MAY THINE CART WHEELS BE SQUARE AND THY SISTERS HEAD MADE OF CABBAGE!!! Whoops, fuck, sorry about that, had a telemarketer on the line just as I started typing. How’s it going guys? It’s time for another extra special recap of The Jason Ellis Show. You just sit back and wait till your creepy old uncle has his “medicine” (AKA cocaine, whippets, chili fries and vodka) and you’ll be taken on a very wonderful journey that you shouldn’t tell your parents about! The show started with Jason giving Dom shit for nothing in the studio being updated after yesterday’s show. He sounded pretty fucking pissed off too. And then there was a bunch of other stuff that was disorganized and not getting done. And much like he commonly does, he went to the extreme with letting Dom know how he feels. It kinda felt like listening to your parents yell at each other, and so I just kinda tuned out for the most part. It sucks to listen to. I’m not one to join all the people complaining but this is the shit I just ignore till something else happens. Pendarvis and Rude Jude kind of came in to make some more reasonable statements about the whole situation, but it was still kind of a wash. But Ellis did say he would try the donut challenge again, so maybe better things are in store for the listeners a little way down the line. A couple callers weighed in on both sides of it, it was like a shitty therapy session. I’ve had plenty of those, I don’t need to rehash it while I’m trying to eat lunch and have a laugh. They changed the subject and talked movies for a while. Jason saw “This is The End” which I also saw over the weekend, and it was fucking hilarious, so go check it out. Ellis was really happy that AJ from the Backstreet Boys was in the movie when they did a big musical number at the end. This led to talk of Ellis learning the dance from “Backstreet’s Back” and how Tully didn’t know anything about them until they had come “Back”. Tully got all intellectual talking about music and comebacks and how the Backstreet Boys may still have plenty of loyal fans but they’ll probably never be number one again just because the kids keep finding newer and shittier things that they follow for a few months then throw away like a used condom. Rawdog is still doing the Onnit primal challenge, and Ellis has been training for his next bout at EllisMania, they’re both pushing along even though they’re stretching pretty far out in the limits of what they can do. Shannon Gunz has been talking a whole bunch of shit on Rawdog in preparation for EllisMania as well. And Josh hasn’t been doing anything in particular that’s all too different from his normal routine that might help him win, but it should still be a good show nonetheless. Some dude called in because his brother was a cop and he pulled over some girl for a broken tail light and he was just gonna give her a warning, until she offered him a taste of honey pot then he went back to his car and wrote her a ticket for being a shithead. And you’d probably be surprised how often women and men offer themselves or their friends to the police to get out of taking responsibility for running stop signs and shit. A lot of them are kind of haggard and shit though, so it’s kind of a gamble if you decide to take them up on it. Plus, cop cars are have cameras on the front and back and inside so getting away with it even if you rope one that might be worth a few minutes of your penis’s time. If you’re really lucky though, you’re get partnered up with a full on Taco Bumper straight out of the academy and she’ll take you out trolling when you’re on the beat. Careful though, you might just get a bunch of guys looking to get a taste of your chili ring. Jason did an interview for some documentary on the UFC last night and it might be worth watching if that’s your thing. While he was there he got valet treatment on his Porsche and the two guys couldn’t figure out what the hell to do with it cause it’s not like parking a car is all that difficult, but then some third valet came over and he was a total dude bro guy bro dude guy bro dude guy bro duder brah and it turns out he was a huge fan of the show, so Jason got the VIP treatment and some shithead had the best dude bro day ever bro. And a quick update to joining the police force for sex, get a phone number and do that shit after hours, otherwise you might end up getting pistol whipped in front of a big crowd of people. Or even worse, accidentally have that shit broadcast on the police band radio and EVERYBODY’S gonna hear the ridiculous noises you make when you’re getting your crankshaft lubed.

