Shout out to NYA’s only reader. Our only friend.
Hello Bungday, we meet again. Hello readers, we meet again. Hello walls, how’d things go for you today? The shit you hear inside your head maybe like what a snake hears via it’s belly. Who fucking knows, science? SOMEONE GET ON THAT, PRONTO! Dingo has a sweet gold chain on today, so says Ellis. Rawdog has a replica of a chain like Dingos, it’s plastic, painted gold, and from a fair or some shit – you know, baller status shit. The studio is moist today, so is Dingo, and people in the Philippines, so shout out to them – but fuck that typhoon Haiya, no shout out for that typhoon. Fall Out Boy shout out the Philippines, Tully even saw them tweet it, still, no shout out to Fall Out Boy either. Dingo went snowboarding on Saturday and got shit-whipped. Dingo also agree’s that Katie has a great ass, no homo. People see your face differently than you see your face, which is why everyone seems to ask you, “what’s up with your fucking face?” If you got a true mirror, where your image is reversed so you can see yourself like others see you, then you too can hold your vomit back. Just kidding. I’m sure you look splendid. Very pretty. Beautiful even.
More titles to read to your children at bedtime.
Ellis bought his kids the Shaun White skateboard ramps, because… Well, I don’t know why. Whatever. Anyway, he had parenting stuff this weekend, Tiger kicked some goals – not that kind – but literal goals in soccer, 6 to be exact. Some stinky kid was there. Nobody said shit to Stinky McGee, but everyone was waiting for him to burst into a shit-smelling cloud of nasty. Tiger scored on Smelly Turd-Turd which made daddy proud because red-headed Greasy Shitfartington was being a fuck knuckle. Tully met Thomas the Train. I remember when my kid was into that shit, it fuckin’ sucks and it’s even kinda creepy. Anyway, he got serious douche chills because of all the shame and passive-aggressive behavior that show teaches children, but now it was in real-life form, right in front of him. Rawdog did not meet Thomas, instead, he mentioned The Berenstain Bears and how he thinks it was a Christian based cartoon. And if anyone needs Jesus, it’s all y’all motherfuckers and Mr. Adultery himself, Rawdog.1 Actually, he’s not Mr. Adultery for the time being as he broke up with Karla over the weekend. You can tell he’s bummed, but it sounds like he also felt it was for the best, but of course still feels bad about it.
Pretty much everyone’s face when they’re trying to hurry up and finish masturbating.
Tully finally came clean. No, he’s never fucked Wilson’s ex-wife. He did however tell us that the new Death! Death! Die! album is planned to come out of the proverbial closet2 on Tuesday November 26th and there will be an on-air release party. He also says that the website should be updated within the next day or two where the album will be on pre-sale for you to pre-order and pre-cum. Also, he’s never bought a chick a dildo, but has bought plenty of vibrators. For women. And nothing too crazy, like a vibrating fist or Thor hammer. Also, he’s the best total package his wife has ever met. He thinks. Actually he feels really confident about that, he might not be the best cocksmith, but it was enough to rock his wife’s world. But as everyone knows, the real test for any marriage is the Rawdog test. If Rawdog bangs your wife and she doesn’t go back to him, you won. But if her Rawdog appetite is insatiable, you’re fucked – and not in a good way. Oh, and chicks that are too hard to make cum, that’s on them, not you. I mean, as long as you’re trying and not a total dick, or treating them in a way they don’t want to be treated. Also, its okay if the chick tells you that she needs to finger herself or she’s not gonna be able to cum. Lots of chicks can’t cum with just a cock jammed in their wee-wat. If you’re not okay with it, maybe you need some therapy. Or maybe she hates you and your smelly balls. Who knows, but you better ask somebody.3
Wait. What? Hendo got knocked out?
A new draft of the California bill to force porn stars to wear condoms is out, now they want porn stars to wear goggles. Which clearly is an attempt to force the porn industry to make more material for the goggle-fetish porn fans and screw over the jizz on my eyeball-fetish porn fans. Ken Block isn’t in porn, but he does have a new video out today, Gymkhana SIX, and it does not star Vin Diesel, or Rob Dyrdek. Ken called into the show and confirmed that indeed, his new video came out today, but he said nothing about not being in porn – so what I’m saying here is that he might actually be in porn.4 Vitor Belfort and Dan Henderson fought over the weekend and Vitor won by TKO in the first round, which might have included the very first time Hendo has been knocked out, even if just for a second. Jeremy Stephens won by knockout 40 seconds into the fight with a head kick. Want more MMA news? Head on over to your favorite MMA news website. What? No. I don’t have one to suggest to you, do your own damn clicking. Moving on, a Russian performance artist freaked out tourists when we nailed his nads to the street. He said it was a metaphor for Russian society, but nobody gets it. Red Bull is not in porn, but they too have a video out. Actually, they have a lot of videos, but this one is about a half-mile long supercross rhythm section.
How’d you react to the show logos that you couldn’t see? Be honest.
Ellis needs a logo for the show, and not the one on the show’s signature cum rag. So they sent Wilson some logos and before he even showed anyone, he sent them shits back because they looked like hell. Before we could get into logos though, Wilson’s wearing a Sam Rubin style watch that was given to him by a phone company to switch his service. Now, back to logos that we can’t see. Wilson flipped through several options and gave minimal descriptions for the listener’s, such as “then there’s this one” which really gave everyone a good visual representation of the logos. Ellis had a meeting with his new manager today, sounds like he’s stoked and thinks it will be beneficial to errybody. NFL talk time, Rawdog won this weekends round of bets with Tully on who would win, someone was supposed to get shocked or something and Ellis read a portion from his book. Oh, and racism. I have no idea how all this ties into to one another, I didn’t catch all of that part so you’ll just have to suffer. Hey, remember that site Ashley Madison? Some Brazilian chick is suing them for 20 million because her wrists hurt from typing up so many fake profiles for the site. And before I forget, OH!5
Footnotes:
1 Just joking. That pretty much puts me in the clear, right?
2 I know, that makes little to no sense. Just roll with it.
3 Or don’t. See if I give a shit.
4 Eww.
5 What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Babies can get cancer.
