Do you feel run down? Do you feel like you keep trying to run away but get no where? Do you feel useless? It’s probably because you ain’t got no legs Lieutenant Dan! But at least you don’t have an awful Chinese dude comb over, unless your an old Chinese dude with no legs, then your just fucked. Boxing isn’t what it used to be, that’s what Ellis says after watching boxing highlights from way back. The dudes that fought were more intense, harder, rougher, and didn’t stop until they couldn’t get up again. Those were the days when men were men and concussions were for pussies. Ever wonder what its like to flog the bishop in a tiny box in middle of a big city? Oh yeah, I forgot who was reading this, let me rephrase. Ever wonder what its like to beat your meat in a pay booth? First you go up some stairs, then put a couple bucks in the machine, the window goes up, and fap fap fap fap fap fap, and then ask for your change back. Or you can spend fifty bucks and get to know the overweight black woman with huge areolas and stretch marks. But on the plus side, she’ll let you touch those gigantic boobies, for a fee of course.
Some dude has the worlds largest biceps and looks ridiculous, he probably can’t even fit into a jack off booth. A dude in New York got randomly stabbed in the ass at a deli, that’s just plain old fucked up. Will made a great new game about New York where the contestant guesses the number in the statistic and the other guy guesses over or under. Simple enough, Ellis won, and now everyone that doesn’t live in NY will continue to not live in NY. Shits expensive and you might get shanked in the brown eye. My app fucked up and then it came back with them saying something about Oprah, so in the end, thank you Sirius App, without you I would have had to hear about that bloated sea cow and the half assed projects her dumpling eating hole is trying to put out.
The new iPhone 5 is coming out. I really don’t give a shit, as long as I can get porn while sitting in the parking lot waiting for my kids to get out of school, I’m happy. There’s a girl out there with Elils’s signature on her cooter, so shout out to her ass! Ellismania.com is cranking out more fight available for your viewing pleasure like the Andrea vs. Bently fight and then boner producing tonsil hockey match. All the Canadian’s just went, HOCKEY! I FOOKING LOVE HOCKEY EH! I’m just kidding, you guys don’t have full internet yet, it’s ok, someday you will. Rawdog may or may not go to an awesome dinner party with Ellis because he will playing with himself, his mouth harp, and making robot phone sex with his latino love. Speaking of his Spanish Fly, he got her some of the shittiest gifts a guy could get her, cards, a robot toy, and some other shit I didn’t hear because I was laughing too hard.
Porn starlet Stoya (@Stoya) was on the show today and her interview whent great, period! She was very nice, polite, and didn’t have one rude outburst, period! She talked about some vagina replica, boobs, threesomes, DP, and general experiences in the industry, PERIOD! In fact I might say that this was the best porn star interview ever, P E R I O D!! Oh and she was a bit stinky. Russia has found a Wooly Mammoth and is trying to clone it to make a massive army of Wooly Mammoth riders to move westward and take over some other European country that has too many v’s in its name. Good luck Russia, glad you found something to do with all that radiation at Chernobyl. Jason, Tully, and Josh are still plugging their Instagram accounts but while your there don’t forget to follow yer mum on Instagram at @IsThatHerVaginaOrACatThatGotRunOverByATruck, OH!