Evening, bitches. Some day you are going to die, and there is not a god damn thing you can do about it. One silver lining is that you can choose what exactly you leave behind so that people will look at something one day and say “Oh yeah, that guy.” When Ellis dies he is afraid they are going replace him with Rick Thorn on Faction. That is a good question though: just how long will Faction play replays if Jason dies of a heroin overdose? One, two weeks?

Jason started rattling off about how True Religion jeans and how the people who wear them are uncool kooks who have no sense of fashion. I must be cool as hell because I’ve never heard of True Religion jeans outside of the show. Either that or where I live is truly the backwoods of fuck all nowhere and that fad just hasn’t reached us yet. But hey, fuck you at least it’s not Canada. Oh! Ellis has turned over a new leaf on Instagram, deciding that anyone being hateful or negative gets an automatic block. And it seems to be working because all the comments I saw on his IG today were people crawling over eachother to climb into his ass like Sam Ruben. Oh yeah, Sam Ruben called in because he must have been running low on Jason Ellis ass cologne and needed to take a quick dip to rejuvenate his annoying ass. I do enjoy how the guys are calling him on his bullshit more often now, and he’s becoming a punching bag on the show even if he is an annoying windbag.

Freddie Roach got kicked in the motherfucking chest. So while in China, preparing the next who gives a shit boxing match, Freddie shows up to the gym and there was some dispute about what time they were allowed to train and the other guys were still there. Words were exchanged, Freddie in some shape or form called the guy a Mexican, and the dude kicked him in the chest. For any normal dude, this may seem like a reasonable reaction. Freddie Roach, however has Parkinson’s disease and it doesn’t matter if he makes pussy licking gestures to your mom, you don’t kick the dude in the chest. This spurned a topic on race and racial slurs. Josh, ever the pussy in his white guilt, thinks nobody should ever call other people names based on their race. Even jokingly! Unless you aren’t white. Then it’s ok of course. Which brings me of course to the Gangster Hotline, which you can call and start some shit, N bomb.

After the break the guys all took a psycho test. Gauging just crazy Jason is, based on a test a psychologist came up with. They never got to the results, but I think I heard something about having to get results back at a later date. You know who is fucking crazy? David Blaine. Ok, maybe he isn’t as crazy as he is annoying and phony. But he blew Ricky Gervais’ mind with a trick where he stuck a needle through his arm and Ricky was all “Daaavid, ‘ave yoo gone MENtal guvnah?” David Blaine sounds like he has had his jaw wired shut according to Tully, and really anyone who listens to him. Tully knows magic, his spidey sense started tingling and he felt an enormous psychic force telling him Dominick Cruz was about to call.

Dominick Cruz called in! For those of you who don’t know, Dominick is the bantamweight champion in the UFC. For the past 2 years though, he has been out with a knee injury, of which he is now recovered. He will be defending his belt finally against Renan Barao at UFC 169. They talked for a while about his knee, and his stint doing commentary for the UFC while he was on the DL. Dominick and Ellis have a longstanding bet to be carried out where Ellis needs to punch him in the face. The standards were set, after Dominick’s fight, he is going to give Ellis 2 minutes to punch him in the face. If Ellis punches him, Domonick has to….well I don’t remember, but if Dominick avoids him, Jason will let a Monster Energy girl tattoo Domonick’s name on his ass. The guys joked that Ellis’ ass is going to end up being like a bathroom wall in a legendary rock venue or something. It was fun, we all laughed, you should have been there.

I’ve fought it guys. I’ve held vigilant against the cruel fate dealt to me time and time again. I waged what I felt was a civil battle, standing up for what I thought was right. What I believed was right. But there is a point where the whole world seems to be jamming it’s metaphorical dick in your literal ass. New Music Tuesday was once again pushed to Wednesday, and I can’t help but think that at this point, they are just fucking with my brain. So with a heavy heart, I bring to you a recap of New Music Tuesday.

• Some blinky bloopy shit that Rawdog swears is really good.
• Justin Bieber dropped a single called “PYD” or, “Put you down.” If you listened closely, you could hear the sound of hymens popping across Midwestern middle schools.
• Colbie Caillet dropped her cutesy bullshit once more like the button she is.
• Lorde, the 16-year-old Kiwi with a voice of silken gold cashed a ginormous check to support her future heroin addiction for her work on the Hunger Games soundtrack.
• Five Finger Death Punch is still finding success with the Nickelback Cookie Monster routine that gets the dudebros as wet as a cat in the rain.
• Dave Grohl saved the good shit for Foo Fighters with some new bullshit.
• Some rapper wrote a song called Versace where he repeated Versace over and over again because he is neither talented or imaginative.
• Some band called Death! Death! Die! released a song called Will! (The Government) Which I think was an instrumental track, because either there were no vocals, or they were so low in the mix I couldn’t hear them at all.

