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Show Re-cap For Monday 7/2/2012

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I know what you are all thinking, where is @bitPimps? Why isn’t he doing the re-caps? Let me tell you all something you probably didn’t know, @bitPimps is a Russian Spy. I was surprised also, but apparently he has been caught by the US Government and is being interrogated as we speak. So for the time being I will be bringing you the Jason Ellis Show re-caps. Somebody fucked with the voice altemicationator and allegedly someone is possibly maybe ripping off The Ellis Show. I think that is cute that they think that this chow can be reproduced, you go ahead and try, but know this, we will crush you. The A6K is still having issues, this time with brakes and fire. So instead of going camping with the kids, Ellis and Katie took them to a kid friendly hotel with a big ass awesome pool with slides and shit. Ellis brought fifty for the kids, the sun block not the dog, and Fifty ran off, the dog not the sunblock, but he was found. I’m pretty sure Fifty never wore the fifty because that would be weird to put sunblock on a dog. And then there was talk about the X-Games. It went as so, bla bla bla X-Games, bla bla vert ramp, bla bla bla, Jamie Bestwick, bla bal hahahaha.

Ellis showed Josh his road rash ion his dick that he got from blue balling some girl and he was worried because it hasn’t gone away yet. As expected, the EllisFam came through and recommended some great products to try out for chaffed dick. Some of them were Bag Balm, Gold Bond, Butt Paste, Vagisil, WD-40, bacon grease. Come to think of it, only a few people were helpful, the rest have some really odd masturbation habits. It seems the Gold Bond worked best for Ellis, nothin better than a little powder on your hang low. Pitbull, the rapper not the dog, is going to the Walmart with the highest number of “likes” and currently the location in Kodiak Alaska is winning, so lets keep a good thing going.

Doing Things With Rawdog made a comeback today, and as always Doc Bangar didn’t fail to amaze. He was asked things like “What do you do in a power outage?” “How do you toss a salad?” “How do you light a barbeque?” and so on and so forth. The answers that were given were those that only a six year old could think up, given example, “How do you clean a catfish?” and his answer, “Why do you have to clean them? They’re already in water.” Go ahead, read that again. Its truly amazing. The Hardluck Kings made a custom guitar for Tully with the Wolfknives logo on it. And then there were final calls. The final calls were actually good, not the usual disappointment that we have come to expect, yer mum however, is the exact disappointment that we expect from a street walking STD wagon, OH!

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Jason VanKilsdonk (@Az_RedDragon)

  1. Where do you live? I live in Phoenix Arizona
  2. What is your occupation? I work with my Dad, we run a hauling and removal company. We do everything from demolition to landscaping.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I am 31, I have been married for 10 years and have 3 daughters and 1 son ranging in ages from 9 to 1. I enjoy the outdoors greatly, and I’ve been hunting since I was in diapers. I ride horses, spit, cuss, drink, and have one hell of a time.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I have been listening to The Jason Ellis Show for a little over 2 1/2 almost 3 years now (newbie).
  5. How did you discover TJES? I found it because I was getting tired of listening to Howard Stern all day and I wasn’t very interested in much of what Bubba The Love Sponge was airing. It was completely by accident, and I have never left.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? I continue to listen because I find Jason’s rise, crash and current rise to be fascinating and the humor that the show possesses is right up my alley. The one thing that got me completely addicted was that this is the first show I have ever known to have such a heavy listener interaction, WE ARE apart of the show.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? The show has impacted my life in 2 ways, I strive to be better everyday, and the EllisFam, a mismatched group of misfits that I would have never gotten to know if I never found this show, and that I am most grateful for than anything.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I hope to meet everyone someday and if anybody is in Phoenix, hit me up, I’m always down for a beer or two.

bitPimps (@bitPimps)

  1. Where do you live? St. Louis, MO
  2. What is your occupation? Dir. of IT (to keep it easy)
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I like to make people laugh
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? Shit. Not real sure. Since before Tully originally left.
  5. How did you discover TJES? Bored. Flipping through the channels one day.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? It’s a newer, better, Howard Stern. Actually, it’s nothing like that. But about as close as I could put it in laymen’s terms.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? Sure. I haven’t lost any weight, changed my lifestyle, or anything of that nature. But it got me started on Twitter and interested in some things I had previously almost all but stopped doing.
    Also #EllisFam, I’m glad to have met the fucked up people that I have. If they only knew how much more fucked up I am.
  8. 8. Is there anything else you would like to share? Yea. You’re mom is the pure definition of a ditch pig.

