Texting and driving, it can be dangerous, so remember, wait until you get to a stop light, but your beer in the cup holder and then text. That way you can do it safely. Word on the street is that Thomas Haden Church is back in town and he reclaimed his car. And in case you haven’t heard it’s not just any car, its a Porsche Supra Extra Turbo with built in jet packs and rocket launcher. Okay maybe not, but it is pretty fucking awesome. Josh’s load sharing girlfriend has yet again stepped up her game, now she wants to take Josh to a Goth Bar. But that’s not the really great part, she want’s him to wear assless chaps there. He made a joke of it and kinda said no, but she texted him again today (probably while driving) about it. I have a feeling that in the near future we will start seeing a more clumsy Josh, falling down stairs, hitting door knobs, you know, girl shit. Hell, even a gay Canadian bull riding cowboy wouldn’t wear assles chaps, and that’s straight from the horses mouth!

Are you a Porn Star? Do you know a Porn Star? Do you have rug burns on your dick because all you do is “get to know” Porn Stars? Well good news for you and your beaten meat, the Ellis Show is trying to get more porn stars on. Are you done groaning yet? I just hope that these will be entertaining and not just the usual ditsy girls that have a protein count that’s usually reserved for body builders. Speaking of Porn Stars, did you know that David “I ruined VanHalen” Lee Roth has a daughter in porn? Of course you didn’t, who pays attention to their names anyhow.

She’s got her fathers eyes.

Big Gay Baby is still married to Big Ass Kardashian, I think that he is throwing a fit over the prenup or some shit, I could care less, that douche canoe got more money for those two days than most people make in a few years. Will “was that lightning or just my shins in the sun” Pendarvis brought in a new game, Pop Culture Pop Quiz. Rawdog won, which means that Rawdog lost, anybody that knows that much about kid shows and doesn’t have kids shouldn’t be allowed near schools or parks. It would seem that there is a RedBull Conspiracy going on in the swinghouse. Someone put full cans of Redbull outside the fridge while putting the empty box in the fridge. Simple case of mistake, maybe someone got a little distracted? Fuck no! Teberculosis Bitch Navarro claims that he did what Pendo told him to and Pendavich says nay. Maybe we will never know, it will always be a mystery, that and those fucking magnets.

Dave Mustane is entertaining thousands of Asians with his political theory’s, which is a much better idea than doing it with his music. Some nasty skank girl got a tattoo on her butthole (yes I giggled when I typed butthole, try it). If you want, you can watch it, and if I know you, you do. In an effort to not wake up with a bondage mask on, Ellis had Josh try his pimp and on the part time call screeners  Erika Ashley (@Erika_Ash) and Jolene (@JoleneParties), and he proved that even for a little dude whose only 5’2″ (Ok, he’s more like 5’6-1/2″) that he knows how to treat a bitch when she steps out of line, even though we all know Erika could drop him with one swing. Tomorrow shall be quite interesting. Our favorite stylish sluts, Rachel and Sarah, did some final calls and we learned that Sarah is bleeding like a stuck pig and thats cool with her, more lube for the lovin. The rest of the final calls were average, like usual. That’s all for tonight folks, sorry but my best endings are in your moms ass, OH!