Kanye West released a music video of his new song where Kim Kardashian is riding on him naked, reverse motosaki style. She kind of just lays there while either him or the studio effects bounce her around, much like the actual footage of her having sex on camera. She is kind of the queen of doing nothing, and at this point Kanye is pretty much her last crutch on staying relevant five years from now. That and the inevitable child support battles that will be sure to tear the normal childhood away from little North West’s tiny hands. But hey, she’s got huge tits and a ton of money to spend on personal trainers and I’d totally let her rag doll it for a night so there ya go.

Lastly, Tully read a blog post from our very own, @JenniMazky about how great Ellisfam is. As always, Jenni’s writing is flawless and captured the thoughts and feelings that the rest of the mongrels in Ellisfam can only dream of putting into words. We really are just monkeys throwing bricks at a foam alphabet puzzle compared to her, so I encourage you to go read her work, because she has a passion for what she does. We love you Jenny, thanks for making us look like we have our shit together.

Welcome, all 12 of you, to the Wednesday recap of TJES. Show started off pretty rapid fire jumping from topic to topic so I will try and relay to the best of my attention span and see just how much of a fuck I give. Right off the bat, Jason got a call on his phone from the boss of Sirius (Scott Greenstein, maybe?). Apparently the boss doesn’t know what time the show starts, or maybe he just wanted to call and wish the guys good luck and let them know we are all counting on them like our pal @bitPimps does every day…Wait a god damn second…I think Scott Greenstein is bitPimps! Or bitPimps is Scott Greenstein! You shifty bastard, you couldn’t fool me for long.

There’s a typhoon going on in the Phillipines, and it was on the TV in the studio and the camera was all shaky. This reminded Ellis of how he was watching porn the other day and for no reason whatsoever, the video got blurry during some boning. Seriously, porn camera guy? What needed focusing? You had one job: hold the camera while these people slam their organs together and hold open their orifices for extended periods of time and go home. You fucked up bro. Speaking of porn, remember that bullshit bill in the works in California about making porn stars wear goggles to prevent an AIDS load to the face? Joanna Angel needs to jump on that early and corner the market on all the goggle related porn such as public pools, science labs and 1920’s roadster race tracks. Ellis says that even the condom laws are bullshit because the women are going to break their vaginas from all the friction condoms cause during coitus. You slam a chick with a condom on for an hour, she’s gonna start feeling more like muffler than a vagina.

Time to get serious motherfuckers. Jason has been feeling like he is losing his grips on shit because he smokes weed every day (Heyy yayyy yayee yay). So he is gonna do a 30 day sober stint and just clear it out of his system before he feels like he is out of control. Jason has had a history of going off the rails with drugs and alcohol and making bad decisions, but to me this time seems different than other sober stints he’s had. This one, he is catching early on and nobody but him is telling him to do it. And ya know what, Jason? That means you’re not a fucking junkie. You are doing a responsible thing stepping away. Hey, we all need a break from shit every now and then, be it from weed, beer, masturbating with a rubber band around your cock we all get what you are going through. This is the most mature and grounded “I need to be sober for a while” Jason I have ever seen and nobody is sweatin’ you dude. Good news, if you can get through 30 days and not break down, congratulations you’re not a junkie. Jason sweats it a little harder because he wants to be #1 more than anything in the world, and he is convinced being sober and getting on his best game is going to get him there. He is tired of hearing his name and saying “Who?” He wants to be the man. I may not be OG ellisfam, but I am stoked to be able to say I was backing this dude from the early days so I can act like I’m better than people.

@KevinKraftSucks AKA Cumtard, AKA Cock Garage AKA Cumfat AKA Cumtard the Cumtardian from the sector Cumtard was on the show today. And promoting shit for his broke ass! He is promoting his new app Freaky Scenes, a photo filter app with horror and science fiction themes. Very Cumtard. Anyway, you know the rules if you want to come plug your shit on TJES: You gotta get bit by some shit or get shocked. Reptile Outpost to the rescue bringing angry lizards galore to bite his nipples and genitalia. Cumtard had to answer trivia questions (some I noticed were ones from games cumtard had put together when he was the producer) and if he got them right, he could plug his shit, and if he got them wrong he got bitten and then he could plug his shit. If you have on demand and you want to hear some of the more high pitched screams I’ve heard come from Kevin, I recommend checking it out. And go spend $0.99 on his app, that dude needs money. Also check out his podcast, Mad Scientist Party Hour I’ve never heard it but I’m sure it’s great.

