Guys, I gotta pose a question to you. This stems from a conversation I had with someone on twitter the other day. The question is, who do you think would win, vampires or zombies? There was some good back and forth the first time I thought about it, but what do you think? And what if it was werewolves VS. zombies? We can’t ask the werewolves VS vampires question because that’s already been answered, the winner is the first one to get their penis into the other guys shit locker (thank you Twilight for spoiling that one for everybody). But these are questions worth asking, cause god dammit there might be a lot of money to be made gambling on a showdown like that, and then you could get a bunch of coked out vampire bitches to “suck you dry” if you know what I mean. Anyway, I’ll let you guys mull it over for a bit, until then, enjoy this recap that has nothing to do with classic horror movie monsters. Jason started the show talking about how Australians say hello and how it kinda sucks not having people you can call family in your formative years, but if you find something that makes you wanna kick ass and take names and smash shit and take no prisoners and shoot a load all over someone in their sleep, you’re gonna be A-OK. Tully admits that if it weren’t for spite, he’d have no reason to get up in the morning. Somehow they started talking about all the old Beatles movies and Yoko Ono is still a cunt, but at least she’s crazy and talks mad shit about her dead husband who’s monumental band she broke up, but whatever, shit’s all good. The guys talked for a while about how Yoko is the harbinger of Satan and according to Rawdog she’s underrated but this is from a guy who doesn’t think a fast food diet will cause kidney stones. Then he started rattling off names of experimental musicians who the rest of us probably couldn’t give a fuck about, but this point was quickly countered by the fact that just cause you call it art doesn’t mean that anybody’s required to give a fuck. The guys talked music history and shit for a while, and if I was the type who constantly needs to have more degrees to everything than is really necessary, I would have been paying very close attention, but since I just like what I like and try not to be an authority on things, just play free bird and be done with it. Rude Jude stopped by to back up the point that not only does Yoko suck but she also ripped off her schtick from listening to John Lennon’s scream therapy sessions. Jude dropped more of his musical knowledge about stuff and the guys all chatted about future plans for the new studio. Jude is slowly but surely coming around to the new West coast Sirius/XM digs, and no longer feels like he’s dressed too nicely to come to work. Ellis had to take a detour to get to work today and he ended up on some back road that was so gouged out that he very well could have busted something under the Church of Haden’s Porsche. And hopefully, after the Porsche dealer shoots their load all over Ellis’ bank account, he might be able to get the city of Los Angeles to go out and fix the pothole, but not a god damn cent towards the car. Jude told a story about how his little sister got hit by a post office truck and it ended up costing her $35,000 to have other people’s mail delivered to her away from home. Ellis has been trying to take better care of himself lately, like not stressing out so much and getting to sleep on time and keeping the right foot from getting too heavy on the gas pedal because the roads in southern California are fucked. Luckily though, if you really aspire to be some sort of successful fighter, all you gotta do is tap into years of childhood trauma and let that rage fuel you to snap a mother fucker in half. And if you’ve got a self righteous bitch of an ex-wife, well then that’s just all the better. Jude has grown enough that he can understand when not to get bent out of shape about things, and when to take the ultimate control of a situation and get the fuck out if it’s so fucking terrible. Rawdog almost got raped after Jude made this statement, because he’s not the type to react quickly to situations you should get out of. And Tully was able to learn how to handle stress from getting a whole crew of doctors ogle his wonderful Oxford educated balls. Tully lucked out getting a Japanese girl too, cause the McGook baby is at a much lower risk of getting cancer because that’s how Japan rolls, prime stock human DNA with better disease resistance. Unfortunately, the Irish are right near the top in terms of worldwide cancer statistics, so maybe that redheaded almond eyed boy is doomed to suffer for months on end of medical treatments that don’t solve shit. I may be making jokes, but a guy who brings his car to my shop passed away from melanoma a couple weeks ago and I just found out today, and he was a pretty good guy, so maybe I’ll just say this recap is dedicated to him. But hey, more talk about stress and shitty memories can bring anybody out of a funk, as long as it’s someone else doing it and being funny about it. The intern may be a wonderful young lady, but sucks at bringing in tacos when requested to do so. It could have something to do with Rawdog’s molester face which goes completely unchecked when Wilson is out of town. Sam Rubin, who’s going to be fighting Tera Patrick at EllisMania 9, may also be on board with the Asian persuasion, at least the guys think so because he was interviewing one at some red carpet thing and looked like he was about to dishonor her entire family on live TV or something, but Tully was fully on board with this, cause the only way to keep whitey from going extinct due to cancer would be to start diluting them with the superior eastern stock. Jude doesn’t understand what the attraction is, but that’s OK cause most people don’t believe he’s a white guy, probably because he’s just too ethnic to fall into line with the rest of honky kind. The guys decided to have Jude win a date with a white girl at EllisMania and report back on whether or not dat booty smell good doe, so keep an eye out for somebody getting blown under the announcer’s table ringside at The Joint. And while we’re waiting to see this spectacle of white on white crime, how about some Ghostface?

