2012

Posted on September 12, 2012 by Az_RedDragon

Do you feel run down? Do you feel like you keep trying to run away but get no where? Do you feel useless? It’s probably because you ain’t got no legs Lieutenant Dan! But at least you don’t have an awful Chinese dude comb over, unless your an old Chinese dude with no legs, then your just fucked. Boxing isn’t what it used to be, that’s what Ellis says after watching boxing highlights from way back. The dudes that fought were more intense, harder, rougher, and didn’t stop until they couldn’t get up again. Those were the days when men were men and concussions were for pussies. Ever wonder what its like to flog the bishop in a tiny box in middle of a big city? Oh yeah, I forgot who was reading this, let me rephrase. Ever wonder what its like to beat your meat in a pay booth? First you go up some stairs, then put a couple bucks in the machine, the window goes up, and fap fap fap fap fap fap, and then ask for your change back. Or you can spend fifty bucks and get to know the overweight black woman with huge areolas and stretch marks. But on the plus side, she’ll let you touch those gigantic boobies, for a fee of course.

Some dude has the worlds largest biceps and looks ridiculous, he probably can’t even fit into a jack off booth. A dude in New York got randomly stabbed in the ass at a deli, that’s just plain old fucked up. Will made a great new game about New York where the contestant guesses the number in the statistic and the other guy guesses over or under. Simple enough, Ellis won, and now everyone that doesn’t live in NY will continue to not live in NY. Shits expensive and you might get shanked in the brown eye. My app fucked up and then it came back with them saying something about Oprah, so in the end, thank you Sirius App, without you I would have had to hear about that bloated sea cow and the half assed projects her dumpling eating hole is trying to put out.

The new iPhone 5 is coming out. I really don’t give a shit, as long as I can get porn while sitting in the parking lot waiting for my kids to get out of school, I’m happy. There’s a girl out there with Elils’s signature on her cooter, so shout out to her ass! Ellismania.com is cranking out more fight available for your viewing pleasure like the Andrea vs. Bently fight and then boner producing tonsil hockey match. All the Canadian’s just went, HOCKEY! I FOOKING LOVE HOCKEY EH! I’m just kidding, you guys don’t have full internet yet, it’s ok, someday you will. Rawdog may or may not go to an awesome dinner party with Ellis because he will playing with himself, his mouth harp, and making robot phone sex with his latino love. Speaking of his Spanish Fly, he got her some of the shittiest gifts a guy could get her, cards, a robot toy, and some other shit I didn’t hear because I was laughing too hard.

Porn starlet Stoya (@Stoya) was on the show today and her interview whent great, period! She was very nice, polite, and didn’t have one rude outburst, period! She talked about some vagina replica, boobs, threesomes, DP, and general experiences in the industry, PERIOD! In fact I might say that this was the best porn star interview ever, P E R I O D!! Oh and she was a bit stinky. Russia has found a Wooly Mammoth and is trying to clone it to make a massive army of Wooly Mammoth riders to move westward and take over some other European country that has too many v’s in its name. Good luck Russia, glad you found something to do with all that radiation at Chernobyl. Jason, Tully, and Josh are still plugging their Instagram accounts but while your there don’t forget to follow yer mum on Instagram at @IsThatHerVaginaOrACatThatGotRunOverByATruck, OH!

EllisFam Interviews

Posted on September 12, 2012 by Az_RedDragon

I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

The Gauntlet (@WVGauntlet)

Where do you live? Charleston, West By God Virginia
What is your occupation? Cashier at a gas station in the mu’fuckin ghetto.
Tell me a little about yourself. I play guitar in a band, The Gauntlet, we will be promptly taking over the world as soon as we find some rock n rollas who can hang with us. Oh, I’m also Irish, so apply all stereotypes.
How long have you listened to TJES? Shit I don’t know… 4-5 years? Shout out to pot-marijuana!
How did you discover TJES? I remembered him from his days as a skateboarder… Pretty sure I heard Demolition Radio once or twice with him on it, then on & off until Bubba went terrestrial & Ellis fucked his radio face.
What keeps you listening to TJES? That’s probably a better question for my psychologist.
Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? I’m definitely more open-minded in every aspect of my life. I’m just able to deal with shit more even-keeled, I remember all the inspiring monologues from the barren Tully-less Ellis-Rawdog days & his speeches about fighting through whatever bullshit gets thrown at you.
Is there anything else you would like to share? Yes. These goddamned herpes, with ALL of YOU.)

