oh, that and where would you spend your Holidays giving the choice? Maybe in the snow like Tully and Ellis, or in Mexico with Rawdog, and don’t forget about America’s Ice Box up north ‘ey. For me though, nothing beats roasting my nuts over your moms open mouth, begging for me to cum down her chimney, OH!
Show Re-cap For Tuesday 11/13/2012
Does this book really work? I’ve never read the fucking thing.
Happy Tuesday my fellow queef sniffers! Ellis made a list to remind himself to do something. The list says “Show” and then there’s a lightening bolt. And guess what? BOOM! There’s a show today, so chew on that shit! You know crazy Aussie guy who isn’t Ellis, but he calls Ellis and leaves Gregtallica messages on his phone? Yea, him, Gregsy. He started the “you’ve got the toss” shit, he’d grab Ellis’ forearms and tell him “me, you, we’re in!” and how nobody else knew, but they owned shit. Gregsy was a talented photographer, a creative guy, but from the sounds of it, also crazier than a shit house rat on a fishing boat. I’m not sure what exactly that means, but it’s pretty fucking serious. This lead into talk about the “life of the party” type guys and how later in life, things didn’t usually work out too great for them. Guess who’s bailing out of lifting weights at the gym? NOPE! Not Rawdog! That’s right, Ellis bailed on Rawdog. Ellis is just going to buy gym shit for his, says it’s too hard with the whole drive time thing to get to the gym in the morning. Hey, shout out to us on the show today, thanks to Will Pendarvis’ recent interview. Ellis hates the website, which of course is exactly what we like to hear, so things are looking up! Just in case you weren’t already sure, having a micro dick would fucking suck. A little contest on the show today, Stupid Things Celebrities Have Said. There was a lot of stupid and I didn’t bother keeping track of it all, so you’re just going to have to trust me about there being a lot of stupid, or you can always listen to the replay or on-demand shows. Tickets for Death! Death! Die! “The Wreckoning” featuring a dead horse’s cock on Saturday December 15, 2012 at Cheetahs Gentleman’s Club have gone on sale, so if you’re one of the lucky ones that can make it out to LA, go buy your tickets now.
New Music Tuesday? I got your NMT right here!
Next up, NMT and three tracks from the new Machine Fucking Head Live album. The first track was a solid 5 minutes of fans chanting “Machine fucking head”, then we heard a screamy track, then a track where Robb Flynn “fuckin’ thanks all the fuckin’ fans in that particular fuckin’ city” before going into the song “Darkness Within” with the crowd still chanting shit and trying to play sing-a-long. We also got to hear another full-on 5 minutes of talking from a new track off of Aerosmith’s latest album – which just so happened to be recorded merely feet away from where the guys are currently sitting. Trent Reznor made an appearance for his song on the Call of Duty: Black Ops II soundtrack. Next was a rapper named Murs, he said something about chains, pictures, elixers, and I think I heard a Snickers in there too. Christina Aguilera’s new song “Your Body” was played, pretty sure she drinks Go Girl energy drink. Another stinky piece of shit was up next, by Lana Del Rey, her rendition of “Blue Velvet” so you can guess how well that went over. Travis Barker & Yelawolf came in to put some funk on that previous stank, the first track was okay but nothing that’s going to make you okay with getting snowballed. The next track was full of rasta, and the final track played was kind of like spoken word Def Poetry Jam. Deftones were next and that shit got cut short as Mayhem entered the studio.
One more shout out. This is for everyone who participated on the Q & A with Will.
Mayhem entered wearing Chad Reed’s (from D!D!D!) helmet that he gaffled from EllisMania 8. He was thinking Ellis might give him a pop for not being on the show in such a long time, Ellis said he didn’t care, but it didn’t really sound like that was totally truthful. At any rate, Ellis and Mayhem fell right back into their typical routine and all was right in the world. Until… Rawdog mentioned there were still a few more tracks left on NMT. Shit. Okay, let’s just get this over with. A track from Green Day, if you’ve heard one of their songs, you’ve heard all their songs. Shitlicking Dickerson Aaron Lewis from Stained, he played some shitty country song. New Soundgarden track, it sounded more like the Soundgarden of old that everybody loved but have mostly forgotten about by now. Finally, Rawdog’s pick of the week – it was some fecal freak German band called Mouse on Mars, and as you might expect, it was pure shit. Hollywood news was the next segment, I was stuck in traffic while this bit played. I have no notes about it, so we’ll just hit the skip button here. Mayhem tried answering final calls but got fired from that when he wouldn’t stop talking so the caller could be heard – duties returned to Cumtard at that point. Your mom has finally fucked all the straight men in this world and so now she has to move on to gay men. The big dilemma, how do you get a gay guy to fuck your mom? Stick a log of shit in her pussy. OH!