MONKEY BUSINESS MOTHER FUCKERS!!! THEY HAVEN’T STOPPED PLANNING JUST CAUSE WE HAVEN’T BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT THAT MUCH!!! In a little Thai village outside of Bangkok, there’s a village where people are making the worst mistake imaginable and ALLOWING A PACK OF MACAQUES’S TO LIVE AMONG THEM IN A THINLY VEILED PEACE THAT IS SURE TO END IN BLOODSHED because the monkeys have been raiding homes and attacking townspeople at night, stealing food and drugs and even stupid crap like vegetable oil and rice cookers, basically they’re like gremlins but with superhuman strength and no regard for personal space. BUT WAIT FOLKS, SHIT IS WAY WORSE THAN YOU THINK!!! AND ONCE AGAIN PROVING WE NEED TO LOP OFF FLORIDA LIKE A GANGRENOUS TOE there’s a bunch of wild monkeys roaming the everglades passing around the social disease known as HERPES! And you can blame some shithead tour guide who let the animals loose in the first place, but on the plus side it may get rid of everybody in Florida who is fucking up the curve for the rest of us. The guys talked for a bit about shoving a microphone in Rawdog’s ass due to Jason not being able to hit a high note without blowing out everyone’s home speakers. Tully brought gloves and Ellis brought focus mitts and Tussin Wolf is gonna start training TODAY for a fight that will be happening in a few weeks, provided Nick Swardson doesn’t get pulled in too many directions from all the cocaine and vampire hookers he’s gotta burn through in the days leading up to his birthday weekend. Ellis is really working his ass off this year for the whole event, to the point that he’s having stress dreams that he needs to tell his therapist about. Jason is doing a lot to keep everything together so that he can still be a dad and be an awesome mother fucker too, not just some guy that actually takes care of his kids, although that is an achievement in itself nowadays. Also, he’s been having a lot of memories about his dad and lots of other shit coming back lately, and it fucks with him but it drives him too, but it also drives him to not want to do things, it’s a whole complicated web of stuff that I’d probably need to go to college to understand. But the wing is working it out, as only the seventh greatest skateboarder in the world can. There was some talk about whether Death!Death!Die should open for Metallica and as cool as that would be, it’s probably never gonna happen. However, it might be possible to get Jesus Christ and Barack Obama to sit for a private show, that would be pretty cool. There was more melancholy about the job and the show and the definition of success and the fear of it, but it’s nothing the rest of us haven’t gotten to thinking about at some point or another. And then Jason started telling the story of how he snapped his tailbone off at the Plan B ramp with Colin MacKay and how there’s still a big ol’ calcium deposit floating around inside his pelvis. But deep down it was all about motivation and getting off your ass (best term I could think of) and doing something with yourself. And on a less metaphysical note, Chanel from Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory/Ridiculousness might be stopping by the show tomorrow to talk about things and stuff and maybe have a dose of Rawdog’s molester face dropped on her. Ellis has been thinking about how his kids are gonna grow up and having them get into something so they can have goals and be successful, but he also worries about what might be hereditary, cause of all the things he remembers about his own parents. Luckily we have Tully, and he’s the voice of reason for the most part, so he was able to keep Jason from freaking out too much, but at the core of it, it’s just Ellis wanting to make sure his kids have it better than he did, and that’s how parents should be. After all this parenting talk, we finally got around to a nice little training session with the Dog and he’s probably gonna catch a few good ones before Nick Swardson gasses out, but should have enough in him to fire back properly, provided he doesn’t go into kangaroo mode like all those other times we were hoping to see a good fight and ended up watching an afternoon kids show. Tully tried to feed the fire a bit and promised that Rawdog could suck off and rim all of Radiohead if he just trains hard enough to hit a 64 on the punch pad, and although Josh said he wasn’t interested, I think we all heard a little lift in his voice just imagining that scenario. Jason decided to go the other route and instituted the oral rape approach, where after a couple one-twos, if you can’t get away you’re gonna catch an angry blow job. And in remembering EllisManias past, let’s take a breather and listen to Shave My Friends Tonight to get us pumped for this next one.

