Monthly Archives: September 2012

Show Re-cap For Friday 9/7/2012

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Real life Bert & Ernie is terrifying

It’s here! Friday is finally here! How’s everyone’s non-mangled dicks and vaginas? Wonderfurishical! Nobody on the show has seen Will’s penis or his vagina or his cunt-dick, I don’t know what that means – mainly because I’m only 12. However, according to Rawdog, penises are like snowflakes, each one is wonderful and different. Let’s keep talking about fucked up dicks and gashes for a second, micro-dick owners probably do not want to be lumped into the same category as ambiguous genitalia owners. I know none of you are sick of talking about Instagram, but I’m going to keep this brief anyway, you can now follow @Future41 AND @RadioTFB as well as @Tullywood, so there ya go. You could always follow Shiny Shins too, he’s @deadletters, but who cares, right? Get this shit, some dude that claims to be a real-life Indiana Jones made a fucking shit knife, just like in The Woodsman – a shitting knife made out of shit – holy shit!

Remember, treated as an adult.

AsphyxiaNoir is in a vote on Fleshlight to have a sex toy made out of her vag, I assume vag, guess it could be her mouth or butthole? Either way, go vote for her, if she wins because of the show, she’ll come in and they’ll do stuff to her. Don Imus has a ranch, neat huh? Donald Schultz was supposed to be on the show for the past several days, but he’s got a tummy ache or something so he hasn’t appeared. Rawdog would like to be treated as an adult, so everyone – please – stop sending lollipops into the show, he doesn’t want them anymore. Some crazy white chick was wreaking havoc on the streets of New York City, which is pretty normal for NYC, but she’s good looking so you might wanna watch it. Big Willy Pendarvy came up with a new game for the guys to play today, it was a short immigration questionnaire, and you had to get at least 7 right or you get deported.

We’re in the home stretch ladies and gentlemen! Ellis was on a box of Rice Krispies® back in the day, and he was also in a Skittles commercial from 1988, he was the red Skittle. Half the show was the guys learning and battling it out on Instagram, so there’s not much more to say about the show, but I don’t give a shit because it’s Friday. With all this hoopla over Instagram, I almost forgot to mention that you can also follow your mom there too, she’s @CumStarvedFatBitchWithAStache. OH!

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

TC Hagner (@tchagner)

  1. Where do you live? Buffalo, New York
  2. What is your occupation? I work security at General Motors.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself.  listen to Howard Stern, Covino and Rich, and Jason Ellis. Winter I ski, summer wakeboard and stand up jetski. Do my best to surf when I can.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I have listened to the Jason Ellis show since 2005/2006. When he would talk for a while and then play a bunch of music.
  5. How did you discover TJES? One day I just left my radio on faction, Jason came on and I was hooked ever since.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? I keep listen because Jason is funny/entertaining and great infterviewest. Has great company ex. Raw dog and Tully.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? Ellis tough me how to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? Ellis, Raw dog and Tully have been a great addition to my life. Hope they stay on radio for a long time. One day hope to go to ellismania and keep going every year after.

Also my wolves knives name is Wet Willy

R Vail (@CobraTits)

  1. Where do you live? Suburban Philadelphia born and raised, now on the Philly playgrounds is where I spend most of my days. Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool…
  2. What is your occupation? Military aviation parts and part time pirate. And if some Homeland security official typed those terms into Google and found this page, no I am not a terrorist.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I don’t answer questions like that unless a job, a date, or a free beer is on the line.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? Late 2007-ish   
  5. How did you discover TJES? I work an incredibly boring job with incredibly boring and annoying people for a ridiculous amount of time each week. Fortunately we are allowed to wear headphones. Early on I quickly became very interested in radio. Around this time Stern was leaving for Sirius and the local rock station (WYSP) was trying out an all-talk format called ‘Free FM’. They brought in a young guy called ‘Kidd Chris’ to do afternoons and he just blew me away. He was hilarious, he had great cast of characters, and they did some of the best phony phone calls & parody songs that, till this day, I’ve ever heard. The guys at work were all Stern fans. They got a Sirius receiver on 1/9/06 and after listening in for a few months I got one myself. With Howard in the morning and KC in the afternoon, all was good in my radio world till late 2007 when WYSP imploded the ‘Free FM’ format. They moved Kidd Chris to mornings (where he sucked and eventually got fired) and so I needed something to fill that ‘Kidd Chris fix’ in the afternoons. I eventually stumbled upon this Australian guy on Faction. It took me a couple weeks of on & off listening to get into the show, but I finally did and I have never looked back.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? I haven’t found anything to replace it.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? I’m not sure what it is, but this radio show is a bug light for awesome people. I have had the opportunity to become friendly with dozens of Ellisfam through Twitter, Facebook, Ellismanias, and east coast meet-ups over the years. They are all uniquely caring, funny, intelligent, talented, and motivational. 
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? A snake that doesn’t bite teaches you nothing.

