Monthly Archives: November 2012

Show Re-cap For Friday 11/30/2012

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The end of the week is finally here and you know what that means! Have you ever thought about having a metallic skull? Or what it would be like to have a phone implanted in your

The doctor is here to see you, eh.

jaw? If you did then airports would become a bitch and how could you post titty pictures onto Twitter? Ellis is getting his knee fixed and went to Dr. Stabby who injected some unicorn blood into his knee after asking Jason if he was freeballin. Then Ellis talked about getting a nose job, mostly to fix his deviated septum and then maybe get shit straightened out. Speaking of nose jobs, here’s a video of an eagle throwing a goat off a cliff. Farting in public is frowned upon unless your Asian, old, and old Asian or its just funny. But remember, farting in a kids face at Disneyland is an offense that is punishable by death. That’s what the internet said anyway and that means it’s true.

North Korea found a unicorn burial site. And they are also all full of shit. But you know who’s not full of shit? Godwar, and he made another appearance today. He brought us Godwar Metallica Edition and as cool as that sounds it was hard as fuck! However, there might be an appearance of Godwar on the next Death Death Die album because Godwar’s singing is metal as fuck! A model in Bejing got arrested for dressing up as a cop, a sexy sexy lady cop. The government knows that geneticly modified corn causes cancer but they don’t give a shit cause it’s all about the dolla dolla bills ya’ll. Wonder what you can do to help the enviroment? Try painting yourself green or working for the Sierra Club, or not farting, and a school in Phoenix punished two kids for fighting by making them hold hands in public for an hour. This is a great punishment, especially now that the boys are gay because of the contact with each other.

The Dogfather came into the studio today to sell his latest product, the Super Accurate Fortune Cookie. These cookies have an accuracy increase of 77% from other fortune cookies. They also come in different flavors like strawberry, mint, coconut, and bwoobewy. He was awso on Gwood Day LA to get even more pubwicity fow his cwookies. You can order these at smartestcookie.com and use the promo coke “fuckyou” to get a discount. Oh and they played Ellis Jeopardy but I missed it so if you can listen to it and tell me about it, thanks.

Some dude somewhere was on some kind of medication that turned him into a gambling gay sexaholic. That kind of reporting is only available here folks! In Hollywood News some singer guy kicked a chick out of his concert because she tweeted something about the show sucking, and it probably did. Gerard Depardieu got a DUI after falling off his

They see me rollin, then I be fallin

scooter,Dr. Phil is a womanizing prick, in case you didn’t already know, and what would Hollywood news be without Lindsay Lohan. Apparently she drinks 2 liters of vodka a day. Some caller brought up some of Ellis’ bad interviews over the years and LL Cool J and Johnny Rotten were the two discussed. I thought these were hilarious interviews because if they were just a little better it would have sucked. Final calls also sucked. And speaking of sucking, yer mum also sucks, she sucks so much that Dyson modeled their vacuums after her throat, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/29/2012

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Tickle my taint its Thursday again so fuck short people.  Oh, and fuck  people with black hair or that drive PT cruisers.  Fuck people that play golf or tennis, but baseball is cool.  Its a perfect science as Ellis see’s it, but of course motto is better.  Rawdog thinks baseball is complicated, like we didn’t know that shit.  Ellis also fucked up Tully’s honeymoon.  Not like that, nah Ellis and his obsession with shark attacks got into Tully’s head, and he and the misses were near an ocean.  Its all good though since Ellismate is finally a man, well with his chest hairs he’s growing.  Speaking of men, Rawdog said he couldn’t beat Steven Tyler in a fight, but he could take Mick Jagger, uh huh.  Old people could take you and your life, cause they fucking suck at driving.  Tully’s of the opinion that old fucks shouldn’t be allowed to drive during rush hour, and women should never drive, ever!!!  To Rawdog’s joy, Ellis said elderly peoples should be restricted to auto-driving cars.  Either way, they you and I should be as lucky as to realize when we’ve lost our shit.  Tully then lost his shit on all races.  Latin dancing sucks, Africans i mean really, Asians are just hyper white people, Indians stink with their incense and all, and Arabic music just sucks.  And of course the Jews, well they’re just little “Doogie Arabs”, i mean Am I White?

 

Doesn’t his moves look similar to Rawdog in 100 years?