Lastly, the show ran out of time yesterday for NMT, so once again we got to hear New Music Wednesday! Wilson came in to finally record a NMW song, calling Rawdog an empty, soulless Jew. New Music Tuesday sucks as bad as New Music Wednesday, have a great night fuckers!

Evening, you bags of dicks. Sorry, I’m just trying out this nickname thing Ellis was talking about at the beginning of the show. I think Bag of Dicks looks good on you. Maybe not. How about Baby Bag of Dicks? No? Alright let’s get to the show because this joke isn’t working. Jason started talking about The Edge from U2, and how he was edgier when he first started. Rawdog doubts that he was ever Edgy at all, and Tully backed him up and said he just had to out-stupid Bono. Bono got his nickname from some young ruffians who through a series of nicknames and renames he settled on Bono Vox which translates to Good Voice. Because he’s a prick. Ellis asked why they called Magic Johnson ‘Magic’, and Tully said the guy who gave him AIDS probably names him that BECAUSE THAT DUDE HAS HAD AIDS FOR 30 YEARS AND IS STILL ALIVE MAKING WACKY COMMENTARY DURING BASKETBALL SEASON.

Joanna Angel has a new fleshlight if you’ve ever wanted to know what the inside of her vagina feels like. She asked Ellis to tweet and Instagram about it, but he feels weird about throwing that stuff up there these days. It’s one thing to talk about it on the show and another to throw it up where one of his kids or their friends could see. She is going to be on the show tomorrow though with a friend to do some shit so she’ll be able to plug it. Chances are, if you want a Joanna Angel fleshlight, you are already looking at things online that tell you Joanna Angel has a signature fleshlight.

Ellis has a new trainer, but it’s really his old trainer, Rob Garcia. He also has a new manager, because when you want to be the best you’ve got to pay for that shit. He says if you pay for the best training, you motivate yourself to go more. Same thing goes for therapists, you book it and if you don’t make it you have to pay. The same can also be said about Magic Johnson’s AIDS treatment.

The new Death! Death! Die! album is almost here, and the guys once again talked about the songs on the album which include one song dedicated to Wilson Pendarvis and another featuring Everlast. Once again, they jerked you off until got that little lump in your stomach when you are about to cum and they just let go and punched you in the balls and didn’t play anything. They want to get Bert McCracken or Everlast in to debut the songs, and they also want to fuck with us as much as possible.

You’ve got to do little things to make yourself a little better each day. Jason is going to the gym, Tully is planning on going to the gym, Katie is getting a new haircut and Josh is trying an exfoliating technique. Rawdog is just full of little nuggets(No pun intended) of wimpy little blehhh. He’s got little pieces of pumice in a pomade and his girlfriend is rubbing it all over his doughy naked body and then they do it.

The mysteries surrounding the whereabouts of Bill The Scorpion all but died when the guys moved out of Swinghouse. We all hung our heads as the door shut, thinking that one member of the show staff had not made it out of the studio. He escaped from a Chinese take-out box and scurried off into a world of adventure, baby killing, faggot gook slaughtering and banging bitches. Lo and behold! Like the herpes scars on your mom’s lip Bill the Scorpion has returned. Bill found his way into one of Will’s many boxes and hitched a ride to the new Hollywood studio to play Stump The Scorpion. Wilson asked Bill some questions and Tully and Rawdog had to figure out if he knew the answer to the questions. The thing about the scorpion is, he is so hostile and violently racist it’s hard to get an answer out of him in between his stories about fucking dead babies out of a bird that was flying by. Rawdog thinks Liz Taylor is hot, and Bill says he’s fucked cockroaches better looking. As angry as he is, Bill seems to know his shit.

Barack and Michelle Obama are totally into fisting. Which makes sense because dvansvnwvodvnv obamacare afosdvnsvuion fuck yourself with obvious jokes.

Onnit sent over a new zombie bell, and the guys were pumped on it. I know I’d be pumped if someone sent me one of them. Those guys make amazing products and the Zombie/primal bells are probably the coolest way to throw a fucking kettle bell around. Now is as good of a time as any to remind you fucking dicks that NoYouAre is having a contest sponsored by Onnit where you could win one of these kickass Primal bells so get your ass on that! Remember, all of the answers can be found on NYA or the Onnit website.

