Tag Archives: Cumtard

Show Re-cap For Monday 4/23/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Hellos to people read these bolg, today I likes you and tell of you fans strong of fight and don’t even take a shit if you don’t have to! I tell everyone do not take shits for anyone, only give shits, and see futures in balls. Talking was done over fans, listeners, New York, Chicago, Steve Astephen, fuckings, and monies. Oh noez, I sucks and are a pieces of shits. Okay, okay, I’ll stop talking fucktarded. It’s only funny for a little bit. For everyone whose read “I’m Awesome” all the way through, soon you won’t have to worry about spoiling anything for people by talking about the book, because bits and pieces from the book keep getting talked about on the show. Knowing that, you should probably hurry up and finish reading the book if you haven’t yet.

Ellis and Tully got a ride home from the po-po from Max’s Bar in Chicago, and they even got to go check on a domestic disturbance call. Ellis made out with some hot chick while his face was painted up with death mask makeup, and then Rawdog tried to get a smooch in on the chick too, but sounds like she snuffed him on the lip kiss and presented him with her cheek instead. Rawdog also tried to get all rock and roll on his keyboard and smash it, but the little fella wasn’t doing a very good job at it so Ellis took over and destroyed it for him. The guys met Danny’s mom at one of the book signings in Chicago, and according to Ellis his mom is hot as shit. HotMommyOD5 apparently told Dan’s daddy that Ellis is pretty good looking too – so yeah – this shit could get really fucking weird like really fucking quick.

Rawdog went to pick up his car this morning, everything was as it he had left it, movie props and weed were still there – so let’s just assume nobody but Rawdog and the tow truck driver had stepped foot in his shitbox on wheels. He still likes to share the blame with the local police department, because you know, it sucks having to own up to having a moment of tardness all by yourself. Along with Dingo, Cumtard and Skin stopped by the show today to bullshit and play a little bit of shock trivia and Skin used an annoying fake British (or Scottish) accent. As usual, Cumtard probably got the worst of the treatment – but he likes taking shots for the team so I don’t think he minds too much. It’s weird, because just as Cumtard takes shots for the team, your mom takes shots of man load from hordes of nasty men on a daily basis – for free. OH!

Your mom won an iron

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/10/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Has everyone recovered from the bloody madness that occurred last night on Twitter? I hope so, because this train keeps-a-rolling, and we’re gonna chug right along into today’s show. Cricket is lame as all fuck, I think we can all agree on that – see, we already have that in common! Rawdog claimed that Michael Jordan came up with the baggy shorts look in the NBA because he would wear his old college shorts under his NBA shorts. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I suppose that it is plausible – and Tully said Jordan also has a big dick, so that seems to seal the deal.

Cumtard not last?Ellis won, in his group, at that go kart racing thing for the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie shoot. Rawdog finished second to last place, and the only thing surprising about that is he wasn’t in dead last place, that spot belongs to the illustrious Cumtard. However, Cumtard posted an image that seems to disprove that he was the worst driver, instead it’s speculated that Rawdog was indeed the slowest. A fan stole Ellis’ sunglasses, tried to gank Dingo’s sunglasses, and also was going through peoples’ phones while they were on the track. What a fucking dickhole. Also, bitches be trippin’ on shrooms and shit.

There was talk about how to make golf more interesting, and I’m not sure it can be done. Sure you can just get shit-hammered and cruise around in a golf cart, but even that has its limits. Tomorrow’s WGW might just be “World’s Greatest Man-Boy” with early potential front runners being Rawdog, Thom Yorke, Ellen Degeneres, and your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 3/12/2012

Posted on by
Reply

Okay Sirius XM. You motherfuckers better get some cash together for Rawdog. You let Cumtard work his way to being broke until he finally had to leave to go find a paying job, but if you do the same to Rawdog, you’re going to completely fuck the show – and thereby fuck the entire channel. Basically, Rawdog’s roommate is moving out and Rawdog has to either find another roommate or another apartment and he is getting close to running out of money. I suspect he could probably use a portion of his trust fund, but I doubt he wants to keep dipping into that to work for free.

Rawdog went on his Friday night date, where he was to meet this chick, a dude, and another chick, all of whom are into “open” relationships. He showed up to the chicks house, where the 3 other people were as well. They played some Scrabble, they cooked dinner, ate, and eventually they all started talking about their “poly” lifestyle. They all sat on the couch and started watching porn, he thinks both girls were trying to get the party going and Rawdog was just too uncomfortable with the other dude being there. It was later revealed that Rawdog ended up going home and whacking off. Congratulations, Rawdog’s highlight was being able to play the word “Equation” and got a shitload of points or something and missing out on chubby pussy.

