Tag Archives: Rawdog

Ask The Jingleberries

Posted on by
2

Q & A session with the warped, yet genius minds of Bryan Cullen and Mike Cechnicki, who together make up The Jingleberries. Except these were all answered by Cechnicki as Cullen is too busy being the “backbone” of Faction. Nonetheless, this is fucking gold!

We know you both work for Sirius XM, but could you tell us exactly what you each do and / or job titles?
Mike: I do teenagers, mostly. No title. Except the one for my van.

Cullen’s all Faction all the time. We both try to listen to the as much of the show’s as we can, take notes, pull sound bytes, and gather incriminating information for future song ideas. But it’s hard to focus on the Ellis show when that’s only one of fucking gazillions of shows Cullen does for Faction alone. Which is only one of gazillions of entire channels that I do sound design, voices, and production for. At least I don’t have my own show to host too. Cullen isn’t the “Backbone” for nothing. He eats those fucking things for breakfast. Management’s still bitter about having their spines removed.

How did you two meet? Was it strictly through work?
Mike: My first day was a full music channel Production Department staff meeting. That’s what I was hired to do. All the shit between music that radio people think makes the channel have a personality and listeners think are commercials. Things like the show bumpers on Ellis coming back from songs. So at this stupid meeting, everyone goes around the room to introduce themselves to the new guy. As company virgin, I went first, saying my name and that I came from “a warm, wet, pink place.” When it came around to this pasty bald bastard all in black with thick gauges in his ears named Cullen, I think I counted 27 uses of the word “fuck.” And that was it. Kismet.

What made you guys decide to start making song parodies for the show?
Mike: There was a limited run all-punk channel on Sirius before the merger with XM that Cullen was a big part of. He got the idea to do punk style jingles of us singing instead of just “blah blah blah, The Punk Channel” all the time. I had done a bunch of creative jingle style things for the Broadway and Top 40 channels, of all fucking things, so it was second nature. A couple of weeks later, Ellis interviewed LL Cool J who dropped the now infamous “get these balls” all over the place. Cullen decided we should try a parody of LL written around his hostile interview clips. Not long after, Raw Dog revealed he had a trust fund. We haven’t stopped backing over that fucking champion with the parody bus since.

Is there anything that you consider “off limits” when it comes to a song parody?
Mike: I would have said family until Tully broke Separatist code by knocking up a gook. It’s funny. Ellis is really sensitive to race related jokes in songs, but not in conversation. He doesn’t exactly love parodies about him either. They never play twice. So I try to stay away from picking on the host and any racial shit. But not because I’m not racist. I mean, fuck Klingons. Am I right?

Have you ever made a parody that you later felt bad for writing?
Mike: Every one that I sing lead on. Which is most of them. I’m not vocally trained, and that’s part of the joke, but some of them really make me cringe. And I won’t use AutoTune unless its part of the original piece of shit song. If a parody ever takes more than an hour to make, we walk away. Unfortunately, we never have more than 15 minutes and never walk away and these things play over and over. Just to torture me.

Either of you have a favorite parody that you’ve made? Least favorite?
Mike: “Dick in a Box” stands out. Or maybe “I’m on a Boat.” Cullen says those weren’t ours. I remember it differently.

The Jingleberries have a pretty solid cult following. Are / were either of you surprised at how well you were received by both the show and fans?
Mike: I like vaginal sex. Just throwing out Christmas gift ideas. And yes, of course we’re surprised. Not by how fucking amazing we so totally are, but how overwhelmingly positive the feedback always is. Always. I honestly can’t remember one negative comment that wasn’t sarcasm. No comedian of any kind can say that. And it blows me the fuck away. Much as I’d rather actually being blown. See how it comes back around?

If one of you offered $6000 for the other to suck them off, just one time, would either of you do it?
Mike: Honestly, I’m a little bummed to find out that I could have made $6K.

To both of you, if the other got his balls stuck in a relish jar, would you A: Laugh, B: Laugh & take a picture, C: laugh, take a picture, and write a parody about it, or D: help him and keep the secret?
Mike: I put C for everything. Hopefully there weren’t any True or False questions.

Is there anything else you would like to say, shout out, or make fun of?
Mike: I wanna shout out my boy, Prop 37. California’s right to know what’s in your food. That guy’s literally going to save the human race. Oh, and Katie. I don’t know you very well, Katie. But if you keep sitting on the sidelines of battle, I’m just saying, collateral parody damage happens. Even if it gets my dick punched in.

THE END

So there you have it sisters! A kick you right in the asshole interview and a warning shot fired at Katie! Shout out to Mike Cechnicki (@Jingleberries) and Bryan Cullen (@Cullensaidthis) for the awesome interview and for all the great parodies! For a good time, follow them. For more masturbatory material, hit their website: bookhockey.com

Show Re-cap For Friday 8/31/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Did I won?

