Remember the Speech Jammer bit on the show Thursday? Our esteemed colleague @CrackerStacker6 put the speech jammer and his lyrical skills to the test with “Target Practice” by @CassetteCoast and “Put Your Balls On It” by Death! Death! Die! The results? Fucking golden. Don’t believe me? Listen for yourself.
He’s back, @CassetteCoast returns for another “Unsigned Bands” segment with his fourth installment of “The Jason Ellis Show Target Practice” and once again, he did not disappoint. Somehow he keeps one-upping himself, and this time he combined his as always slick & murderous lyrical style with some shoutouts to EllisFam! Seriously. This guy is fucking good. We’re talking like, Lil Wayne should be his gardener good. Don’t believe me? Listen and you be the judge.
Download (link to MP3)
Update #1: HE WON! His track will be in rotation next week on Faction! Congratulations Coast!
Update #2:
Here’s Jason & Tully listening live to Coast’s track.
Side note: Once again, Ellis hates hearing me mentioned. But he can’t stop it. Which as everyone knows, means he loves me. Around the 3:09 mark.
Download (link to MP3)
Lyrics
-You already know what time it is whenever Coast gets to flowing on some Unsigned Bands shit
-who the fuck y’all playing with?
-you aint play my shit the last time out of fear of somebody getting their pussy hurt
-I aint gon’ lie, it could occur
-who’s the first one to get this ass whoopin Kevin Kraft looking
-like the perfect candidate to get decapitated
-actually wait, let me sharpen up this razor blade
-give your neck a taper fade hoe
-Who let that trailer park trash broadcast that old soft ass podcast
-get up off that and go tard that tune bitch that’s all you’re hard at
-and we all laugh at your salty ass you’re a Saltine with fromunda cheese
-that mean that cracker foul now open your mouth and get some of that onion ring
-that’s a metaphor for that bitches butthole to be polite I’ll say Alexa’s pooper
-I wanna welcome y’all to the legal fuck show the home of lardvarks and ice cream scooper
-speaking of that go straight to HateBean the man that may seem to daze and daydream
-bout making baked beans that glaze his face seeing as all day long he can lick a plate clean
-the country boy with the angry lanyard he’s Alabamas Miranda Lambert
-no “fwampa fwampa” for Will Pendarvis just play the beat and he’ll go the hardest
-he can talk the talk and he can walk the walk but he’s sad as fuck on the low
-don’t cross Pendarvis he’ll call the boss up to pull the plug on the show
-oh now Michael Tully said a billion dollars ain’t enough to let go of the China boy
-and I was bout to offer like 30 dollars and a Beloved shirt with a dinosaur.
-I’ma find a cure for your sarcasm if it’s the last thing that I do
-the only thing more faggy than the way you be acting is a Castaway tattoo
-ooh kill em gotdamnit I’m feelin myself got a feelin I’m fitna win Unsigned Bands
-I’m the one man band that’s representing EllisFam that goes ham when you play my jam
-and I’m qualified to be death death die but Tyler Posey gotta step aside
-I’ll hit a retard with a keytar like a tee ball knock his teeth off then I check the mic
-I know Jase Cakes better back the fuck up I’m Mexican I got a switchblade
-and I’ll cut a hole for James Hepfield to stick his dick DEEP in the ribcage
-I been contemplating if Thomas Haydens kinda fond of gay men from Hollywood
-and if he told you suck his dick for that car man I aint saying you did it but you probably would
-On instagram you get a temper tantrum when kids be acting like trolls
-but it just so happens its a good old fashioned “What the fuck is wrong with your nose?” reaction
-I’m playin dog I love this show O & A nigga fuck them hoes
-You red dragons I’m red flaggin you can hit me up and I’ma rep for Faction
-like BitPimps Twisted Trucker Mike in Canada Shark Chucker
-Shit Tobogan and Wolf Kisser Shantanee whats good with ya
-Arizona Red Dragon too Stapleneck mane what it do
-Truk Norris and Little Miss Ellis Wayne the Pitt and the rest of y’all fellas
-matter of fact Cracker Stacker Twisted Metal Fab thats the last
-of my name drops but y’all all great and this flow was sponsored by ALLSTATE.
Bonus:
Missed the first 3 Target Practice tracks? Here’s all of them!