After coming back, Rawdog started having made up memories about last week when they were kind of play sparring in the studio and he seems to think Ellis cracked him a couple times, but of course you can’t learn if you don’t get hurt, so even if it never happened, it was worth it just for the experience. And in a complete surprise appearance B-Real from Cypress Hill stopped by to shoot the shit for a while. Since the last time he was on the show, he’s been getting fit without having to put the bong away, which is probably not as hard as it sounds. Of course, you can still show up on stoner time, especially if your stoner crew doesn’t tell you that the radio show you’re supposed to be on has moved to a different studio. But at least that’s not as bad of a look as going to the gym all the time being the chunky dude smashing huge weights, when everybody else is actually getting fit doing cardio and crossfit and a mix of other shit. And if you’re a fan of booty, you should get into crossfit, according to B-Real, and he would definitely know a thing or two about some booty. The guys talked about crossfit and how scary it can be to fuck a bodybuilding lady, but even if it’s terrifying, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. And if you really want it, and you really believe in smashing that poon tang, you will make it happen. The guys talked training and the fights that happened over the weekend and shit like that. B-Real isn’t impressed with most of the boxers these days, cause so many of them probably train with an iPhone duct taped to their massively self important erection trying to watch a video on how to slip and turn, whereas back in the old days when they did 150 round fights and people died or retired poor as fuck, god dammit that’s when people had to learn how to fight. But B-Real is definitely gonna back Mayweather, cause he’s a Cypress Hill fan and that does trump a lot of things you might not want to like him for. B-Real is also an innovator, he just recently came up with an invention that’s a reusable glass tip for you to stick your joint in so you don’t get that cardboard taste from tearing off the top of a matchbook to get all the way to the end. And if you’re a weed smoking fan, it’s worth checking out, so go to phunkyfeeltips.com and get high as a motherfucker without having to cut up your bus pass. and check out breal.tv if you got any spare time, cause he does shit there too. And they don’t discriminate, they have skaters and musicians and fighters (OH MY!!!) all doing shit and being awesome. Before he left we got a round at the punch pad and he scored a respectable 63, landing him at a dead tie with Ken Block and Sebastian Bach. Then he tried it with his left hand and scored dead even with his right hand. And if that wasn’t enough, it’s confirmed that we will be seeing B-Real at EllisMania. And if you’re really feeling adventurous, you can see if he’ll help you perform a chronic colonic. Until then, grab some snacks and try to rejoin reality for a minute while we hear some smooth tunes.

GUYS THERE’S REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF YOU GOTTA KNOW ABOUT YOUR COCK!!! Over in the UK, a guy got into a fight over the price of a bag of crisps or some such shit, and in the whole scuffle, somehow this dude got his knob chomped down on really hard, the crazy part of this story is that the biter only had about two teeth (cause he was British) but was still able to chomp down hard enough that the cock was separated from the body! Just goes to show that you really can’t trust whitey. There was some more jaw jacking and shit, Jason shot down New Music Tuesday so thank fucking Christ for that, the guys did some Wolfknife names for a few people and almost named one of them Yoko but then decided against it cause Yoko is a cunt and doesn’t deserve that kind of respect as being parodied in some afternoon radio show host’s fake scooter gang, then there were a couple of news stories and some final calls and I’m running out of time to finish this fucking recap before the live show, so I’ll just cut it off here and say that YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WHEN SOMEONE STARTS TALKING TO YOU ON THE PHONE THAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAY SOMETHING BACK and bla-blah-blah-blah stay off the corner folks, cause crack kills but heroin will make you not care what the crack is doing.