Last month, some lady in Washington, who decided to go on an all air diet six months ago and live stream it on the internet, but today she pulled out LIKE A BIATCH!!! Apparently her body’s need for food and water trumped her natural hippie desire to be ridiculed for making stupid fucking assumptions about how things are supposed to work when we all have free spirited children inbreeding with each other in some nature compound in the god damn forest where everything that is taken is returned to the earth, except for the drugs cause you can’t grow opium poppies and coca trees in America and every night there’s a drum circle where everyone airs out their fucking dreadlocked pubes in front of a campfire and sings Krishna chants that are translated incorrectly into what is probably a reenactment of an Adolf Hitler speech. I lived with hippies, I know what I’m talking about here people. There was a game cooked up for the interns to see if they’re any good at following directions (not a stab at anyone else in the building, I’m sure). The guys were asked questions and had to basically answer everything and read it out loud on the air. Right out of the gate, Anal Gay Lewis believes that he is “The leader in following orders”, which would be funny if it weren’t so hard to process why someone would say that. But he was quickly put in last place finishing the written part of the test by the other two interns blasting right through it. Then, Anal Gay fucked the whole thing in the ass by doing the entire test when the only thing he had to do was write his name. So, kudos to all the fucktards who continue showing us our tax dollars hard at work in the public school system. The guy from Chik-Fil-A is still a homophobic shithead and doesn’t deserve your money, plus the food is probably the same kind of over processed crap that caused a 24 year old Joshua Richmond to get kidney stones twice, so it’s a bad idea to eat there no matter what. Plus he’s a rich white man, and they’ve had their turn, so it’s time to take the reins and mercilessly whip him with them while passing the torch to the new generation. And Tully with his Oxford education came out and posterized the religious right’s argument against gay marriage, and then did an end-zone dance all over a god hates fags picket sign. Next up in the fight for civil rights, Hot dog filled tacos!!! Which I think I’ll make this weekend just to prove a point and piss a few people off. Rawdog read off some more of the many statements that people make about how gay marriage is gonna destroy all of society, and bridges are gonna drive up the divorce rate and pedophiles are gonna be filing income taxes (instead of being tax free employees of the church (WHOOPS WAS THAT OUT LOUD?!?!??!)) and how Kat Von D is now single by way of dumping Deadmaus on twitter, cause that’s pretty much the be all end all of modern civilization. Deadmaus couldn’t give a fuck that Kat Von D is gone, and I’d probably feel the same way if it was my situation and she was airing my dirty laundry. Hell, I’d probably start a few hundred different twitter accounts just for the sake of blocking and reporting her for spam, just to be a cunt. There were some more phone calls about gay rights and gay people and all things gay and how it’s all a load of shit if you’re really that bent out of shape about it. The only time someone else’s sexual orientation affects me, IS IF I’M TRYING TO FUCK THEM. Other than that, it’s a pretty pointless argument. Not to go too far riding the gay rights train, it would just be nice if more people could shut the fuck up about things that aren’t really problems. Rant over, time for Avenged Sevenfold’s gayest song. Shit! I was really liking those guys too…

So, Scottie Pippen got in a fight a few days ago and today the guy who got his ass kicked piped up to give his two cents on the situation,. He saw Scottie at a restaurant and (allegedly) asked for a picture in the restaurant, got it, then asked him again on the way out and in the parking lot, Scottie said “no mother fucker” and bashed him in the head with a shoe. Cause that’s totally how Pippen would roll. Of course, like most celebrity coat tail riders he was probably just butt hurt that his sports stars don’t bend over backwards to do shit for him like they don’t have their own fucking lives or anything. And that Aaron Hernandez guy is probably gonna be on his way to jail for a long time cause he’s currently under investigation for murdering a bunch of people. And he’s doing a great job leaving evidence while trying to get rid of anything that could be used as evidence. The interns got called back in for another test of how well they can follow directions and it wouldn’t have surprised me if Anal Gay fucked up again, this time the test was origami. They tried to have Dom test it out before the show and he got as far as making one of those paper fortune tellers that little kids used to make fun of their friends. While the