Show Re-cap For Friday 9/14/2012

I know why you masturbate, do you?

It’s the 5th and final day of TJES in NYC, that means it’s WGAFF, and that also means that I’m going to stab out your eyeballs with my dick! Just kidding about that last part, sorry. There is no difference between rocks and stones, but rocks are made from stones, and Rawdog don’t know shit about shit – or rocks. Ellis got to make out some more with Krista Ayne, but she ended up getting sleepy and that was as far as it went – allegedly, if you know what I mean. Rawdog went out last night to see his sister and her boyfriend, he flirted a little bit with a chick, who knows how that makes his girlfriend Rosie feel. More discussion about fucking Lycans, werewolves, vampires, and all that shit – it was intense – and by intense, I of course mean who gives a rats ass. Bam Margera woke up yesterday to a 24 year-old woman kissing him, so naturally, he threw the girl off him and called 911 and while he was on the horn with the po-po, she got down on the floor and started masturbating.

Hitler’s softer side.

Kick ass comedian Brian Posehn was on the show today, and it was a great appearance, he’s a funny motherfucker! He talked about his comedy metal band “Posehn” with Scott Ian from Anthrax as well as his ICP performances in front of big, methed out, serial killer looking dudes in clown makeup who hang out on drug bridges. After Ellis did his usual AIDs burp, Posehn asked “Did you just do the AIDs burp? Where did you get that?” It was then revealed that Posehn was the inventor of the AIDs and RAPE burps, he’s been doing it for years and most of his comedian friends had started doing it as well. Next on the show was comedian Amy Schumer, promoting her new TV show that will be on Comedy Central. She talked about her fight on a subway and then Ellis used Rawdog to show her how to choke a bitch out. When Tully mentioned that she has an open ended invitation to fight Rawdog at any EllisMania, Rawdog tried to tough talk Amy by telling her he would beat her because he has more experience, even though she just had him in a choke hold. They traded barbs back and forth until things got a little more personal when Amy called out Rawdog’s nasally voice.

The show was supposed to be simulcast along with Jim Breuer’s show, but it never really worked, though the guys did get to sound like robots for a few seconds. They talked about leaving early today, but suddenly right after the music break, the show went straight into replays from earlier in the week. I blame Will Pendarvis. Oh well, fuck it, it’s Friday and nobody gives a fuck. Hey, I heard your mom started her new job today but promptly got fired. Guess that Indian dating service “Connect the Dots” didn’t realize they couldn’t even charge 1 Rupee for her festering axe gash. OH!

EllisFam Interviews

I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Mason (@ArcticMason)

  1. Where do you live? Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada
  2. What is your occupation? Currently a motor grader operator, but undecided on future right now.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. Im only semi cool at the moment, but practice makes perfect. Im a fan of: Beer, football (Roughriders, 49ers) video games (PS3, Steam.. HazardousMX) quading (2012 Mud Pro), camping, golf, music and magnets. I like to take quading videos with my GoPro and hope to one day edit my current 38 hours of video into something cool. I hope to travel more in the future and see everything. 21 in October 2012 so Ellismania here I come/lock up your daughters.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I’ve been listening to the show for over 2 years now.
  5. How did you discover TJES? Well I sit on my ass a lot during work, very bored, so flipping through channels on the radio one day I recognized the name Jason Ellis and thought, “oh no way! is this the british dude from wild world of spike? he is hilarious.” We’ve been together ever since.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? The humour, the guys, the guests, new music tuesday, voice altermacation machines, and the fans. #nohomo
  7. Has the show changed or impacted your life in any way? How? I don’t know if I’m gradually just getting smarter and more motivated on my own, but I feel like I’ve taken a lot from the show in general knowledge and confidence. The show puts me in a better mood and makes the afternoon go by a lot faster.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? Well I suppose if you’re ever near Regina lets go to the bar or quading. Im always interested in talking about anything so just message me! I could probably go on for days. Also, magnets, how do they work?