Red Dragons, Mother Fuckers ,,rr,

Welcome to the Jason Ellis Show…we’ll be right back!!! Just kidding. Except, not really. Because that’s what happened since people hear “this is perfect” and “this is the best that it’s ever been” and think that they should touch buttons and change things to drive Ellis insane.

And to fill that dead space and cut to music I’m gonna make an announcement. I’m announcing me (and blaming it on xx chromosomal narcissim). It’s official, if you are reading this on Thursday, or more likely Friday morning, you’re in for your weekly dose of jenni :) Bwah-ha-ha.

Back to Ellis: in the dark. There’s a special guest star bumblebee in the studio today, to the annoyance of Ellis, but he doesn’t want to blame anyone because he’s responsible because no one knows Mr. Random Guy Taking the Blame- they know Ellis. It’s his fault. Let’s all take a breath and get over it because technical difficulties happen to us all and lets be thankful it didn’t equate to the blue screen of death and leave me sitting here pondering if I should be trying to recap Thursday’s impromptu ‘Best Of’. I would try…and it would be like reading a schizophrenic’s dreamscape word salad.

Ellis didn’t sleep last night because SOMEONE didn’t get his sleeping pills, but he still trained, and so he’s tired. No wonder he’s cranky over the bumblebee sound. Tully found a little thing in his balls while fondling them, had his ancient Urologist fondle them also, and so this morning he had his balls fondled by a nice older lady who lubed him up to Dave Matthews mood music before proceeding to a sac photoshoot. That’s hot.

How old do you have to be before you are officially old? Howard Stern is almost old. Paul Schaefer (born of Liberacci and father to Stevie Wonder) is old as well, and wikipedia needs to be updated to include the fact that he is the man who invented music because he co-wrote ‘It’s Raining Men’. It’s looking like 60 is the magic number that makes you old, even though Ellis looks at 63 and thinks that isn’t that old (because Tully says Ellis is getting old), but Josh is the young one and says that anyone over 50 is old to him.

Can there be a porn channel where the women have sad vaginas? I believe if you let your dial come around to the Cosmo Channel you will find your answer.

Wilson once went on the air in Memphis Tenessee and accidently told listeners that B.B. King had died, and was called by BB’s family saying, “What the hell is wrong with you, he’s alive, why are you crazy?!?” But he just shrugged it off and blamed it on listeners not knowing what they’re listening to. They’re only listening. Listeners listen so intently that some of them have realized Jason Ellis has been replaced by a fruit loving pod person who spends too much time being crazy about fruit and maybe they should all start being serious and not tell anymore jokes.

Talking about masturbating children and ghostloads is disgusting so let’s instead talk about football, Michael Vick, and Pacquiao- who did the worst commercial of all time for a casino instead of paying his gambling debt. That’s okay though because Pacquiao is going to be a super happy old guy because he has hangers on who will sing karaoke with him in his basement, and Michael Jordan doesn’t have shit on that. Neither does Floyd Mayweather who’s a nerd just trying to seem cool and hasn’t diversified his bank accounts (because who wouldn’t love to see a bank statement reading $127,000,000.00).

