Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/31/2012

Boo motherfucker!  What else would you wanna do on Halloween but kill someone, but like for real!  Thats what Ellis is all about today, and Adrianne Curry equates it to tripping balls basically, well the whole hallucinogenic part of it anyways.  Ahhhh Adrianne Curry, makes me wanna go “Shazing”, which is the sound made when your dick goes into a perfectly fitting carnival or shitbox.  Always learning something on the Jason Ellis Show, like Jason wants a sex couch, Rawdog is a Beverly Hills Ninja for Halloween, and that Adrianne goes to strip clubs for a nice place to talk.  She also said its cool if you check out another chic, but no more than 10 seconds.  But if the nipples are hard, then its ok for at least 20 seconds.  But good ol’ Ellismate found the loophole, if your seeing if her ass is real or fake, you can stare as long as it takes.  Some other shit we learned, some dude called in with 2 dicks and its called Diphallia, and strippers fucking freak out when they see it.  Apparently dude can piss or cum out of either of them.  Gnarly!  Speaking of cool shit with dicks, Ellis can slap his dick and make a Spoon Man kinda vibe with it, which he later in the show recorded and played live!!!  We also learned that “Randy” in Australia means horny, and it gives RawDog’s ‘Macho Man’ voice a whole new meaning.  Then Adrianne found the shake weight and we all stopped and listened……..

 

 

The elections are almost over people, and this little girl is sick of Bronk Obama and this whole erection thing.  Then we learned more about rape, and how in some states dudes can claim rights of “their child” in situations of impregnating a lady they raped.  Fucking sick right – Adrianne said she take a crowbar to the thing if she wasn’t allowed to choose.  Shoebox said he got accused of rape his senior year of high school.  Some bitch put him through the ringer for a while, and then just admitted it was a lie = CUNT!  Speaking of cunts, Cee Lo has been accused of rape and of not skipping a midnight snack.  Best spot for a snack near Hollywood, Adrianne suggests Hatfield’s and Rawdog offered Grill ’em All.  Shoebox offered us the TV series ‘The Walking Dead‘, which Rawdog said wasn’t that good, so its probably the greatest show ever made.  Oh man, serious Halloween tip for you here, Adrianne reminded us if your going to fuck a zombie you gotta remember lube!  That goes for any ladies in their eighties too kids!  And if you somehow impregnate this zombie bitch and make a zombie son you can always name him either Chainsaw, Cannibal or Hannibal, all solid choices and Ellismate approved.  Seriously though people, if the zombies do come for real, Ellismate is heading straight for the jet skis.  Not bad idea, unless you follow @SharkPeople on twitter!

 

Nothing gay about this at all.

What is the World’s Greatest Thing Done While on Cocaine?  Could it be Lawrence Taylor or Michael Irvin, both of which won superbowls and did mad whores while on coke.  Maybe its Stephen King who wrote his best novels with a toot here or there.  And who could forget musicians like Eric Clapton or bands like Fleetwood Mac.  Oh fuck, how about that one dude who called in a while back and rubber banded his junk, contorted it until he got it in his ass, and literally fucked himself!  Possibly the winner was Elvis and his days of liquid cocaine, but we will truly never know who or what, is, the World’s Greatest Wednesday since they just gave up on it!   We did learn some key info though, like Adrianne once won a bet to sniff a bands name spelled out in coke, and that Stevie Nicks blew her nose out so bad she had to take lines up the ass.  And if your going to fuck while on cocaine, either get it hard first, or pop a cialis before the start of your night!

 

   “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!”

If you haven’t noticed Tully isn’t in today, so in keeping in the spirit of #fucktully, our good ol’ friend Jizz Cult laced us with his pics on Instagram, so be sure to follow @Deadletters on Instagram for all of Will’s hilarious photos.  Adrianne used to have a pet Tarantula, and it bit her, and she got really fucking sick from it, Woman Am I Right?  Seriously ladies, don’t ever drop a “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!” if you in bed with a dude, cause its a legitimate reason to hit a bitch.  Speaking of my homies, check out Tony Hawk’s RIDE Channel on youtube for todays featured video of Birdman and Ellismate, bon appetite!  Rawdog had a game for Shoebox, Adrianne and Ellis, all Halloween themed and shit.  The game was lame, but the voice Rawdog blessed us with was classic!  Think of it like a cross between Rip Taylor and The Monster Mash dude.  The rest of the show was spent on the the new segment, “What have you stuck your dick in?”  We’ve done this before, but with Adrianne in studio it seemed a good time to refresh our memories.  Of course we got the basics out of the way, such as a vacuum cleaner, warm shampoo bottles, and in between two mattresses.  Some dude called in about the time he and his buddy DP’d a calf-liver.  And how could we forget the guy who cut a hole in the wall and lost his virginity to it.  He goes back from time to time to visit his family and his ex.  Cans of corn beef, pie filling, trannies, basically anything slightly warm and gooey will do.  The winner for me, some dude fucked a bong and later his buddy took a bong rip from it, what a douche.  From there the show was bombarded with ‘Dick Sticking Stories’ from a ton of #EllisFam, all of whom are listed here, that have fucked your mom over and over and over!