interns were making origami cranes, the guys had a new game to play where they had to guess what celebrity makes what sex noises! Reaching pretty far for the premise, but it sounds like it could be interesting. Right out of the gate was Rawdog with the worst Brad Pitt ever complete with him telling Angelina Jolie to kill all the zombies. Next, Tully gave us an instantaneously recognizable James Hetfield. Jason’s first turn was impossible to place because it was just kind of every sound you could use to make fun of somebody, but Rawdog’s first guess was spot on for Jim Carrey! Round and round it went with awesome impressions of people like Johnny Depp, Charlie Sheen, Woody Allen (Which was actually supposed to be Woody Harrelson, but Ellis fucked it up cause he can’t read), Adam Sandler, Jack Nicholson, Michael Jackson, one that I really hoped was Dikembe Mutumbo but actually turned out to be Sylvester Stallone, Paul Hogan and Jackie Chan, with Ellis ultimately being crowned the winner. The loser had to spin the wheel of doom, and since it was Rawdog, he took a spin and landed on the MMA gauntlet, but got a do over and landed on vibrating panties. At this point it was about 25 minutes since the interns were told to make origami cranes and not a god damn one of them was able to accomplish what a second grader can in a tenth of the time, not to point no elbows or nothing, just  worth pointing out. Tully found a story that Oprah was the most powerful celebrity in the world, then got ousted for a quick minute by Jennifer Lopez, then knocked that ass off the perch and reclaimed the throne. Tussin Wolf came back in the studio with his buzzing undies on, and with shame in his heart for the pleasure which dare not speak it’s name, he sat quietly for a few minutes while Ellis and Tully talked about Forbes magazine for a little while. Jetta came in with the first of three origami cranes, and actually was the first by a long shot. Anal gay also finished, but proved himself the last place contender because he forgot that he was supposed to come back in when he was finished. Anal started getting a little pissy and it turned in to another argument with Jason. It didn’t get as bad as earlier, but it’s still another load of bullshit. I mean, it was just supposed to be some whoreigami. Granted, the Japanese take shit really seriously, but even this is going kind of far. There was more talk about all the most powerful celebrities, and maybe two of them have a shred of respect from me, so I didn’t bother keeping track of who got ranked where. But since most of what is sold to the public as news is a steaming bowl of elephant piss anyway, you can probably just ignore this list. Next test for the interns was making a smoothie and Jetta came in first again with a neatly layered smoothie with all of the ingredients floating on top of one another and coating the glass like a fine mixologists creation. Anal Guy started another argument for not making the smoothie, and sure it’s more bullshit, but he kind of had a point. Once again, tensions high in the studio today. Everyone’s a bear and they all keep poking each other. Right about now is final calls time, and like I’ve said before, the public lets me down constantly. Apparently Rawdog is over protective of his girlfriend and totally advertises that he’s dating her by sticking his tongue down her throat as a show of dominance and assertion that he’s committing insertion on that. And all the people who run all the biggest companies are probably assholes hell bent on making the world a worse place for any person who’s not exactly like them. James Woods’ 20 year old girlfriend got arrested for felony drug charges a few days ago, so if that makes you love that guy a little bit more than I salute you. James Woods also live tweeted a game of poker that he was playing, cause he really is just that fucking awesome. And there’s some crazy slug that some guy found at a lake in Australia. You could probably Google it. One guy called in to redeem the fans by letting Ellis and the crew know that they are totally audible through the phone, and that people are idiots by and large. Tully floated the idea of getting a supergroup together for the next EllisMania concert, and some good names got floated, such as Ozzy, Drew Barrymore, and even Werewolves! Some lady called in to ask what the guys thought about her getting acupuncture to help her get pregnant, and the guy kind of knows she wants a baby but he doesn’t know she’s really trying to get knocked up. The good advice gods smiled on this situation, and this lady got the message that her and her man need to talk the shit out and be a hundred percent clear about it before they bring a life into the world, and she’s got a pretty twisted view of how it’s supposed to work. Long story short, some ladies really do need a locking device for their vaginas. I mean, really. Fucking seriously, it’s just good for the whole planet in absolutely every way.