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/28/2012

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This is the hardest fucking part of writing the re-cap, how to begin. I could tell a funny joke, a humorous story, or some anecdotal tale that will make you laugh and shoot soda out of your nose. But today I got nothing, so I shall just begin. The crew is leaning towards our friend Shit Toboggan in the fight verse his and Cum Tard. It would seem that when you take it seriously and train, it gives you an advantage. Who would have known? Ellis, Tully, and skate boarding aficionado, Rumble McTumble are going to the X-Games tomorrow. I am looking forward to hearing the stories from that on Monday. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if they will even be there next week because Ellis was talking an awful lot about going on vacation. He mostly wants to go to Thailand, the touristy part, not the bug eating Malaria infested part. Oh, and don’t leave your kids in the car. This has been a public service announcement.

They see me rollin”

There is a Mexican baby that had a 33 pound tumor growing on his back, but now its gone and he has a new 33 pound best friend named Terry. Shit Nacho put his name on the line again today, literally. They played a song clip and had to guess the artist or song name. Great news, Shit Nacho lost, and now he will be called Herpe Slurpie, thank you Field Piece (@banginmumtards). There is a new Death!Death!Die! song, I’m pretty sure they didn’t play it today. Hopefully they will play it tomorrow. And Rawdog mentioned a new kitchen gadget that seems like a total piece of shit, unless your Tully and can’t figure out how to get butter on your toast without completly fucking it to hell. I present to you, The Battery Powered Butter Knife!

In breaking Canadian news, a man killed his girlfriend and went to jail because she was BITING HIS DICK! I say that the punishment is not fitting to the crime, he was only defending himself against this dick chomping hater of the schlong. Tabitha Stevens and her husband, Kenny “Kenji” Gallo, who will be appearing at EllisMania 8 as MMA Elvis. I may have that wrong but fuck it. I will keep this short since I tend to zone out when “Industry Ladies” are on air, so here goes. Tabitha likes to be hung from hooks by her back (crazy bitch), she jacked off Jeff the Drunk (nasty bitch), she doesn’t take the dick on film anymore (Clam slammin’ bitch), and Kenji fucked her once with a fake lobster on her head (I got nothin’ for this one, bitch).

Started a new segment today, Dude Is It Gay Bruediger? This was obviously a smash hit on the phones as well as Twitter, I’m sure we will see it again in the coming weeks. Some chick called in about Trannies taking all the dudes away, and I didn’t hear the point she was trying to make but shes a girl so I will give her a pat on the head and say “That’s cute Dear.” When your children act like shit heads, what do you do? Whatever the fuck you want, but they’re yours and shit will come back to bite you in the ass, so whatever your technique, remember, your going to be old someday and your going to need them. The last thing we learned on the show today is that strip clubs are outlawed in Saskatchewan. They outlawed them shortly after yer mum danced and broke the stage killing 6 innocent by-standards and Mary the Midget, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/27/2012

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Did I ever tell you the story about the time I went to the gym and fought this really big black dude that was about 50 pounds heavier than me an had way more training and how he broke my nose and shit? No? Oh wait, that was Ellis today, I keep getting our lives mixed up. He realized that he had to re-conquer his fear of getting his bell rung and just fight for the fun of fighting, he said after that he was more relaxed and actually did pretty good in the end. Ellis was driving the A6K and for some reason it wouldn’t start, well good thing that he has his tool kit with him. Just pull out the BFH (that’s big fucking hammer for the rest of you) and gave the ol battery a few whacks. Just like good old American engineering should, it started right up. In Taiwan, Tibet, Tasmania, some fucking country starting with a T, there are Giraffe Rats that are invading swimming pools and eating babies. So everyone in Tennessee, be careful. Are sunglasses indoors cool? Is the Edge really a cool dude? Should rich people give big tips all the time? Only when your hungover or stoned, sure I guess I never met the guy, and always unless I become rich and then all you peasants can fuck off, with all due respect of course.

My Ellismania predictions:

Shit Toboggan vs Cum Tard 1,000,000/1 Shit Taboggan in the 1st round by death.

