Evening bitches, it’s me once again. I’m filling in for…wait, fuck I’m not filling in for anyone today, it’s my actual day, fuck yeah! I will be filling in for Az_RedDragon on Friday though because he is in Messico cohabitating with Messicans. Speaking of Friday, TJES will be in Vegas on Friday at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vinyl if any of the stalker types want to go try and rub some Tully Dick in person. Now, I’m pressed for time so I have to apologize, but we are doing a bullet point re-cap today.
- Ellis had a dream that he had wings and a monster face and he was swooping down on people and attacking them. Says it’s a recurring dream and isn’t sure what it means. Probably nothing more than a insatiable urge to kill people.
- Tully is hung over. Not from alcohol or drugs, mind you, but Horse Force had a rehearsal last night and he blew out his ears. He realizes how lame this sounds, and he says your mother is a whore.
- “Blue Lagoon ass eating” is something I wrote down
- Ellis watched Donald Schultz’s and Aubrey Marcus’ documentary about Ayahuasca and it got him thinking about tripping balls in Peru again. But once again, the callers turned him with stories about how his A-Fib could potentially get sparked if it were to go wrong. So probably no Peru for Ellis, but maybe a healthy Therapeutic Molly session.
- Slipknot is causing some problems because they want to burn lanterns filled with Camel shit for three days during Knotfest, but the town they were in is shutting them down. Still, burning camel shit is metal as fuck and it’s impressive to see Slipknot still finding ways for people to say “What the fuck?”
- Tully may be too old for the metal because burning camel shit doesn’t sound metal to him.
- World’s Greatest Wednesday! Today’s topic: World’s Greatest Warriors and how the hell hasn’t the show hit this one yet? I’ll kind of break it down here:
- Romans are kind of cool because they coined the term “Decimate” because if their troops failed, they killed 10% of the remaining soldiers.
- Teddy Roosevelt is either an American Badass or an extremely exaggerated one.
- Mongolians are sort of incest monsters who were also tiny and shot bows and arrows at people from under horses.
- Spartans are brutal. But also homos. Brutal homos. Fuck it, here’s the top 10:
9. Sun Tzu (Who wrote ‘Art of War’ and also made hundreds of women go to the front of enemy lines and slit their own throats to scare off enemy troops)
8. Shaka Zulu who went and learned how to kill from the white man, then killed the white man. Kill kill kill. Da white man.
7. Native Americans, I guess for taking it all in stride.
6. Vikings because 6’8” blonde dudes with axes are creepy.
5. Samurai, which was Ellis’ pick, but couldn’t quite convince the audience.
4. Celtic warlords from either Scotland or Ireland, same difference, because they are probably drunk with long swords.
3. Teddy Roosevelt, who is also the only person who has a Nobel Peace Prize on this list.
2. Mongolians, because fucking your cousin and raising the mutant baby to kill your enemy is about as warlord as you get.
1. Spartans! The gaylords won the day. Mostly because if you send a toddler off to learn to kill everything that moves with it’s bare hands, you are going to have an unstoppable force.
- A fan named Brady Courtney came all the way from the land of Ice, Mud and Timmy Horton’s to hang out on the show. He was a cool dude, and played some shock collar Pictionary with Ellis against Hotdog and Tully. Hotdog and Tully smashed them, but Brady was damn funny when he was getting shocked.
- Wolfscrub is made by a tiny little Fairy Elf lady who is cute as shit, and if you haven’t got yours yet, it’s because she takes the time to write individual messages and draws pictures for each package. Fucking adorable.
- If your butthole is dark, bleach it, why the fuck not?
See you Friday.