Welcome, all 12 of you, to the Wednesday recap of TJES. Show started off pretty rapid fire jumping from topic to topic so I will try and relay to the best of my attention span and see just how much of a fuck I give. Right off the bat, Jason got a call on his phone from the boss of Sirius (Scott Greenstein, maybe?). Apparently the boss doesn’t know what time the show starts, or maybe he just wanted to call and wish the guys good luck and let them know we are all counting on them like our pal @bitPimps does every day…Wait a god damn second…I think Scott Greenstein is bitPimps! Or bitPimps is Scott Greenstein! You shifty bastard, you couldn’t fool me for long.
There’s a typhoon going on in the Phillipines, and it was on the TV in the studio and the camera was all shaky. This reminded Ellis of how he was watching porn the other day and for no reason whatsoever, the video got blurry during some boning. Seriously, porn camera guy? What needed focusing? You had one job: hold the camera while these people slam their organs together and hold open their orifices for extended periods of time and go home. You fucked up bro. Speaking of porn, remember that bullshit bill in the works in California about making porn stars wear goggles to prevent an AIDS load to the face? Joanna Angel needs to jump on that early and corner the market on all the goggle related porn such as public pools, science labs and 1920’s roadster race tracks. Ellis says that even the condom laws are bullshit because the women are going to break their vaginas from all the friction condoms cause during coitus. You slam a chick with a condom on for an hour, she’s gonna start feeling more like muffler than a vagina.
Time to get serious motherfuckers. Jason has been feeling like he is losing his grips on shit because he smokes weed every day (Heyy yayyy yayee yay). So he is gonna do a 30 day sober stint and just clear it out of his system before he feels like he is out of control. Jason has had a history of going off the rails with drugs and alcohol and making bad decisions, but to me this time seems different than other sober stints he’s had. This one, he is catching early on and nobody but him is telling him to do it. And ya know what, Jason? That means you’re not a fucking junkie. You are doing a responsible thing stepping away. Hey, we all need a break from shit every now and then, be it from weed, beer, masturbating with a rubber band around your cock we all get what you are going through. This is the most mature and grounded “I need to be sober for a while” Jason I have ever seen and nobody is sweatin’ you dude. Good news, if you can get through 30 days and not break down, congratulations you’re not a junkie. Jason sweats it a little harder because he wants to be #1 more than anything in the world, and he is convinced being sober and getting on his best game is going to get him there. He is tired of hearing his name and saying “Who?” He wants to be the man. I may not be OG ellisfam, but I am stoked to be able to say I was backing this dude from the early days so I can act like I’m better than people.
@KevinKraftSucks AKA Cumtard, AKA Cock Garage AKA Cumfat AKA Cumtard the Cumtardian from the sector Cumtard was on the show today. And promoting shit for his broke ass! He is promoting his new app Freaky Scenes, a photo filter app with horror and science fiction themes. Very Cumtard. Anyway, you know the rules if you want to come plug your shit on TJES: You gotta get bit by some shit or get shocked. Reptile Outpost to the rescue bringing angry lizards galore to bite his nipples and genitalia. Cumtard had to answer trivia questions (some I noticed were ones from games cumtard had put together when he was the producer) and if he got them right, he could plug his shit, and if he got them wrong he got bitten and then he could plug his shit. If you have on demand and you want to hear some of the more high pitched screams I’ve heard come from Kevin, I recommend checking it out. And go spend $0.99 on his app, that dude needs money. Also check out his podcast, Mad Scientist Party Hour I’ve never heard it but I’m sure it’s great.
Lastly, the show ran out of time yesterday for NMT, so once again we got to hear New Music Wednesday! Wilson came in to finally record a NMW song, calling Rawdog an empty, soulless Jew. New Music Tuesday sucks as bad as New Music Wednesday, have a great night fuckers!