Show Intros (Intro, History)

Update: Coincidence? The history of show intros discussion – 11/1/12

Download (link to MP3)


Recently TJES got a new show intro. There have been quite a few over the years, so many that it’s becoming hard to keep track. Here’s the list I’ve compiled:

2008-ish Show Intro – I don’t know exactly when this one started, but it’s the earliest one I have and I think it’s the earliest one I remember so I will just label it with ‘2008’

Download (link to MP3)


2009-2011 Show Intro – This one ran a long time and is probably the most memorable of all the intros

Download (link to MP3)


NYC Show Intro – This was a short lived intro that started during an early 2011 trip to the NYC Sirius studios

Download (link to MP3)


Dubstep Show Intro – This one was introduced early in 2012 and lasted just a couple months

Download (link to MP3)


Rolling Stones  ‘You Gotta Move’ – Ellis came up with this intro idea himself in mid-2012 and it lasted up until recently

Download (link to MP3)


Late 2012 Show Intro – The newest Jingleberries creation

Download (link to MP3)


Bonus:  The Romper Stomper Theme

Download (link to MP3)


Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/30/2012

Dre ain’t gay, but his headphones are!

Coming to you live, from quite far away from the apocalyptic storm that has shat all over the Northeastern United States of Motherfucking America – it’s a Tuesday re-cap for your ass. Ellis woke up early to watch more Claire Danes movies, I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or if he’s one more movie away from joining the Claire Danes street team. Tully’s kid is starting to be a real dickhead – his schedule is all fucked up from traveling to Japan and he hasn’t been sleeping, which means he and his wife haven’t been sleeping either. For the sake of humanity, some people are hoping Rawdog is sterile and instead shoots loads of Fanta, he also cannot do a handstand or even really get his legs in the air without help. Jude stopped on the show today after having yesterday full of hallucinogens and all day fucking, he’s sure there are at least a few homosexual rappers, but 50 Cent isn’t one of them. Do gay dudes ever fuck chicks? What percentage of gay dudes have never even touched a girl? According to Jude, DanOD5 was so faggy, it helped him pull more poon.

Stop domestic violence, support titty kung fu!

TJES correspondent, Bryan Cullen, called into the show to give us a live, on location, rock you like a hurricane, news update from the eye of the storm. The storm is going door-to-door giving people AIDs, this storm really is son of a bitch. Cumtard gave us some breaking Hollywood news – Disney has purchased Lucasfilm and so there will be a Star Wars Episode 7 in 2015, white people are pissed and black people don’t give no fuck no how, nah I’m sayin? Apparently Edward Furlong has not only gotten to fat shit status, but now he’s obtained wife beater status as well after being arrested at LAX for domestic abuse. Jude used to see him at parties every now and then, and fat shit wife beater actually stole a chick from Jude once. Octomom checked her gaping snatch into rehab and left her 14 little money makers with a nanny (or nannies and friends) while she gets off the pill train. And of course, we can’t talk pills without talking about Jude, Tully, and Tully’s dope sick wife. Okay, she’s not really dope sick, but she would be if she just picked up the fucking pace already.

If NYC falls to Sandy, the Republic of Jesusland is our last hope.