Todd (@Todd_AH)

  1. Where do you live? Los Angles, CA.
  2. What is your occupation? Owner/Manager of my own small corporation.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. Born and raised in Detroit MI. (never met Slim Shady or Kid Rock, but have met Bob Seger) Moved to California in 1991 with $150 in my pocket. Like any self respecting Jamaican, I worked multiple jobs so I wouldn’t be cold or hungry, but had periods where I had plenty of both. Suffered through seriously tough times but ended up graduating college, working in the industry aka, Hollywood then finally running my own business with my amazing wife that I have been married to since 1996.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? End of 2006 if memory serves.
  5. How did you discover TJES? I have had XM since its inception, one day sitting in my car browsing channels I heard these crazy things coming from the radio. Those things were what all of us Ellisfam know as “buttons”, It hooked me.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? Jason’s high energy, in your face, think after talk style. I am of similar age and also share many early life experiences with Jason. After meeting him at the gym and being able to have a few short conversations, I was able to see the off the air  person and that has endeared me to him and the show.  #nohomo
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? I came across the show at a time when I was in need of an extra spark of motivation. Jason’s constant hammering on getting off your ass and doing things or at least trying things, made a huge impact on me. Having been involved in martial arts and boxing years ago, it motivated me to jump back in and go for it. I changed every aspect of my eating habits, got healthy, lost 30 lbs in a month, with boxing, Krav Maga and Bjj. I am better person and in better shape now than I have ever been. I would smash my 20 year old self, and enjoy it.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I have met a few of Ellisfam and even more on twitter. We don’t always agree or like each other all the time, but It has been a great thing that this show can bring together so many people from so many places and very diverse backgrounds, then we can all love and sometimes hate the show as a group. Looking forward to see what the future brings for the show and it’s fans. Don’t want to leave out Josh and Tully, they are hugely important to the dynamic of the success of the show.

 

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/13/2012

Welcome to day four of our New York tour and now we learned that New York is pretty cool, except Time Square. Time Square sucks more than a bag of dicks at a Nickelback concert. Rawdog, being the radio genius that he is, didn’t bring in his Jaw Harp after Jason and Tully learned how to properly play it from internet videos. This action was immediately punished with an armpit punch that could be heard through radios throughout American and Canada. Apparently to have a happy relationship a man should wait about 180 days before having sex with a girl. That’s a long time to wait for a second date. Most men can handle getting a handy or blow job while driving. However if you are the kind of guy who has to close his eyes when blowing his love goo then you should probably stick to public transportation. Somehow the discussion turned to how Rawdog should do coke and what it would be like. It seemed to be a mixture of a really awesome dude to the kind of guy you would like to introduce to the bottom of your boot just so he will shut the fuck up about music that you’ve never heard of.

Shuli Egar came into the studio today for about an hour. Just like his appearances before, this one was fucking awesome. He addressed Private Snowball’s sexual habbits, his girlfriend, the new soda ban in New York, stand up shows, and The Ronnie Mund Block Party. After Shuli, Ryan Villopoto came in to talk moto and more moto, and then some Kawasaki promo that he is doing in New York. It was a rather quick interview and up next was the beautiful Krista Ayne. Ellis went out on a date with her last night to the same party where Cullen mistook Josh for his wife. In Cullens defense, Josh is rather feminine and they were wearing the same evening gown. Ellis got a bit creepy in my opinion when he started to seduce Krista and charm her pants skirt off. He succeeded, and while Krista was in her panties and bra, the accidental genius took one of the greatest creep shots in the history of The Jason Ellis Show! Great job Tussin Wolf, we salute you.

The final guest of the day was the all time favorite, Joanna Angel. She came in a little loose from the free beer and macaroni and cheese that Lance Bass had for his show which made her appearance that much better. Much like Shuli, Joanna laughed at Josh and his love of the snowball and got into the discussion of whether or not he is the dominant partner. After a brief talk, she showed him, by raping him. Not rape rape, just regular rape. Josh fought back her advances as she tried to slap his fun bags and mount him in a slightly aggressive manner. I believe he learned nothing from this and will continue to be the guinea pig of his girlfriends sexual desires. However, he did spit out the greatest line to say to a woman as she tells you that she is cumming, “You can’t fart yet.” You sir are a genius. Final calls time and the only one that I can remember is the dude who said his wife is playing with her vibrators more than she is playing with him. It was decided that it’s no big deal unless she starts neglecting him and using the toys instead. He blamed it on all the stories shes been reading. Speaking of stories, I remember a story I heard where this guy went into a whorehouse and told the mistress he wants to eat out a girl for the first time. She sends him up and he meets yer mum. She whips down her pants and he starts licking her twat. Minutes later he feels something in his mouth and spits out a corn niblet. Thinking this is normal, as he has never done it before continues eating her out. Minutes pass and he finds a piece of carrot in his mouth. Still thinking this is normal he continues. Soon after he finds a piece of meat and stands up. “Excuse me miss, but are you sick?” She looks at him and replies “No, but the last guy was!” OH!