It’s Friday, and I can put it in your motherfuckin’ mouth, I mean if you like. Okay, just let me know I guess. Sharks don’t ever enjoy anything, they don’t like the taste of fish, people, or probably even weed – they’re just terrifying. Ellis went to go surfing today, there were no waves, and then there were waves, and then there was a hot Asian chick on a long board. Get all that? Good! Rawdog is the guy who doesn’t like liking things, which includes pretty much everything except nuggets, hot pockets, ice tea, and weed. Hey, if you say “bathing suit” or “swim suit” – you’re “out of the loop” cuz that shit’s gonna change, it needs to change, it’s time for a new name – and less quote usage from me. I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who woke up this morning thinking about how in the blue fuck you could honestly masturbate with shit. That’s just fucked up no matter how you slice lather it, you’re looked at in the same light as a murderer.

Doors, how do they work?

Exciting news, a fucking tornado was spotted in my area on radar and by a trained spotter, my phone’s banging out alerts and the local sirens are going off. I’m sitting here tweeting and taking notes on the fuckin’ re-cap – for you – for YOU! The DogFather (who is now selling fortune cookies) and some dude named Matt (who is a Navy Cytologist) came on the show today. There were more speech impediments fwying awound than in that “special” cwass you were in at gwade school. In “Women, Am I Right” news, 50 people wasted half the fucking day looking for a missing woman, whom was also part of the fucking search party. What a twat. There was certainly no shortage of articles for this segment today, but I’m not re-typing all that shit. Just go to CNN or something, I’m sure half that site is filled with dumb bitches making amazing news stories.

I’m not gonna lie…

There were several dudes that called in today to say that they can’t finish while fucking their really super hot wives, they take the Rawdog method and finish later by themselves. You, sirs, are suspects. Some Canadians stole a shitload of maple syrup from the strategic maple syrup reserves, threatening to disrupt the global market on maple fucking syrup. USA? Oil reserves. Canada? Maple syrup reserves. And IBM presents, you make the call. Mia Isabella, a transvestite porn star who Ellis and Rawdog say is hot as fuck, stopped by the show today. At the age of 4 she told her parents she was a girl, got her tits done at age 18, she’s from America but of French, Puerto Rican, & Jamaican decent, and has a full line of transvestite sex toys. The guys played a speed dating game with her, and I can honestly say I never want to hear Ellis whisper hitting on a chick, ever again. Rawdog’s technique sounded exactly like a radio interview – go figure, Tully’s sounded like what you’d think, and Charles the intern sounded like an overly confident, unattractive, fat guy with herpes.

You cannot vote for this… thing.

Clint Eastwood spoke at the RNC last night, looking and sounding old, and making an utter fool of himself as he miserably tried to poke fun at Obama and make jokes. I think the best thing he said was how conservatives don’t go out “hot doggin’ it”, I laughed like a little school girl at that because to me, hot doggin’ means to stick your dick between a girls two ass cheeks and start pumpin’. The guys watched one of the videos I sent of this chick flipping out on a New York City subway train, and then they went to town watching about 4 others that Rawdog found after watching the first one. Most of them have made their rounds on the Internet, but they’re still kinda fun to watch. If I find the time and motivation, maybe I’ll hunt down the links for you – but don’t hold your breath. Unless you want to, just don’t blame me if you get a headache or die or something like that.

Is this racist?

And here we go again, I just got home and more tornado alerts and sirens. Do you see? See how much I love you guys? I heard one of the best callers in awhile on the show, he said Canadian’s should have their babies in the mud – and he might be on to something there. But then, the dumbest caller of the called on to say everyone else was dumb, so naturally, he got motherfuckin shot in the dome, split his wig, sprayed noodles, blasted, etc. Lesson’s from today’s show are? Well, there’s a lot, some were touched on in this re-cap, some from yesterday’s re-cap, and the rest? You’re just gonna have to hope you don’t do them. One extra lesson I can share with you though is, do not – under any circumstances, eat anything your mother cooks for you, she snowball’s into everything she cooks. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 8/29/2012

Posted on by
1

I honestly have no idea what this is!

Why hello there friends, how are you this lovely afternoon? Please join me on this mystical and wondrous adventure through the lolly pop fields and licorice trees. There was a very very special guest on the show today. We got to visit with out bestist best friend ever, Tiger Ellis! The beginning of the show was a very G rated set up with a few news stories and then some fun and funny sound drops, YAY! There was a bit of discussion about baby poopies and how they sometimes make quite the mess. Steven Hawking would rather be without legs than an eagle because eagles have no romance in their life. Monkeys are really smart and heart burn free because they have Tums and Tiger was bullying Raw Dog because, well, that’s what happens to Man Boys. And if your a millionare oil tycoon, get a prenup, becasue all kinds of icky bad things can happen that are no fun at all.

