Show Re-cap For Friday 3/9/2012

It’s Friday, why are you giving a fuck (or a fart)? Oh, you’re not? That’s excellent news! Guess who else wasn’t giving a fuck today? Ellis. He was late for this, the final Friday morning show, apparently when the guys tried calling him it would go straight to voicemail. Turns out neither of his alarms went off so he overslept. Oddly, it used to be Tully who was always running late, my how the tables have turned. So for the first part of today, we got the RawTully Center Show, which wasn’t bad at all, actually it was entertaining – I don’t think those guys give themselves enough credit when it comes to filling in on the show. It was also revealed that Tully’s middle name is Leonard! How fantastic is that? I can’t help but think of when @oxycottonjohn called in, “Yea, this is Leonard and I like to go muddin”. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that line.

Tully unveiled his brand new segment today, “Women, Am I Right?” after reading a story that Bin Laden may have been betrayed by his jealous “other” wife. We all know women are inferior, wretched creatures that are not to be trusted so this segment should have plenty of material at its disposal. Disclaimer: It’s a joke ladies. Don Squartz jumped from a hot air balloon while on the radio – that sounded uh… fast or something. As you know, South African Don is a racist, he hired a bunch of blicks to cushion his fall after jumping from like 2200 feet or some crazy shit.

Jim Florentine came on the show and Ellis re-shared all the relatively recent developments in his life. Learning his father molested him, getting a divorce, drinking, and all those things he’s currently coping with. It’s amazing to hear it all and you can tell it still hurts him. I suppose it helps him to talk about it, but it is surprising someone could be so open to tell all this to the radio universe. Florentine had his own stories, such as at the age of fourteen, kissing a wrestling photographer on the cheeks for wrestling pictures. Fucking creepy people are out there in this world, we all know this, but it’s always surprising to hear.

BOOM! Done. See how I did that? Got in, did my shit and then got out. Exactly how your mom is treated, sexually I mean. What I’m saying is, a lot of individuals see your mom, fuck her and finish, and then leave. OH?

Show Re-cap For Thursday 3/8/2012

MumTardDid you know Cumtard’s mom (@MumTard) is now using her limited brain capacity for tweeting? That’s right kids, straight from the horrors of the Tard family comes the lady who birthed a moron. And no, that’s not me tweeting under the MumTard moniker. The show started off with Rawdog’s favorite topic, robots and the future, and of course he really, really wants to be a robot at some point. I really don’t know what else to say about all that, other than I hope his robo-dreams come true. And if I should happen to be turned into a robot after I die, I’m going to hack Robodog to be my maid and paint his exoskeleton pink with white polka dots.

Hide And Seek World ChampsThere was some talk about Invisible Children and how they’re the hide and seek world champs. Ok, that was bullshit and just wrong, but felt oh so right. They actually talked about the latest social trending topic “Kony2012”, as well as what bits of the show they should keep – be it old or new, and the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie with Don Squartz. Sounds like they’re going to paint dials on a piece of cardboard and just show it blurred in the background, what? In other exciting news, they’re also going to be making a music video for their Death! Death! Dubstep! song, and you all have a chance to be in it. You can video yourself dancing Michael Jackson style to the song in iconic or funny places and send the clips to: itsdonaldschultz@me.com

It’s new music day, and then that part was over. A caller asked Ellis for advice on how to get a stripper to do a little bit more. He asked the right person, Ellis had a full on game plan for the guy to follow – which went something like this: Get yourself some track pants and a t-shirt, go to the club and pay for a private lap dance. Each time the stripper is moving her ass up and down on your junk it’s pushing your shirt up just bit until she’s jacking off the top off your knob, then you blow a load in your shirt and go home. If that’s not the route you’re taking, apparently you’ve been doing it all wrong. I didn’t do the explanation any justice, it was actually pretty hilarious the way Ellis described it.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this, and you know I couldn’t do that to you. Final calls for today’s show got a nice shot in the eye with a solid “CUM GOVNAH!” by the what must arguably be the best cum govnah’er, @QwertyRDS. He does a fucking excellent CUM GOVNAH! As good as he is, he pales in comparison to how your mom performs pterodactyls until she’s so full of jizz, she’s burping cum bubbles. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 3/6/2012

ElephantitisHey, it’s “Big Balls” Tuesday and that is no laughing matter. Elephantitis of the nuts is a serious issue affecting at least a handful of people in the world. Speaking of big balls, Rawdog revealed he almost choked to death on a butterscotch candy when he was kid and now he won’t eat them anymore, I assume because he’s afraid he’ll die. I think this is probably where his “small throat” excuse comes from considering he can’t swallow pills or even a mouthful of liquid. Thankfully though, Tully has attended baby CPR classes so should Rawdog start choking on his own spit, Tully can save his life. So naturally, it was time to get Rawdog over his fear of butterscotch hard candies. Will and Dan came in with some butterscotch candies, it took awhile but he was finally victorious over the candy and did not die! Shout out to that legend of a man, beating out a butterscotch candy. Fucking gangster.