TJ Lavin called the show today and he is coming to Ellismania! To keep Dingo under control for Dingo Bingo he’s going to be feeding him shots of Forgiven, to help metabolize all the alcohol he’s going to be guzzling. Tully fully endorses Forgiven (pills and now the new shots which help with the hangover after a night of drinking) and we’re all going to believe him because Tully is a problem drinker. Lavin says they’re all living the good life (except Josh, who’s like a cat) and he himself is living the good life and is still the host of The Challenge, which is the end product of all of those Real World/Road Rules mashups that I was obsessed with when I still watched television. Lavin wishes that he could be fighting at Ellismania, but he isn’t allowed since he once was in a coma following a head injury and he knows that he loves his brain enough to not get punched in D face. However he is currently feeling better than he was before he was comatose, and apparently getting knocked into a coma is a good motivator to get educated and turn yourself into a Challenge Host Juggernaut. He also got a Porsche, because he knew Ellis had one and wanted one too, and says he has to get rid of it because it just goes soooooo fast. Benji Madden also has a Porsche now. Soon all of Hollywood will be walking around eating fruit and drinking fruit flavored beverages and wearing “I’m gay for fruit” t-shirts because everyone can afford fruit but most of us can’t afford Porsche’s. I then saw a Porsche and felt like it was too expensive for me to be next to in a loud, diesel HVAC truck. That’s right, HVAC, cause I love vacuums.

Back from the break it’s time for Hollywood News. John Gosselin from John and Kate Plus 8 (not Ryan Gosling who first popped into my head because they both have duck sounding names) is waiting tables because child support for 8 kids must be really insane and he didn’t get the spin-off series after the divorce. The Situation is blaming ballroom dancing on Dancing With The Stars for getting him addicted to painkillers instead of owning the fact that he’s a nightclub moron who popped pills with a Redbull and Vodka chaser, Suge Night got arrested for driving a vehicle with no license plates in two lanes without a license, Nicki Minaj is being sued for stealing the music for ‘Starships’ by Clive Tanaka who has a melodically similar song which also sucks, Mayhem Miller has been arrested again again again for Snapchatting the girl who has a restraining order against him, Sharon Osbourne could have been Sharon Leno except Leno had her so deep in the friendzone he introduced her to his future wife, and Chief Keef- 17 year old dead beat dad of the year is refusing to pay child support because then he may not have as many stacks of hundos to flash around town. That gem incited the discussion where people should require licenses to operate their reproductive organs, an Ellis brainstorm I know, love, and agree with, because stupidity could then be bred out of humanity. Or at least America. ‘Merica. Tom Hanks and his suspiciously non-thinning hair had jury duty, Carson Daly is going to be on the Today Show, Oprah is afraid of (but simultaneously motivated) by balloons, and Lamar Odom is still smoking Oxycontin.

BREAKING NEWS!!! If you listen to the Jason Ellis Show this Friday and Monday, you’re going to have the oppurtunity to randomly call in (that’s not new) and get tickets to see Metallica perform next Saturday at the Apollo (that’s new!!!). No, DDD will not be opening for them since that would mean Jason would then be killing himself and Tully would begin his descent into the bowels of Heroin addiction, because there really would be no going up from there. Ellismania 9 just wouldn’t be the same.

Wilson not only has breaking news about ticket giveaways, he has a can! With movie titles in it for a fun game of ‘Pitch This’ where the guys operate on the premise that they are pitching a movie which is the next big thing and is a mashup of two previous hit movies. We hear pitches for LOTR meets Titanic- “Some Sort of Fantasy Boat”, 2001: A Space Legend Odyssey, Saving Private Witch Project (and yeah I want to see the American Army fighting German Witches on an island with a ghost problem because it was built on an Indian burial ground filmed from the helmet POV of one of the soldiers), Passion of the Ghostbusters featuring Ghost Jesus on a graham cracker cross and the Stay Puft Marshmallow man versus the gang, Forrest Gimp, The Shining Wizard of Oz with Jack Nicholson never freezing to death in Oz, The GoodBadUgly Psycho where Clint Eastwood refers to himself as ‘Mother’, Sly Stallone’s nightmare come to life of being just a half of a side of beef in The Sixth Sense: Rocky, and Jurassic Shark. Hell yeah, Jurassic Shark. Which is also spliced with some Planet of the Apes science making an amusement park shark attraction morph into bloodthirsty sharkmen breaking humans and turning them into pets.

