Show Re-cap For Wednesday 9/19/2012

This is my sexy face.

It’s Wednesday and you’re stuck with me again! HAHAHAA! MUHAHHAA! I’m filling in for my bronie @AZ_RedDragon so you’re just gonna have to put up with me. The show actually started a few minutes early today, and Ellis already doesn’t like where he lives. He’s going to start training Katie in the art of war, wait… not war, boxing I think. Rawdog went to Ralph’s (a supermarket) while stoned. I don’t know how that’s news or even note worthy, but there ya go. In other news, Lady Gaga has gotten chunky. She said she’s laying off the alcohol and is now smoking more weed, and I assume scarfing down Zagnuts like they were the last thing on Earth.

Shame! Shame on all of you!

Since yesterday, Rawdog is continuing to receive threats, except now it has escalated into a kick to de face or a potential lynching. Ellis says everyone working for United Airlines is fat, they suck, and if their serving drinks – their ass shouldn’t be hitting you while they serve said drinks. Also, Ellis says Amy Schumer is a little chubby (compared to Katie), and then guess who called into the show shortly after that? Yup, Amy Schumer. She wanted to know what exactly was said because her feelings were hurt, and Ellis fessed up to what he said. There was a point there where she specifically said she wouldn’t come on the show any more and that would be the last time they talked. However, things got a little more clarified and it appeared to end on good terms, only time will tell for sure. If nothing else, it made for some interesting radio when she called in.

This is the only blue ice you’ve ever seen.

That company that made the hologram Tupac? Yea, their dead as disco now, broke as fuck, so no hologram Elvis or Michael Jackson for you! Noted MIA racist known as Donald Schultz stopped by the show, he’s been super busy with shows and entertainment shit and that is why it’s been several months since he’s been on the show. Schultz tried to tell us that planes routinely jettison human waste and fuel, which in the US is totally fucking false. That shit might happen in South Africa or in the movie Joe Dirt, but not in this corner of the world. Anyone else noticed all the song breaks today? I sure did, Ellis didn’t seem real into it, and sure enough – later in the show he admitted he’s sick and if Rawdog and Tully didn’t take over or some sluts called in, we would be left with a best of or something else. Some John dude sent in an audio clip of him AIDs farting and that seemed to cheer Ellis up a little bit.

If she’s pregnant, she must be a slut, right?

Thankfully there were some potential sluts that called into the show, so onward we went! One caller likes to lick pussaaay, another caller fucked a dude 3 or 4 times in one night, and survey says they are not sluts. Then we got another caller, she slept with 2 dudes (months apart) but both dudes live with each other and she’s a screamer – DING – she’s a slut. Some chick would get drunk and mess around with a dude wearing a Scooby-Doo outfit on while he fingered her, she thought his dick was too small so she didn’t fuck him. Not a slut. Yet another potential slut called in, she was 17 and at a house party looking for her girlfriend, she opens a door – no friend, just some dude – so she fucked him. She continues looking for her friend, this time behind door #2 – again, no friend only a dude – so she bangs him too. Continuing her quest, she opens door #3, and again no friend, just a dude – so naturally she fucked him as well. DING – DING – DING, she’s a slut. Another chick slept with her friend’s “boyfriend”, who she claimed “they aren’t really together, together“, so we’re left with the question of what the fuck does that mean and of course a DING, she’s a slut.

Did you hear Monica “Chunky Cheeks” Lewinsky is writing a tell all book about her time with President Clinton, who she alleges has an insatiable appetite for threesomes. Anyone else find it funny that the cow used “insatiable appetite” in her sentence? A bra-less Katie with sweaty boobs stopped in during finals calls. There’s no real significance here other than boobs, I’ll write about tits 9 times out 10, that’s just how I am. Continuing today’s theme of “chunky”, I ran into your mom one time while she was working at a gas station. I walked in and asked her, “Can I please have a Kit Kat Chunky?” She reaches over and grabs a Kit Kat Chunky and sets it on the counter. “No,” I said, “I wanted a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 9/14/2012

I know why you masturbate, do you?