 

In STD News, a third of people aged 13 to 24 have not been AIDS tested, and 60% of those with AIDS don’t know it, and Rawdog’s going to be tested on the show, maybe.  Ellismate’s flip flopping on A6K and what to do with it, either just give the fucking thing away to a deserving fan, or sell it to said fan, and give the money to Everlast to fight Cystic Fibrosis.  Then Jizz Cult came into the room and You Sir, Are A Moron!  Remember this game, Will tosses out a topic, and Ellis Tully and Rawdog state their opinions, blah blah blah your moms a moron.  Some decent radio here, from gambling addiction and cops smoking weed to eating horse meat and taking a shit at work.  Ellis and Rawdog did get into it about flying cars, and the floating lights they’d require for lanes.  All three got into a good debate over if 100 dead heads could defeat 10 juggalos in a fight to the death.  Of course when Sasquatch was brought up, Rawdog lost his cool and well you sir are a moron.  Then we stumbled upon if its rape between animals, which wasn’t a topic, just came up in conversation as is usually does.  Rawdog convinced Tully and Ellis its not, as an animal can not consent.  In the end, this game was really only a ploy for Will to ask his real question, was bombing Hiroshima necessary?  I don’t know Will, you tell me, whats up with the government?

 

Hollywood News time kids – Lindsay Lohan punched some bitches lights out in a NYC club, go girl!  That whole deal with Precious losing all that weight from yesterdays show was total bullshit.  In Sports News (what the fuck?), Michael Jordan has been banned for life from this country club in Miami for wearing cargo shorts.  Brandon Marshall of the Da Bears says dudes be taking mad Viagra to get an edge during games.  Rawdog said he’d like to see that, and would probably get a boner with a bunch of dudes jumping on his back, yup!  Damian Lillard (Basketball dude) is scared shitless of statues.  Meanwhile, Tully is a fucking tool and he knows it and is getting help. He named his kid a combination of the top baby name in 2012 (Aiden) and the name with the biggest increase from the previous year (Grey), but I can’t spell it so fuck off.  Of course little Linsanity was not named after the 50 shades of shit book, nor some dude named Aiden (can’t think of any), so he’s not so bad I guess but still #fucktully!

 

Yo man your fucking creeping me out

 

Woman Am I Right?  This bitch here done stabbed up her husband with duel blades cause he wouldn’t fuck her.  This German bitch tried to suffocate her man with her tig ol’ bitties, which Rawdog was fucking amped on, redeeming himself slightly from the football comment earlier.  This Florida bitch beat her man up, cause he won the Cum Challenge!  And this bitch done gone and beat up her bitch cause she couldn’t find her detachable penis.  Then something happened that is rare for the show, Rawdog called Tully out when he tried to run a story that was already done, the one that gave us the Rawdog drop “Someone’s going to suck my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat!”  This other bitch tried to pull a tube out of her man’s chest, for meeting girls at the store.  This bitch working a Dollar Tree beat some lady up for using too many coupons.  And then there’s this bitch who’s best friend is a 378lb. tiger, so keep your eyes out for our follow up story on this lady real soon!!!  Finally we got this bitch who’s showing her support for Movember, which is kinda cool, but not kinda hot.

 

In case you didn’t click that last link…..Movember!!!

 

Finally we got an update on that Lindsay Lohan story from earlier.  HA, that was just some bad ass story of an anaconda vomiting your mom a cow.  Back to Lohan, so the woman she hit was a fortune teller who approached Lindsay on some crazy shit.  Lohan called her a fucking gypsy, like i said before go girl!  Shout out to that Red Deer, Alberta strip club that was playing Kiss of Poseidon at 3 in the afternoon.  Ellis and Tully told some dude to stop being a pussy and get his red wings, in the shower of course.  And if that fails, just fuck her in a Bane mask.  A bunch of other random shit in Final Calls, like ‘We Wish you a Red Dragons’ and horses do rape other horses!  Also, Ellis is good at doing Rawdog doing him.  Rawdog is much better at doing Ellis though, so much so that Jason’s thinking of taking a week in China, and letting Josh fill in as the sick cunt host.  He may need to get a few tattoos, but the voice is spot on.  Of course if tats go wrong, he can always just “Cover it up with your mom’s face covered in shit”, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/28/2012