Tiger is asleep, so lets move on with this fucking recap like a horny dude plowin through a bus full of barely legal cheerleaders! (Thank you Penthouse Forum) Its time for Ellis to

Role models – FUCK YEAH!!

read some fucking poetry while Josh drinks some green ass drink and let me tell you thefucking poem was so fucking fantastically fantastic that i couldn’t believe the fucking words I was hearing. Will had some shitty game that was from some pile of crap girls magazine that was supposed to tell them how to not be bitchy cunts like their mums but I’m pretty sure that the fucking magazine missed the damn point, especially the part thatdidn’t tell them that snitches get stitches, stupid bitches. Hey fuckers, if you cut yourself then get help, I don’t mean accidental I was juggling chainsaws cuts, but I feel bad so I cut myself cuts. Got it? Cuttings bad m’kay!

The baby dick cutting American Association of mutilating Pediatrics says that there are more benefits to circumcision than not. Whatever you decide, know this, it feels better, the dude on the radio said so, that makes it true. In today’s final calls we learned that bitches be crazy and shit all hatin’ on each other instead of going on epic cross country trips where they get to rail random dudes in different places and visit new pharmacy’s for penicillin and antibiotics and Plan B pills, Spice Radio is just a bunch of cock hungry whores that want to get on your balls and shoot jizz all over the fucking place, and if your not sure if you should get married or keep dick stabbing bitches then you probably aren’t ready to settle down.

Tiger woke back up, so I leave you with this my friend, where ever you are, what ever you are doing, remember someone loves you, and its probably yer mum, she loves you long time, OH! (This joke was rated G for all audiences).

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/28/2012

Posted on by
Reply

This has nothing to do with anything, I just liked it.

Hi guys! Hi! Howdy-diddly-do? Sup? How are yuns? I hope you’re doing better than Lance “One Regal Ball” Armstrong. Is he banging the Olsen twins or something? I don’t even know. He might look good to the ladies and shit, but those ladies ain’t ever seen @rude_jude ballin’ all over the studio while in a k-hole. Speaking of studio, Ellis says it’s time the studio gets a makeover, he wants red carpet and black walls, looking like a photo developing room or some shit like that. Or maybe something else, he’s open to ideas. Being from Alaska, Katie’s pussy had permafrost until Ellis came along to warm up them fallopians. Ellis couldn’t finish the eat like Rawdog challenge yesterday, he skipped the KFC pot pie – which was probably a good thing or we might not be having a live show today.

I hope you’re happy with what you have done!

Dr. Drew stopped by the show today, he was there for an intervention for Rawdog and his eating habits. Rawdog got to hear how his life choices are making Ellis and Tully sad and that his eating habits are not only hurting him, they are hurting the people that love him as well. It was revealed that Rawdog had just seen his therapist a day or two previous to this encounter, and he actually spoke to his therapist about his eating habits and how it has been a topic recently! This is good news because the first step is admitting you have a problem. Rawdog feels like he’s being attacked, and his natural behavior is to not want to be told what to do. The more people are nagging him about his diet, the more he wants to do the exact opposite of what he knows he should be doing, eating healthier. This was actually a pretty involved segment with lots of little bits of information, but the gist is that Ellis is going to back off when it comes to calling out Rawdog for his diet, he will also make an effort to learn how to read more better (get it?) and Rawdog will make an effort to start changing his dietary habits.

Christmas. It’s not just for fucking a stranger in your house anymore!

Melody Jordan was on the show after Dr. Drew and a Danzig break, she’s a porn star who can do porn star things and Rawdog can’t help but to call Bigfoot, Bookfoot. That porn star chick? Her butthole has it’s own twitter, and the owner of that butthole talks a lot about shitting, her shit sewer, enemas, etc.She sounds like mommy’s little disgusting angel. Another porn star came in to join the intensely erotic “taking a shit” discussions, but I missed her name – her name isn’t important though, right? She really sold herself when she said she’s not very interesting, I assume when compared to a gutter slut talking about taking pictures of the shits she takes, you might be considered tame. But lady, let me tell you, I’d probably rather see your porn than the “butt mustard” girl’s porn.

Everything that’s been said about your mom? Yea, it’s all pretty much true.

Today was NMT and boy was it a treat! There was this band, they sucked. And then there was this other band, they blew. After that was another band, terrible. Then, another band, and then the terrorists won. Raccoons have bones in the peckers, and people make toothpicks out of those bones, ALL. THE. TIME. Our home girl @KimDultz called into the show, I think it was about her pussy and some kid related shit, and thanks to @CobraTits, you can listen to her call here. Sorry, I kinda didn’t hear because I was busy imagining her saying nice things about my wiener, can ya blame me? UPDATE: Consider this your notification, it has been decided that we’re replacing “Truck Yeah” with “Butt Yeah” until further notice. Thank you. And now something about your mother. As per usual, she was being her typical self, stupid and annoying. But I kinda felt bad for busting a nut right in her eye after she got done blowing me, so I asked her what was wrong. She said she had a yeast infection. I told her that now she knows what it’s like being with an irritating cunt. OH!