Show Re-cap For Tuesday 3/13/2012

Today, Ellis is on steroids, Rawdog is stressed, Tully is a beautiful man, Jude is inside your sister, and you ingest large quantities of semen. Sad news, Ellis got an email last night, he has been invited to be a judge at a Hooter’s bikini contest in Miami – and the sad part was that it is on the same date as EllisMania 8. Shout out to @emilyinSD for sending in a horrific story of an ultra-Orthadox Jewish man who performs circumcisions and then uses his mouth to clean the baby’s penis wound. Go throw up and when you get back, jump down to the next paragraph where we’ll be talking about something else.

It was new music day today, I don’t have a full list but I’ll make a few quick comments. Meat Loaf’s new music sounded like a two dicks were going to be touching each other. Say Anything (was that their name) sounded like Death Cab for Cutie so very emo. Cannibal Corpse sounded like your typical death metal warble garble. Moving on, there was talk about the different fights that are happening at EM8. One of which was the “husband and wife” fight, which I’m taking full credit for as I had suggested that via Twitter ages ago (December 15, 2011) and Tully liked the idea. How do I know for sure? Because I remember when my ego gets a boner and because my OCD made me go look up dates. Anyway, that’s unimportant. The important thing is it looks like it might be happening and I know @e3guzman (December 16, 2011) and @Hollow_NorCal (December 28, 2011) have been pushing for it.

And that does it for the show, this re-cap, your sister’s smoked out clit, your empty keg of semen, and your mom’s micro erection after become a ladyboy. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 3/9/2012

It’s Friday, why are you giving a fuck (or a fart)? Oh, you’re not? That’s excellent news! Guess who else wasn’t giving a fuck today? Ellis. He was late for this, the final Friday morning show, apparently when the guys tried calling him it would go straight to voicemail. Turns out neither of his alarms went off so he overslept. Oddly, it used to be Tully who was always running late, my how the tables have turned. So for the first part of today, we got the RawTully Center Show, which wasn’t bad at all, actually it was entertaining – I don’t think those guys give themselves enough credit when it comes to filling in on the show. It was also revealed that Tully’s middle name is Leonard! How fantastic is that? I can’t help but think of when @oxycottonjohn called in, “Yea, this is Leonard and I like to go muddin”. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that line.

Tully unveiled his brand new segment today, “Women, Am I Right?” after reading a story that Bin Laden may have been betrayed by his jealous “other” wife. We all know women are inferior, wretched creatures that are not to be trusted so this segment should have plenty of material at its disposal. Disclaimer: It’s a joke ladies. Don Squartz jumped from a hot air balloon while on the radio – that sounded uh… fast or something. As you know, South African Don is a racist, he hired a bunch of blicks to cushion his fall after jumping from like 2200 feet or some crazy shit.

Jim Florentine came on the show and Ellis re-shared all the relatively recent developments in his life. Learning his father molested him, getting a divorce, drinking, and all those things he’s currently coping with. It’s amazing to hear it all and you can tell it still hurts him. I suppose it helps him to talk about it, but it is surprising someone could be so open to tell all this to the radio universe. Florentine had his own stories, such as at the age of fourteen, kissing a wrestling photographer on the cheeks for wrestling pictures. Fucking creepy people are out there in this world, we all know this, but it’s always surprising to hear.

BOOM! Done. See how I did that? Got in, did my shit and then got out. Exactly how your mom is treated, sexually I mean. What I’m saying is, a lot of individuals see your mom, fuck her and finish, and then leave. OH?

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 3/6/2012

ElephantitisHey, it’s “Big Balls” Tuesday and that is no laughing matter. Elephantitis of the nuts is a serious issue affecting at least a handful of people in the world. Speaking of big balls, Rawdog revealed he almost choked to death on a butterscotch candy when he was kid and now he won’t eat them anymore, I assume because he’s afraid he’ll die. I think this is probably where his “small throat” excuse comes from considering he can’t swallow pills or even a mouthful of liquid. Thankfully though, Tully has attended baby CPR classes so should Rawdog start choking on his own spit, Tully can save his life. So naturally, it was time to get Rawdog over his fear of butterscotch hard candies. Will and Dan came in with some butterscotch candies, it took awhile but he was finally victorious over the candy and did not die! Shout out to that legend of a man, beating out a butterscotch candy. Fucking gangster.