Guess who is back serving up devastating lyrics and taking target practice on TJES crew again. Yup, @CassetteCoast. You’re probably already familiar with him, if not, you should be. This is the same man that blew each and every one of us away with his first two submissions to the “Unsigned Bands” segment on the show. For reasons unknown, his track didn’t get played on today’s segment. But hopefully it will be played on a future installation of “Unsigned Bands”. Since we’re all clambering to hear what kind of hell he unleashed for his 3rd Target Practice track, let’s get right to it and find out!
TJES Target Practice No. 3 by CassetteCoast
Download (link to MP3)
Lyrics:
-ok that unemployed Jew boy don’t matter much so let’s pass him up
-rawdog done got hauled off so Kevin Kraft batter up
-I mean Cumtard ur like a dumb broad that gets pumped hard and acts stuck up
-and u say u ain’t into anal but ur famous off of that butt chugging
-I mean what the fuck dog own up u went and got ur grundel all toned up
-u stupid hoe u produce the show man who’d u blow to get blown up
-I bet $20 down on Pendarvis both of y’all is retarded
-stop popping off about conference calls we ain’t falling for all of that garbage
-bitch y’all fuckin full homo hang a lanyard off of that pogo
-who can it be the Alabama queen up in a vat of beans in that photo
-somebody get dingo some clean clothes somebody get rude Jude on Drew soon
-somebody get Christian Hands Brian griffin ass up out the seat I’m bout to fall asleep
-I like Tully tho but for the sake of the song fuck that hoe in the face with a long
-dick and 2 balls rip the roof off his mothafuckin mouth when it ugh splooge off
-I Love Me Girl was as bad as a bag of nasty ass wrapped up in a pack of maxi pads
-stashed up Josh daddy’s faggot ass
-oh no that’s a low blow and a F bomb I know Jason prolly got sumn to say
-well he’s Trey Canards big stinky poopy at least that’s what his son would say
-I guess Princess Leia don’t like me now but he gon hate me more in a second
-I done got 311 Beck and Offspring to all join the board of directors
-nigga I’m hood as fuck and even I know better Cadillac Coast won’t drive no Jetta
-I’ll take a ride on that Katy train or get Shannon Guns on my dangalang
-man I’m through it’s been coo I’m fitna let y’all do what y’all do
-and if you got a guest on the show today what’s up bitch fuck you too
If you were listening today, during the mutated segments of “Unsigned Bands” dueling with “Unsigned Farts”, you heard a name that probably sounded familiar to you. @CassetteCoast If you remember, Coast is the guy that Systematically murdered everyone on TJES with his lyrics, the guys sure remembered. And they gave him respect for his current and initial appearances. Well, he was back today with a new track called “Sith Lord” that once again showed he’s no joke. Give it a listen, you’d never know this guy wasn’t already signed to a big deal, because he sure as shit should be.
Now, here’s what you didn’t hear today. He also made another “diss” track, all in good fun – but unfortunately, it didn’t get played in today’s shortened show. But luckily for us, @CassetteCoast was nice enough to send it to us so everyone else could hear it too. Here is what Coast has to say about it:
The call for submissions was more than 2 weeks prior to Ellismania, so what I wrote was time sensitive material with expectations of them doing the segment BEFORE leaving to Vegas.When it became clear that they wouldn’t be doing it until AFTER Ellismania, I submitted Sith Lord out of fear of my diss track not packing the same punch as it otherwise would have.Things on the show have changed since they’ve returned from Vegas, validating my assumption.Karla Lane became 100 times more of a touchy subject. Will has a new love interest. Tully hasn’t spoken about prostates in a while. And Ellismania went on to sell more than 800 tickets.Again, everything I wrote was time sensitive and reflected everything that was going on with the show back when the call for submissions was first made. Had I known it was going to sit for as long as it did, I would’ve written vaguer material. Oh well. I lost my battle against a fucking fart. Fml.
And with that, here is his next “Target Practice” track:
Lyrics:
Well look who’s back on Unsigned Bands still unsigned
fuck it, lets do some target practice one more time…
Wills’ a bitch, flexing that lame ass name badge
It aint that serious bro, where yo brain at?
