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Tully’s acoustic riff – 3/9/12
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Show Re-cap For Friday 3/9/2012
It’s Friday, why are you giving a fuck (or a fart)? Oh, you’re not? That’s excellent news! Guess who else wasn’t giving a fuck today? Ellis. He was late for this, the final Friday morning show, apparently when the guys tried calling him it would go straight to voicemail. Turns out neither of his alarms went off so he overslept. Oddly, it used to be Tully who was always running late, my how the tables have turned. So for the first part of today, we got the RawTully Center Show, which wasn’t bad at all, actually it was entertaining – I don’t think those guys give themselves enough credit when it comes to filling in on the show. It was also revealed that Tully’s middle name is Leonard! How fantastic is that? I can’t help but think of when @oxycottonjohn called in, “Yea, this is Leonard and I like to go muddin”. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that line.
Tully unveiled his brand new segment today, “Women, Am I Right?” after reading a story that Bin Laden may have been betrayed by his jealous “other” wife. We all know women are inferior, wretched creatures that are not to be trusted so this segment should have plenty of material at its disposal. Disclaimer: It’s a joke ladies. Don Squartz jumped from a hot air balloon while on the radio – that sounded uh… fast or something. As you know, South African Don is a racist, he hired a bunch of blicks to cushion his fall after jumping from like 2200 feet or some crazy shit.
Jim Florentine came on the show and Ellis re-shared all the relatively recent developments in his life. Learning his father molested him, getting a divorce, drinking, and all those things he’s currently coping with. It’s amazing to hear it all and you can tell it still hurts him. I suppose it helps him to talk about it, but it is surprising someone could be so open to tell all this to the radio universe. Florentine had his own stories, such as at the age of fourteen, kissing a wrestling photographer on the cheeks for wrestling pictures. Fucking creepy people are out there in this world, we all know this, but it’s always surprising to hear.
BOOM! Done. See how I did that? Got in, did my shit and then got out. Exactly how your mom is treated, sexually I mean. What I’m saying is, a lot of individuals see your mom, fuck her and finish, and then leave. OH?
Show Re-cap For Thursday 3/8/2012
Did you know Cumtard’s mom (@MumTard) is now using her limited brain capacity for tweeting? That’s right kids, straight from the horrors of the Tard family comes the lady who birthed a moron. And no, that’s not me tweeting under the MumTard moniker. The show started off with Rawdog’s favorite topic, robots and the future, and of course he really, really wants to be a robot at some point. I really don’t know what else to say about all that, other than I hope his robo-dreams come true. And if I should happen to be turned into a robot after I die, I’m going to hack Robodog to be my maid and paint his exoskeleton pink with white polka dots.
There was some talk about Invisible Children and how they’re the hide and seek world champs. Ok, that was bullshit and just wrong, but felt oh so right. They actually talked about the latest social trending topic “Kony2012”, as well as what bits of the show they should keep – be it old or new, and the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie with Don Squartz. Sounds like they’re going to paint dials on a piece of cardboard and just show it blurred in the background, what? In other exciting news, they’re also going to be making a music video for their Death! Death! Dubstep! song, and you all have a chance to be in it. You can video yourself dancing Michael Jackson style to the song in iconic or funny places and send the clips to: itsdonaldschultz@me.com
It’s new music day, and then that part was over. A caller asked Ellis for advice on how to get a stripper to do a little bit more. He asked the right person, Ellis had a full on game plan for the guy to follow – which went something like this: Get yourself some track pants and a t-shirt, go to the club and pay for a private lap dance. Each time the stripper is moving her ass up and down on your junk it’s pushing your shirt up just bit until she’s jacking off the top off your knob, then you blow a load in your shirt and go home. If that’s not the route you’re taking, apparently you’ve been doing it all wrong. I didn’t do the explanation any justice, it was actually pretty hilarious the way Ellis described it.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this, and you know I couldn’t do that to you. Final calls for today’s show got a nice shot in the eye with a solid “CUM GOVNAH!” by the what must arguably be the best cum govnah’er, @QwertyRDS. He does a fucking excellent CUM GOVNAH! As good as he is, he pales in comparison to how your mom performs pterodactyls until she’s so full of jizz, she’s burping cum bubbles. OH!
How To Be a DJ On Shade 45
There’s a simple formula on how to be a DJ on Sirius / XM’s Shade 45 channel and I’m going to reveal that secret formula to you! Get this down and you’ll be just as good as most all of the DJ’s on that channel with the only exception being Jude (@rude_jude) Here are the “secret” steps:
- Play the same “popular” songs that have been played 3 to 4 times within a 12 hour period.
- Make sure you interrupt the song multiple times by pushing a button that says: “Warning. The drama king is in the building.”
- Push that same button at least 5 times in a row.
- Push that same button again after 10 seconds.
- Now push a button that sounds like an air horn.
- Push that same button 3 to 4 times in a row.
- Repeat steps 2 through 6 until the song is over, making sure the audience has only heard a maximum of 10 words. The rest should be button sounds.
- Repeat steps 1 through 7 for the remainder of your shift.
Congratulations! You are now a “professional” DJ on Sirius / XM’s Shade 45 channel.
Show Re-cap For Wednesday 3/7/2012
You know the start of the show, multiple topics. But the first big one was about the show’s fame and followers versus Chealsea Handler, which I think is kind of a silly comparison. For one, she’s on TV – how do you compare that to radio? Another thing is the fact that she’s female and not bad looking (not including the very not flattering picture I posted to the right), sex sells and it’s typically a woman that reaches the broadest audiences, rather than a male sex figure. Of course there’s also that whole speculation that she’s fucked her way to the top. I don’t think radio hosts will ever be as “known” or popular as people on TV or in movies. Howard Stern is well known, sure, but I think even his fame has declined a bit, especially when you think of someone like Johnny Depp. Depp has to make more money and is more relevant than Stern, especially when you start factoring in endorsements, commercials, etc. Anyway, this is kind of dumb as there is no comparison to be had here, so let’s keep this train a rollin’.
Urijah Faber, I couldn’t give two shits about what he said on TUF, so instead I’ll talk about Uriah Heep for a second. When’s the last time you heard that song “Easy Living”? That’s gotta be their biggest hit, right? You know those fuckers are still making music? Me neither. Also, it has been confirmed that this Friday will be the last morning show as they will be moving to their normal afternoon time on Fridays.
As almost always on Wednesday’s, we play #WGW and today’s topic was World’s Greatest Thing You Can Do With $2000. And as usual, here’s the top 10 in order of their placing:
Buy a top hat, a shitload of Jack Daniels, and shoot a moose- Demolition derby with four $500 cars
- Getting wasted, getting a hooker, rocking out to Limp Bizkit, and have the hooker “shave all my friends tonight”
- Stay frosty for 36 hours
- Hire an army of homeless people (or trannies) and have them reenact Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” in Beverly Hills
- Shitting on a Chik-Fil-A out of a helicopter
- Get Cumtard drunk and pay a tranny rape him (but won’t be rape because he’ll be drunk and willing)
- Buy a Pontiac Fiero
- Record a track with somebody from The Flipmode Squad
- Super 8 motel, tacos, beer, and hookers
And with that, I bid you adieu my frosty friends. There’s not much more for me to talk about, well, besides the fact that your mother loves to go ass to mouth. OH!