Monthly Archives: April 2012

Show Re-cap For Monday 4/30/2012

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Hello people. I trust you had a good weekend? It’s Monday, and Ellis has been driving Thomas Haden Church’s Porsche over the weekend and also got charged $1000 big ones for bleeding all over his hotel room. Ellis’ mom forgot his kids’ birthdays again this year, what an awesome grandmother! That bit of information lead into a little tirade about his past family issues he’s currently dealing with. The @Jingleberries made more gold today when the new @DanOD5’s Mom tunes were revealed. They’re amazing so be sure to check bookhockey.com for when those songs get posted. There was quite a bit of talk about motorists, and bicyclists – so uh, you know, don’t bike or drive like a dickface.

Mayhem was on the show today and did a little bit of radio by himself, as you might imagine, it was a disaster. He basically told a story about going camping over the weekend. There almost seems to be something a little more than friendly “ribbing” going on between Ellis and Mayhem. It sometimes feels like when two really good and long-time friends start purposely annoying each other and both kind of keep tossing these “fuck you” jabs into their conversations. Although, shortly after the Mayhem radio hour and Ellis came back in to save him, everything seemed to be fine and pretty normal – as normal can be anyway.

Rawdog went to his new roomies birthday party over the weekend. About a week ago, he also started to suspect his new roommate was gay after seeing one of his bands’ videos on the Internet. The birthday party was the confirmation after his friends seemed to be clearly gay and then a guy started to talk to Rawdog more than the other guys and got a little touchy feely – literally, touching his arm and such. They all went out for food and got drunk, then everyone went to go clubbing and Rawdog went home, once they got back home, they had some more shots and then there was a slumber party. o_O Now, let me tell you about the first time I met your mother. She was shopping at the grocery store and put the following items in her basket: One dozen large eggs, One pound of Swiss cheese, One box of brownie mix, One twelve pack of soda, Two pounds of coffee, One gallon of whole milk. While placing the items on the conveyor belt at the checkout, I calmly said,”You must be single.” She looked at her food items on the counter and saw nothing unusual about her purchase that could have informed me that she was single. Curiously, she said “Yes, you’re right. But how in the world did you know that?” I replied, “‘Because you’re ugly.” And then I banged her in the ass with the grocery bag over her head. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 4/27/2012

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It’s Friday my neutral milky mother love boners, let’s make it gooder than shit, shall we? Tully was talking about how, thanks to Sirius XM, he’s been listening to genres of music that were popular in the late 80’s and early 90’s that he wouldn’t have normally been into – being a metal guy back then. I don’t know about you guys, but I can totally relate to that as in the past several months I’ve been channel surfing and found myself liking the Backspin channel, among others. Ronald Schultz took back his Aprilia motorcycle that he lent to Ellis, so that’s probably for the best considering how crazy Ellis is. But not to worry, because Ellis will be getting Thomas Hayden Church’s super Porsche to drive around for a little bit. And Surprise, Rawdog doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground – today he called the top of a skateboard the “front” and the bottom he called the “back”, and claimed that one of the boards had some “cool wood siding” on it. How can you not just absolutely love this guy?

A tranny wants to go out with Rawdog, he’s cool with everything except that whole “she has a dick” thing – I can respect that. If he’s still in his sexual slump at the age of forty, he’d probably let a tranny blow him though. Rawdog drank some of that kava that Jude brought in yesterday. This is surprising because apparently it doesn’t taste that great, and knowing how Rawdog doesn’t like anything but chicken nuggets, burgers, and chocolate, the surprise is that he drank it all. @DaniKalifornia had posted a picture of some massive BatWing (Warning: fucked up pussy lips ahead) to Ellis and I had decided to share an equally disturbing picture (Warning: vacuumed vag) as well. Turns out I ended up flinching Rawdog and a few others by it, which was totally unintentional – but also fucking awesome! The conversation naturally turned to Rawdog’s nipple jacking technique, which seems to be quite intricate as nobody really knows how to properly jack their own nipples off.

The Cum Challenge winner was announced today, although there were a lot of little po-dunk places that didn’t even have a major airport near them, this Heidi chick near San Francisco won. Heidi is married, but her husband doesn’t have to be there when Ellis show’s up, get what I’m sayin’ here? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. It was actually a bit funny because it sounded like she wanted Tully there maybe a little more than Ellis. That mean’s Heidi has most likely masturbated in the shower while thinking of Tully and his wit. Tully and Rawdog also setup a contest for the show today, “Who can cum faster”. Apparently they’ve both gone on the Internet in search of videos of men and women who climax very quickly. Listening to the audio only, really makes this segment fucking weird because your mind just can’t help but to make up images in your head to go along with the sounds.