Staring out that office window up in the sky
Thinking bout them strokey face hacker hoes at Best Buy
Ah Ha, a horse is a horse of course of course
HEY WILBUR, see if Jason loan you his Porsche
I know it’s hard to be the boss and people knowing who you are
you got your name put on a parking spot but you aint got no car
and that’s fucked up, I know it, you really can’t control it
and when bitches ask you bout it you just say somebody stole it
Red Dragons
Red Dragons
Michael Tully is a bitch, twinkle toes, why in every single show
you talkin bout your prostate and checking out your penis hole
Leave that old thing alone your dick probably don’t like you
and your baby momma Yoko Ono seems very delightful
Plus you’re Lennon-esk and by that I mean gay
Whats a wank between friends? Put Josh’s dick in your face
Get that threesome with you, him, and that creature
then come back and Get The Cock Off Your Chest, don’t let her eat you
that’d be fucked up, I know it, you really can’t control it
when you’re college educated and Jason is your employer
Red Dragons
Red Dragons
Rawdog is bitch, that picture of him smiling with his Prius
pulled it off the lot looking like a fork pulled out the “meatus”
Let me leave you with some wisdom, I really hope you take it
Don’t bring sand to the beach, don’t take a slot machine to Vegas
That’s a Karla Lane reference, in case nobody caught it
and you so damn retarded Kevin Kraft be looking smarter
Blowing weed in his booty-hole
Man that’s the type of shit you doing in that studio?
I guess when you come from a family of dumb-dumbs
in 8 years you’ll get your trust fund that’ll be such fun
Red Dragons
Red Dragons
Jason Ellis is awesome, when he’s not acting like a bitch
and bleeding out his panties and PMS’ing and shit
So Ellismania 9 just sold 800 tickets
but look at it like this nigga, you still get free crickets
That’s gangsta, a foreigner, striving to get more in life
and real men ride green, I see you with that orange bike
Dear Katy, I’m sorry I called you Butter-Face
I think you’re really pretty in a Betty Crocker sort of way
that’s fucked up, I know it, you really can’t control it
and when Ellis makes it home do him a favor fuckin blow him
Red Dragons
Red Dragons
If you were listening to the show last Friday (7/19/2013), you heard what to date was probably the best rap track on “Unsigned Bands” that’s ever been submitted. This guy @CassetteCoast apparently listens very closely to the show and in his track, systematically tore into Ellis, Tully, Will, Rawdog, and Dom. Ellis and Tully seemed genuinely impressed, as were all of us listeners who were left laughing our asses off and requesting that Ellis play the track in its entirety again – which he did. Today had a pleasant surprise in store when @CassetteCoast reached out, which led me to his website www.cassettecoast.com (duh!) where he has posted a video about his appearance on the show. After hearing him (skip to the 1:35 mark in the video below) explaining himself and the track a bit more, and giving props to all the other bands played on Unsigned Bands, I was left feeling that he seems like a pretty good guy. A few Twitter exchanges later and sure enough, he certainly was a nice dude. Along with 4 other tracks, he also has the Jason Ellis Target Practice track up on his SoundCloud, so you might want to go check that out as well. Take a bow @CassetteCoast, you deserve it! I don’t think I’ve ever heard a track do so well on Unsigned Bands, nor have I seen so many tweets about a track featured on Unsigned Bands. You clearly have some real talent and you made a bunch of us laugh our asses off!
For the lyrically challenged:
Faction 41, hold ya tongue, man I’m fitna show you sumn,
unsigned artist, I’m the target so its only fun,
before you get to raggin’ on me, talkin’ bad and dragging on,
lets put this in perspective for a second, what’s happenin’ homie.
Will Pendarvis, the talkin’ dolphin, been jackin’ off at Dom’s apartment,
and garnishing sausages with his esophagus,
honestly Dom is there predominately as his fuck buddy,
get their butts muddy, high 5’ing holla’n FUCK TULLY.
What’s funny college boy, let’s recollect I checked yo shit,
how is you critiquing people bitch, you put out Retrofit,
the biggest pile of shit to get on iTunes and I do,
feel sorry for your wife, women am I right?
Now now now Josh started changing when Karla Lane had banged him,
and painted his face with some pussy juice some other dude just came in,
smell ya finger playa, ball sack, and a little bit of Chick-fil-A,
Jason, look at Josh man, what part of Rawdog isn’t gay?
Anyway what up Jay, how’s your girlfriend, what up Kate,
ol’ butter face ass bitch gone and tell the tale from that crypt,
now in Aussie news they caught a dude tryna do bukkake on a Kawasaki,
with a hockey stick in his ass waving ’round a Canadian flag.
Wad.
Hold up. Just doin’ a little bit a target practice man, that’s all.
Red Dragon’s old hoe-ass nigga,
put that on a button, ahh.