I normally end these with a satirical life lesson, but today I’m gonna do something different. Leave your best ending on the comment section here or on twitter, addressed to me @shit_toboggan (don’t forget to follow me so I can DM you) and the one that sounds best to me will get some Red Dragons/EllisMate stickers in the mail.

Stay Frosty, mother fuckers ,,rr,

Good afternoon you gorgeous bitches, ugly ducklings, social misfits, landscape architects, pee-wee football coaches and professional hooligans! It’s time for another magical recap that I’m gonna make extra bright and happy cause it’s raining in my neighborhood today, and rainy days are when I feel closest TO OUR DARK LORD AND SAVIOR, THE DEMON FROM THE DEPTHS BELOW, THE ONE YOU KNOW AS BEELZEBUB, SSSSSSSSAAATTAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!!! So, anyways, the show started off with Jason talking heart to heart with Josh about how things have been kind of rocky between them lately, and that the friendship has some repairs that need to be made, but it’s definitely more his end of things than Josh’s, and he does still want to keep the bromance going for a good long time. Josh was good about accepting the apology, and offering his own for all the stuff that has been bugging Jason lately. They had vag-out session for a few minutes, hugged it out and the rest of the show moved on. Rawdog got to Rawdog his girlfriend a few days ago, so shout out to not preventing pregnancy. Tully rawdogged a lady a while back and now he’s got a shitload of holidays one right after another that he has to keep track of or else he don’t get to smash that calculator-monkey vajayjay for a while. Ellis explained some of the stuff he’s been doing in therapy lately, and how he’s a better learner if you play charades to explain stuff to him. And he talked some more about how he’s working through his issues and stuff like that. I’m not here to do a fucking case study, I’m just here to make dick and fart jokes and kill a few hours while I’m on the clock, y’know? He sounds like he’s making progress so good for him. There was lots of good insight from Tully and (surprisingly) even Rawdog on all the stuff they talked about, so if you want to hear it all, I highly recommend listening to the on demand tomorrow morning. But, with perfect timing, Juder McDuder came in to break the tension and make it a lot more interesting. The guys talked about getting drunk on water and how even Jude is laden with issues, but all his science experiments are a good way to avoid them while you’re trying to enjoy your weekend. And your exes who try to stay your friend are all talking mad shit about you to their new squeeze, post fuck session. While talking about old people yelling at kids to get off their lawn, it was brought to everyone’s attention that a bunch of local shitheads have been using the lawn in front of Rawdog’s apartment building like a dog park. The obvious solution to this? Jack off in the window with the blinds open. Seriously, it solves everything. Try it, tell me how it works out. Or, you can just sit at the window staring blankly at the offending parties while you’re wearing a gimp mask, or whittling away at your window sill with a huge buck knife. The guys played a quick round of Whip-tionary and Rawdog got to make full use of Jason’s apology by whipping the living fuck out of him (Sort of, in his own special way) while Jason had to draw pictures in a way that people could figure out what they are. Jude even got to whip Tully a bit, so all you folks who say he never loses or has to suffer for the show, you can stick a frozen condom full of turd right up your ass. And Tully took it like a god damn warlord. And what better way to segue in to a music break than scaring Jude out of the studio with promises of aggressive anal bead play? RRROOOOOOOOOTTTSS!!!! BLOODY RRRRROOOOOOOOOOTTTTTSS!!!!!!

