Show Re-cap For Friday 4/6/2012

It’s Friday, it’s Good, and nobody gives a fuck – actually, Jesus might give a fuck, and several hundred million other people too, but not us. Am I right, or am I right? Seriously, answer that question below in the comments. Ellis got himself a bad motor scooter today, it’s an Aprilia, and according to Donald Schwartz, it’s better than a Ducati. Sounds like it was given to him by Donnie Schwitz, or more likely on loan to him.

As most everyone knows, Ellis is going to be signing copies of his book, but now he’s going to sign a few with whatever he feels like or is a good suggestion from fans. Then people that order a signed copy of the book have a chance at getting one of these “specially” signed copies of the book. I think the best of the bunch were: 1 book has the VIP number, 1 book has Rawdog’s number – and he shat bricks so in a trade to get that book off the market, he wrote down the names of the 2 other guys he jacked-off with in the same book with the VIP number! Check out the #BookSigning for more awesome suggestions.

Someone is giving enema’s to people, made of other peoples’ shit – you know, to cure some kind of bacterial something or another. Which is weird because I was always told that 2 shits don’t make a right. There was talk about old people driving, I think we all know what’s up with that – old people are dangerous drivers. Sometimes I think they’re more dangerous than a teen driving drunk.

The rest was jibber jabber about all sorts of little topics such as; Australia’s fucked up animals, Russia’s new anti-gay law, some chick supposedly misplacing her winning mega-millions ticket at a McDonald’s, some dude got drunk at a wedding reception and went around challenging everyone to a fight, Amanda Bynes getting arrested for DUI, some dude wanted to know how to meet women because he’s on the road a lot – apparently he hasn’t met your mother yet, and that major whore you call “mom” has perfected her latest sexual maneuver – called the minivan. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/3/2012

Roman MoroniWork has got me so fucking busy that I haven’t had a chance to listen to much of the show for the past 2 days, and let me tell you, it’s farggin bullshit, man! Martha Stewart’s grand daughter is named after @rude_jude? If that’s true, it’s fucking hilarious! Rawdog recently fantasized about winning the lottery (instead of getting all up in some chicks weewat) and one of the things he said he would do was to not do the show on a daily basis, but he would come back every now and then. What a nice guy, gracing us with his presence. Thomas Haden Church called the VIP line on the show today, only further increasing his awesomeness by providing even more evidence that he does in fact listen to the show on a pretty regular basis. He wants Ellis to drive his 600 HP Porsche around, he wants to stop by the show on a day where he doesn’t have to leave to go do other publicity, etc. This guys stock just keeps going up in my book.

Anyway, that’s all I have for today. Sorry the past 2 days have been pretty short, but like I said – I’m busier than whore on dollar day lately. And you know how busy that is, that’s why you never saw your mom, every day was dollar day for that slut. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 4/2/2012

Staycation is over and the show is back live, which means I’m gonna make your read this craptasticness. Talk quickly turned to getting licked where you shit, specifically dudes getting their asshole licked by their chicks. Which in turn went to two dudes actually have sex with each other, for just one night, and it not being gay. I don’t know how that’s possible, but there you go. And, still no solid date for EllisMania 8. I feel like this is the longest running joke in radio history. I guess if you live close enough to make the weekend trip it’s all good.

Rawdog got a new roommate, Jared, that he met off of Craigslist. I assume Rawdog will be murdered within a few months and there will be a movie about it on Lifetime before the year is out. Also, we found out that Kit Cope and Ellis have even more in common than previously thought – they both have decked female police officers! That’s pretty much all I got for you this time around. I think the last thing I heard was that it had been confirmed, your mom has gonorrhea. Sorry about that. OH!

Guess What?

CHICKEN BUTT! Fried in grease, want a piece?!

HAHAHAHAAA OMG I’m soooooooo funny gurl! Shooooo weeeee! Okay, that was a total exaggeration. I’m not really that funny, I stole that whole “chicken butt” joke, I’m not sure who came up with that one, I think it might have been Jesus. I mean, how can someone live up to that? No matter how hard I try, I just can’t top it. Or can I? Anyway, that’s not really the point behind this post. So now you’re sitting there reading this and in your head I can hear, “So, WTF? What is this post about? Are you going to try and make me laugh or what?” Well, I’m going to try to do just that, and I’ll tell you why I try to do just that.

My sense of humor has been called pretty much everything. Dark, twisted, rude, crude, dry, insensitive, derogatory, sexist, racist, negative, awesome, etc. But why do I try to make you laugh? Because it makes you feel good. And by making you feel good, I feel good. See? Me making you laugh can be for my own selfish reasons. Good selfish reasons though, we both gain from it. And I like to make people laugh or at least smile, I also like blow jobs but that’s neither here nor there (unless you give free, no strings attached blow jobs.)

So there you have it. You and me have a relationship together. It’s a “give and take” relationship, it’s even, we both benefit from it. Matter of fact, I might benefit a little more than you. And that’s only because any money your mom makes hooking goes to me and I’ll give her what I think she deserves. Also, I am not your daddy. Sure I’ve slammed that ditch pig you call a mother, but I made sure I always pulled out. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 3/26/2012

This is vacation week for the show. Ellis had 1 week worth of vacation left (as we were told) and had to take it before a certain date, or he would lose it. I think I remember Tully saying something about that live on-air so I don’t doubt it’s true. It’s worth noting though, Ellis must get 5-6 weeks of vacation or PTO. Assuming that Sirius XM’s employee vacation year ends before their fiscal year (which does happen in business), or that vacation can only be carried over 3-4 months after the end of their fiscal year, which should be December 31st.

At any rate, the show is on vacation this entire week, so you get “best of” shows and posts like this. One thing that will never change though is the fact that your mother sucks more dick than a Dyson sucks up dirt. OH!

Justin Bieber Is A Lady