Rawdog vs Ruby Renegade 10/1 Ruby Renegade in the 3rd round by motorboat suffocation.

Germany outlawed circumcision based on religious beliefs, many believe that is just another way of keeping the Jew Man down. I mean really, after all this time why would anyone think that Germany has something against the Jewish people, that’s just silly. On better news, Nickelback is still a steaming pile of cock rock bullshit. This has been confirmed by a microbrewery owner, Dark Horse Brewery, when asked to supply Dickelback with beer in trade for free advertisement, he told them to go suck a bag of dicks. You sir I salute you.

Gabe Ruediger was in the Swing House today. He seemed to mix well with the crew and seems to be a rather cool dude. There was some “friendly” shit talking and I think this fight at EllisMania 8 is going to be one to remember. In Old Man news, don’t fart in front of their apartments. Old dudes in apartments have nothing to lose and will beat you severely with their wrinkled feeble limbs, or threaten you with a gun. So remember, blame it on the dog. This awesome segment was followed by the most horrible montage of shit brained callers I have ever heard on this show. It was so bad I was farting in front of old dudes apartments. See what I did there, that’s why I’m a professional. In more news the face eating zombie of Florida was only on weed and a shit ton of crazy, the knob gobbling Asian chef is under investigation, and an Archaeologist called in and informed the guys of a giant ten foot man ape that used to live in North America. They aren’t sure why they became extinct but most studies point to disease, coincidentally the same disease that yer mum is carrying in her massive cave man banging ham slammer, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/21/2012

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I was a little ticked off at the beginning of the show today. Apparently Tully got a tweet from some ass hat who thinks that he says mm hmm too much. Well I’m here to tell this critic that he is not on the radio, he is not the glue to the Jason Ellis Show, and he can go fuck himself mm hmm! In fact he can mm hmm his mom right in her mm hmm with a mm hmm until she mm hmm and mm hmms. Fuck mm hmm you. Now getting back to the re-cap, Colin McKay called in and might be going to Miami with Jason, Ellis is also getting some press for his fight against Gay Bruediger (@GabeRuediger). Some chicks like stinky dudes, and apparently there’s a lot of chicks who love stinky sweaty man balls. So guess what stinky balls dudes, there is someone for everyone. The Hooters Bikini Contest is this Saturday, which means tomorrows show will most likely be a repeat (I’m not sure, I might have missed that part, but we’ll see).Josh has another date with the chick that he, umm, you know, “had a good time with” and they are thinking that this girl might be the sexual mentor that Josh needs to improve his romancing skills. No worries buddy, not everyone is born knowing how to chow the beave.

Ellis is getting a cat, a really fucked up cat. Then they took more Wolfkives applicants, and then some more, and some more. Basically this entire hour was about the new member names, funny yes, but I can’t remember it all so I shall move on, its my recap not yours so you have no choice. Tully’s “Women, Am I Right?” segment is kicking major ass, and surprisingly there is not a shortage of stories about women doing amazing and unbelievably stupid things. I’m pretty sure Canada is relieved now that Tully has taken his sights off our beady eyed neighbors. Ellis is interested in women’s foot wear, but not to worry, he likes them on women’s feet. The guys then started checking out the Hooters girls on line and as one would suspect, it made some fantastic radio, if only we could see them also. Ellis said that he will judge them fairly and he will NOT have sex with them, nudge nudge, wink wink. But seriously, I’m pretty sure he will conduct himself appropriately.

During final calls a body builder dude called in because he broke both of his feet and after a while in a wheelchair used Ellis’s motto, Harden The Fuck Up, and he did and placed the highest he ever has in his first competition back. Oxycotton John (@oxycottonjohn) called in and was sounding as great as ever. John is now 2 years sober and is a prime example of the power of some radio show by a dude that has walked that road. Congratulations John! And there was some bet that I didn’t hear but if Rawdog lost he would have to eat 3 meals that Jason and Tully provided. And yup, you guessed it, our horse loving buddy declined the bet because his little grease lined tummy would not know how to process such foriegn items like fiber and vitimins. Its amazing that McTumble Bum isn’t McDead from his McDiet. Its also surprising that your mom hasn’t died, but I guess her constant protein shots and herpes scabs are enough to keep the old girl on her knees, OH!

gonna need a McBypass by McFourty