So, COCK NEWS is probably the most important news to pay attention to, and when you hear about a man mutilating his own cock while high on mushrooms, it’s another good reminder of the importance of moderation. Of all the times I did mushrooms, I never did so many that I mangled up my cock, unless you count that one weekend I spend banging a really sweet Japanese girl while high on mushrooms for a good portion of it, but it was nothing I couldn’t bounce back from. I sure as hell didn’t grab on to the thing and rip a huge piece of it off. But the best part of this story is that the news report covering the story is fucking hilarious. So kids, I guess the most important thing to remember is to have someone babysit you if you’re gonna fuck around with hallucinogenics. They’re a whole lot of fun, but you too could end up as another horrible statistic. And in case you aren’t keeping track, John Wayne Bobbitt celebrated the 20 year anniversary today of having his dick chopped off by his wife Lorena after he came home drunk and forced himself on her. But hey, according to him it made him a better person and a better lover, so maybe it could help a few more people to have their dick hacked off and tossed in to a snowy field for police to look for in the morning. Three consecutive shithead callers called in to confirm this by showing just how fucktarded they are. Some lady called in to tell the guys that her stripper friend used to dance for Bobbitt all the time, but she would never suck it cause there was a permanent scab right across the area that it got cut, but that doesn’t mean there’s any problem taking it in the vagina, it’s not like scabs have ever caused any negative effects down there. Some dude got a job in a rock quarry while he’s in school to be a geologist, and on his most recent trip out in the wilderness by himself, he woke up alone in a tent to a bunch of lights and noises, and there were three guys hanging around in his campsite. He talked to them for a bit,  and admitted that they were meth runners and were new to the area and didn’t know the area too well. They also let him know that they just slit a hooker’s throat up the road a ways and had her carcass in the back of their truck. So, dude goes back to his tent, gets a flashlight and a pocket knife and when the three guys told him they can’t let him leave there alive, he started running. He took cover behind some trees while they drove around shooting randomly trying to find him. He stumbled into a swamp and thought he lost them for a bit, but  then their truck started up again. He waited all night until they left and he made it out to the road and flagged a guy down for help. The three shitheads were caught by police later and there was no hooker found in the back of their truck, nor was there any evidence that they were involved in meth trafficking. But it’s still a crime to hunt humans for sport, and this one survived, so that’s what these assholes are going away for. This story brings up a good question, how long would you survive in the wilderness with little to no supplies? Well, I was a boy scout for the better part of ten years, so I’m sure I’d be dead in a couple days, but the rest of the population could do to test themselves with this kind of thing. The outdoors are not so fucking terrible, and it teaches you to respect getting dirty and staying away from consumer electronics. The guys told stories about their travels out and about with no provisions around crazy people. Rawdog had the scariest story of the bunch, rehashing his experience of when he lost his car at Coachella last year. They bullshitted some more about folks being sketchy, and the saddle ranch and people losing their cars. Tully picked up some random lady at the Saddle ranch while he was in L.A. training for his job at the Jason Ellis show. And of course, the guys found a new world record burnout on the internet that they had to see. This of course spawned a relatively horrible idea for Ellis to eat 40 donuts. Now, even in the competitive eating world that’s a pretty tall order, but Ellis doesn’t always listen to reason, so the gauntlet was laid down. Starbucks is gonna bump their prices up some more, but i could give a fuck cause they don’t sell coffee, they sell overpriced piss water flavored ice cream. Somehow, the guys got to talking about the philosophical intricacies of hamburgers and hot dogs. Tully visited some shithole of a throw back hot dog restaurant and it was actually delicious. There was more talk about all the people who are taking advantage of Rawdog’s apartment complex lawn. Allegedly, there’s even a dude who will drive to this fucking lawn to let his kids play soccer. And Walt Disney deserves a kick in his cryogenicaly frozen dick because during world war two he tried to sell Mickey Mouse gas masks to the kids so they wouldn’t be so scared of America’s enemies. Just goes to show you, Disney has always been about the money (funny, coming from a guy who was a known anti-semite). The guys found a video of some alley in Las Vegas where homeless people are always pissing and shitting and the residents decided to take matters in their own hands and keep giant water hoses around to fuck with people who shit on their property. The guys had to get ready for a guest at this point, so after some Pantera we can figure out who they’re so pumped about seeing.