 

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/6/2012

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Welcome back, I knew you’d come back, they always come back. If things are too good for too long you will start to get sloppy, like a fat kid eating Manwiches. You gotta keep your edge and always be on your toes. Real World star and BFF to Lil Wayne, Dingo, was in the studio to grace us with his comedic presence and talked about the kind of things that you just don’t talk about, one of the new Real World cast members is secretly gay. I know, what a shocker right? I thought they all were gay, guess that surprised the shit out of me. Dana White did an interview for Fuel TV where he said, well I don’t know what he said, but here, you can see for yourself. Big Daddy Jas Cakes is thinking about becoming a professional wrestler now, its decent money, great dental plan, and oh yeah, its fake so you really don’t have to be that good or strong. But throwing dudes through tables is still awesome, fake or not.

Special guest in the studio today, Toll (Not sure if I spelled that right). I’m not real sure who he is or what he does but apparently he is tearing up the Instagram scene like a mother fucker on fire wearing rollerblades going downhill. He told Ellis how to up his followers and gave him tips and tricks. I would go into more detail but apparently Instagram doesn’t think that butt cracks are an acceptable subject peice in photography so I have boycotted them until they again allow crack. SAY YES TO CRACK, Instagram.

After today’s poetry and green drink session Raw Dog had the pleasure of a little scrotal massage by way of spikey nut ring and RC car. Lucky him. The car went, he screamed like a girl, I laughed, all is right in the world. Want to go Kayaking? Want to meet Russel Crow? Well now’s your lucky chance, just remember to bring a flare gun or something because your asses are getting lost. MC Tumble Bum’s girlfriend wants them to get a puppy together. Calm down. I can wait for you to stop yelling. There that’s better. The guys gave him a good going over and told him that it is a crazy idea and that there is no way in hell that they should do that. Thankfully Josh agreed and texted her back saying no. But I think the part that creeped me out the most is how he kept calling  her “Babe.”

RawDogs first puppy picture.

Trevor is a woman with a dude in her, wait I’m not done, but the dude is gay so that makes Trevor a woman with a dudes name that still takes the dick. However Trevor, the chick dude chick, had a baby and now wants to teach breast feeding classes and they hold her him Trevor that they don’t allow dudes. To be honest this story confused the fuck out of everyone and I only included it to take up the space that was ruined by final calls. Surprise surprise, final calls sucked more that yer mum during one of her charity visits to the homeless shelter, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 9/5/2012

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I basically stared at this for the entire Lycans discussion.

Wassup party people in the place to be? I’m filling in for @AZ_RedDragon today because he’s having a fucking dinner party – I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t know he was such a debutante either. HEYOH! Actually, he’s having dinner with @azkellie and @FaceplantLauren and I assume his wife and kids. If going by the songs Ellis played during the breaks today, this is a love filled show today. Ellis got woken up by Paris Hilton today, sure, it was just in his dream, but still. He’ll be moving out of his apartment soon, he plans on giving all his shit to Goodwill so he doesn’t have to move jack shit, solid idea when you get tons of free shit. The DogFather used to read bedtime stories to Rawdog and would do character voices to match the story – including Elmer Fudd, he’s got a wicked awesome Elmer Fudd. More talk about Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, I’m still not sure what this is, but it sounds like another vampire movie and that means it can fuck itself right off my TV, I don’t care how hot Kate Beckinsale is. Shitting and farting in front of your significant other isn’t really all the cool – you’re just asking for trouble because one or both of you are going to end up calling the other a nasty motherfucker.

