Show Recap for Thursday 5/8/2014

Holy Crap!! I just worked some magic and got my laptop to mostly work!!!! Woo Hoo! Go me! I’m Awesome!!!! I mean, it was really slow magic because it took like an hour, but slow magic is still magic and I’m able to type normally in the little text input box and everything, so, I’m feeling pretty darn good. Boom. You know what else is feeling pretty darn good? The thighs that I call thunder. They are sore as fuck from working out and every time I crouched down today they were yelling at me, but in that sweet way that tells me that my thighs will always be thunder but they will be solid muscle thunder. Boom. Thundahhhhhhhh….

Now on to The Jason Ellis Show hosted by sexual degenerate Jason Ellis, who can hear better today, but kind of feels like he’s going blind. Bummer. Ellis is blaming it on the show and being forced to look at writing all the day long, or, you know, all the four hours long, instead of looking at things that he’s meant to look at like his toes or the grass. And when I say grass in my head, I say it with the soft a like he says it, instead of the skanky hard a that I would normally say and it makes me smile a bit because my thoughts sound more sophisticated and all I’m doing is thinking about grahhhhhss. Tully brings up that eyes were really only designed to last for about 40 years before they turned to shit because that’s how long that people used to be alive because that’s how long that we needed to grow old enough to reproduce and then keep our offspring from dying. Tully also has been noticing a deterioration of his eyesight and has been wearing glasses at night while he’s watching his basketball (because I guess that it’s still basketball season) and he’s had those glasses for two years but hasn’t been wearing them because when he puts them on he looks like he’s 47 and it’s like looking into the scary scary not too distant for Ellis future. It’s kind of weird both to Tully and Ellis that Tully doesn’t look good in his glasses because Tully really seems like a glasses wearing kind of guy, like Bono, but it’s prolly just the frames. I mean, Bono has been wearing his tinted peeper aids for decades and he’s got his frame game on lock. Ellis is doing good on his glasses game as well, probably because he has signature sunglasses and Electric Visual will take the frames and put Ellis’ prescription into them. Must be nice to be on top, Ellis, must be nice. But…he might not actually be on the tippity top since they say that it’s too expensive to put tinted lenses in on a one off pair for Ellis so….whatever. Ellis mentions that people who hate on guys who wear sunglasses or tinted lenses all of the time are lame and just jealous that they aren’t comfortable enough to wear sunglasses whenever they want to. Ellis says he’ll wear his sunnies in the studio sometimes just because he feels like it and it makes him feel more comfortable, and that made me feel a lot less weird for all of the times I walked around inside of buildings with my 5 dollar street pair planted firmly on my face. Boom. Beeteedubs, Jetta is wearing his glasses today and he looks good in them and maybe he should wear them everyday so that he could look sweet.

There was some talk about fake boobies in here somewhere and it had something to do with sunglasses, but I didn’t take good enough notes to know why sunglasses and fake tits relate to one another. Hmmmm…I can’t even think of a joke that would make them relate to one another. Whatever. It had something to do with skinny chicks with big tits and how once upon a time one of Katie’s friends in Portland used to tell people that Katie’s boobies were fake because she’s a skinny girl with a nice rack (and a nice ass, as if you didn’t already know) and it wasn’t as common a thing back in the day for tinier chicks to have big tits. Nowadays everyone is used to seeing skinny chicks with awesome tata’s so it’s not as big of a thing to go around saying, “Well, they must be fake.” And yeah, bitches do things like that, and I think it’s because mad bitches be all kinds of jealous because they don’t know what a pain in the ass having a sweet pair of knockers is. My bff is 4’11, about 100 pounds, and about 30 or those pounds is in her tits and when she worked for a news site here in New York and had to cover classy events, snobby bitches used to constantly do the fake girl whisper (read: they talk low, but still loud enough for you to hear, while looking at you but not making eye contact) and say she had fake knockers. I’ve known this bitch since the fifth grade…they’re real. Bitches be hatin’. Anyway…what was I saying? Katie has a nice rack, bitches be jealous, fake boobs…oh, right, fake boobs are much more commonplace nowadays and no longer qualify as ho’ status and are much more housewife status, so now the smack gets talked about bitches with butt implants. Yeah. Butt implants are a thing, but they haven’t evolved to the point where Ellis is unable to tell fake booties from the real deal.