Behind the Curtain with Will Pendarvis
Some fans of The Jason Ellis Show have a Q & A session with Will “Shiny Shins” Pendarvis, the CEO of Faction 41, as well as the lonely, slightly disturbed, partially terrifying, but tireless boss of Swinghouse Studios. We asked the fans to submit questions they might like to ask Will, using the #AskShindarvis tag so we could track the questions. Here is a portion of what everyone came up with, along with answers straight from Pendarvis The Third himself!
@mike_in_canada: What was it like being another DJ at the same station as Howard Stern?
I used to be on the air in the afternoon at the same station in New York where Howard did mornings. That was the biggest honor I’ve ever had career-wise. Howard has always been extremely nice to me. To be listening to Howard and have him or Artie or Robin bring up your name out of the blue.. it may seem lame to some people… but it’s always exciting to me.
@sharkchucker: It seems like you were once a fun on air talent at one time. When and why did you give up?
I’ve had some awesome times on the air.. and I’ve actually done some good, unconventional, subversive, non-mainstream stuff on the air… but I always wanted to work behind the scenes. After I met Ellis I knew he was the guy who could do the on-air part… and I could work behind the scenes to use what I’ve learned to help promote and build the show. It’s the perfect scenario for me.
@sharkchucker: When the show started and Sirius / XM didn’t want Tully to speak, could you see the need for a smart guy? Was it set to fail?
Ellis could sit in a room and talk for four hours and be plenty entertaining on his own every day. He was born with that gift. I’ve championed Tully being on with Ellis because Tully is very funny and smart… but he also makes Ellis perform at his best. There’s no doubt at what Tully adds to the show.
@bitPimps: You used to be the “voice of TBS” and have an entry on IMDb. Do you think you’re hot shit or something?
Yes.
@AZ_RedDragon: When you lost your virginity was it special? How much did she cost?
Oh. I see. You are inferring that I had intercourse with a prostitute. That would only be made more humorous if you had indicated that it was a male prostitute.
@bitPimps: You’re coming up on 30 years in radio / tv / production. Is there anything you regret or wish you had done differently? And back then, did you see yourself in a different position from where you are now?
I would have invested money in Microsoft, invented bottled water and I would have signed Ellis to a 20-year management deal where I get 40% of his income.
@wiz1010: What is on those security tapes of swinghouse?
I have a few videos saved. One day when I have some time I’m going to transfer those videos and put them online. I have Josh being scared by Jason at 4am one morning… people stealing shit… Ellis getting kicked in the leg… there’s some good stuff on there.
@wiz1010: Why do you hate Tully so much?
Doesn’t everybody?
@wiz1010: If you we’re stranded on a deserted island and could have only 2 things, what and why?
A fancy hotel and a supermodel with very low self-esteem.
@tank_yanker: What did you do wrong that sent you from NYC to a shitty warehouse in LA?
I pitched the idea of Faction and building an LA studio and moving here to run it… I think this is awesome. If it’s meant to be a punishment it’s not working.
@sharkchucker: How many ex-wives and kids does it take to dull the optimistic sparkle in ones eyes?
Kids are awesome. Ex-wives? It only takes one.
@bwstrangler: When I’m stalking a woman in my car how many car lengths do I give them and when do I flash the lights and honk the horn?
At first you need to get right up on them. Make sure they know you are there. Then.. back off for a while. When you think they have relaxed… pull up real fast flashing your lights and honking. Repeat. Repeat. ..and then do it again the next night. …and wear a clown mask.
@sharkchucker: Can you openly tell the stories from the cocaine and whores good ole days of radio?
Yes.