So, we just talked about shrooms a while ago, but in pot news, we learned today that Martha Stewart is a god damn joint rolling champion. The story broke because as she was driving out to some appearance, she saw two people in an ice cream truck smoking weed and said “Man, those are some sloppy joints” and then proceeded to show them how shit is supposed to be done when you an OG. Ed Hardy came by the studio to chat with the guys today. As much as I couldn’t possibly give a shit less about his clothing line, he’s done a lot more with his life than just a lot of gaudy T-shirts with way too meany sequins. He wrote a biography a little while ago and it’s being pretty well received. Ed was a tattoo artist a long time ago, back in the days of sailor Jerry and such. He talked about his history in the art world and how some dudes pressured him in to doing the whole clothing line after seeing his work in Juxtapoz magazine. He didn’t even mean to have it go thee, but he rolled with it and made a shitload of money and his name is gonna be out there for the rest of time pretty much. He’s had a pretty eventful life. He pretty much told the abridged version of his life story, the rise and fall and all that kind of stuff, although I don’t really see there being much of a fall except for all the bad press that Jersey Shore caused him. It was kind of like listening to an old guy tell stories about himself, but he actually did stuff that was interesting, not just walking to school uphill both ways in the snow over broken glass and rusty nails with dogs chasing him SEVEN FUCKING DAYS A WEEK EVEN ON CHRISTMAS WITH NO SHOES AND HUNDRED AND FIFTY DEGREE WEATHER ALL YEAR ROUND SURROUNDED BY LIONS AND GORILLAS AND SPOKESMODELS. I mean, those are the kinds of stories I used to hear anyway. Ed Hardy has done a bit more interesting stuff than that. If you feel like reading, you can probably get way more information from his book than you can from me. Overall, it was a pretty mellow, reasonable interview with a guy who’s been around a whole bunch of cool shit. Ed Hardy was there too AAOOOHHHH!!! I kid folks, it was nice chill afternoon. With the threat of forty donuts soon to be fulfilled by an Australian with no sense of self preservation, apparently.

BREAKING NEW MUSIC TUESDAY NEWS!!! Some band called Bad Things just got signed to Warner bros. and their lead guitarist is none other than Shaun “The Flying Tomato” White. The end is extremely fucking nigh, my friends. Jason does not give a fuck if you think he can’t eat 40 donuts, so the bet was made that if he could pack it all in and keep it down for half an hour, Tully would pay him a hundred bucks. And if he couldn’t, Ellis would have to make sweet 8th grade romance with one of the many great predators that has been on the show. And Shaun White’s band continued to suck in the background while they sorted it out. Ellis started eating, Rawdog got up on a perch, and Tully contemplated suicide while all this was happening, I’m sure. The guy who built the dick punching machine came in to hang out with the guys for a while. He offered to help Jason with his “accidentally buffing the pig in front of the window with no blinds” problem. But more importantly, IT’S NEW MUSIC TUESDAY!!! First up from the perch we heard new stuff from the Transplants and I’m a huge fan of Tim Armstrong, and although Transplants have never been my favorite, they seem to be on a pretty good roll right at the moment, so definitely worth checking out more of their new album. Jason was on his fifth donut at this point, and starting to reconsider this challenge, but was interrupted by the new single from Queensryche, which came out of the gate strong but ultimately showed that hair metal will not be making the world a more radical place ever again. After that was Empire Of the Sun, which is an unfortunate strike against all the other things from Australia that are actually cool, these guys just sucked. Next up was the latest from Backstreet Boys doing what they do best, which is pushing me and all other heterosexual men away from their products with the fury of a thousand Zeuses. Next we heard Havok and it had a fucking awesome opening riff reminiscent of early eighties Metallica and the real shocker NO SHITTY COOKIE MONSTER VOICE!!! So give them a try folks. After that was something new from David Yau (or Yow? Yaow? Youuuuuu777788***/==+))^@@? No idea, he was the guy from Jesus Lizard) and it was like a shitty B-movie soundtrack, but not a good B-movie soundtrack, like a really shitty one and the movie doesn’t even have titties or any decent blood effects. It was so bad, it made Jason start puking his guts out live on the air (the donuts didn’t have anything to do with it, I’m sure). Next up was Amon Amarth and it was respectable and not as bad with the cookie monster shit as other bands, but unfortunately, they did it with real lyrics which kind of fucked the whole thing. India Arie dropped a new one, and it wasn’t too