Holy fuck do I love doing Friday recaps. Listen to the show whenever the fuck I want, write this bullshit whenever I want, and most importantly of all: I can get as wasted as I want because I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. Woo! On that note, I’ve already finished my first beer at this point so this should be a gooder. Additionally, this was kind of cool because I haven’t been able to listen to the show in like a week because I got in a wreck a few weeks ago and my radio was fucked up. So I will be drunk as well as having no reference for current events.
Follow me!
Bit of a rocky start to the show. Just as Ellis began to speak, there was a fuzzy sound accompanying his voice, which he immediately pointed out and began throwing his verbal dick against faces. Now, normally when Ellis hears these sounds, the rest of us can’t hear it and just think he’s out of his mind and/or being a whiny little bitch. This time, however, everyone heard the noise and Ellis decided to take a break until it got fixed. Hey, so maybe he isn’t such a picky shit bird after all? Anyway, he came back and they talked for a while with the sound cutting in or out while the technicians worked on it. Eventually it fizzled out and we got on with the show, but the main takeaway here is that Ellis isn’t imagining sounds to yell at people, so that’s cool.
They talked about the UFC that’s happening right this very moment, so I don’t really feel like I need to talk about it at all. If you like the UFC, you are watching that shit or finding out about it later. The fact that beer number 3 just went down has nothing to do with this.
Ellis is doing Transcendental Meditation this weekend, presumably to fully become Sirius’ next Howard Stern. Tully has always wanted to have an out of body experience through meditation, which is funny because I’ve always wanted an In-Tully’s-Body experience. Ba dum psh. Oh, and Cumtard took a week off, he isn’t fired. I haven’t listened to the show lately, so apparently this was a thing people were worried about.
I forget why, but the guys decided to watch a Pro Wrestling video featuring The Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy in a no holds barred Ladder Match. Ellis blasted how the Undertaker looks like a fat, rapey uncle, and how he would give a little extra jump into the steel steps when the 200 lb Hardy threw him into the steel steps. Tully pointed out the only times where they seemed to have real injuries were not when a ladder supposedly hit them in the face, but they accidentally bumped their ass on stuff. Again, I don’t know why they decided to watch this, but moral of the story: UFC has real hits to the face, WWE doesn’t and pearl jam wants their shirt back.
Ellis wants to develop a cigar/cognac habit because that’s an awesome idea for people who make money from their voice. But seriously, he wants to develop at least one distinguished, manly habit and that’s a pretty cool sounding one. A bunch of people called about cigar choices and I don’t remember a fuck load of any of it. Speaking of manly: Tully wept like a baby when Derek Jeter ended his final game at Yankee Stadium like every 10 year old in his back yard pretends he is doing by hitting a walk-off RBI to win the game. It was fucking inspirational as shit, and you are dead inside if you didn’t at least feel a twinge of goosebumps when you hear the story. Again, I’m trailing off here, but Tully is a giant pussy and we should mock him.
Have you ever thought about where Will lives? I try not to, but Jason point blank asked him why nobody has ever seen where he lives. And well, his answer was…..fucking creepy. He said he didn’t want anyone to see where he lives because he didn’t want anything coming up on the air, which begs the question: The fuck is there to make fun of about where he lives? Does he live in a whorehouse? Is it a shared communal space of people who make their own deodorant? Under a bridge? On top of a massive grave of women who have gone missing over the last several years? Once again, Will danced around the questions like Michael motherfucking Flatley and skated off the air without answering a god damn thing. I’d like to take a moment and apologize to @SharkChucker : He mostly glosses over these for the pictures, and I haven’t been doing that too much because I’m getting increasingly inebriated and googling pictures is hard. I’m gonna rectify this right meow.
Thanks for reading, Chucker. So a guy felt a little funny after eating some sushi, and went to the doctor and found out that much like your mom’s anus, he was riddled with tapeworms. Not SharkChuckers mom. Well, maybe. Moving on. Steve-O and Geoff Rowley are going to be on the show. Not today, but next week. So fuck off.
The OG Little Miss Ellis @mighty_boognish came on the show briefly. Although he didn’t say much, it was nice to hear a champion’s champion and see what he’s up to. He works for the people that make G-Pens and that is a hell of a way to do what you love and love what you do. Shout out to that dude, he fills out a grass skirt nicely.
Next up was You Sir, Are a Moron, and I think the guys forgot how to play? Or maybe whoever wrote the topics didn’t exactly know what they were doing and/or were too busy murdering unsuspecting co-eds to pay attention. Wow, that sentence makes me sound like an asshole, and I probably am but what I mean is this: The topics weren’t really polarizing, and came across as hypotheticals, which makes for weak debates, broseph. Hilarious as fuck, it was, but a debate it was not. Here is a round-up, with my delightful commentary:
Would you give CPR to a dying homeless man?
Ellis: Yes, of course, everyone deserves to live.
Tully: No.
Me: Fuck that shit, one less dude I have to feel bad about not giving money to.
What’s more important: Safety or Freedom?
Ellis: Freedom to be safer? my notes make no sense.
Tully: Freedom, because people over exaggerate the threats on their safety all too often.
Me: Get away from me.
What’s the most awesome thing you’ve ever seen?
Ellis: Katie’s ass.
Tully: Katie’s ass.
Me: Katie hitting a sleeping man with a used tampon. Also, her ass.
Yup.
If you could learn a new skill what would it be?
Ellis: Tax Evasion.
Tully: Speaking Japanese so his wife’s family doesn’t hate him.
Me: Writing recaps.
Anything you wished you had invented?
Ellis: The 900, but he probably would have died from all of the extra drugs and pussy after hitting said 900.
Tully: Vaginal Sex.
Me: Good fucking answer, Tully.
Point in life you Considered yourself an adult?
Ellis: No.
Tully: Having sunglasses that show his reflection and all of his gray hairs.
Me: Probably when I get my first real heart attack,
What would be the best part about being a woman?
Ellis: Fingering.
Tully: Vibrators.
Me: Slapping people in the face with bloody tampons.
Conspiracy most likely to be true?
Ellis: JFK
Tully: JFK
Me: Your mom’s kegel strength.
And that was that. The rest of the show (Like an hour) was kind of a WGW about who is the most fuckable old man in the world. Lot’s of weird suggestions and a lot of dumb suggestions, and the most offensive suggestion was that I gave two shits. So there you are, Fuck you, it’s Saturday, I’m gonna see if I’m too drunk to spank it to that bloody tampon thing.