Backbone called back in to give us and update, the hurricane has now become a full on war, NYC is now bombing and shooting the storm. Shark people with metro cards are forming in the subways and planning a retaliatory attack. Cameron Diaz is not hot and you could pilot a supertanker between her tits, but that fact sure pisses some people off. Just ask the callers. Lucky us, along with Sandy2012 it’s also New Music Tuesday today. There was a band called Halitosis or some kind of osis that seemed okay, but the Red Solo Cup guy sounded like shit on a boot heal. Some chick kept repeating the word “touch” for what felt like 35 minutes, it may have been longer, I’m not sure because I blacked the fuck out. Bad news, the shark people have registered on Twitter and have put forth their demands. Good news, in a last ditch effort to save humanity, Tully registered shark people on Instagram. Your mom finally broke down and told the real story of how she started to be a whore. It all made sense, I remembered when you had asked me, “Why did the little girl drop her balloon?” I replied, “Because she was being raped in the mouth.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 10/29/2012

Whatever life hands you, take it like a bitch.

Welcome friends, this is Monday’s re-cap and it’s going to feel so good once it slides it way into you, right to the top. Ellis spent the morning crying his eyes out after waking up super early in the morning and watching some sad-ass tear jerker of a movie called Evening. Hey, Dingo was on the show today, he’s horrible at guessing movies, thinks Helen Hunt is Meryl Streep, and they play retarded cows. Tully served Julia Roberts a coffee sometime in 1997, and no riots broke out – so that proves that Rawdog’s James Franco sighting at the movies doesn’t mean jack shit.  Did you guys hear about the rain that is falling and the wind that is blowing in the American north east? People are shitting their pants, I assume because they’ve never been near a tornado that appears out of no where and wipes the fucking earth bare. At least with hurricanes, you get tons of warning and time. If they tell you to evacuate, do that shit. Otherwise, you bust a deal, you face the wheel.

Thy hurled and blacked outeth.

Sounds like Bubba The Cum Sponge’s ex-wife might be the one who released the tape of her and Hulk Hogan slapping skins, or whatever. But I don’t give a shit and suggest that you should not give a shit either. Somebody got zapped by a guard at the Castle of Tom Cruiseland, and still, I do not give a shit. Some chick that Rawdog knows got mistaken for Zooey Deschanel looking to buy a house in Burbank – which according to Rawdog is pure completely not true. And you know what my thoughts are on that? Don’t care and neither should you. Rawdog (dressed as a ninja) went to a Halloween party with a blacked out Cumtard (dressed as a pirate) this weekend. Before that though, they stopped at Rawdog’s place so he could chat it up with his gay roommates hot friend, who happens to be a girl. The real story here is that Rawdog fell asleep at the party (what an animal), wakes up and finds Cumtard drunk as fuck playing tracks on YouTube and dancing with 2 other dudes. The rest of the story was that Rawdog and Cumtard go home, they stop at Rawdog’s so Cumtard can use the bathroom. The big bomb dropped in this story? Cumtard left the door open. What. The. Fuck. And that was shitty story time with Rawdog and Cumtard.

Wuurt, Wuurt, in de Buurt! Time for the Reverse Awards!

2012 Reverse Awards were announced today, with over two thousand responses tabulated, here are your winners!
Smallest Butthole award goes to: Joanna Angel
Best Podcast award goes to: Mad Scientist Party Hour
Smartest Virgin award goes to: Rawdog
Least Punchable Face award goes to: Rihanna
Most Alive Celebrity award goes to: Will Ferrell
Smartest On-Air Comment award goes to: Gabi Richmond
Person With The Least Heads award goes to: Rihanna
Least Rapey Celebrity Father award goes to: Michael Lohan
She’s Still Got It award goes to: Courtney Love
Band Of The Year award goes to: Neutral Milk Hotel
Athlete Of The Year award goes to: Travis Pastrana’s agent
Least Smelly Box award goes to: Linda Hogan
Most Human Looking award goes to: Shaun White
Best Reality Show award goes to: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Best Actor award goes to: Adam Sandler
Woman Of The Year award goes to: Nick Cannon
Man Of The Year award goes to: Jason “Mayhem” Miller

Now to final calls, mostly about stripper poles. One big dude that called in, he’s large and he spins around on his stripper pole without it falling down – the one thing I really took for this particular call was that he’s the only one who ever uses it. The only one who ever uses it. Let that sink in. Big dude. Only one who ever uses it. That’s sad. There were more calls about what Ellis should get into next, as a physical hobby. We heard all sorts of suggestions, and pretty much all of them were shot down in a blaze of glory by Ellis. Oh, also, we came up with a great Halloween costume idea, but we’re having a hard time finding just the right amount of cottage cheese to wear in our thighs, ass, and arms to really look (pound for pound) like your mother. OH!