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What else do we do on a Wednesday, but pass the doobie to the left, your mom to the right, and listen the The Jason Ellis Show.  And we do this with a passion!  Similar to the passion that Jason reminds us we must have in order to achieve greatness.  If you wanna be the best at something, pound for pound, you have to get so good that it becomes boring, and then get better than that.  Yes that pound for pound line means @TheDingoInSnow joined the show today to riff, starting with last night’s bad ass Machine Head and Deathclock show.  Were you there?  Ellis almost wasn’t, but you know he knows a guy who knows a guy, and in the backdoor Ellismate went, laminated pass and all.  He made it backstage and chilled out on some couch, only to see Robb Flynn near by.  Ellis got to hang with the band, and Rob was a good host, hooking Ellismate up with something that remains unkown.  Apparently the bassist Adam is a big fan of Ellismania, as he gave a ‘Fuck Yeah’ after confirming Ellis did in fact set up a fight with Dave Mirra, and Adam also offered to be in an upcoming event!  Of course it can’t all go perfectly, as the drummer is apparently sponsored by Yamaha, and he will have to live with that every day of his life.  While the band was performing, Ellis made his way into the Mosh Pit for the last song in the set, Halo (Which Ellismate got a shoutout from the band, and totally missed it – Rawdog caught it though).  All in all a bad ass night, and shoutout to EllisFam Butterballs and FonzoBlunt who were mentioned at the show as well.  Oh and as for the bitches, Rawdog reports there are quite a few but mostly there with dudes.  Ellis said he saw more than enough hotties that were single, and Tully reminds us that all women are single, some just more than others!  Ellismate has also been finding it hard to rap, for his upcoming rap debut for Death! Death! Die!  He also finds it hard to believe that Phil Anselmo is racist as some have alleged.  It sounds like he isn’t racist, just Pro White.  Did you know that only 45 murders occurred in Canada in 2011, per Rawdog per Twitter, so you know its true.  We then listened to some bullshit lists on which country has the most murder.  On all these lists, the US was way down, which could be true but seemed hard to believe.  Of course none of that was as hard to believe as when Dingo found out that a turtle shits its dick out, a snake has two dicks, and a chameleon has two dicks that change color, but you already knew that didn’t ya smart guy!

 

White Power……is for pussies.

 

Is Yoko Ono trying to fuck over the world, or just the gay scene on West Hollywood?  Whatever she’s doing, she sparked a heated debate between Dingo/Rawdog and Ellis/Tully about who would wear her crazy shit.  Dingo tried to imply the gay scene would, which offended Tully to no end, almost to the brink of leaving the show, until he saw this video from Yoko Ono back in 1967 that just made it all better.  So what does it mean when you have a dream about your teeth falling out or crumbling? How the fuck should I know……..that Harry Connick Jr. isn’t a racist, but Australia is and is not afraid to show it!  Just like the ol’ nursery rhyme goes “Catch a nigga/tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go”, and you can see the difference between the Australian/American versions, hmmm.  Onto where its not racist, Hollywood and our favorite segment, Hollywood News.  Steven Tyler and Nicki Minaj are having a twitter battle over Bob Dylan and racism.  Red Dragons to all of the Ellis Show and Dingo too for not having a clue as to who was on the panel of American Idol, even Rawdog didn’t know!

Nah Mate, You Are!

Moving right along, Adam Levine says The Roxy can just fuck off as far as he’s concerned. In other Hollywood News, comedian Katt Williams led police on a chase while getting 3 wheel motion the whole time.  The fat chic from Precious (Mo’Nique) lost almost 200 pounds, and looks more and more like 50 Cent each day.  And last but certainly not least, if you have an extra $600K laying around, and your in the Hollywood Hills area, check this plot of land out being sold by Jack Nicholson, get it up ya!

 

Joanna Angel stopped by the show, and I think we all know why.  Before we get to that, and some other fun shit, Ellis had to call her out for being on some other douches podcast.  Some Neil Strauss homo who has a maid and whore d’oeuvres, what a poser.  In fairness to Joanna, her and Ellismate weren’t clear on their radio monogamy.  That also reminded Joanna of her advice to Rawdog the last time she was in the studio, you know the “Don’t you cum yet” advice, only to find out if either ruined Josh’s relationship (since it ended), or she just wasted her wisdom.  Turns out it wasn’t either, Josh did his own doing with regards to it ending and Ellismate took the advice home with him, and it worked like a champ!  Now onto the real business at hand, The Reckoning.  Joanna will be dancing that night prior to the big event.  She’s planning to wear a sexy devilish outfit, to go with Rawdog’s brides maid attire.  Oh and Dingo volunteered to cup Rawdog’s balls, what a guy.  Joanna also took the time to offer advice to Rawdog, since she too has a small throat and Blaht a gag reflex.  She told him to drink some tea the night before, and that he could get some numbing spray (though unessecary), and most important he needs to enjoy it.  Josh was also reminded that vomit is just nature’s lube.  If you can make it on December 15th to Cheetah’s for ‘The Reckoning’, what the fuck are you still doing here reading this shit?  So naturally with Joanna in the studio, and this event taking place at a strip club, it only could lead to one idea…..Lap Dance Off.  After about 15 minutes of on air setup, and stories of Tully stiffing strippers on lap dances, we got to business.  5 contestants for this consisting of Ellis, Rawdog, Tully, Dingo and Cumtard (Jizz Cult was to be included, but we just fucking forgot ok).  Each took one turn giving a blindfolded Joanna the lap dance of her nightmares.  Dingo went first, and followed the ‘No Touch’ club rules for his dance, which just didn’t score well for him or her.  Second was Rawdog, and from the sounds of it he did a damn good job, simulating a BJ and all that shit.  Tully was up third, and just went bonkers with some crazy high energy raviging of Joanna.  The Wing took the 4th try, and basically just choked her out n shit.  Cumtard was 5th and final, and went bare ass for his dance, rubbing said ass all over poor Joanna.  All in all it was a good effort, but Joanna wouldn’t be frequenting this club much after today.  She did omit that Ellismate and his barbarian tactics were the best of the group!