Ellis is going to race trucks in the Lucas Oil series again, Twitch helped get Ellis a ride via one of his sponsors, they’re going to let him use a “celebrity” truck for a weekend. That bit of news was almost skipped over because Rawdog was busy talking about pennies. How dare he not hump a heftychick with another large chick and a dude! And that was about it for the show. One thing we’re left to assume though, one of those whales Rawdog was meant to fuck was most assuredly you’re mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 3/8/2012

Posted on by
Reply

MumTardDid you know Cumtard’s mom (@MumTard) is now using her limited brain capacity for tweeting? That’s right kids, straight from the horrors of the Tard family comes the lady who birthed a moron. And no, that’s not me tweeting under the MumTard moniker. The show started off with Rawdog’s favorite topic, robots and the future, and of course he really, really wants to be a robot at some point. I really don’t know what else to say about all that, other than I hope his robo-dreams come true. And if I should happen to be turned into a robot after I die, I’m going to hack Robodog to be my maid and paint his exoskeleton pink with white polka dots.

Hide And Seek World ChampsThere was some talk about Invisible Children and how they’re the hide and seek world champs. Ok, that was bullshit and just wrong, but felt oh so right. They actually talked about the latest social trending topic “Kony2012”, as well as what bits of the show they should keep – be it old or new, and the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie with Don Squartz. Sounds like they’re going to paint dials on a piece of cardboard and just show it blurred in the background, what? In other exciting news, they’re also going to be making a music video for their Death! Death! Dubstep! song, and you all have a chance to be in it. You can video yourself dancing Michael Jackson style to the song in iconic or funny places and send the clips to: itsdonaldschultz@me.com

It’s new music day, and then that part was over. A caller asked Ellis for advice on how to get a stripper to do a little bit more. He asked the right person, Ellis had a full on game plan for the guy to follow – which went something like this: Get yourself some track pants and a t-shirt, go to the club and pay for a private lap dance. Each time the stripper is moving her ass up and down on your junk it’s pushing your shirt up just bit until she’s jacking off the top off your knob, then you blow a load in your shirt and go home. If that’s not the route you’re taking, apparently you’ve been doing it all wrong. I didn’t do the explanation any justice, it was actually pretty hilarious the way Ellis described it.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this, and you know I couldn’t do that to you. Final calls for today’s show got a nice shot in the eye with a solid “CUM GOVNAH!” by the what must arguably be the best cum govnah’er, @QwertyRDS. He does a fucking excellent CUM GOVNAH! As good as he is, he pales in comparison to how your mom performs pterodactyls until she’s so full of jizz, she’s burping cum bubbles. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 3/7/2012

Posted on by
1

Chelsea Handler staying frostyYou know the start of the show, multiple topics. But the first big one was about the show’s fame and followers versus Chealsea Handler, which I think is kind of a silly comparison. For one, she’s on TV – how do you compare that to radio? Another thing is the fact that she’s female and not bad looking (not including the very not flattering picture I posted to the right), sex sells and it’s typically a woman that reaches the broadest audiences, rather than a male sex figure. Of course there’s also that whole speculation that she’s fucked her way to the top. I don’t think radio hosts will ever be as “known” or popular as people on TV or in movies. Howard Stern is well known, sure, but I think even his fame has declined a bit, especially when you think of someone like Johnny Depp. Depp has to make more money and is more relevant than Stern, especially when you start factoring in endorsements, commercials, etc. Anyway, this is kind of dumb as there is no comparison to be had here, so let’s keep this train a rollin’.

Uriah HeepUrijah Faber, I couldn’t give two shits about what he said on TUF, so instead I’ll talk about Uriah Heep for a second. When’s the last time you heard that song “Easy Living”? That’s gotta be their biggest hit, right? You know those fuckers are still making music? Me neither. Also, it has been confirmed that this Friday will be the last morning show as they will be moving to their normal afternoon time on Fridays.

As almost always on Wednesday’s, we play #WGW and today’s topic was World’s Greatest Thing You Can Do With $2000. And as usual, here’s the top 10 in order of their placing:

  1. Moose with a Top HatBuy a top hat, a shitload of Jack Daniels, and shoot a moose
  2. Demolition derby with four $500 cars
  3. Getting wasted, getting a hooker, rocking out to Limp Bizkit, and have the hooker “shave all my friends tonight”
  4. Stay frosty for 36 hours
  5. Hire an army of homeless people (or trannies) and have them reenact Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” in Beverly Hills
  6. Shitting on a Chik-Fil-A out of a helicopter
  7. Get Cumtard drunk and pay a tranny rape him (but won’t be rape because he’ll be drunk and willing)
  8. Buy a Pontiac Fiero
  9. Record a track with somebody from The Flipmode Squad
  10. Super 8 motel, tacos, beer, and hookers

And with that, I bid you adieu my frosty friends. There’s not much more for me to talk about, well, besides the fact that your mother loves to go ass to mouth. OH!