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Show Re-cap for Friday 9/19/2014

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Hey motherfuckers! Ellis isn’t here today, well he is, sort of and so is Tully but they aren’t. He’s off somewhere goin fast and jumping shit and hopefully he’ll keep the shiny side up. Today’s show is a menagerie of prerecord stuff and old clips so I’m gonna do my best to recap this crazy cluster fuck.

Here’s a list of the segments we heard today, so sit back as you take a stroll through memory lane and enjoy the deep belly laughs and uncontrollable farts.

Ellis almost quit Sirius. Remember that one time. Sure glad he stuck around.

Ellis wants to be a fish. Rawdog is retarded.

Fun fart facts. Fartathon 2013.

Gabe Rudeger night club fight. Lying piece of shit.

Ellis mini ramp poo story on Tony’s show.

Girl with nice boobs tricked into Dude Am I A Slut.

Dingos dolphin orgy.

Crazy Chez dude that kept getting arrested for not paying for meals.

Kiss ass game. Katie, malice, and Kelly Shabari lipstick in butt.

Will got beat up by a murderer. Driving slow in fast lane.

Woman freaks over a lake.

To Pet A Predator with Joe Rogan.

The Tit Cobra Challenge. AKA The Canada Quiz.

Good uses for old people.

Well there you have it folks, a half assed recap for a half assed show, from my fingers to your eyeballs. I know I coulda done a better job but like yer mum always says, “glug glug gag cough gag spit gag glug choke gag” OH!

Show Recap for Friday 9/12/2014

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If we had feathers what would we be like? Would we fly like eagles or just realize that nobody can escape from the dreaded curse of male pattern baldness? Also how many people would kill themselves trying to fly off cliffs? Crazy how nature tends to weed out michael-keatonthe stupid. The guys talked a bunch about how Hollywood is turning actors into pussies and that’s why Mickey Roark is all mangled up from plastic surgery and has to box so his face can get beat back into recognition. I wasn’t paying much attention because that’s usually what happens when people start talking about Hollywood and actors. But on to something way more exciting, MMA! Everything was pretty much the standard punch kick wrestle talk except for a little Japanese bruiser named Rin Nakai who is fighting Miesha Tate. A Canadian guy who knows a stripping hypnotist named Hypnotizerca called in and asked if Jason knows him too. I believe he thinks that because all the Canadians know each other and they assume all of us Americans know all the other Americans too. Well Canada you’re wrong, there are way more of us and we don’t all have to huddle underground together for half the year. After such a good belly laugh at the expense of others they talked a originallittle about that wife beating cock knocker that is plastered all over ESPN. But more importantly than that, science has developed dude birth control! Now you never have to worry about dropping internal loads in that crazy bitches carnival and having her ass lie about being on the pill when she isn’t and then you getting stuck with a baby because she refuses to sit on the business end of a hanger. Score one for the guys!

Horse Force tickets are on sale now for their debut performance, Saturday October 25th at the Gramercy Theatre in New York City!
photo (1)The Palin family is back in the news but not for being incredible retarded or for fucking moose. This time they were in a Palin family brawl at a friends birthday party because on of the patrons was telling one sister how he’s like to put his hockey stick into her sisters goal. I think she got jealous because nobody wants to sink their puck in her net. This was a fantastic into for What’s The Dumbest Thing You’ve Ever Done? Here are some of the ones I bothered to write down, a dude broke ankle to cover lie about breaking his ankle, a guy shot himself, another guy on mushrooms wiped his ass so much it started to bleed, Cumtards tried to make a fist print in hot asphalt and got burned like your sister at prom, and another proud member of the man club for men drove His car into a lake while getting road head. At least she didn’t bite.

Shave a shark at sharksavers.org. Welcome back to a brand new segment that I am officially calling Christians Live Music Moments. Here he has taken live clips from concerts and television performances and isolated the vocals just 0058to show how good or horrible some singers really are. Which are good and which are bad? Hell if I know, you should’ve listened for that kind of detailed reporting but here’s a list of the acts mentioned. Hole, Rush, Nirvana, Kesha, Iron Maiden, Brittany Spears, The Who, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Nikki Minaj, Metallica, and for the finale, ladies and gentlemen, The King, Elvis Presley!

