“Welcome, maybe?”

I started my previous recap by stating that Ellis was back.  The above statement was how he started the show today.  I think we lost him again somewhere between last Wednesday and Las Vegas.  Apparently he’s been stricken with panic attacks every day since then, and of course he always worries those will lead to AFib.  Add to that the social anxiety of a weekend on display at the AVN Awards and it’s no surprise he needed a day off on Monday.  It seems the recent Australia trip was a bigger blow to the psyche than he initially realized and he still hadn’t taken proper time to process that shit which can only compound his PTSD.  The man has issues.

The man also has a hell of a lot of good people who really do care about him.  More than he will ever allow himself to believe.  We get it, mate.  Many among us walk similar obstructed paths in life and fall victim to the black hole of negativity because of it.  I don’t need to preach about the benefits of seeking comfort in the positive aspects of one’s life, or inspire with meaningful words, or motivate anyone to do better for themselves by facing a challenge head-on.  That’s your thing.  Besides, how do you tell a champion that he should stop fighting a battle and learn how to live with the loss?  And then convince him that is how he will ultimately win the biggest prize?  A fucking lame boxing metaphor is all I got.  Take your medicine Jason Ellis.   Continue reading →