Hollywood should knock it off with all of the trilogies because they rarely have enough gas to make a good third movie or a second for that matter. The problem with that though is that Hollywood doesn’t give two shits about reviews or making good movies, they care about asses in seats. Most people will see a movie, like it, and then will go see the 2nd, 3rd, 50th version of it because it has the name attached to it. (i.e. , aw)

The guys played the game where they have to guess what celebrity returns the most google search results. This time it was the shared names edition. Chad Reed beats Chad Muska and Chad Kroeger (Red Dragons), Papa John is Bigger than Papa Smurf, Mr. Clean wipes the floor with Mr. T (I’ll go ahead and punch myself in the dick for that) and Lou Diamond Phillips is the most famous Lou. Lou Gosset Jr. sadly did not do enough Iron Eagle movies to make a dent in any of these categories.

Early in the show, the guys sent Vanessa out to get donuts. Towards the end of the show, the guys noticed the donuts had still not arrived. Wilson became very heated with Vanessa saying he doesn’t have time for women and their donut talk, and passed her off to Jetta. Once the donuts finally arrived, the guys brought Vanessa in to defend herself. She says the GPS she put the address on didn’t give her the name and she was calling Will to find out the name of the place. Of course, being the misogynistic bastard that he is, Will screamed at her that he didn’t have time for her donut talk and called her a slut. (Not Really). It turns out the donuts she got were from a place Jetta looked up and not only were they delicious and not only were they succulent, but they were vegan and gluten free. They are called Faux-Nuts, like what Lance Armstrong has. Will and Rawdog thought they were disgusting because they are healthy. Basically Will hates Vanessa, and just the sound of her voice sets him off.   But at the end of the day, Will needs to check his anger and maybe seek some professional help regarding the way he looks at women getting him donuts.

Ok, I’m tapped out. GO CHECK OUT OUR CONTEST. IT’S SPONSORED BY ONNIT. WE FUCKING RULE.

What a vacation! The show was on vacation, I was on vacation it was magical. The only real shitter on any vacation though is if you have kids, and they kind of command all of your attention. But it’s sweet because they are the light of your life blah blah blah. The show opened up today talking about those little screaming shit machines we have to do everything for. Tully’s dude is almost 2 now, and Tully is trying to teach him to toughen up a bit. According to Tully’s uncle, our dear Tully used to be a spoiled brat as a kid, so he wants to pass on a little toughness onto his kid, and that means not catering to his every whim whenever he throws a little hissy fit. Tully is going to be the Hammer to his little dude. Ellis, of course has more experience with this and talked about how especially when kids fall, you can’t react at all. Not even twitch. Because the second you show any reaction, the kid is gonna flip their shit. And the Hammer don’t flinch!

Benjamin Madden stopped by the show today for a while after a long time of being gone. At first, it was a love fest between Ellis and Bestie talking about how long it has been and how much they missed each other and it was all super gay. (Ding) Benji is a single man again and what we all want to know is JUST WHEN IS HE GONNA GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND SETTLE DOWN WITH A NICE GIRL. The guys bounced ideas off of him on how he could meet girls like a matchmaker, online dating or having people set him up. Benji isn’t sweating it though, he is waiting for that right woman to come along and make the sun and moon in his eyes align and magical star jizz fireworks will shoot off in the distance and Good Charlotte will come out with an acoustic ballad concept album.

Benji stuck around long enough to talk about the new Madden Bros. album which is dropping at some point that I didn’t write down, probably should have but there ya go. We will most definitely hear it on NMT when it does come out because Rawdog likes Benji and Joel better than he likes Tully. Benji is also a Washington Redskins fan, and Tully asked him what he thought about the possible name change. Benji is in favor of it, as are the rest of the guys. Shout out to white people for deciding what is offensive to minorities, we are doing a great job guys! An actual Native American called in to say he wasn’t offended by the name at all, but Ellis set him straight letting him know that it was indeed offensive to him and the name should be changed. The conversation spun around on what could be some possible new names for the Redskins, and all of the obvious ones are lame as all shit. Generals, Capitals, Senators…Why does the name have to reflect the city though? Why not Washington Wolverines? Or Washington Woodsmen?