If you keep eating that shit, you’re gonna pay for it!

Jennifer (Rawdog speak) Jessica Simpson is now sponsored by fat lady snacks Weight Watchers because she’s gained a lot of weight after mowing through Mac-n-Cheese and shit while she was pregnant, and she refuses to run because according to her, her titties are too big. There was quite a bit of time spent on her fatness and diet, which is okay, but I’m done talking about her dumb ass. The real deal Holyfield is that if you get fat and don’t do anything about it, you’ll look for any excuse to justify your fatness. Oh, and don’t scarf down a shitload of “comfort food” (and no, M&M’s do not fall into that category) while you’re pregnant, it’s not doing you or that spawn in your belly, any good. A possible solution is changing your diet to the Ellis Diet, water, dick, and vodka. A listener sent in an email from 2010 that appeared to have Lindsay Lohan as one of the recipients. It outlined who was going to be suing her ass, the skrilla she’ll need to pay for all that shit, and the duckettes she at the time didn’t have to cover anything but a booger. Hilary Duff’s giant head is married to Mike Comrie’s massive dome, and if they boink to make a baby, it will be Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. There was talk about Octomom porn, I Googled and then shut down my computer – that was enough for one day.

Stick to roller disco, Borneo. And stop with the orangutan sex slave trade.

Some poor orangutan was kept as a sex slave, with repeat customers – and that’s pretty fucked up, man. Why would you prefer to fuck an animal instead of a human? I don’t have an answer for that one. Shout out to Borneo, you monkey fuckers top the list as the most fucked up shithole on the planet. Speaking of fucked up shitholes, we got to hear some new drops today, straight from The DogFather’s mouth (or shithole if I may), showcasing his speech impediment that Rawdog still doesn’t accept as fact. It’s fucking amazing, there’s no way Rawdog doesn’t hear it, he’s pwaying dumb. And for the record, I don’t mean to be offensive when I call The DogFather’s mouth a shithole, it’s more a term of endearment, witerawwy.

World’s Greatest Wednesday came back today! Except it took forever and a day to get going because Will “Shiny Shins” Pendarvis fucked the button bar up like some kind of orangutan fucker or something. For that, he had to create some new intros for the show, which he completely botched the words on most of them – but whatever, he did his famous “radio thing” that’s he’s been known for since the 80’s. On a quick, but completely unimportant note, we found out Lightening Train (aka El Gato) fucked a half Mexican, half Chinese stripper. Anyway, because Ellis is going to be boning Katie in a hot air balloon, WGWtopic for today was “world’s greatest thing to do in a hot air balloon”. And here’s your top 10 in order from 1st to last:

If humans can wear a Bane mask, so can animals.

  1. Bang Katie with a Bane mask on
  2. Get a champagne blowjob from Katie
  3. Pay the pilot to wear a gimp suit
  4. Howl in Katie’s ass
  5. Dress up as Batman and Robin and fuck Katie
  6. Blindfold the pilot and fuck Katie
  7. Put a cubic zirconia around Katie’s neck while fucking her from behind
  8. Fire a flare gun as your cumming from fucking Katie
  9. Get a female pilot and have a threesome
  10. Play “I believe I can fly” from a loudspeaker

Satan called into the show today, he’s in Kansas, he still sounds scary but he’s really dropped off the map and his music is starting to suck. I think Shoebox must be mixing his shit because you can barely hear Satan over the tracks. So here’s what we’ve learned today: Don’t fuck with Lycans, don’t eat mac-n-cheese and expect to lose weight, don’t fuck orangutans, don’t lend money to Lindsay Lohan, don’t fuck with the button bar, and don’t Will-Will the Will unless you’re ready to Will. And for godsakes, you’re old enough to know better by now, you have to stop licking your mom’s cooter, you don’t know where that thing has been. OH!