Come at me eseTully, Rawdog, and Jude were trash talking and challenging each other to a book report-off. I think I’ve officially heard it all now, especially when Rawdog busted out an “ese” while tough talking Jude. I don’t know much about Jude and his reading habits, but if speech habits have any bearing on the subject, Rawdog’s “book wepowt” is going to be full of mistakes. Tully seems like the front runner on this one, I mean he did go to Oxford, not to mention he can now perform baby CPR. That has to add something to his book report skills, right? On the other hand, Jude just might come out with a masterpiece, especially if he does it while on ketamine.

Mauro RanalloThere was a whole metric fuckload of talk about the recent Rush Limbaugh “scandal” and what is right or wrong or acceptable, advertising, who’s a prostitute or not, etc. It was supposed to be “Dude am I slut? Rush Limbaugh edition” but instead it turned into a circle jerk discussion about freedom of speech. In other news, Bro Brogan (@joerogan) apparently tried to get hair implants and now has a scar from it. I think we can all agree that the “bald” or shaved head look is way more popular today than it ever was. By the way, have you seen Mauro Ranallo after he shaved his head? He looks fucking hilarious / horrible with a shaved head. He also shakes his head a lot when talks and kind of reminds me of Seth MacFarlane.

BellaEllisBelladonna was on the show today and she’s bald too, I mean she has a shaved head now. But her cookie is probably bald as well. She used to come in back when the show was first starting out, and she was always a pretty cool guest. The major topic while she was there was people calling in with strange things they found sexy or hot or whatever. There were quite a few “strange” ones, but I think the blockbuster of the bunch was a guy that called in and said after doing some coke and drinking, he would put lube on his dick, tie rubber bands around his cock to keep it hard, penetrate his ass, wash it off, and then suck his own cock. I think what made the story even better was how matter of fact and dead serious he was while discussing it. He sounded very believable as well, especially with all his cokehead pauses while telling a story.

In other big news, Pendarvis has cleared the way to move the Friday morning shows to it’s normal afternoon time. He says this should happen not this coming Friday, but the next Friday. And you know what that means, the move is probably gonna be delayed indefinitely. HAHAHAHAA Get it? No? Well, fuck you then. Alternatively, you could fuck your mom, everyone else has. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/29/2012

CreepyToday is Cumtard’s last day and since Jason was going to be late, he let Cumtard open up the show. Tully and Rawdog gave him the silent treatment and just let him tread on his own, in the end he actually didn’t too terrible. He ended his segment by explaining his position, what he did and why he can’t stay anymore. All that has been explained on here before so I won’t go into that. They played all the buttons dealing with Cumtard since it is his last day and once he’s gone, so will be all his buttons.

Cumfat Off The PhonesThat chick that Ellis made cry yesterday? Yea, she was supposed to go on Rude Jude’s show yesterday after Ellis’ show, but she bailed. In the end it worked out great for Jude because now he’s getting a shot at hooking up with Jenna (the other girl from yesterday.) Let’s see, what else… There was a lot of talk about Chik-Fil-A / gay marriage / religion, that’s one of those infuriating topics with everyone having a different opinion and trying to convince you that their opinion is better than yours. Fuck that shit. If we even touch on this subject, this re-cap is turning into a fucking fiasco of a novel. So, I choose to move on.

Scrotum McBoner FartWorld’s Greatest Wednesday for today, in honor of Cumtard’s last day on the show is, World’s greatest thing Cumtard should do now that he doesn’t have a job. Apparently there was a dude on Facebook that wanted to pay him $5000 to spend the weekend with him so he can fuck and cuddle with him, the whole boyfriend experience. Ellis set off negotiating for Cumtard and the conclusion was to clean the guy’s apartment naked wearing only a hat, Cumtard jerks off, and then leaves, for $800 a week. Without further ado, here’s the list of ideas from fans in order of their placement:

  1. Sip It Slowly, CumtardFreeway clown
  2. Shark dentist
  3. Dildo tester
  4. Play keytar for Smoked Out Clit
  5. Loaded gun cleaner
  6. Manage a prison snack bar
  7. Call everyone who calls the show regularly to tell them to fuck off
  8. Pube artist
  9. Jerk off on peoples’ ex-girlfriend’s car
  10. Become a roadie for Black Dahlia Murder

Cumtard was clearly and admittedly sad to be leaving the show, but he does plan to come back every now and again just as a friend of the show. Hopefully Sirius will eventually find a full-time position in some capacity for him.

And viola! That’s the end of the re-cap. See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? I knew you’d pull through, you’re my little trooper! And now you’ll be swimming up to impregnate your mother! OH!