Good morning Vietnaaaaamm! Wait, no that isn’t it. BANGARANG! No, that’s not it either. Oh Captain my Captain? Nah. What I’m trying to get at here is Robin Williams is still dead. And I’m achy and annoyed at the SiriusXM app for putting me in time warp mode today, so I skipped around a lot and therefore, may not get it all. But hey, good for me because I am sore as fuck and I feel like a whiny little bitch tonight so the sooner I get this done, the sooner I go to bed. Let’s just hope I relay what I need to before the beer catches up with me and I throw you verbal middle fingers you can’t do anything about because it’s the internet. Whatcha gonna do fuckboy??? Huh?? Huh? Jesus, maybe it’s my period. Fuck it, let’s get on with it.
Last night, Ellis went to the Ultimate Fighter Season whateverthefuck premier event and hob knobbed it with a ton of famous people, but he wanted Tully to guess who, which is the worst fucking thing a person can do, but The King and Queen found a way to make it entertaining. Ellis said the big person he met was the Phil Collins of Basketball, to which Tully answered John Stockton and God damnit if he isn’t right. So Ellis had to re-calibrate. Ok, so the Prince of basketball: Dennis Rodamn. Fuck, not him either, ok fuck it, Ellis met Gary “The Glove” Payton of legendary NBA fame. Gary Motherfucking Payton and Ellis talked for a while about how NBA just doesn’t have the same soul that it did when Gary Motherfucking Payton was playing. I have to agree, NBA sucks balls these days. Gary may even be coming on the show sometime so we have that to look forward to. You know who won’t be coming on the show anytime soon? Ronda Rousey. Ellis met her last night and he thinks he totally fucked it up. Justin Bua introduced them and for some reason the first thing Ellis said was “You should come on my show” which Ronda probably hears a thousand times a day and probably put Ellis in the same category as all of those people. She was cool about it and said “Talk to my publicist” but Ellis didn’t get a good vibe off it and thinks he fucked it up. This spawned a conversation about when celebrities get to the pinnacle of their careers and create an aura about them whenever they get in a room and everyone wants a piece. Sort of like when your mom drops her panties at a gangbang. Except your mom is hideous. Oh fuck it, I’m tired, you shut up.
Tully saw Guardians of the Galaxy and thinks you should too. Also, Hollywood has booked up the next six years with superhero movies and are beating the dead horse like it’s a mouthy NFL wife.
A caller asked Tully if he ever feels guilty about seeing titties and stuff at work, being a happily married man and all. Tully says no, his wife is pretty cool and understanding about his job, and she trusts him because when the fuck could Tully ever do anything wrong anyway? The dude is (Now at least) the most eligible bachelor ever. He could be shitting on a girls neck and just about anyone would believe his totally reasonable explanation.
Digiorno pizza had a pretty funny Twitter snafoo. The hashtage #WhyIStayed was trending, in relation to Ray Rice’s wife staying with him even though he knocked her the fuck out. And Digiorno tweeted “Because they had pizza #WhyIStayed” and they caught a bunch of shit. They obviously didn’t understand what the hashtag meant, and spent the good part of yesterday apologizing to people who told them it was inappropriate on Twitter.
Jesse Ventura is a twat. Remember Ellis was on his podcast? We got to hear a snippet of the conversation, and Jesse was looking for an argument when he asked if Ellis thought MMA fighters were tougher than Pro Wrestlers. Ellis dogged on him pretty good about their fake pretend time fight stuff. I’d say go listen to the rest of the podcast, but don’t give that tool any more reasons to keep talking. The guys broke down the Chris Kyle situation, which if you don’t know: Chris Kyle alleged in his book that he punched Ventura because he said Navy SEALS deserve to lose a few men because of the people they killed in Iraq. So Ventura is suing Chris Kyle, but then Kyle dies, and Ventura continued the lawsuit and sued his widow. Real class act, you see? A caller tried making the argument that Jesse just wanted his name cleared, but if that were he case, he wouldn’t be trying to get $1.4 Million from a widow, and he would just try to get the stuff in the book changed. But hey, like I said, he’s a twat who should just hang himself already.
Christian showed up and they talked the cricket game they are having in New York in October. Christian is now going to be heading up a team opposing Ellis and then they said a bunch of other words about Cricket I didn’t understand.
And here we arrive at the shitty SiriusXM app. The guys started playing one of those games where you go around the room where one person says a word, the next person says another, and everyone makes a funny sentence and we all laugh. All I heard was something about Ass Titties and Children. So that’s all I have for you. I’m gonna go crawl into a beer and hope this fever sweats itself out. Fuck off.