Ellismaniacross is Ellis’ new brain child where he wants athletes of all sports and celebrities of all walks of fame competing on mini dirtbikes and doing crazy shit all over the place. It sounds like it’s still in blueprint phase and Ellis is going live on Ellismania more frequently now to get suggestions for the event because the fans are mostly awesome. The Death! Death! Die! album is finished! It is mastered, it is polished, it is lubed up and ready to be crammed into the ass of your mind. Except the whole part where they are still not letting us hear any of it. They talk and talk all the fuck about it and say “Hey it’s right here in front of me, I could just put it in and play a little bit” and then BAM! Song break, FUCK YOU, LISTENER SCUM!!!!!!

The reverse awards are fast approaching and it’s time to vote on some possible categories. The usual ones will stick around, Man of the Year, Woman of the year, Least smelly box etc.. Some new ones suggested by our very own @bitPimps are best guest on TJES (Mickey Avalon, Yucko the Clown, Sam Rubin) and best Wolfknife name (I nominate Shitman Fuckmeington) More to come on the Reverse Awards.

Ellis thought of a new bit where girls could call in and get advice from Ellis about embarrassing sex things that have happened to them. It sort of just turned into a barrage of small dick phone calls and the guys just rolled with it and got to the bottom of what girls really do when faced with a small penis. In my experience they laugh, and that’s the last sound they ever make. But surprisingly some of these girls know what’s good for them and just work with it, either sucking the dude off or giving him a wristie. Ellis said Katie and her friends were talking about it and they just have the dude chuck it in their dumpers, and their code for it is “Stick it in my dirty ass” because they were taken off guard by it and didn’t clean in preparation. In any case, if you are suffering from tiny penis, it sounds like women have a game plan for the shame between your legs.

A bunch of people got Wolfknife names, and I actually wrote a portion of them down!

Casey Lopez- Punchenator

Travis Lindsey- Neptune’s balls

(Missed it) Lindsey- Neptune’s vagina

Levi Thorn- Black Guys Wear Black

Travis Sonnenberg- Candles Seven-up

Brandon Hall- Fraggle Rock

Jay Bullenger- Tito’s Neck

Sorry if I missed you but they were going quick and didn’t repeat the names enough for me to give a shit. On Demand and so on.

Lastly, I’d like to end on a serious note and acknowledge that a true OG Ellisfam, @sleepyjoe_RDS recently found out he has cancer. Which if nothing, proves that fate can be a motherfucker, because Joe is a truly positive, genuine and friendly guy with a heart of gold that always finds a way to be optimistic about life no matter what is thrown at him. He shows nothing but love and loyalty to all Ellisfam and I’m sure to anyone he meets. He lives just an hour away from me and I had the pleasure of meeting him and as soon as I told him who I was, his genuine smile immediately broke across his face as he shook my hand. I’m sure I speak for everyone at NoYouAre and every single Ellisfam that reads this when I say: We are all behind you Joe. We support you, we love you, and if anyone in this world can reach down and muster up the courage and positivity it takes to beat this, it’s you. And if nothing else, you’ve got a legion of family to help pull you through. Chin down, hands up. Red Dragons.

#Ellisfam

Good evening mongrels, welcome to the Wednesday re-cap of TJES, I’ll try to go slow but then I’ll get excited and rip into it too fast, hurting us both. Jason opened the show talking about how much he loves fried chicken and cheese on top of cheese because that shit tastes even more delicious since he was abstaining from eating it all for the work-up to the fight. Problem is, he has gone so hard on the cheese that now he is feeling that cheese effect seep into his soul and it’s making him feel like shit. That, and 10 donuts (Ha.Ha. Knew you couldn’t do it) isn’t helping his body any. That’s the problem with being healthy: your body will eventually learn what all the bad shit is and then it punishes you for eating it.

Mom?

Ellis watched a documentary about human shit-stain Roman Polanski. The doc talked about the allegations he drugged and raped a 13 year old girl, and then fled the country to avoid prosecution. The really lame part of all of this is that the asshole is still making movies and people tend to excuse his abhorrent behavior because he’s a good director. So the conversation was this: Why does the world tend to excuse criminals and scumbags from their crimes and scumbaggery if they are exceptionally talented at something? And not just movies (Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, James Cameron) but also people in music and sports. The topic swirled around the NFL quite a bit because Tully,  the biggest NFL fan in the room says that there are a lot of criminals in the NFL currently and while they may not all be sexual deviants and murderers, it’s interesting how they can all keep their job while someone on you or I’s level would be fired straight away and not be able to find another job as easily. (Michael Vick in particular). I think it was Tully who said “If you are good at something you can get away with shit” which summed it all up pretty nicely. And it’s pretty much true that if you are rich, and you are in a position where you make a bunch of other people money those other people are much more likely to defend you and say dumb shit like “yeah, maybe he drugged and raped that girl but, ya know, he’s a really misunderstood guy and he just works so hard.” Yeah, fuck those people too.