Arnold Schwarzenegger used to be the governor and like many governors do they get a portrait of themselves made so everyone can see it in the governor-schwarzenegger-portraitMuseum Of Portraits Of Govenors. The only thing about this though is that his portrait is six feet tall and there’s a smudge on it where there used to be a little picture of his then wife. But because he’s getting random trim on the daily he just colored over it with a sharpie. After this my app crapped out and I missed a bunch. With a bit of investigating I found out that they did some Wolfknife names, the only two I know of are Bitey McRabies and Bloated Sasquatch. We salute you! I bounced back in during the final calls, lucky me, and sat through the last 20 minutes of people not knowing if they were on the show or not. It was exciting but not as exciting as watching yer mum get ready for football season, OH!

Show Recap for Friday 8/29/2014

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What a mother fuckin ball busting week! This is the first show I’ve been able to listen to in Skateboard-Ramp-Failits entirety. Good thing too otherwise this recap would be even shittier. Ellis began his monologue saying that he remembered that he thought he couldn’t do a trick but he tried and then he did plus many more he didn’t think he could do then he was number one. That my friends is called inspiration, so grab a skateboard and be inspired. Just try not to break your dome in the process. Tully said his job isn’t to inspire but to crack jokes and read the New Yorker so we don’t have to. He’s doing a great job at it also. My job is to break shit and tell jokes about yer mum, and so far so good. Remember the Ellis hotel lesbian Wolfknife workout party? Well now it’s going to probably be moved to a gym so it will be the Ellis Gym Lesbian Wolfknife Workout Party. There’s some UFC fights this weekend, seems like I said this last Friday, just to be preemptive for next Friday, there will be some UFC fights that weekend too. Tully is going to spend part of his weekend watching shitty movies and loving them.

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Coywolf don’t give a shit. Coywolf will fuck you up. Coywolf will fuck your bitch and not call her again. Why? Because it’s a mother fuckin coyote wolf and is now taking over the north east, that’s fucking why!  Ellis and Tully did a bit of Faction music cleansing by deciding what songs shouldn’t be played in the four hours Ellis has control and what songs shouldn’t be on Faction all together. Unfortunately they took calls on some of the music and this again proved that the callers are idiots. Faction is a menagerie of music from rock to punk to hip-hop and most everything in between. If all they want is rock then listen to Liquid Metal, Octane, Lithium, Classic Rewind, or Classic Vinyl you fucking tool bags. I love listening to Faction because of the variety and not all the songs I like, but that doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t like it. Except that one song, that song is a pile of flaming shit.

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In Breaking UFC News the UFC is going to start their own year round random drug testing. majestic_pooping_wolf_640_01This will make a more level field for all competitors. Then they played Ellis jeopardy, hotdog won. I’m not going to elaborate on the game because we’ve all heard it before and if you haven’t then you suck. After the game they assigned more Wolfkinfe names. Again, if you haven’t heard this either then you double suck. But if you have then we salute you.

In yet another Breaking MMA News, Joe Soto will fight Dillinshaw tomorrow. The other dude pulled out due to health concerns. Mainly his pussy hurt too much and he was bloated from retaining water. Have you ever met a celebrity? Was it weird? Well if so then you’re not alone because today’s new bit was Weird Celebrity Encounters. Starting us off was Will with a story about Andy Dick trying tokingandy get into his car while he had his kids with him. Weird. Here is a summary of most of the other stories. Sebastian Bach thinks dudes are better with tits, Bruce Willis is a dick, Andy dick loves the bible, Shawn white can’t play poker for shit, Andy Dick is indestructible, some dude fucked some lesbian Disney kid, Tiger Woods doesn’t want you touching his fucking clubs, Lou Ferrigno yells so he can hear himself, Tony Yayo is an angry mother fucker, and one dude turned down a threesome with Ron Jeremy and yer mum because she had more body hair than Ron, OH!