Congratulations new members of the Wolfknives: Elephant Dick, Witch Cocktor, The Weatherman, Lawrence Fishbox, Sexual Rigatoni, The Buttler, Courtney Love, Bruce Lee’s Mum, Full of Diamond Shit, and Xience Pendarvis. Elephant Dick, I recommend not getting too close to Courtney Love, there could be a problem there.

Winding down the show there is a fight video for Ellismania from Chris, who’s a black guy, and is going to be doing the Musical Chair Fight. We heard some singing from Ellisfam who Ellis says will all be given the oppurtunity to sing on stage with Death! Death! Die! and find out that there is a woman down south giving massages for 300 bucks an hour…with her massive 48NN titties. Holy Shit. Google it. Ellis doesn’t seem to think that this is a good thing because it isn’t a real massage (and it’s not even though she’s really a licensed massage therapist on the wrong side of the business ethics line) and says it’d be better off if she just sat on him. Well, don’t worry Ellis, I read an article or two and she is completely willing to ‘sqaush’ you for pay and is even nice enough to try and make sure that you are still breathing afterward. It’s because of that big heart that her boobies are so big, I’m telling you.

Things we learned:

Sex makes so much more sense than kissing, males and females have interlocking parts.

Ellis shaved his butt this morning and it’s pristine.

Sharon Osbourne is 81 and looks great because that’s what happens when you’re possessed by demons.

Tim Sabean didn’t know a thing about Death! Death! Die!

It’s weird to have a bitch on the side who isn’t on Oxy…even if you’re not on them.

The MMA says, “No, thank you” to having neo-nazis on the payroll.

Devil’s Breath is some bad shit and could leave you naked, with no money and no memory of your past 36 hours.

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month…and Prostate Health Month…and Hispanic Heritage Month.

Jason Ellis is the King of the West and won’t leave until he has Fruit and an AIDs kidney, he’s too tired for sex, but Tully could quite possibly change his mind with his toes.

Welcome to the Vodka Re-cap of the Jason Ellis Show brought to you by vodka drink vodka for vodka vodka and you will all be vodka in all of your vodka. Jason opened the show talking about how you can look into a person’s eyes and totally get what they are feeling and what they are all about. And you need to take a look into your Bro’s eyes every now and then and not be afraid that it’s gay or anything. GAZE INTO YOUR BUDDY’S EYES! @BitPimps! I wanna gaze in your motherfucking eyes! Vodka.

Rawdog mentioned that while Jason can look into people’s souls through their eyes, he (Jason) wears sunglasses inside so that nobody can see him. I never got that whole thing that Jason and Stern do with the sunglasses in studio but there must be something to hiding behind the glasses makes you feel cool enough to run the show.

Today is Day 2 in the new studio which it turns out isn’t in Beverly Hills, but it is Beverly Hills Adjacent. Meaning they can look out the window and see Beverly Hills, but they aren’t quite high brow enough to be in actual Beverly Hills because…ya know….the Jew. Jude stopped by the show today for a bit. Today was his first day in the new studio and he is sort of warming up to it but he is jealous of all of the sweet sunshine coming in through the Jason Ellis Headquarters.

OH YEAH! there are new interns, most notably, two girls. Which Tully thinks is a perfect opportunity to pit them against each other because they don’t work at the same time. So they can tell one chick one thing, and the other another and make them fight to the death over who is the best intern. The one we got to hear today is named Vanessa, and she is Messican/Cooban so she has a fiery psycho streak in her for sure. She popped off some ‘Papi’s’ for Ellis and he seemed a bit flustered so this one could be trouble. They can’t traumatize these ones as much as the other ones because they are girls and you have to be nice to girls ladies and gentleman because….well… they sue.

Jason’s son (I’m not typing out his name because he may google his name and find this shit) should be a dating consultant. Reason being, because kids are honest as hell, and if you get a group of single people together and tell the kid to pick out who is nice and who is an asshole. I could just see little T**** leg kicking people to see who is cool or not. Speaking of little T****, Jason met Katie’s dad yesterday and T**** warmed up to him right quick and was leg kicking the crap out of him. Jason said her dad was super cool playing with the kids and that is awesome. I’m pretty happy (because of the vodka) for Jason getting a little more serious. Katie is an awesome chick who fits Jason perfectly, so he needs to get as deep as possible into family and stuff because Katie needs to stay. Vodka.

