Show Re-cap For Friday 11/2/2012

Wooh it Friday! Are you coming out hot, because I’m coming out hot! But you don’t need to be hot, just be your sexy sexy self. Its Friday and the re-cap is late but I don’t give a fuck, neither should you, at least until tomorrow then the fuck giving shall continue. Ellis and Tully said that people with hair need to compliment the bald on the shape of their heads, but what about the rest of unlucky bastards that just have that receding shit, nice forehead? Fuck. Eva Lovia (@MissEvaLovia) called in today to give the Wing some shit about standing her up for a Halloween party. Turns out she is a Girl on Girl porn star and takes the cock on the side. They started talking about some prop in Cali about condoms and dental dams but I was too busy thinking about her doing her thing to really pay attention. This brought up jobs that are more dangerous than porn, like being a trucker, or a lineman, or ice fisherman, or firefighter, or yer mums gynecologist. All of these are really difficult and dangerous jobs and respect to the men and women that put their lives on the line to get the job done. Tully once dated a chick with the herps and also banged her, but only once and with protection, courtesy of Ziplock. Turns out she got married and now lives happily with his and herpes. I was there, yer mum was outbreak free and loving it. I know its kinda early in the recap to put in yer mum jokes but fuck you, its my recap and it’s Friday, I don’t give a fuck.

Marie Antoinette loved to eat pie and told all the people to lick the pie also. Then they make glasses from her titties. That is all true because it is on the internet now and everything on the internet is true. Our beloved Christian J Hand drove 45 minutes to ask some chick out. Oh, did I mention that this chick is the one and only Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry). Fist bumps for you sir, and a bum pat from us here at NoYouAre, we know you could do it kid. There have been rumors throughout history about people having to get their stomach pumped from ingesting too much semen. I’m here to set the record straight and tell you that Rod Stewart, John Bon Jovi, The New Kids on the Block, Lil Kim, Yer Mum, or Alanis Morrisette have ever had load pumped from their stomachs. They just keep it in there like a pro and wait for it to pass. Cee Lo was accused of drugging some girl and then having his way with her, but this is false, according to reliable sources, me. But I don’t know shit so carry on. Are you rich? Probably not, but if you were you should give a bunch of money to Charity or Selena, which ever stripper you liked the best because that shit ain’t gonna last forever.

They guys did the Unsigned Bands segment again and here are a few that were played.

Pivot – Doesn’t suck, especially if you are into Coheed and Cambria

Hell Pie – Sounds like Dave Mustaine drunk off his balls

Black Milk For Dead Virgins – If you can get ast the name they actually don’t sound that bad.

Odd Estrada – The band is good but the singer ruined it for me.

Arrival of Autumn – Again the singer fucked the band

Livy HighJust watch the video.

The Wild – Good Rock a Billy sound, here’s the video.

Dirty Twig – Uplifting song that will make you feel better about your life. Here’ the video.

If you are an unsigned band and want The Jason Ellis Show to play your crap music then email them at EllisParodies@gmail.com.

 

ABC is doing a benefit concert for the victims of Hurricane Sandy and it will also be simulcasted on SiriusXM, Channel 20, 112, and 117. Now back to fart jokes. There was a resturant delivery truck in China that got pulled over and to everyone’s suprise they found cats, lots of cats. Apparently they were all out of rats and dogs. Pigs are as smart as a five year old, but taste way better. Tully did Women, Am I Right? again today and we learned that pregnant zombies chicks can’t hold their booze, If your a chick in Dubai, get out! Yer mum might try to axe murder you for playing Nickleback, some chick wants a fish memorial on the highway, if your car is on fore and you own a vagina you should pull into a gas station, and all in all, we learned that women are just fucking crazy, pound for pound. The secret is finding the less crazy ones. Drinking hand sanitizer will get you fucked up but if you butt chug it then your dad will have to poop into your butthole to make it work again. Urologists are all creepy bastards that sing about wieners while touching yours. Paint ballers can take 15 balls a second to the face. That’s not real impressive when you consider that yer mum can take 15 balls a second to the face and still be able to work the shaft, OH!

 

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/1/2012

Its the first day of ‘Movember’ so get your facial hair looking sharp ma’fuckers!  Speaking of hair, why in the fuck did humans decide to go hairless along their evolution, making coats out of sabertooth tigers and shit. Like Ellis says, we were born monkeys and then we just said fuck it, shave my friends tonight.  Ellis added we have grown taller and with less hair over our existence, and that a receding hairline is ultimately the future.  Tully added the reason Asians are smaller than most races is cause of their malnutrition over their history.  Of course this doesn’t explain anyone of African decent and speaking of Africa, how in the fuck did they get all the cool animals and why can’t Donald Schultz ship a container of Cialis to Africa so poachers stop killing rhinos for old asian dudes, seriously!  Even Rhinos can’t escape the mean streets of impotency.  Apparently Uncle Mayhem can’t escape a bunch of tweets asking him when he’s going to be back on The Jason Ellis Show and hug it out.  Ellis is right here, Mayhem is going to do what Mayhem is going to do, and we ain’t going to change his mind at all – let the man live!  Speaking of men, Rawdog manned up and agreed to test out a flying jetski with Ellismate sometime over the next few weeks, and if so instant Ellismania.com gold!  So I guess Will Smith and Jada Pinkett haven’t gotten a divorce, but i know for a fact that dude can’t rap anymore.  When you got it, you got it.  Cumtard says he ain’t got it right now, despite Ellis saying he is looking great these days.  Cumtard hasn’t been having the best of luck with pitching his screen plays or with the ladies.  Rock bottom isn’t her just yet as he hasn’t contemplated selling his ass for money, but he is close as he is willing to butt chugg for ellismania.com.  So Tully and Ellis schooled him up on how to avoid the friend zone…..just fuck her!  Tully suggest to fuck some sea turtle first as women can detect if you’ve been fucking recently, but they can’t determine the quality of the pussy.  You gotta be sure of yourself, as if it doesn’t matter either way.