It’s the 5th and final day of TJES in NYC, that means it’s WGAFF, and that also means that I’m going to stab out your eyeballs with my dick! Just kidding about that last part, sorry. There is no difference between rocks and stones, but rocks are made from stones, and Rawdog don’t know shit about shit – or rocks. Ellis got to make out some more with Krista Ayne, but she ended up getting sleepy and that was as far as it went – allegedly, if you know what I mean. Rawdog went out last night to see his sister and her boyfriend, he flirted a little bit with a chick, who knows how that makes his girlfriend Rosie feel. More discussion about fucking Lycans, werewolves, vampires, and all that shit – it was intense – and by intense, I of course mean who gives a rats ass. Bam Margera woke up yesterday to a 24 year-old woman kissing him, so naturally, he threw the girl off him and called 911 and while he was on the horn with the po-po, she got down on the floor and started masturbating.

Hitler’s softer side.

Kick ass comedian Brian Posehn was on the show today, and it was a great appearance, he’s a funny motherfucker! He talked about his comedy metal band “Posehn” with Scott Ian from Anthrax as well as his ICP performances in front of big, methed out, serial killer looking dudes in clown makeup who hang out on drug bridges. After Ellis did his usual AIDs burp, Posehn asked “Did you just do the AIDs burp? Where did you get that?” It was then revealed that Posehn was the inventor of the AIDs and RAPE burps, he’s been doing it for years and most of his comedian friends had started doing it as well. Next on the show was comedian Amy Schumer, promoting her new TV show that will be on Comedy Central. She talked about her fight on a subway and then Ellis used Rawdog to show her how to choke a bitch out. When Tully mentioned that she has an open ended invitation to fight Rawdog at any EllisMania, Rawdog tried to tough talk Amy by telling her he would beat her because he has more experience, even though she just had him in a choke hold. They traded barbs back and forth until things got a little more personal when Amy called out Rawdog’s nasally voice.

The show was supposed to be simulcast along with Jim Breuer’s show, but it never really worked, though the guys did get to sound like robots for a few seconds. They talked about leaving early today, but suddenly right after the music break, the show went straight into replays from earlier in the week. I blame Will Pendarvis. Oh well, fuck it, it’s Friday and nobody gives a fuck. Hey, I heard your mom started her new job today but promptly got fired. Guess that Indian dating service “Connect the Dots” didn’t realize they couldn’t even charge 1 Rupee for her festering axe gash. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/22/2012

It’s Chad Reed Day (#ChadReedDay) and that’s all you fuckin’ need to know. You can check out some very real and accurate #ChadReedFacts submitted by everyone, including Chuck Norris. People also sent in their poems and haikus of Chad Reed, which were totally endearing, like OMG!

Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) came on the show today, she’s a comedian / actor, and also female (you may have already figured that out.) Considering how the last interview with a female comic went, I think people were anxious to see how this interview went. And it went really good. What? What else do you want me to say? It’s not like I’m going to do a word for word, play by play of her interview. She was actually on the Rawdog channel (not Josh, the comedy channel on Sirius XM) with Ellis awhile ago. They were guests and people would call in and try to make them laugh for a chance at winning $1000 or something. Which if you thought the finger banging story she told sounded familiar, that’s why, apparently it’s a “bit” she does.

Let’s not forget, today is also World’s Greatest Wednesday, which is inconsequential compared to Chad Reed Day, but that’s why today was world’s greatest Chad. So let’s just go right into the list and their placement:

  1. Chad Reed DayChad Reed & Chad Weed (the drug dealer from Toronto)
  2. Chad Muska
  3. Chad Kagy
  4. Chad Ginsburg
  5. Chad Ochocinco

Since it’s such a special day and there was only a top 5 for world’s greatest Chad, here’s another list for world’s greatest Reed:
(shout out to @mike_in_canada for jotting down the list for me while I violated your mother)

  1. Chad Reed
  2. Artie Reed
  3. Tara Reid
  4. Chopper Read
  5. Ellis’ ability to read

And that’s it for World’s Greatest Wednesday. Enjoy it, bask in it, take it out for dinner and penetrate it. It was also new music day today, Rawdog got his ass chewed and spit out for playing shitty music again. Cumtard ate more of his pubes while getting electrocuted, it sounded pretty disgusting as he was gaging on his pubes. You know, a little more punishment before he leaves the show is never a bad thing. Plus he has to get rid of his bag of pubes before he leaves the show. It was mentioned that maybe since it is Chad Reed Day, maybe he should be eating Chad Reed pubes as it might give him superpowers.

And, grand finale time… are you ready for it? Are you really ready? Really, really ready? The Chad Reed was on the phone for the end of the show. That’s right, the fuckin’ ledge, Chad Reed. He was in good spirits, talked about how he’s coming back next year to rule shit and also said something about how he just absolutely destroyed your mom’s box. OH!