 

Thats two songs, 25 each, so 50 bucks fuck wad!

 

Having trouble selling your car on ebay?  How about whoring your daughter for a few pictures to help seal the deal like this dude did.  Do you know how much it costs to book Creed for an appearence?  $150K damn it.  Despite Dingo calling extreme bullshit on this, it may be true says Cumtard and this article from yourmom.com.  Then we were told Kevin Federline gets $300K for an appearence, and this just pissed DIngo off to no end, throwing Monster Energy cans across the room and shit.  Ellis said there have been talks he may have some appearences coming up soon.  Of course he’ll be looking at more like Tony Yayo money, $7k per appearence.  They then talked about celebrity rider’s too, mentioning Mariah Carey requiring a person on hand to take her chewed gum, and that DMX must have 3 boxes of rubbers and a bottle of Hennessy, Red Dragons!  Speaking of Red Dragons, Joanna was informed the video of her screaming that phrase is the #1 video on Ellismania.com, prompting Tully to offer a suggestion for the sequel = Rawdog.  Serisouly, Josh to be in the movie, but with a body double for the sex scenes.  He can make his Bruce Willis face n dirty robot talk, and then splice in some other dude banging Joanna, and Bob’s your uncle.  The body double of course would be hung like a Clydesdale, but thats a different story.  Then we were witness to a contest between Dingo and Ellis, to see who knows anyhting about Arkansas.  We got nothing, I mean its in Atlanta, and in the top right of America, near Masachusettes or maybe Wisconsin.  Look, Ellis n Dingo got street smarts.  “We draw pictures” and “Spell with our fists” so fuck off!  On a serious note, if you got a few extra bucks to help, you can bid on a day with The Jason Ellis Show and help SiriusXM fight hunger.  Unfortuantely you can’t bid on a day with your mom, cause she is currently obsessed with trying to #fucktully, maybe next year!

Oxy John, The Complete Story (History)

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John’s 1st call – 5/17/10 – 29min

Download (link to MP3)

John mention – 5/18/2010 – 2min

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John calls after Jason’s Australia summer vacation – 6/1/2010 – 3min

Download (link to MP3)

Joanna Angel webcam show – 6/2/2010 – 2min

Download (link to MP3)

John’s son calls in using the VIP number to vote for WGW – 6/3/201 – 3min

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John has gay phone sex with Gay Ryan and Mayhem – 6/7/2010 – 14min

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John is offered rehab – 6/8/2010 – 5min

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John is trying to sober up, rehab pep talk. John’s son calls back for WGW  – 6/9/2010 – 6min

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Oxy John button/mention – 6/11/2010 – 1min

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The Jason/Rawdog “kiss” show, multiple John calls/mentions, Bisping impression – 6/14/2010 – 5min

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Tim Chapman in studio to officially offer John rehab – 6/15/2010 – 28min

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The phone lines are messed up – 6/16/2010 – 3min

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Drug/alcohol addiction discussion – 6/17/2010 – 14min

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John needs a lighter – 6/18/2010 – 9min

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John is the original “#FuckTully” guy – 6/21/10 – 1min

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John missed his flight – 6/23/10 – 1min

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Quick update from rehab – 6/24/10 – 1min

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Another quick update – 6/29/10 – >1min

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John calls from rehab (acts strange…) – 7/2/10 – 11min

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John shoutout – 7/08/10 – 1min

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Caller asks about John, addiction talk – 7/9/10 – 6min

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John’s wife writes a letter to Jason – 7/13/10 – 2min

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John in studio! – 7/14/10 – 44min

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John calls in at the last possible moment – 7/26/10 – 1min

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John calls in to help identify the recipe for “KC Tea” – 7/27/10 – 9min

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John calls The Scott Ferrall Show – 4/4/11

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Show Re-cap For Tuesday 11/27/2012

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Remember the first time you saw Cumtard? Of course you do.

