Nothing says Friday like kicking back and watching a JFK documentary and learning that he got shot because he wanted everyone to love each other and his brother got shot too, which can only mean one thing, conspiracy. They talked a lot about conspiracies and assassinations (hahahaha, that word says ass twice) and all kinds of crazy shit that crazy people like to talk about. Ellis lost a sponsor, a Famous sponsor, that he won’t mention 
Stars, and has been stressing and feeling like shit And Straps. Katie ran up a hill, I know, exciting shit, unless you were running behind her. Rawdog’s laptop is still out of commission so he is using his kindle fire today, and it’s adorable like carrying a puppy in a backpack or watching Two Girls One Cup. They played more video submitted for the EM9 Karaoke Contest on Instagram. They all sucked and even some people got banned from Ellis Mania, but I forget exactly who so I can go into further detail. If you want to try, submit an Instagram video of yourself singing a Death!Death!Die! or Taintstick song and send it to @wolfmate and hashtag it #Ellismaina9, the winner will get to sing on stage with the band. Speaking of bands and sucking, they tried to find a band to play at Ellismania with the guys, some of the suggestions were, Tim Time Bomb And Friends, NOFX, Iwrestledabearonce, Pennywise, Machine Head, G.O.A.T. And Your M.O.M., etc.
chicks broke up and one stole three strap-on dildos, you know, to practice her air tight ski pole skills now that she is single. A chick gave herself a black eye and claimed to be abducted and the police couldn’t account for here whereabouts for a couple hours, most likely she was getting the D. A chick locked her roommate and his friend and wouldn’t let them leave till she got railed, sounds pretty sweet until you realize she was about as cute as a dingleberry hanging off a cats ass hole. A 200 pound blind woman had to be tazed after assaulting the mail man because he gave her kids her mail. Pearl Jones has been arrested for selling hydrocodone out of her home, she’s 85 and the best grandma ever! A New York woman threw out her fridge forgetting her life savings was in it but some worker at the dump recovered the whopping five grand. The guys then turned their attention to the change with Fox and how it’s now Fox Sports, 1 and 2, with UFC, moto but not moto, NASCAR, formula 1, soccer, MLB, etc. So it’s pretty much the same but awesomer.
The Red Planet, hardly any sunlight and completely soulless.
vampires, werewolves, and government conspiracies. Ellis said he would punch a UFO from his roof if it came around his hood because that’s what bad ass mother fuckers would do. Rumor has it that Beiber and the wild boys are looking to buy a ranch, mainly the never land ranch so they can fix it up and have their very own allegations of child molestation. Rawdog still wants to go to mars, not to build shit, something more technichal and less labor intensive, like regulate the oxygen levels or something else incredibly important. Just as long as he doesn’t have to back anything up or figure out how to do any sort of simple common task. Speaking of jobs, I remember the time yer mum was down on her luck and decided to make a few extra bucks by working the corner. After the first day I picked her up and asked “how did you do?”. She said, “I did pretty well, I made $200.50”. I asked, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” and she replies “all of them”, OH!