Show Recap for Friday 8/22/2014

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Since you’ve been gone I can do whatever I want, I can see whomever I choose, I can eatimage (5) my dinner in a fancy restaurant, but nothing, I said nothing, can take away these blues. Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you. But now that you’re here it’s all good in the hood yo. Oh and today’s recap is brought to you by the tastey, delicious, beautiful bacon and dick torturing bacon splatter. Somewhere in the conversation on bacon Jason and Tully started talking about Kurt Russell, then Goldie Hawn, Kate Hudson, The Hudson River, Superman, and finally Kevin Bacon. See! Everything in life leads back to bacon. Tully saw Mia at the car dealership. I don’t know who she is but I guess she got famous by singing a song with ODB then he fucked her and now she’s fucking creepy Audi salesman at the Mercedes lot. Because Michael saw this sorta famous chick they brought back everyone’s favorite bit, Hollywood News. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon broke up. Who cares. Kim Kardashian’s shitty app got beat in jacksondownloads by Tom Hanks shitty app. Lindsay Lohan failed the ice bucket challenge because she got champagne dumped on her but nobody filmed. Michael Jackson threatened to throw shit snowballs at staff and leisurely pissed all around his house because he’s the mother fuckin king of pop and he’ll piss wherever the fuck he wants. Timberlake offended a bunch of bitch ass pussies on twitter. Rhianna is kicking ass and flickin the bean on Twitter, and Paul Walker is still dead. There’s moto this weekend so keep an eye out for that at a moto track near you. There’s also a UFC fight so keep an eye out for that at an, ummm a UFC track near you?

After the break Katie joined Ellis and Tully to talk about roller coasters and putting bacon in their mouths. But first, some news! A dude and his buddy kidnapped and robbed his fiancé but she used her engagement ring to escape, and after moving in with a long distance boyfriend in Texas some chick to killed him with

Bacon in your mouth!

Bacon in your mouth!

a romantic tub of flaming death. Tubs of flaming death are metal. Harley Morenstein of Epic Meal Time finally came in studio, and he did not come alone, he brought bacon. During the interview between mouthfuls of delicious crunchy bacon they talked about bacon, turkey bacon, Canadian bacon, bacon-kabobs, bacon creole, bacon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple bacon, lemon bacon, coconut bacon, pepper bacon, bacon soup, bacon stew, bacon salad, bacon and potatoes, bacon burger, bacon sandwich. That- that’s about it. If you like bacon check out Epic Meal Time on YouTube.

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Stripped Vocals, so hot!

Tully introduced a new segment called Super Creepy Real Life Stories. Today’s story is about a Russian guy with a collection of human sized dolls. The catch is that they were human sized because they were real humans. Almost. They were dead, fresh from the grave yard. Christian joined the party with his signature hit segment stripped vocals. Here are some of the highlights of the segment. Ronnie James Dio, Brad Delp of Boston, The Temptations, The Turtles, The Beatles, and midway through the segment Ellis invited Catherwood into the studio so he didn’t have to rock out alone in the hallway and coincidentally Christians CD started to malfunction. Coincidence or conspiracy?

After listening to Metallica’s worst song ever, the guys managed to get the CD fixed so we got to hear Lamb Of God, Morrisey, Layne Staley of Alice In Chains, and finally ending with Steve Perry singing Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing. Fucking beautiful. Wanna know what else is fucking beautiful? Fuck Line with Mike Catherwood. But that’s not what they did, 133009they played Who On The Show Is The Most Mexican. Some of the questions were, do you own any Raiders gear? Do you own any Dickies? Have you ever used avocados for anything but good? Have you ever used a check cashing service? Have you ever worn cutoff jeans for swim trunks? Do you like cilantro? Have you ever dated a chick with kid? Have you ever ate balonga in a tortilla? Do you pluralize words that shouldn’t be? If you answered yes to most of those questions then you might smell like tacos and tequila. Ellis and Katie are the most cholo with Jetta being the most obvious super white vanilla gringo on the show. After a barrage of mind numbing retardedry of phone calls Hotdogs ended the show with his weekend plans. He’s going to party, fix some shit, renew his medcard, and then he’s gonna fuck yer mum, LOVE IT!