Come at me eseTully, Rawdog, and Jude were trash talking and challenging each other to a book report-off. I think I’ve officially heard it all now, especially when Rawdog busted out an “ese” while tough talking Jude. I don’t know much about Jude and his reading habits, but if speech habits have any bearing on the subject, Rawdog’s “book wepowt” is going to be full of mistakes. Tully seems like the front runner on this one, I mean he did go to Oxford, not to mention he can now perform baby CPR. That has to add something to his book report skills, right? On the other hand, Jude just might come out with a masterpiece, especially if he does it while on ketamine.

Mauro RanalloThere was a whole metric fuckload of talk about the recent Rush Limbaugh “scandal” and what is right or wrong or acceptable, advertising, who’s a prostitute or not, etc. It was supposed to be “Dude am I slut? Rush Limbaugh edition” but instead it turned into a circle jerk discussion about freedom of speech. In other news, Bro Brogan (@joerogan) apparently tried to get hair implants and now has a scar from it. I think we can all agree that the “bald” or shaved head look is way more popular today than it ever was. By the way, have you seen Mauro Ranallo after he shaved his head? He looks fucking hilarious / horrible with a shaved head. He also shakes his head a lot when talks and kind of reminds me of Seth MacFarlane.

BellaEllisBelladonna was on the show today and she’s bald too, I mean she has a shaved head now. But her cookie is probably bald as well. She used to come in back when the show was first starting out, and she was always a pretty cool guest. The major topic while she was there was people calling in with strange things they found sexy or hot or whatever. There were quite a few “strange” ones, but I think the blockbuster of the bunch was a guy that called in and said after doing some coke and drinking, he would put lube on his dick, tie rubber bands around his cock to keep it hard, penetrate his ass, wash it off, and then suck his own cock. I think what made the story even better was how matter of fact and dead serious he was while discussing it. He sounded very believable as well, especially with all his cokehead pauses while telling a story.

In other big news, Pendarvis has cleared the way to move the Friday morning shows to it’s normal afternoon time. He says this should happen not this coming Friday, but the next Friday. And you know what that means, the move is probably gonna be delayed indefinitely. HAHAHAHAA Get it? No? Well, fuck you then. Alternatively, you could fuck your mom, everyone else has. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 3/5/2012

It’s just another manic Monday, I wish it was Sunday, fuck that – no I don’t. Sunday’s suck just as bad as Mondays. The Bangles were fuckin’ dumb as shit, man. What I really just want to get across to you here is that it is Monday. So, sounds like Tully has invented something for babies, he’s even got a lawyer involved. He hasn’t eluded to what it is exactly and it doesn’t sound like he’s going to, at least anytime soon. Best of luck to him and his invention as well as his love for chucking spears.

It’s @DanOD5‘s birthday today, he’s 12 now! And Kirk Cameron is fucktarded. Rawdog went on another date and also has a setup for a different date and it sounds like this date might be about a threesome! Or it could be about Rawdog banging this chick while her other guy friend sits in the corner, sweating profusely and masturbating. She mentions something about “it would help if you were into polyamorous relationships”, and apparently she hooks up with another dude who also has online dating profile. So the suggested date includes her, the hookup guy, and Rawdog. I think they may want to treat him as a sex doll.

Dammit JimThe Backbone (@CullenSaidThis) interviewed George Takei today and asked him if and when he was going on The Jason Ellis Show. He was incredibly creepy with his voice and flirting towards Ellis, saying he can’t wait for their “m-e-a-t-i-n-g”. Wow. He also say’s he working on his jealous husband to allow him to go on the show. Moving on, the guys were asking for some suggestions for possible guests on the show. A lot of good ideas came up, some more likely than others, but good none the less. Hopefully something works out on that front.

The show went back to Rawdog and his father’s speech impediment. Rawdog completely denies that he or his dad has a speech problem, but it seems most everyone else in the world hears it, except him. In frustration, Rawdog had his sister Gabby call in to listen to the clips of the Dogfather saying certain words where he clearly is mispronouncing them. Instead of Gabby admitting that any of them have speech issues, she says, “You know both my brothers have a learning disability” I fucking cried laughing for several minutes while Rawdog was dumbfounded at what his sister just said. It was so fucking epic, maybe even just slightly more epic than how your mom looks getting an angry dragon. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 3/2/2012

It’s Friday you fucking animals! And who gives a fuck? Not me, not you, and not anyone we know. So let’s jump right into the mix here and see how the guys planned to top off an already stellar week of shows, shall we? We shall!

Ellis had a sleepover with Mayhem (@mayhemmiller) so he could be up and ready to come back on the show this morning. Mayhem damn near burned down the studio on his first time back in like 8 months and huffed some canned compressed air! He was so full of energy that I think he started to get on everyone’s nerves in the studio for a short while (it’s damn early for his high energy craziness), but still – he was pretty fucking hilarious. Mayhem said he hasn’t been on the show because he lost his license, which is probably true.

Dan the intern got a new nickname, “Madame Seduce-a”, sounds hot right? Rawdog was temporarily known as “Hot Pockets”, Ellis was temporarily known as “Frozen Pants”, for putting his pants in the freezer, and Tully was temporarily known as “C.B. Dollaway”.

Since it is Friday, and I don’t give a fuck, and nobody else gives a fuck, and because I’m ready to blow this taco stand, I’m ending this mother bitch right here and right now. And guess what else? Yup. You’re mom is still a massive whore, but again, nobody cares because it’s Friday. Let her whore it up, stick things all up in her holes, whatever she wants. FREEZE MY PANTS TONIGHT!