Hells to the fuckin’ yeah!
It’s Monday, everyone have a good weekend? Good, glad to hear it. Nobody really cares though, they’re all waiting for a sweet-ass re-cap from yours truly (that’s me). See how that shit works? Yea, me neither. N E WAY, WUDINIT SUCK IFA LITL GURL DID THE RECAPS? God, I’m sorry. It sounded funny in my head, but I can’t even type like that without my eye and asshole twitching. Let’s just get into the show and forget all that shit I just typed, m’kay? Dingo the doggie nutsack toucher was on the show today and revealed a couple of his farts that he recorded on his phone, they were weak in the pants. Good news guys with little dicks, you may not realize it, but you’re probably better off because at least your whole penis fits inside, rather than hitting the stop sign and only being half way in. But I’m sure dick issues don’t apply to any of you. More dick talk, specifically Ellis and his dick on the Internet and that’s about all the dick talk I’m comfortable writing about in a single re-cap.
Love ’em & leave ’em, Rawdog
Rawdog went out on his date over the weekend, and apparently it showed because the guys could see he had some sort of sore on his mouth. Turns out it probably isn’t the herps, but was more likely from the chick biting his lip. The odd thing is that he hadn’t ever noticed the sore until it was pointed out during the show. So they never did get a chance to eat mac-n-cheese or watch Arrested Development, and when asked if went to bed hungry, his response was, “I got to eat a little bit, you can read between the lines” and it was also revealed that he got his pee pee sucked on! Our little Man-Boy is growing up right before our ears, I think I can hear cheering in the distance. Tully took some drugs this weekend, his wife’s pain killers because he had a boo-boo or something, right when the pills were kicking in he heard his neighbor yelling “HELP ME! SOMEBODY, HELP ME!” so Tully dialed 911. Cops went over there and took someone out on a stretcher, alive, but that’s about all he knows. As you could imagine, that was enough to kill his buzz and so he went and did laundry.
Dude, am I a horrible fad?
Some chick that has been harassing Ellis to get with him said she was going to come over to see him and he ended up getting stood up. But that seemed to be a good thing, because they traded saucy pictures and apparently she has a big-ole clithood and it’s being questioned if he actually knows this chick. It might be the girlfriend of a really good friend of his, but it also goes to show that he doesn’t know this chick very well at all. Sounds like a case of… Risky Business. YEEAAAAHH! During the “Dude Am I Slut?” segment, the one that stuck out the most was this chick that had picked up a guy at a bar and had sex for 36 hours. She carries around a bag full of sex toys, she squirts so hard it pushes cocks out of her vag, and claims she came around over two-hundred times. She had quite a few stories about all her fucking and sucking habits, toys, etc. and in the end admitted that it was all fake, she called in because the guys were bored. Even though the story was fake, I have to give her props for making up such a wild story that included pissing a dude’s cock out of her snatch. This story may have been fake, but this question isn’t… What’s the difference between your mom and a hockey player? The hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods. OH!
And that’s a wrap!
Why is everyone such a cunt today? Fuck it, who cares, let’s just get right into this fucker of mothers Monday re-cap. Dingo was on the show today, and contrary to popular (or unpopular) belief, he has never licked dog balls and Rawdog’s pubic hair is like furry chocolate – or so he says. Ellis got in trouble because his son told mommy that he was being called a drama queen while he was camping, but Ellis swears he didn’t make him eat rocks or anything. Ellis locked his keys in his rental car so he smashed the window to get in. I think most of us at one point has locked our keys in our vehicles, but here’s my suggestion to you, and it’s a good one – I know because I’ve done it before. Look around for a shady looking dude, offer him $20 if he can prove how good of a criminal he is by breaking into your vehicle without actually breaking anything. BOOM! You’re in your vehicle within 5 minutes and shady guy gets a free twenty dollar rock to smoke on.