Speaking of gonads, Ellis had to bro-down with Tiggie about foreskin again recently, and I’m not really sure why because I’m not a guy and I don’t have foreskin or know anyone with one, but it seems like it has something to do with rolling back foreskin and letting the top out to breathe, and cleaning, and….if you don’t do it the doctor is gonna cut off the foreskin and Tiggie may be five but he’s man enough to know that losing a bit of his genitalia doesn’t sound like that much fun. But it’s cool, cause Big Daddy J talked it out with him and got it all resolved. Tully hasn’t had to have the ‘Let it out or you die’ talk with Little Dude yet because Little Dude is still in diapers and Tully doesn’t think that it’s a good idea to encourage LD to stick his hand into his pampers, because he’s in the poop stage and LD would not be sticking his hand down the front of the diaper. Yup, that’s right, Little Dude is in the oh so wonderful stage where he wants to look at his own feces. Awesome. On to other kid-related things, Daddy Ellis got checked for taking his kids to the beach instead of taking them to school because too much of that slippery slope school ditching with Daddy could cause Devin to fall behind in her school work and no one wants that- although Ellis didn’t seem over concerned that Devin was missing out on making balloon planet solar systems. I don’t see why he should be all that concerned, I mean, I’ve kind of hated models of the solar system since they decided to make Pluto not-a-planet anymore. Fuck those guys, Pluto, you’ll always be a planet to me. School sucks. You know how much it sucks? It sucks so much that even Little Dude knows that it sucks, and he just turned 2. Tully talked about how he’s a man about it and doesn’t pitch a fit over going anymore, but he does give some lip and has to suck in the huffs that want to escape because he thinks that Daddy T is going to drop him off at sucky school and then go do awesome things all day. And that’s funny, cause it’s true. Ellis then talked about how he couldn’t pick his kids up from school until 6 last night because Obama was in town and the roads were all shut down and by the time he parked and got out of his car, he got checked by the cops when he went to walk up to the school. It was extra annoying because some homeless guy was singing 60s songs at the top of his lungs right in Ellis’ ear. But, Ellis did get some cool video for the Official Jason Ellis website, as well as for his IG, of Obama’s motorcade driving by and all’s well that ends well.

Except…well, except that people popped off on Instagram regarding Ellis posting his video of the motorcade and people need to calm the fuck down. Tully brings up that it truly is a good rule to follow to never talk about politics or religion in mixed company because it’s a slippery slope and so many people are crazy passionate about it, and so many other people get entirely too angry about it. And the people who get crazy angry about it aren’t crazy angry about whatever they’re talking about, they’re just angry people, and you are not gonna win a political argument with an angry person before they kill you for arguing with them. It’s not worth it. Just know, that if you get too ridiculous on Ellis’ instagram or twitter and start getting all racist, he’s going to report your ass until you get kicked off, because there’s no need for that you ignorant bastards. This snowballs into Wilson coming in to talk about the Freedom of Information Act and that everyone from the show should file the paperwork to request their files because it would be interesting and possibly funny to see who, if anyone, has one. Tully is pretty sure that he has one because he prank called the White House when he was a teenager. Cumtard thinks that there’s one about him because of what he googles and how it involves teenager problems and preteens…and I feel creepy just typing that here. I know I’m on a watch list somewhere. Why? Because I’m paranoid and of course they are watching me. Tully noticed that Cumtard rated his mood as ‘Shitty’ on the crank-o-meter and Cumtard says that it’s just because he woke up feeling shitty and couldn’t get high and read comics before work to get himself out of the funk and he’s been trying to psych himself out of it. Tully also notices that Ellis’ mood isn’t on the crank-o-meter and asks Ellis how he’s doing today, to which Ellis responded, “I was doing pretty sweet until I realized that no one cared’ and that made me laugh a lot. Clever fuck. Ellis tells Kevin that maybe he should knock up the pornstar that he’s banging because he and Tully are happy dudes and they have kids are are way happier with kids than without them. Tully reigns in that incredibly bad advice however, by telling Ellis that kids bring him joy which has staying power, but it’s not a good idea to have kids to make yourself happy, because having kids is fucking stressful.