EllisFam Interviews

I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Rob (@RobDaub)

  1. Where do you live? I’m a Beadie Eye’d Canadian. High River, Alberta, Canada (east of the Rockies, West of the rest)
  2. What is your occupation? Sell Pumps and Compressors into the OilPatch (sorry @Joeskin69, we don’t sell penis pumps)
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I’m 31, married with 3 kids and another on the way (I know 4 is fuckin crazy, were done there). I ride moto, but not on a track, mostly tight trail bush riding. I’ve trained MMA for 3 years. I have been hunting since I was 4yrs old, and for the last 10 years I’ve hunted with a recurve bow (bent stick and a string) so I have to be within 20 yards. Otherwise, like most Canadians, I’ve always played hockey, and always drank my weight in booze.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I briefly remember hearing him in-between songs at night, but the first show that truly stands out as my “I’m hooked” moment was the phone in the ass show. I remember that you could actually hear the insertion. Let’s just say it definitely wasn’t theatre of the minds.
  5. How did you discover TJES? Heard him ranting instead of playing songs.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? I feel like I know everybody personally, It’s like sitting around with friends that make me laugh everyday. Truly addicting, I find myself planning my day around the show.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? It got me into MMA and into better shape.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I’m heading moose hunting in Nov, and my main goal while I’m there is to be naked in my top hat when I take the fucker down!

 

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 9/12/2012

Do you feel run down? Do you feel like you keep trying to run away but get no where? Do you feel useless? It’s probably because you ain’t got no legs Lieutenant Dan! But at least you don’t have an awful Chinese dude comb over, unless your an old Chinese dude with no legs, then your just fucked. Boxing isn’t what it used to be, that’s what Ellis says after watching boxing highlights from way back. The dudes that fought were more intense, harder, rougher, and didn’t stop until they couldn’t get up again. Those were the days when men were men and concussions were for pussies. Ever wonder what its like to flog the bishop in a tiny box in middle of a big city? Oh yeah, I forgot who was reading this, let me rephrase. Ever wonder what its like to beat your meat in a pay booth? First you go up some stairs, then put a couple bucks in the machine, the window goes up, and fap fap fap fap fap fap, and then ask for your change back. Or you can spend fifty bucks and get to know the overweight black woman with huge areolas and stretch marks. But on the plus side, she’ll let you touch those gigantic boobies, for a fee of course.

Some dude has the worlds largest biceps and looks ridiculous, he probably can’t even fit into a jack off booth. A dude in New York got randomly stabbed in the ass at a deli, that’s just plain old fucked up. Will made a great new game about New York where the contestant guesses the number in the statistic and the other guy guesses over or under. Simple enough, Ellis won, and now everyone that doesn’t live in NY will continue to not live in NY. Shits expensive and you might get shanked in the brown eye. My app fucked up and then it came back with them saying something about Oprah, so in the end, thank you Sirius App, without you I would have had to hear about that bloated sea cow and the half assed projects her dumpling eating hole is trying to put out.

The new iPhone 5 is coming out. I really don’t give a shit, as long as I can get porn while sitting in the parking lot waiting for my kids to get out of school, I’m happy. There’s a girl out there with Elils’s signature on her cooter, so shout out to her ass! Ellismania.com is cranking out more fight available for your viewing pleasure like the Andrea vs. Bently fight and then boner producing tonsil hockey match. All the Canadian’s just went, HOCKEY! I FOOKING LOVE HOCKEY EH! I’m just kidding, you guys don’t have full internet yet, it’s ok, someday you will. Rawdog may or may not go to an awesome dinner party with Ellis because he will playing with himself, his mouth harp, and making robot phone sex with his latino love. Speaking of his Spanish Fly, he got her some of the shittiest gifts a guy could get her, cards, a robot toy, and some other shit I didn’t hear because I was laughing too hard.

Porn starlet Stoya (@Stoya) was on the show today and her interview whent great, period! She was very nice, polite, and didn’t have one rude outburst, period! She talked about some vagina replica, boobs, threesomes, DP, and general experiences in the industry, PERIOD! In fact I might say that this was the best porn star interview ever, P E R I O D!! Oh and she was a bit stinky. Russia has found a Wooly Mammoth and is trying to clone it to make a massive army of Wooly Mammoth riders to move westward and take over some other European country that has too many v’s in its name. Good luck Russia, glad you found something to do with all that radiation at Chernobyl. Jason, Tully, and Josh are still plugging their Instagram accounts but while your there don’t forget to follow yer mum on Instagram at @IsThatHerVaginaOrACatThatGotRunOverByATruck, OH!