 

The Shiznight!

Cee Lo Green maybe didn’t rape that lady, as she’s claiming this shit happened a few months ago.  Gene Hackman is into beating the shit out of homeless dudes, but he knows them and gives em money so its mellow.  Chris Brown kept his doucheness up to par by dressing as a terrorist for Halloween, and theres no link to a story cause fuck that dude.  Speaking of fuck that dude, Jizz Cult  hooked the show up with some old show intros from the last few years.  It was the Shiznight!  Some pretty funny shit, most you’ve heard but a few Im sure you won’t remember.  Ellis is a ‘lifestyle enthusiast’ bringing ‘grenades of fury’ to the radio, a fucking google legend! Sounds like the shows headed to a 15 minute intro of Ellis playing spoonman with his dick subtly behind your traditional Faction music.  So the NFL sucks for wearing pink during October, but not cause its for a good charity (we think), but its just not for the right reasons, but who fucking cares that was last month.  All Rawdogs go to heaven, and all sparrows go to San Juan Capistrano, oh and all sharks that fall from the sky land on the 12th tee.  All sharks that fight in Ellis Mania 9 must die, with Ellis opposing them!  Its about the time he gets a tank, and takes it to the next level, so extreme.  Rawdog told us yesterday that GrillEmAll is fucking badass and Cumtard confirmed it.  Ellis n Tully are thinking field trip, and of opening up the cutest cuddliest most metal spot to get your puppies…….”Master of Puppies”.  Is set to take over the nation, and is the only way to adopt a puppy.  Oh and if you need to adopt a new catch phrase, why don’t you try ‘Bong, Bong‘, it works for the RZA so why not you!

 

 

Domino’s says they have made the pizza delivery vehicle of the future.  Notice how the name of it kinda sucks too.  Tully has a better idea, how about you just cook the fucking pizza on the way there, it don’t get no fresher than that!  Im not too sure if I trust Tully’s judgement on this one, or when he said he pictures every man with a hugh cock.  He also confirmed what we’ve all been wondering, that Chip n Dale dancers do have hugh cocks as well.  They really caught the gay their for a minute, until Rawdog bailed them out with a game of his, Name That Button.  He basically took some buttons from the show, slowed them down to where they sounded all creepy n shit, and Ellis, Cumtard and Tully had to guess em.  Pretty simple shit, but lots of fun if you want to go back and check it out, like the birth of slowed down Macgrubertallica, and a bad ass Red Dragons from Maria Brink.  Ellis whopped up on Tully and Cumtard, but in the end we all were the winners here folks, Bong Bong!

 

How come you got tits, but                 I ain’t  got no dick?

So what is it about being a man, then wanting to be a woman, but then back to a man again just before they decide they’re going to cut off your dick.  Just try shaving your eyebrows first, and make sure you can handle some shit like that.  So Rawdog doesn’t want to be a cyborg that bad.  Tully asked him if he would be a cyborg but have no dick, or just be normal and Rawdog actually chose himself over a half man half robot.  California says if your gay but think your not gay, and you need ‘conversional therapy’, well fuck off!  It sounds like a good deal for those kids who are gay, and their parents don’t believe it and force them to do this kind of therapy.  All thats cool but then Tully was stopped in his tracks when the show finally got a caller who was a woman, but now its a man with a working dick.  Not just any dick but a ‘Donor Dick’.  Since Tully has checked the yes box on his license for organ donor, he’s not too sure he has made such a good decision.  So this dude uses a pump to work his junk, which was some other dudes junk long before.  He got the dead dudes balls and everything, but unfortunately he didn’t get a ‘dick diary’ with it so he knew its history.  But that still didn’t answer Tully’s burning question ‘Is somebody going to get his cock?”  Thankfully your mom called in and confirmed that she would in fact be getting Tully’s cock immediately after the show.

If You Could Ask Will Pendarvis One Question, What Would It Be?

Want to be a part of something that may or may not happen? Want to ask Will “Shiny Shins” Pendarvis a question? Well now is your chance! I’m going to be straight with you here. I have no idea if Pendarvis The 3rd will even read this, much less answer anything. But you never know until you try. So here’s the deal. You ask your questions on Twitter using the #AskShindarvis hashtag so we can track them. We’ll go through and pick the best 10 or so questions and send them off. You’ll get credit for your question and if Slick Willy answers, we’ll update this post with his answers. Sound good? Let’s play!

UPDATE: Will was nice enough to answer the questions we posed to him and it turned out to be pretty fucking awesome! So go read “Behind the Curtain With Will Pendarvis”