Juan (@Lugoman43)

Where do you live? San Antonio, TX
What is your occupation? I work at the corporate offices of a grocery chain down here called HEB. We’re kind of a big deal.
Tell me a little about yourself. I’m just a normal guy, working for the weekend. I enjoy college and pro football, basketball, running and the outdoors (so, much so that I’ve been known to throw a round of Frisbee golf or two every now and then). I take pride in having a year-round tan. But, that might be because I’m Mexican (shout out to @JustJ210).
How long have you listened to TJES? I started listening to Ellis when he was talking between songs on Octane. I guess around 2005?
How did you discover TJES? I used to have a job where I drove around checking prices at Wal-Mart, all over South Texas. So, being in the car all day, I bought a Sirius Starmate4. I was thumbing through the stations and I heard this guy, with a funny accent, introducing an AFI song. You could tell he was trying his hardest NOT to tell you to change the station, so instead of suggesting that, he would tell a story about a frog. The story had nothing to do with the song playing in the background, but it was extremely entertaining. I guess I’m easily amused. Well, yeah, I totally am (shout out to @BitPimps). He mentioned Faction and that he knew Tony Hawk. I listened to The Tony Hawk Show that afternoon and soon after that, Ellis had his own time slot. The rest is history. And to those new to the show, the ONLY thing that has changed about TJES is the amount of “buttons” and Jingleberries songs.
What keeps you listening to TJES? If it’s not the continued abuse of Raw Dog, it’s gotta be the continued abuse of Raw Dog. Which I’ve NEVER figured out how many stars the Radio Gods had to align to create this radio gold. Honestly, I guess it’s because I’ve listened for so long, I feel like these guys are friends (DING!). The sheer honesty Ellis gives and the dumb shit he says, ESPECIALLY his monologs (shout out to @FattRedDragon!), keep me interested. It still gives me chills when someone calls in to tell Ellis how he’s changed their lives.
Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? Of course!! If it’s not from me saying, to people that don’t listen, “Oh, today, Ellis said….,” all the way to my girlfriend now saying “Truck Yeah!”, The Ellis Show has been a major part of my life. Harden the fuck up is not a saying; it’s a way of life. I wasn’t an athletic person when I was younger. But, now that I’m 32, I feel like I’m in the best shape of my life. If I’m not running 5K’s, or playing a pick-up game of basketball, I’m doing push-ups or sit-ups just to get my blood moving. Ellis made me realize that age is nothing but a number.
Is there anything else you would like to share? Red Dragons.

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 9/11/2012

Posted on September 11, 2012 by bitPimps 中

Go Cullen, go Cullen, it’s yo birfday

It’s a NYC Tuesday! Let’s first get the 9/11 date out of the way. While your hearts may be feeling heavy today, your hearts should also be filled with pride. On that day, you watched ordinary people turn into heros, and you also saw most of the world standing behind the USA. Crazy man, crazy shit. Okay, let’s move on, @Cullensaidthis turned 36 today, so happy birthday to the Backbone of Faction and half of the @Jingleberries! Tully came in with yet another spot on observation, Rawdog looks like the Notre Dame logo when he’s fighting – that old-timey, fisticuffs style. And a caller actually had an observation as well, he looks like Sex Machine when he turns into a vampire, from the movie From Dusk Till Dawn.

Girls when they see Will in action.

Pendarvis was helpful to a couple chicks that were on the radio, he parked their car for them and now he might be getting some poon for his kindness. However, instead of going out with some chicks, he took Cullen out for a steak dinner – no word on if he got to first base or not. But Will did get an opportunity to make some poor waitress nervous, but I assume he didn’t get to take it to the next level where he follows her home in his car and flashing his lights. Jude is in NYC as well, so he stopped by the show today and apparently lookin’ and smellin’ all good & shit for the fellas. Why do fat people have black necks and bad breath? Diabetes, that’s why.

When Rawdog appeared with his shirt off.