Show Recap for Friday 8/15/2014

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I see you accidentally stumbled upon the Friday recap again, welcome. Today’s show started on a rather sad note, Jay Adams died last night in Mexico from a heart attack. We lmorn the loss of one of skateboarding’s godfathers. On a brighter note, Ellis fought Keith Jardine,  got gassed, got knocked down, and hacked up a couple lung cookies but he had an awesome time. Speaking of some awesome fighting skills, here’s Beiber hittin pads. I’m sure this is just a warm up. Either that or it’s his “time” and doesn’t think his Tampax can hold back the mighty flow erupting from his vagina. As mentioned yesterday Ellis got called out for the Ice Water Bucket Challenge so he decided to have Keith “Hollywood Hitter” Jardine punch him then have the shit poured on him but Keith faked the first punch and Ellis called for a redo and then it was all good. Ellis called out AJ, Rob Corddry, and someone else who isn’t dingo. I can’t remember but tumblr_inline_mqwrpaq1uo1qz4rgphere’s the video so you can figure it out for yourself. Ellis mentioned some dude who mentioned another dude that has hit a woman before and Ellis isn’t cool with dudes that hit women. Neither is NYA so if any of you other dudes that read this think it’s okay to slap your bitch up once in a while or show her whose boss or put that bitch back in her place with a shoe across the grill is mistaken. But if she stabs you with a knife I say go for it, otherwise just enjoy your sammich.

No matter how healthy or unhealthy your diet is, it’s mostly wood. Yummy. Christian came in studio with samples of terrible hip hop from celebrities who should never do hip hop. They were all terrible so if you want heres the list and you can go find them your self on the interwebz. I’m A Celebrity by Spencer Pratt, I Love You by Tila Tequila, Poppa Zow by K Fed, The Situation by The Situation, You Send Me by Brian Austin Green, Rappin Rodney by Rodney Dangerfield, City Of Crimes by Tom Hanks and Dan Akroyd, Freak Of The Week by Ron Jeremy?, Wise Guy by Joe Pesci, ? by LeBron James, Kobe by Kobe Bryant, I Know I Got Skills by Shaquille O’Neil, Right Now by John Sena, Beach Patrol by The Hulk and Hulkamania, and ??? by Floyd Mayweather.

Randy Couture came in studio and I missed the first bit and came in when Randy was talkin about some lady getting up in his face about something. I soon figured out that he was talking about Gym Rescue so I’m pretty sure I really didn’t miss much. Not only is Randy on Gym Rescue but he also got to bump knuckles with Stallone and talk fighting while filming the Expendables movies. Then they talked about people Randy punched, Machine_gun_catpeople Ellis punched, people that other people have punched. Then they talked about acting, actors, and acts that other actors have done. It was a fantastic interview with the Academy Award winning Oscar nominee, Randy Courture but unfortunately it was far too much to include here so you’ll just have to listen to the interview on the replay like all the rest of the common folk.

A 7 year old boy was bitten by a 5 foot Bull Shark in Lake Pontchartrain in Louisiana. I know you’re saying that the lake is brackish (half salt, half fresh) water so how can a shark be there? Here’s some knowledge that I’m droppin on your ass about sharks. Now that you have educated yourself, it’s time for everyone’s favorite game that can hardly be recapped but is hilarious to listen to, The Google Game! The entries were, Can Justin Bieber…, Can Mel Gibson…, Will Angelina Joli…, Is Danzing…, Has Hulk Hogan…, Was Kobe Bryant…, Is Seven Segal…, Is Dennis Rodman…, Does Tara Reid…, and finally Is Cher…

gif_punch-self-in-faceAfter the break Keith Jardine from Ice Bucket Challenge fame sat in with Tully and Ellis. They talked about the UFC and the upcoming fights and punching people in de face and getting punched in de face and everything else about punching and getting punched and then the show was over. It was exciting like watching yer mum try to figure out which fat roll the Cheeto fell into before the dog finds it, OH!