Back from the first break Tully and Ellis are talking about Firenadoes, which you can, hopefully, infer, is what happens when you mix together fire and a tornado. Ellis wants to make a controlled Firenado and of course, there’s a caller who can help with that, and that may in fact be coming to an Ellismania 10 near you!!! You’re hired, guy. This turned in to talking about what Ellis should get tattooed on his dick, because of course he should have a Firenado dick, but really, it’s time for World’s Greatest Thursday!!! Because there wasn’t any time to do World’s Greatest Wednesday, it is going to be done today and the topic? Why, What is the profession that Hulk Hogan can get into so that he can be rich again? Of course. The Hulk Hogan problem was brought up last week, how Hulk is awesome but Hulkomania is so over and has been so over for a long time, and Hulk is hurting for dough because his wife divorced him, took all of his money, and got married to like a 17 year old or something. And that fucking sucks. So, Hulk Hogan needs a new job!!! Between taking calls, checking out twitter, and talking amongst themselves, they come up with the following options:

Ice Cream Truck Fleet
Hogan’s Heroes
Hogan’s Churros
Create a Hulk Hogan Mega Church
Direct Traffic in a small town/become a tourist attraction
Open An Adoption Center
Professional Beard for Lesbians
Bulk-O-Mania (bulk products shopping center)
Suburban Commando
Porn Star
Golf Announcer
New To Catch A Predator Host
Give Directions to Gun Shows
Phone Sex Operator
Become A Hair Club For Men-type Spokesperson

All super great and wonderfully funny ideas, and I have never called a phone sex line, but I would if Hulk Hogan were on it, because there is no one who could say no to that! Hubbs agreed with that sentiment and I think that’s where our votes were cast. What’s it going to be? I don’t know! We’ll find out later!!!

Back from the second break Christian is in the studio to do some New Music Thursday action where he is recapping 15 of the 238 newly released albums from the month of April (aka last month). They talk for a bit about how making music isn’t the most lucrative career that’s out there anymore and that even people that are making it big aren’t making it all that big unless you reach that super mega star status, and at that point you’re probably making less money on your music than you are on endorsements and whatever shit-clothing line you put out, whatever cologne/perfume you put out, etc. But, it’s also way easier for the everyman to put an album together, thanks to technology, so if music is really the thing in life that you have a hard on for, you can still go out and get a real job and have fun doing music in your spare time. Most notably, the best music that Christian played were anniversary editions of things that came out between 20 and 30 years ago, like Nas, the BeeGees, and Cindi Lauper (whom Hardcore had never heard of before and I think that is some straight up Hardcore bullshit, because I’m not that much older than him). They talk a bit about Nirvana and how depending on your generation, Nirvana means different things to you, such as: if you are Ellis/Christian Aged Nirvana is like meh, whatever, didn’t change my life, if your Tully Aged you think Nirvana is fucking epic, man, and if you’e Hardcore’s age you think that the best thing to come from Nirvana is Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters and you are part of the Tard Generation.