Lance Bass of N’Sync fame was on the show today, I’m not real sure why, but hey – there he was. He’s getting into radio and guys’ butts. HEYOH! Actually, he seems like a pretty cool dude and his appearance on the show went well. Right after that, another surprise guest stopped by the show today, Robb Flynn of Machine Head. He’s into wake boarding and sweet licks. Just like Lance, he seems like a cool dude and his appearance on the show went well too. The world renowned Tony Hawk made a short stop on the show as well, TH talked about the TH TH (Tony Hawk Town Hall) that went on yesterday. He’s into skateboarding and cheeseburgers. Chris Brown got a new tattoo. He’s into beating women’s asses and shitty tattoos. Rawdog, sans shirt mind you, interviewed some Chippendales dudes about cocoa butter, workouts, nutrition, and cock. He also took a picture with them that you should definitely see, it’s on his Instagram. By the way, he’s into circle jerks and planetariums.

LA stinks like shit and rotten eggs lately, and I’m left wondering how people are just noticing that LA stinks like shit? They’re trying to blame it on the Salton Sea, but I’m not so sure about that. My theory is that your mom is wearing a dress and that’s what’s been making LA and neighboring states stink like shit and rotten eggs for over 40 years. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 9/10/2012

Posted on September 10, 2012 by bitPimps 中

You wanna go to the planetarium, you say?

It’s Monday, it’s the start of a week of TJES in NYC, droppin’ BOMBS on your moms. Why do people get all dumb when traveling to another country? If you ask me, or even if you don’t as me, my answer is the same: because that bitch needs a load to the face. Ellis needed a phone charger, so obviously he checked a strip club and then a jerk-off booth because that’s probably where one would find a phone charger, am I right? However, he didn’t feel like jacking off so, he’ll go back tomorrow and give us a report. Back in LA, Rawdog went to a planetarium with his girlfriend – it sounded horribly boring, but apparently they had a pretty good time – they also had missionary sex. Good times, good times. Ellis’ daughter had accidentally gotten one of Katie’s t-shirt’s from the wash and to be funny, she wore it in front of her. The t-shirt said, “I love Satan” and everyone had a good laugh until it was time to drop Devin off at her mom’s house. By this time, everyone had forgotten she was still wearing the t-shirt, things didn’t go well when mommy saw the shirt.

Pendarvis doing buttons is as cute as OMG!

One thing that nobody knew about this trip to NYC, the trip is for Tully to promote his new coffee table book of artful cock photos. This took everyone by surprise, even Tully, just not the monster truck voice guy on the radio – mainly because this book does not yet exist. Since Will Pendarvis made the trip to NYC and Backbone is in-house, it only makes sense to have Will re-do all the buttons for the show. He re-did the “POOOOOOOOP”, “You should just fuckin’ smile and blow me”, “Well puke on my dick”, “Hard pussy on your ass”, and “Shut that cunt’s mouth before I come over there and fuck start her head”, and “ah delicious cum on the ground, ahhhbllaauuhhhggg” buttons. It was partially disturbing yet full on hilarious. Ellis isn’t nearly as angry as he used to be, Rawdog doesn’t express his anger to a point of fault, so smart guy in the room (Tully) looked for the middle ground where Rawdog get’s a chance to vent his anger. And BOOM! We got our first Rawdog “I’m fucking angry” rant session, which was more emo than angry. He needs work, more angry work.

Shit’s pretty much normal around here.

Some dude fell out of a moving car, got ran over, people stopped to help, he got up and ran towards one of the stopped cars, opened the back door and tried to pull a kid out… he was on PCP. That PCP shit, it makes fucking superheros. High profile guest on the show today, guitar sick cunt Steve Vai stopped by, and if you don’t know who he is, you’re probably younger than most of us. Ellis, in all his refinement, couldn’t help but notice how big Vai’s hands are and asked if he could swim good with those flippers. HA! That’s just one of the things I love about listening to Ellis interview famous people. Stacy Peralta made a quick stop by the show, he’s a skateboarding legend. And again, if you don’t know who he is, you’re probably old enough to be raped, and young enough to press some serious charges. Scott Greenstein, President and CCO of Sirius XM made super brief stop by the show as well, and if you don’t know who he is, don’t worry about it – only Sirius XM employees know if he really exists or not. Hey, did you know your mom tried to get your sister on birth control because she was following in mommies footsteps? Yup, she did. Your mom walked into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist: “Can I get some birth control for my 10 year old daughter?” The pharmacist said, “You have a sexually active 10 year old daughter!?” Your mom then said, “Sexually active? Hell no!, She just lies there and cries most of the time”. OH!