It’s Tuesday and nobody really knows anyone until you see them flip the fuck out. Example: Tully punched a bed once. Actually, that’s slightly misleading as Tully confirmed he’s the kind of guy that would plot your death if he were mad enough. Rawdog cried when he broke up with his chick. But hey, Usher and Justin Timberlake have cried before too, so don’t be a mother motherfucker. Speaking of Ursher (as Ludacris likes to call him) he’s a shitty singer but a good dancer, at least that’s what we hear. But can Ursher dance if his goddamned life is on the line? Probably not, he’s gonna die. There might be a dance off between the guys, the gauntlet seems to have been thrown down so we’ll have to see what kind of thuggery comes from this. Ellis thinks he may have damaged his secondary dick vein, not the main vein, we’re talking about the taggling dummy on the right side. Let’s hope this doesn’t have an adverse effect on his dance moves, should the dance off take place. It’s been suggested that Cumtard, the reverse fag-hag, could sell his own greatest hits album full of farts, vomits, and shits – for the low, low, price of $1.99! But the real question is, can dude dance his ass off? According to Cumtard, the majority of girls at a metal show are swampy, fat, beach ball chicks, which sounds a lot like a Juggalette.

Hell to the yeah they are baby, and that’s why we love you failed Hollywood starlets.

I don’t know if Satan just visited the phone lines or what the fuck went on, but callers were totally out of their shit shellacked gashes just before first break today. Hollywood news time, that crazy kid from Two and a Half Men? He’s still insane, and the guy in his whack job video that sat next to him? He had a pistol jammed in that kid’s ribs the entire time. Actually, that’s probably not true, but it would’ve made for a way better story. Remember Anna Nicole Smith? Her 6-year-old daughter wants to be a Guess model. No word on if she’s preparing by doing bumps of Fun Dip. Brad Pitt is filming a new movie, so your wives, girlfriends, what have you can diddle their axe gashes to that. He dumped $1,100 dollars into a charity bucket on a whim, he also dropped a load in several hot bitches’ buckets – allegedly. Halle Berry, Matthew McConaughey, and Jared Leto – what do they all have in common? Gout. That’s not true either, Leto had gout, Berry had bad relationships, and McConaughey had his run, so lets move on. R. Kelly is illiterate and pees on underage girls – Red Dragons, and Dolly Parton entered a drag competition and lost to others who were dressed as her – ouch.

Never doubt yourself, if these shitheads can make an album, you can do something too! I don’t know about defying gravity like this dude, but still.

You ever surfed on a red wave? And I don’t mean “have you ever eaten a chicks gash while she was on her period” kind of red wave, I mean a real, salt water, ocean – that’s red though. Me neither. But you know what we’ve all done? NMT. Alicia Keys was up first with Nicki Minaj and that bitch will give you gash rash. Next up was someone whose name sounded like “nostrils” so I was expecting something completely different. 50 Cent was up next, I don’t know how the fuck Adam Levine worked his skinny gash into the mix, but I don’t think it ups his street cred at all. Roc Marciano was up next, he used to part of Flipmode Squad and I’m guessing he wishes he still was, because the track we heard sucked a red wave. Yes, that kind. I don’t remember the rest, there was some jazz and jazzcult, but no jizzcult. More gash news, some dude was married to this chick for 20 years, turns out that chick he was married to was born a man. BA-ZING! You just got gashed, son!

Fuck it, I’m outta here. This re-cap is complete.

Final calls, let’s see if they’re anywhere near as fucktarded as today’s earlier calls. I walked in on the last part of Rawdog doing some freestyle rap – unfortunately, I have no idea what that was about. Some dude called about his snooping ass girlfriend getting mad at him for watching porn and I think I heard something about her never masturbating before – which has to be pure bullshit. Quick question. Would you lose respect for Rob Dyrdek if you caught him masturbating eight guys in his backyard? Well, this is the type of shit you need to start thinking about! Back to final calls. People still just don’t get it. People keep completely dropping the ball here. I’m going to give you a helpful tip, honestly. If you get through and the music starts playing at the end of the show – take advantage of the shit by SPEAKING, FARTING, SINGING, ANYTHING! Seriously, it doesn’t matter, the airwaves are yours! Alright, now that we have PSA out of the way, let’s talk about that massive bump on your mother’s forehead and how it got there. When she was little, people used to hang her from a clothesline and spin her until she puked. That’s not what did it though. Turns out, stopping her from spinning by using a shovel is what gave her the bump and the mental capacity of a 7-year-old. OH!