Rounding out the end of the show Tully tries to bring it back around to World’s Greatest Thursday, but they then get talking about the blurb for The Jason Ellis Show that is on SiriusXM.com. It is not a good blurb. Ellis, Tully, Wilson, and Christian talk about the blurb, changing the blurb, and why it has to say more than just “The Future of Radio” but Ellis doesn’t want it to say anything other than that because any time they try and describe the show it comes off ridiculously cheesy and he hates that cheesy shit. Also, the picture has to go because it’s the picture from the first book and he hates that picture, has always hated that picture, and apparently hates the person who took that picture. Some callers offer some horrible and not so horrible but still bad suggestion, Ellis declared that Hulk Hogan should look into staring a Mega Church of Hulk Hogan to get rich again, and the show ended kind of abruptly.

Things we learned on the show today:

Bono and Johnny Depp run the same tinted glasses game

There’s SWAT level guys in the president’s motorcade and they are bloodthirsty and ready to murder you

Ellis wants James Hedfield to DM him on Twitter

Hedfield does not have a Twitter account

If Ellis were president he would have his personal chef make him the best grilled cheeses of all time

Cumtard is wearing the same cologne, Molecule, as TyPo

Free Range Chickens are chill as fuck

Monster Energy is never going to sponsor Ellis, but they sponsor Dingo, so that’s cool

Tully would rather be a free range chicken than a free range zebra

Pauly D is more famous at the Hard Rock in Vegas than Ellis is

Christian recommends checking out the new albums from Manchester Orchestra, Pop, and Cindi Lauper

The Pixies invented modern music, basically

Being a Radio DJ is not a good occupation for someone who really loves music

Who wouldn’t shop at Bulk-o-Mania?

Females would hate the nickname ‘Tommy Two Ton’ go figure

The Jason Ellis show- everything from Self-help to farts

 

 

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Show Recap for Thursday 1/9/2014

Fucking SiriusXM app. Try again. Fucking shit. Check password. God Damn It To Fucking Hell You Shitball Fucking App! Check twitter. Fuck. Are you serious? Fuck!! Damnshitfuck!! Check app. Check twitter. Check app. Repeat ad nauseum for one hour.

Yeah, that’s how the show began for me, so, if you are one of the many listeners who experienced the same thing and were coming here to find out what you missed…I’d apologize if I weren’t still pissed off. And why am I still pissed off? Because the app imploded toward the end of the show as well and left me high and fucking dry. Of course. Oh, except for the last six minutes. It came back to life for the last six minutes. Because, why not?

Our good friend Jude is in the studio by the time my app decided to start working and for a while I was genuinely soothed by the dulcet tones of his voice because I’m a girl and he’s a guy with a sexy voice and Hubbs wasn’t around to talk to me with his similarly fucking amazing brown sugar butter voice. I came in right smack in the middle of a conversation that I’m not sure I really wanted to know all that much about where Cumtard was talking about drinking a blood blister and Ellis’s headphones kept cutting out. Tully doesn’t think that it would be too bad to suck the juice out of a blood blister if he was getting a blowjob at the same time, but Ellis thinks that it would be better if he drank bloody blister juice before or after receiving a blowjob as to not taint the deed itself. Jude agrees with Ellis more than Tully, though he probably wouldn’t do blood blister sucking at all because he is super not into bodily fluids, and would rather just get the blowjob or have sex. Which turns ironic when Cumtard brings up a story from Jude’s new book Hyena. And yeah…that is the link to go buy it off of Amazon, because you should. Anyway…let me do this up right:

*Cue the epic movie background music*
Much like today, when Jude was a young boy of about 18 or 19 he enjoyed getting laid. At this particular time in his life the object of his affections was a youthful lady moved to the city who banged a lot of black dudes because those are kind of a novelty when you move to the city from SmallTown America. After some vociferous lovemaking on her part, she became pregnant with an unwanted love child and Jude valiantly agreed to be the one to take the young lass to the abortion clinic. Jude, being well versed in life on the mean streets of a big city was familiar with the abortion process, despite his rather young age, and knew that this sweet, young piece of ass would be out of commission for a few weeks following the procedure and the morning of, decided that he would try to get one last sac romp in. As the maiden was not quite in the mood to make the beast with two backs Jude employed all of the tricks in his book in order to get her to consent to being pounded, finally settling on eating her out, as she had been doing black guys and they don’t eat pussy. Apparently. Anyway *cue the rise in dramatic music* Jude sets to work and notices that something is not tasting not quite right. In fact, it tastes like pennies and fish, but he powers through it because he really wants to get laid. Like really. And sometimes you just have to power through that shit. But the taste continues, in fact, it gets worse, so he decides to get on to the pounding (albeit somewhat distracted by remnants of the taste in his beard). Jude takes the girl to the clinic and five minutes after walking in, she comes back out- not because she has decided to keep the baby….but because *throw some drums in there movie music guy…and maybe some horns and cymbals* she had a miscarriage. Bumbumbum BA-DUM!!!!!! If you can’t make the leap…Jude ate miscarried baby goop out of some bitch’s cookie back in the day. Yeah. He did. No wonder he isn’t a fan of bodily fluids. How did the relationship go after that and the utterly silent half hour car ride home? Let’s just say that there’s really no coming back from eating miscarriage product straight from the source…but he still got to drive her car. *Fade to black*

You’re welcome.

Next up on The Jason Ellis Show, Ellis wants to talk about how if he can’t have his own Jason Ellis channel he will overtake Faction to the point where it’s The Jason Ellis Show Channel anyway. What does this mean? He wants the fans of the show and listeners of Faction to really be heard about the music that gets played on Faction and to get the shit music off of the station and sent into the abyss of being played on some other SiriusXM channel. How can this happen? Well, one thing that can be done is for listeners to go here and sign up to be on the Faction Board of Directors where you fill out surveys about the music that gets played on the channel. This, rather simple topic spirals into a lengthy debate/discussion between Ellis, Will, and Tully about Ellis talking about it on the radio and possibly influencing or ‘tainting’ the results of the survey. The gist? Will says that Ellis has a lot of influence and that if he says to listeners “go and vote to get Beck taken off of Faction rotations” that we mindless automatons will go and vote and get Beck taken off of Faction. Which, really isn’t a bad thing, but I guess Will is more afraid of an “insert name of marginally popular band in place of Beck” proclamation of abhorrent suckiness that will get an okay or even more than okay band or song kicked out of the rotation because we are mindless and Ellis says so. What Will wants, what Ellis and Tully want, is for the listeners of Faction to be as happy about the music played on Faction as possible. Obviously there is no making everyone happy about everything all of the time, but, as close as possible is what they’re all aiming for. Calls on the subject are taken. People love 311, people hate 311, everyone hates Beck, someone makes a restaurant analogy that doesn’t quite make sense to me, and a mindless automaton calls (which probably shook Wilson to the bone). Talking about the music played on air, while on the air, qualifies as the worst torture imaginable for Will so Tully and Ellis play some songs that are currently played on the station and pass their judgement in as non-influential way possible.

Back from the break Ellis and Tully are joined in the studio by Jim Florentine and…nope…just him for now cause the other guy is dropping a deuce. Jim Florentine has a really hot wife who Ellis still can’t believe is married to him because she can do so much better as she is smart, beautiful, and really put together and Jim Florentine is…Jim Florentine. Don Jamieson (the guy who just took a shit) joins the party and they talk about how sometimes it’s better if you’re with a woman who’s taste doesn’t run too similar to yours because then you aren’t surprised when shit that you like she hates and vice versa. Tully points out that if you both like metal, then you probably don’t both like the same kind of metal, and if you’re girl says she doesn’t like the new Sabbath even though she likes metal well, then, she just has to die. And that’s messy. And no one wants that. It would be much easier if she liked country and you knew she didn’t like it because she doesn’t effing understand it anyway. Ellis asks Jamieson about himself because he already knows Florentine and apparently Don Jamieson is a guy from Jersey who makes dick jokes that owns 6 guitars and can’t play them. But really, they are on the show because they are comedians with a show on VH1 called That Metal Show and they are funny ass fucks who love metal. They talk a lot about getting laid, how the pickup line “Hey, do you want to sit on my face?” still works (with an apparent 1/10 girl odds in a college bar, in case you were wondering), and farts. I really wasn’t surprised about the pickup line story because the guy I’ve been with for the past 3 or 4 years or whatever got me with the fabulous pick-up “I want to hump your face” because I’m the bitch who says back, “that’s because I have a very humpable face” with the story ending in a hotel room at dawn after no sleep and lots of face humping and other activities. True Story.