@CrackerStacker6: Just how many women have you kidnapped and now remain in your “dead letter office”?
What? Are you a cop or something? You can’t prove anything. If you had anything on me you would arrest me.. so put me in handcuffs or get out of my face. Anyway- I have video that proves I was lighting fires when all those people went missing.
@bwstrangler: At what age did your children start riding a bike? Your children can ride a bike right?! u better not be raising rawdogs!
Rawdog is an awesome dude. That being said… I’m not raising any Rawdogs… not in my house.
THE END
Thanks to Will for doing all the behind the scenes stuff he does, for providing some button drops in front of the scenes, and for taking the time to do this Q & A session. He may have shiny shins, he might be a little rapey, but you can tell he loves the show and his 72 hour work days. Just kidding Will, we know you don’t listen to the show that much. OH!
Related posts: 2012: This Year In Pendarvis Images
Show Re-cap For Monday 11/12/2012
Mom, Dad… One day I’m going to grow up and become the Tsar of Candyland!
It’s Monday and the only thing that could be worse would be if your wiener was so chapped, it just kept flaking and peeling until you were left with a nub. You on your ass game? Keeping that shit smooth and buttery? No? Ellis is. According to Ellis and Tully, Rawdog is looking mello today, like a smooth criminal. His beauty secret? He’s tired and didn’t use any product in his hair. It’s finally starting to sink in, Rawdog is going to have to suck on a dead horse’s dick – and it’s starting to trouble him. Especially when he thinks about his parents seeing pictures of him suck on said dead horse’s dick, and how he’s going to have to explain that to his parents. How will this happen? Because he’s friends with his parents on Facebook. What’s more? They hate Ellis, allegedly. He’s asked them at times to not listen to the show, but sometimes they still do. One way that was discussed to get them to butt out of his work life a little… take pictures of himself fucking his mom’s underwear and send her the pictures. Tully was name dropping some big guns, speaking of him walking / talking with Cameron Crowe, only to end up walking into a room only to see some other famous person and Elton John playing The Bitch Is Back. Ellis went to see Guns N’ Roses this weekend, said they sucked and Axl Rose sucked, but has stage presence, and I don’t think any of us listeners were surprised by that news.
One of the bigger differences between men and women?
Here we go, Hollywood news time. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have broken up, but wait! There may still be hope for the two forlorn, star crossed, lovers. Prepubescent teens and grown ups everywhere are devastated, but hopeful. Elmo of Sesame Street fame, actually the man (Kevin Clash) that does Elmo’s voice, is denying that he molested a 16 year-old boy. Instead, he waited until the boy was 18, and then fucked him senseless. Something again about Lindsay Lohan and a Barbara Walters interview. I don’t know, I’m still puking / making jokes about Elmo molesting children. Matthew McConaughey has looks like he has AIDs, it’s for a role in some new movie he’s doing – I think it’s called Elmo Strikes Again. The Mowgli’s (of Death! Death! Die! fame) will be on Leno sometime in the upcoming days, so shout out to those happy indie pop-rock artists of the future.
If robots want to become women, this is how it can be done.
CIA Director David Petraeus resigned amid an extra-marital affair and people are full on circle jerking about his judgement and decision making. But what women and their decision making, am I right? HA-HA! There was some kind of big brawl in NASCAR’s Sprint Cup race over the weekend. Some feller crashed into another good’ole boy, who later crashed into that first daggum sunnuva-gun too, then there was some bull malarkey in the gal-durned pits, dude ran to a NASCAR trailer and by golly if other dude didn’t trot on over to fight that dude, but then all these other dudes from dem der pits startied fighting other pit dudes, and then everyone high fived, drank beers, hit women, and shit ike-at. YEEHAW, YOU SONS A BITCHES!!! Do you know the secret to a longer, healthier, and happier life? No, it’s not NASCAR, it’s sex bots! Except the big problem with that is, they don’t actually exist yet so until I get to fuck a sex bot, I’m calling bullshit. However, I will fully back a US Rapebot for freedom and democracy across the globe, and until every man, woman, and child has been raped by a robot until they are free – I will not rest. Bad news on the home front today, your mom got stuck in a tree. But it’s okay now, the noose was cut and she is now out of the tree and tied to a bumper. OH!