different from most of the R&B you’ll hear these days, but if you’re into that kind of thing you’ll probably enjoy it. Next from the vaults of Jewish Claws Richmond was a new one from Bass Drum of Death and it was some more of that indie shite that makes me hunt fixie bikes on the wild semi-urban streets of the south Berkeley/north Oakland part of town where all the coffee and record shops are and there’s that bicycle shop that does nothing but beach cruisers and the block of vintage clothing stores where all the employees are assholes and you can turn in five garbage bags full of clothes for a nickel and an empty pack of Camel Lights then go back the next day and find all of it on sale at prices two times higher than the shit was when you bought it new. After that was the newest track from Wale, and like most modern popular rap it was nothing worth writing home about, but it wasn’t completely terrible. Next was the solo joint from Stone Gossard, that’s right, the guy from Pearl Jam, and as a one man act he’s missing the three things that are really important to making him sound awesome: The other three guys in Pearl Jam AAOOOHHHH!!! Finally, we heard Rawdog’s pick of the week which was The White Man Dingos and it had a nice underground vibe and some interesting rhythms, could be worth trying a little more of them out. I should note at this time, that Ellis lost the bet on imbibing way too many donuts in the name of just absolute fucking idiocy and poor impulse control, so as soon as Someone can come by with an angry fucking animal to bite Jason, we can call it settled. Tully found some clip of Phil Anselmo outtakes, but before we get to that, some dude called in on acid, said he was hanging out with his dog and is driving to bang some MILF that he met on the internet. Phil was a little more entertaining than the day tripper, took a few seconds to get in to the really good gaffes, but it worked pretty nicely. Rawdog is enjoying his new perch, and it works well for the whole layout of the walk in closet the guys call home for four hours a day. There was a running of the bulls type video, but it wasn’t the official running of the bulls, just some random bull that was rampaging through the streets of Spain like a fucking BOSS and then some local took it down with his bare hands like a BOSS! Bas Rutten can’t speak Brazilian. Some guy took a shit in public and it was caught on video, but the commentary was really the gem in that video. Tully and Rawdog started Googling videos of dumb shit just to see what they could find and there could be some gems out there, internet being what it is and all. Rawdog found a clip from some Indian movie from the 60’s of a man arguing with a cow. there were some final calls and stuff, they were OK, but the public is letting me down like always. Then again, that’s probably just my fault for leaving the house and trying to involve myself with the rest of society. Tully found a video of someone using ipecac in public and it sounds like a doozy, the TV host who administered it to some random dude got yakked all over and had to pay him the money he offered for doing the stunt in the first place. The guys were somehow informed about pork coated bullets, for the anti-Islamist in all of us (god bless you hillbillies, it’s not like I got my ass kicked enough times for being white when I was a kid). Also, assholes aren’t paying taxes, but only rich assholes (SHOCKIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!) And if you didn’t already have a reason to hang yourself in a broom closet, there’s gonna be a Broadway musical based on Tupac Shakur!!! And his mom is responsible for letting it happen!!! If only Suge Knight were available on opening night to prevent this debacle from continuing!!! HELP US SUGE KNIGHT!!! The guys rapped about Ellis’ new endeavor into the art of tattooing for a little bit, something tells me it may not work out as well as he’d like but there could be some people who will have awesome stories about “that ONE tattoo” they have and that’s always a good thing to have. But it’s all in the early stages, so let’s not go making any assumptions about the outcome just yet. Seeing as the show is ending, I’d say Jason is gonna have some time to practice, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

When I was growing up, I had a friend who always came to school with an apple in his lunch. I asked him once why his mom always put an apple in his lunch and he told me “Cause an apple a day keeps the doctor away” and I told him “My mom sends me to school with an ounce of weed to go out and earn my lunch money with” and that’s when I grabbed my pen, shanked the apple right out of his hand, made a quick-shooter out of it and packed a fat nugget of some sticky-icky-icky and told my friend “This shit’ll make keeping the doctor away a lot more fun. First ones free. If you want more tomorrow, it’s gonna cost your lunch. But I’ll let you keep the apple.”

Red Dragons, mother fuckers ,,rr,