Back to Ellis (because no, I’m not trying to create fun and interesting filler to fill the void created in this recap and my life by the SiriusXM app. Not. Notnotnot.) Jim Florentine has never seen the hole of his own ass, or the hole of his wife’s ass. He is more disappointed about one than the other. Apparently his wife is not in to butt play. Which is all fine and good, to each his own, yaddayadda, but I still think it’s weird that he hasn’t at least seen it. I mean…it’s right there! It isn’t really a surprise that she hasn’t seen the hole of his ass considering how much gas comes out of it as Jim and Don are very vocal about their years of fart-based antics. Ellis thinks that their fart stories are gross…but they are also really amazing. I mean…these guys almost downed a plane with their ass-gas, they cleared out a Slipknot after party in a bar at Madison Square Garden that is remembered by Corey Taylor TO THIS DAY, and made Axle Rose’s sister think that the venue they were in was under a terrorist attack. With ass gas. Benji Madden (who wandered into the studio at some point) is duly impressed with their fart stories. But Florentine brings up how he still holds out hope that his wife will eat his ass. Don Jamieson shoots him down saying that once she knows what comes out of there she will never do it, and tells Ellis and Tully that his girlfriend refused to toss his salad after they moved in together and he used the bathroom saying, “Never again.” And, maybe I’m gross (in my notebook approximately every other sentence while taking notes on this is ‘does this mean I’m gross’) because I’ve been with Hubbs for years, I’m well aware at what his butt is capable of, and…yeah, I still do it. So, in case you were wondering…I might be gross. Although…I am also very aware of his bathing habits sooooo…maybe I’m only a little gross? Whatever. It’s fun.

Still talking about farts and the powers of their asses, Ellis asks them what their Instagram handles are, because he wants to see this shit on Instagram. But…they don’t have Instagram!!!!!!! Benji, Tully, and Ellis then break down for them exactly why they should have the popular app, why in fact as entertainers it is kind of their job to have the app, and though Jim Florentine comes out firmly against Instagram in the beginning of the conversation, Benji seems to have him convinced by the end. So…look forward to that folks!!!!!

Up after the break- Bert McCracken and Christian Hand and a new single from Death!Death!Die!

Except then SiriusXM sucks dick and my app shit the fuck out again. Yeah..I know. Fuck me. I tried and tried and tried and finally got back in for the last 6 minutes of the show and listened to some final calls which I didn’t really hear through the hatred screaming in my mind for SiriusXM and their app. I turned to Twitter for help and was told that Bert talked about life in Australia and was awesome (because Duh) and Cumtard is super against the idea of a chick playing around his bum-hole. I heard the tail (ha) end of this and he’ll take a dildo up the butt for the cool amount of $10,000 cash. That’s a pretty high price. In case you don’t know, and are reading this for some reason Mr. Kraft, the anus has a million more nerve endings than the head of your dick so having a dildo up there probs feels pretty fantastical for you. I mean, as a girl, I think it feels like stars bursting into magic. Start small- a pinkie, a tongue, anything…go read my blog, convince yourself. It’s phenomenal. Don’t knock it til you try it. I did hear Adam do his closing, but he didn’t really help my situation…gee thanks guy…and that’s where this all sort of ends. Sorry if you are disappointed. Feel free to hate at me @jennimazky on twitter. Maybe I’ll post pics of my boobs in penance. I dunno. I’m pretty disappointed in myself. Even if it isn’t completely my fault. But that sounds like a bullshit lame excuse.