@KevinKraftSucks stopped by the show to talk about what’s going on with him lately. He is still doing his Mad Scientist Party Hour (He’s down on the bottom left) podcast and doing wacky shit. Jason karate chopped his face, and they played a game sort of like Godwar where he sang the songs or something. I missed this bit while I was in a store making paper, but twitter tells me it was pretty damn funny. Check it out on OnDemand. He also has a new app coming out which is a video/picture filter app with a horror type theme to it. It actually sounded fucking sweet as hell, but he didn’t give out the name of it so I can’t plug it here. I’m happy for the dude, seems like he is doing a sweet job of staying off the streets smoking crack for dick.

Sinead O’Connor  got BQ tattooed on her face. Some say it’s the initials of her boyfriend, but Tully put the pieces of the puzzle together and realized it actually means Burger Queef. Some guy named Daniel doesn’t know how to party (or does he?) he started out going out with his friends one night when his wife let him have his balls for the night. At the end of the night he proceeded to piss in the streets, walk into a kabob place and hump the counter and floor with his pants down, and then proceed to walking out into traffic and make sweet love to a land rover. Land Rovers are basically the start of all the shit box cars like scions and Honda Elements and shit so fuck Land Rovers, as Daniel did. I salute you, Daniel. Butter Bean and Kimbo Slice are going to fight. Sounds almost like an Ellismania fight that could be called the “Out of Shape Fat Knockout Guy” fight.

Tera Patrick came on the show today. She’s super cool as far as porn chicks go. Not a total porn whore talking about how much she likes to suck dick and such. I like that in a porn star guest. Although she isn’t a porn star anymore. Moving on. Vodka. She is going to be fighting Sam “I’m a fat windbag” Reuben Sandwich at Ellismania and once she hit the punch pad, it seems she may be in trouble. scoring a 26. Pathetic. Right next to Josh “DudeLikeBro” Hansen. Anyway, she stuck around and talked about feet, and Tully whipped out his foot and it….is….GLORIOUS. Apparently Tully has a super hot foot. So he got super amped on that and him and Tera sort of had a moment there and Jason got jealous. Anyway, she was there for a while and nothing exciting happened so I’m gonna move on, fuck you. Vodka.

Jelly Fish kill more people than sharks per year. Local media sucks ass, feeding off of the sad stories of normal people going through tragic shit like they were celebrities going out for coffee and they should all fuck off. A guy called in spoiling the ending to Sons of Anarchy’s season premier which I’m going to spoil again right now: The episode ends with an 8th grade kid shoots up his school. The caller wanted to know what Ellis’ opinion was about TV shows showing that with all of the school shooting that have happened lately. Usually, this is the part where I start shouting at my radio, but Ellis surprised me and said that the show shouldn’t be painted as evil, because after all it is just a TV show. And freedom of expression through art should never be scrutinized for depicting things that actually happen in life. My vodka opinion on this is that you have a world brimming with parents who fail to do their jobs. If your kid shoots up his school, you fucked up. It is not the fault of someone who wrote an episode if a TV show, who is depicting events that have happened in real life because someone else was a shitty parent. People are very quick to blame media when a tragedy happens because it is an easy target. And you can draw similarities from almost any show to a real life event because those shows are almost always inspired by some real experience the writer had personally or heard of. I defy you to find a writer who wrote a horrific scene such as a school shooting with the intention of making someone copy it in real life and kill real human beings. It’s just not logical, and if you believe that, you are an un-evolved, illogical person with hysterical tendencies. Fuck Off.

Also, if you want to be in an Ellismania fight, tape yourself punching something (Heavy Bag, mattress, your wife(do not punch your wife because I just said that)) and send the video to fightclub@ellismania.com other than that, take it easy everyone, I’ll see you next week. Also, sorry there weren’t more pictures, but I had vodka, and then I had sex, so I was kind of rushing it.