More talk about going to Thailand, staying in a hut, and tripping mushrooms. Dingo had some experience with Thailand, mainly getting some type of food poisoning or something right before he was to leave and spent 36 hours on a plane shitting and throwing up. Another new intern / call screener today, my Internet cut out for his entire introduction and came back after someone was calling him a liar – so I have no fucking clue what that’s about. But I do know this, his tentative nickname is Bitch Taco. Mouth guards came in today for the guys to wear at Ellismania 8 and so suggestions for what to write on them started flying. I think Rawdog’s is (or should be) “ManBoy”, Tully seems to really like “Princess” or possibly “Fuck Canada” (if it’s cool with Canadians), Dingo will be “Dr. Cunt” or “Way Gay”, I’m not sure Ellis really chose one yet – the one that was discussed is too long I believe, and @Butterballs_EM6 will most likely be going with “Pizza”. Kids are durable as shit, just ask any parent who’s dropped or banged their child’s head on shit, that’s why some kids have dents in their heads.
Apparently the new thing for celebrities is to get a “party girl IV drip” or some shit. According to Simon Cowell, it made him feel warm and fuzzy and he had energy for a few days. To be fair, he says the same thing after he’s been penetrated in the ass by several men. Cue callers who had stories of using IV drips during and/or after partying, such as a group of dudes who go out partying and bring their paramedic friend who has a cooler full of IVs and he administers it to them after they’ve partied themselves stupid. By the sounds of callers, people are abusing IVs left and right, they fucking chill them and dump that shit in their veins to help cool themselves down, etc.
So many people have been calling lately asking what’s up with “Red Dragons” and one caller capitalized on that today by asking “What’s up with all these dragons?” And another caller asked for a “Red Dragons” because he wasn’t a fucking retard caller. That unleashed a barrage of callers asking for a “Red Dragons” for one thing or another until the point that it became ridiculous, but in a good way. One of the toppers at the ending was a guy saying he just took a big fat Brad (a shit, named for another previous caller) and sure as shit, he got one. I thought those were pretty fucking funny, so you better have god damned laughed too! There must have been fifty fucking people calling in today asking for a “Red Dragons” for doing this, that, or some other thing but I digress. 
The big story here is while your mom was on vacation in Detroit, she was walking to the store for cigarettes and blunt wraps as a car pulls up. The guy in the car could tell your mom was ready to make a few bucks and asks her if she’s “working”. Your mom responded “as always honey” and turns on her charm and says “Tell me it’s true what they say about black guys” He then proceeds to stab her 37 times and steals her purse. And that’s how she met your father, Leeland. OH!
I’ve been wanting to post this one for awhile. If you’re an OG hardcore Ellisfam, this clip should bring back some memories. I remember the dirtbike burnout in-studio like it was yesterday. Enjoy!
Download (link to MP3)
Sounds like Jillian Reynolds’ (formerly Barberie) boss is now upset with Ellis because he was on KTLA and not their show, which is funny because Ellis has asked to be on Jillian’s show like 10 times and was turned down each time. Dumb Hollywood politics is apparently at play here. Fuck ’em. Ellis wants to create his own collection line of shirts, patches, blankets, bed sheets, etc. Someone called up Andrea to brag that she was going to beat up Katie, and then people had to do their homework for school the next day. Whose some hot old chicks was a topic, Janice Dickinson and Martha Stewart were mentioned among others. Ellis admitted he would not be into dating an average looking person, only hot chicks – and he knows that will eventually lead to a lonely life. But, hey, I guess that’s why they sell ferns.
Not only has Obama come out in support of gay marriage, but so has Jay-Z, so go ahead and change the books. Rawdog was excited to bring a new segment to the show today, gadget talk. I like me some new technology, but I just knew Rawdog was going to pick some stupid shit, and sure enough he did – a fucking phone glove for instance. It turns out that Dingo may have little balls, he had to measure, I assume because it was a rather close call. A literal 
12 year-old called into the show while eating a hotdog, and it appears he has kind of an a-hole for a mom. Ellis had told the kid that he probably shouldn’t be listening to the show because he’s too young. The kid was eating a hotdog, it wasn’t cold. Then the kid passed the phone to mom, who called the show “pathetic” and claimed she, nor her son listened to the show, and that they were eating hotdogs. She said her husband loves the show, brings home the bacon, and she gets to drive a nice car… and eat hotdogs. At any rate, she was annoying. Also, hotdogs. Today’s new music Tuesday wasn’t all that bad, certainly better than a lot of the previous ones. I missed pretty much the rest of the show, but I don’t think there was anything of major importance. Oh, wait. Hotdogs + you moms pussy = state fair corn dogs. You know, because of all that batter in her deep fryer of a pussy. OH!