Things we learned on the Jason Ellis Show today:

Jude ate a black kid

My Blood plays on Liquid Metal

Will is chippy these days

Rude Jude wants to play music picks on the show

It doesn’t get awkward anymore…no one cares

Dropkick Murphy’s are too good for Ellis to be able to convince his fandom that they are bad

Tully likes Vampire Weekend

Wax sounds like the FreeCreditReport.com band

David Blaine is better than Criss Angel, but he’s still a kook

If Tully and Ellis can agree on one thing….it’s Praise the Lord

Funny people can get laid

Jim Florentine would take a blowjob from a sheet with a mouth hole, but would prefer an ugly girl, cause she would try harder

Ellis got 4 blowjobs last night and came 3 1/2 times

Fart jokes will always be funny

Benji Madden is awesome

If you’re going to be in the game, then you have to play the fucking game

Go to PatriotGuard.org

 

***again…I’m sorry about this…I know this wasn’t the recap that you were looking for…and I don’t have the right droids either. Gripe to me on twitter. Don’t hold it against me too long. Love you guys!!!

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Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/6/2012

Welcome back, I knew you’d come back, they always come back. If things are too good for too long you will start to get sloppy, like a fat kid eating Manwiches. You gotta keep your edge and always be on your toes. Real World star and BFF to Lil Wayne, Dingo, was in the studio to grace us with his comedic presence and talked about the kind of things that you just don’t talk about, one of the new Real World cast members is secretly gay. I know, what a shocker right? I thought they all were gay, guess that surprised the shit out of me. Dana White did an interview for Fuel TV where he said, well I don’t know what he said, but here, you can see for yourself. Big Daddy Jas Cakes is thinking about becoming a professional wrestler now, its decent money, great dental plan, and oh yeah, its fake so you really don’t have to be that good or strong. But throwing dudes through tables is still awesome, fake or not.

Special guest in the studio today, Toll (Not sure if I spelled that right). I’m not real sure who he is or what he does but apparently he is tearing up the Instagram scene like a mother fucker on fire wearing rollerblades going downhill. He told Ellis how to up his followers and gave him tips and tricks. I would go into more detail but apparently Instagram doesn’t think that butt cracks are an acceptable subject peice in photography so I have boycotted them until they again allow crack. SAY YES TO CRACK, Instagram.

After today’s poetry and green drink session Raw Dog had the pleasure of a little scrotal massage by way of spikey nut ring and RC car. Lucky him. The car went, he screamed like a girl, I laughed, all is right in the world. Want to go Kayaking? Want to meet Russel Crow? Well now’s your lucky chance, just remember to bring a flare gun or something because your asses are getting lost. MC Tumble Bum’s girlfriend wants them to get a puppy together. Calm down. I can wait for you to stop yelling. There that’s better. The guys gave him a good going over and told him that it is a crazy idea and that there is no way in hell that they should do that. Thankfully Josh agreed and texted her back saying no. But I think the part that creeped me out the most is how he kept calling  her “Babe.”

RawDogs first puppy picture.

Trevor is a woman with a dude in her, wait I’m not done, but the dude is gay so that makes Trevor a woman with a dudes name that still takes the dick. However Trevor, the chick dude chick, had a baby and now wants to teach breast feeding classes and they hold her him Trevor that they don’t allow dudes. To be honest this story confused the fuck out of everyone and I only included it to take up the space that was ruined by final calls. Surprise surprise, final calls sucked more that yer mum during one of her charity visits to the homeless shelter, OH!

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