Maria Kang posted a picture on facebook of her super fit body next to her three children with the caption “What’s your excuse?” as a motivational way to let people know it’s possible. So naturally, all of the fat chicks on Facebook became outraged because they love being fat and this chick is taking away all of their excuses. There are a lot of overweight people who see something like that as an attack on them personally. But here is the thing: if you see that picture and you feel personally attacked by it, guess what? You are not happy with your body, you are jealous of that person and you know it. Maybe stop spending so much time commenting on Facebook photos and get out and do some shit?

Speaking of hot chicks, Wilson’s girlfriend @Erika_Ash came on the show. If you didn’t know, she had to drop out of Ellismania because of a bad lung infection. Her doctor even told her she shouldn’t go to Vegas at all, but she wasn’t going to stay away. Red Dragons. However, while there she got drunk and smoked cigarettes which wrecked her voice and now she sounds like Tyrone the crackhead from The Chappelle Show. Actually, on second thought she sounded exactly like her boyfriend Wilson Pendarvis when he lost his voice and we got all of those golden “I like brown frosting” buttons. Jason teased Wilson about how he needs to take Erika out and Wilson got all peevish about it. Seriously, you could almost feel how red his face was through the radio while Jason was talking about how he needs to get someone hot like Erika on his dick to make himself feel better. The funny thing is, Erika wasn’t objecting to ANY of it, and Wilson was still shying away. WILSON! GO FOR IT BUDDY! Anyway, the point of Erika’s visit was to bring Ellis a framed picture of his ESPN cover with a nice message about how much the show means to her, and more importantly, how much Ellisfam means to her. A very fitting sentiment because….SEGUE!!!!(Segway, if you are reading this, Ellis)

As most of you know, @Cody_McCraw92 posted an extremely heartfelt and frankly tear-jerking essay on just what Ellisfam means to him. Well, Ellis read it, and Tully read it on air today. I’m not going to re-cap what the essay was about, not because I’m short on time which is usually why I skip things like that. I’m not doing it because if you are Ellisfam, or if you just want to know what Ellisfam is all about you need to READ IT. Seriously, nothing I say here will be able to convey the emotions and personal connections Cody wrote down for all of us to see. It takes a strong character to be able to put themselves in such a vulnerable position for their all of their friends to see. But, that’s Ellisfam. We wear it right out on our sleeve for each other every day, and Cody took it to another level. So again, read the motherfucker. Great job Cody.

Ellisfam

Someone on Combatlifestyle.com posted their account of Ellismania complete with some sweet up close pictures of the action if you are interested. Slam Magazine sent a list of questions for an interview with Ellis and we got to hear his answers on air. A lot of it was about Ye Olden Days of his skate career and his feelings on it. The whole thing turned into a reminiscent fun time about his old life. I personally love hearing these stories, even though I was never a skater. My whole skate career consisted of Tony Hawk video games. But I was awesome at them. With cheat codes. Anyway, Ellis always gets so nostalgic about his skate career and you can really hear his spirits lift when he gets going on old stories about coming from nothing and competing with his heroes and then doing drugs and acting crazy. It was pretty cool, but re-capping it in detail would take too god damn long so check it out on demand, I’m not your fucking mother.

Normally, as a rule, when New Music Tuesday gets pushed into Wednesday, I have a signature segment of just not covering it at all, and thus far I’ve been proud of what’s come out of that segment. Today, however, something awful happened. I was behind on listening because I was hanging out with my daughter, and as I moved through NMT I listened with feigned interest because hey, I don’t recap this shit anyway. But as soon as we got into the pick of the week, I was suddenly warped back within Sirius to the beginning of NMT. I thought “SHIT! Oh well, I bet it won’t happen again. And if it does, the show should be on demand any minute now, they usually post it around 6pm PST.” None of those things happened my friends. I listened to NMT THREE GODDAMN TIMES. So, I’m taking this as a sign from the universe that I need to buck up and cover NMT.

Twitter tells me that @Jen_E_Tipping got her Wolfknife name, we salute you! OBGYJen

It also tells me @FredoWin is named SummerPasta. We salute you!

Have a good week, fuckers! And seriously, go read Cody’s story you lazy fuck.