What a vacation! The show was on vacation, I was on vacation it was magical. The only real shitter on any vacation though is if you have kids, and they kind of command all of your attention. But it’s sweet because they are the light of your life blah blah blah. The show opened up today talking about those little screaming shit machines we have to do everything for. Tully’s dude is almost 2 now, and Tully is trying to teach him to toughen up a bit. According to Tully’s uncle, our dear Tully used to be a spoiled brat as a kid, so he wants to pass on a little toughness onto his kid, and that means not catering to his every whim whenever he throws a little hissy fit. Tully is going to be the Hammer to his little dude. Ellis, of course has more experience with this and talked about how especially when kids fall, you can’t react at all. Not even twitch. Because the second you show any reaction, the kid is gonna flip their shit. And the Hammer don’t flinch!
Benjamin Madden stopped by the show today for a while after a long time of being gone. At first, it was a love fest between Ellis and Bestie talking about how long it has been and how much they missed each other and it was all super gay. (Ding) Benji is a single man again and what we all want to know is JUST WHEN IS HE GONNA GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND SETTLE DOWN WITH A NICE GIRL. The guys bounced ideas off of him on how he could meet girls like a matchmaker, online dating or having people set him up. Benji isn’t sweating it though, he is waiting for that right woman to come along and make the sun and moon in his eyes align and magical star jizz fireworks will shoot off in the distance and Good Charlotte will come out with an acoustic ballad concept album.
Benji stuck around long enough to talk about the new Madden Bros. album which is dropping at some point that I didn’t write down, probably should have but there ya go. We will most definitely hear it on NMT when it does come out because Rawdog likes Benji and Joel better than he likes Tully. Benji is also a Washington Redskins fan, and Tully asked him what he thought about the possible name change. Benji is in favor of it, as are the rest of the guys. Shout out to white people for deciding what is offensive to minorities, we are doing a great job guys! An actual Native American called in to say he wasn’t offended by the name at all, but Ellis set him straight letting him know that it was indeed offensive to him and the name should be changed. The conversation spun around on what could be some possible new names for the Redskins, and all of the obvious ones are lame as all shit. Generals, Capitals, Senators…Why does the name have to reflect the city though? Why not Washington Wolverines? Or Washington Woodsmen?
Ellismaniacross is Ellis’ new brain child where he wants athletes of all sports and celebrities of all walks of fame competing on mini dirtbikes and doing crazy shit all over the place. It sounds like it’s still in blueprint phase and Ellis is going live on Ellismania more frequently now to get suggestions for the event because the fans are mostly awesome. The Death! Death! Die! album is finished! It is mastered, it is polished, it is lubed up and ready to be crammed into the ass of your mind. Except the whole part where they are still not letting us hear any of it. They talk and talk all the fuck about it and say “Hey it’s right here in front of me, I could just put it in and play a little bit” and then BAM! Song break, FUCK YOU, LISTENER SCUM!!!!!!
The reverse awards are fast approaching and it’s time to vote on some possible categories. The usual ones will stick around, Man of the Year, Woman of the year, Least smelly box etc.. Some new ones suggested by our very own @bitPimps are best guest on TJES (Mickey Avalon, Yucko the Clown, Sam Rubin) and best Wolfknife name (I nominate Shitman Fuckmeington) More to come on the Reverse Awards.
Ellis thought of a new bit where girls could call in and get advice from Ellis about embarrassing sex things that have happened to them. It sort of just turned into a barrage of small dick phone calls and the guys just rolled with it and got to the bottom of what girls really do when faced with a small penis. In my experience they laugh, and that’s the last sound they ever make. But surprisingly some of these girls know what’s good for them and just work with it, either sucking the dude off or giving him a wristie. Ellis said Katie and her friends were talking about it and they just have the dude chuck it in their dumpers, and their code for it is “Stick it in my dirty ass” because they were taken off guard by it and didn’t clean in preparation. In any case, if you are suffering from tiny penis, it sounds like women have a game plan for the shame between your legs.
A bunch of people got Wolfknife names, and I actually wrote a portion of them down!
Casey Lopez- Punchenator
Travis Lindsey- Neptune’s balls
(Missed it) Lindsey- Neptune’s vagina
Levi Thorn- Black Guys Wear Black
Travis Sonnenberg- Candles Seven-up
Brandon Hall- Fraggle Rock
Jay Bullenger- Tito’s Neck
Sorry if I missed you but they were going quick and didn’t repeat the names enough for me to give a shit. On Demand and so on.
Lastly, I’d like to end on a serious note and acknowledge that a true OG Ellisfam, @sleepyjoe_RDS recently found out he has cancer. Which if nothing, proves that fate can be a motherfucker, because Joe is a truly positive, genuine and friendly guy with a heart of gold that always finds a way to be optimistic about life no matter what is thrown at him. He shows nothing but love and loyalty to all Ellisfam and I’m sure to anyone he meets. He lives just an hour away from me and I had the pleasure of meeting him and as soon as I told him who I was, his genuine smile immediately broke across his face as he shook my hand. I’m sure I speak for everyone at NoYouAre and every single Ellisfam that reads this when I say: We are all behind you Joe. We support you, we love you, and if anyone in this world can reach down and muster up the courage and positivity it takes to beat this, it’s you. And if nothing else, you’ve got a legion of family to help pull you through. Chin down, hands up. Red Dragons.