The guys brought back the “Dude is it gay?” segment today after about a years hiatus. Some dude has a “friend” (we’ll call him Mr. X) who always asks his other guy friends to shave his balls. DING! Another guy met some Canadian dude off Craigslist who wanted him to come over, jerk-off and cum on his face for $80. So he put on some porn, got hard, started jerking it, creepy guy gets down on his knees in front of him and leaned back to receive the load on his face. My wife started yapping at me about something or another so I don’t know what the verdict was, but I’m just gonna go ahead make my own executive call here and… DING! Another dude woke up with morning wood poking out of his boxers and his friend said “good morning” and shook his penis like you would shake hands. Not gay, the “shaker” was like a daredevil comedian. Next caller said he couldn’t get off on just chicks in porn, he has to see penis penetrating “virgina”. I feel like that one has been asked before, but still, not gay. Next guy asked if it were gay to taste his own cum. The verdict was not gay.

Rawdog was forced to choose between getting a leg kick, or jacking off Ellis’ nips – so the obvious decision was to jack off nips. I couldn’t imagine how erotic that must be, and by erotic I really mean awkward as all fuck. Speaking of which, I remember when it was your mom’s birthday and we setup a few decorations, made a cum cake for her, and then we made sure nobody showed up because she’s just a worthless ditch pig that nobody cares about. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 4/26/2012

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Welcome back to another fun filled episode.  Today’s show started out strong with discussion about Jason’s interview on @KTLA, the morning news/talk show much like Good Morning America but for LA only because they are special.  The interview went well, Jason felt that it was well received and the guy on the show got to flex his “I know Australians” muscles.  Jason also attended a black metal concert with his back to current girlfriend Katie. CumTard the Cumtardian was also there but Jason found it better to avoid him.  Good call.

Discussion turned to a new Segway skateboard love child called the Z-Board, and as one would expect, we all wondered if Josh could ride it.  Maybe someday we will get to find out, and then laugh our asses off.  Jude came in again today with a much more mellow topic, Kava.  I’m not sure what it is and I’m too lazy to read the link i attached, if you are curious please feel free to check it out.  When you are done, just let the rest of us know.

The rest of the show was pretty mellow, a bit of discussion here and there so I will wrap it up quickly.  Aussie News, a guy stole a penguin, Ellis called some of the Cum Challenge finalists, a dude banged his girl in the ass because she was on her rag and he got poopie dick, and Rawdog is now an internet dating guru and feels that this single date has given him enough knowledge that he is entitled to share. I think he should write a book on it, and again, we will laugh our asses off.

Thomas Hayden Church called in today and the thing that I am most impressed with is that he is an avid listener.  That’s pretty fucking cool in my book.  The game that Josh was going to play yesterday got played today and in my opinion, I would have rather listened to another episode of New Music Tuesday.  The game was slow, and got boring fast.  It was a good concept but didn’t work out well. Guess they can’t all be winners. And finally, Egypt is trying to pass a law so that a husband may use his wife as a human fuck torso up to six hours after her death.  Everyone agrees this is fucking disgusting.  This is the part where I make a joke about yer Mum, but she does a pretty good job of doing that all by herself, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 4/25/2012

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Hello and welcome my friends to another wonderfully insightful edition of The Jason Ellis Show Re-Cap.   Today started out with the boys going a bit Eco friendly.  Grass topped bars, grass carpets, and log cars.  These seem like interesting ideas until you start thinking, who’s gonna mow the bar?  And if you throw up will there be a dead spot.  Would dogs be allowed in, and who’s cleaning up that mess?  Probably best to just leave things the way they are.  Well punch me in the cock, Rawdog had a rather successful date. At least as successful as one would expect from Rumble McTumble Bum.  This mystery internet woman seems very impressed with Josh and even said he looks better in person than on his profile pic. Fist Bump.  I believe it is safe to say this girl will be swallowing some Tussin in the near future if you know what I’m saying.  Yeah, you know what I’m saying. Today is also Rude Juduesday and Jude ruffled some feathers when he came in wearing a Vick jersey and totally defended dog fighting. Said dogs aren’t humans & he don’t give a fuck about a dog. This struck a nerve with many as expected but a mans opinion is his own.

Teens are fucktarded, as we all know.  But they have brought it to a whole new level, they are drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk.  What ever happened to the good ol grab and dash? That was a highly effective way of getting booze. Kids these days.  We also heard some fucking awesome mash ups and parody songs, so shout out to Cruiser Boy and Mike Higgins, great job dudes. Jason’s book is now on the New York Times Best Seller list at number 23. That’s a huge fucking accomplishment from a dude who “can’t read or write.”

A guy named Gordy called the VIP line.  This lucky 19 year old bastard got the number from his copy of I’m Awesome but not the circle jerk names. Hope is still out there, don’t give up.  Other news, Octomom is a hoe bag and Chis Angel is a douche, as if we didn’t already know.

A bit of serious information, between May 8th and May 22nd download the song “Long Time” by Everlast. Precedes will help to find a better treatment for Cystic Fibrosis.

And I know that you are reading this Mr. McConaughey so will you please get your shirtless ass into the show, and Matthew, we can do this the easy way or the, aww fuck it, I can’t remember the quote.  Much like I can’t ever remember what your mum says because it just sounds like shes gargling cum. And she is, OH!