Show Re-cap for Wednesday 10/9/2013

Ellismania is fast approaching for you motherfuckers lucky enough to be able to go. Within two days the Twitter dick and poop jokes will become face to face dick and poop jokes which are sooooo much better. I am jealous of all of you, but I will be drinking just as hard as you only alone. In the dark. Watching my twitter feed and watching it live on Ellismania.com. I guess I will just cut notches in my thighs for every awesome thing I miss.

Ellis got his shoe situation figured out, he is going to be wearing bright yellow Pacquiao shoes because why the hell not? Katie’s friend was staying over last night and kept calling it Ellispalooza and was ripping on D!D!D! Even Katie was saying Ellis should call it Me-Mania because it’s a giant party all about him. But what she doesn’t understand is the history of Ellismania.

  • It started with just 25 people at Fortune’s gym in LA
  • The next year it was 50 people, but this time they got free tacos
  • It continued (and continues) to grow each year because of the strong commitment by the real OG Ellisfam and all of the new fans they pick up as they get bigger.
  • This year, The Red Dragons are sponsoring the event, and Nick fucking Swardson is fighting Rawdog.
  • This thing is bigger than ever and shows no signs of stopping.
  • I am really jealous of all of you motherfuckers who get to go GOD DAMNIT.

Moving on, Ellis was watching Inkmaster and he knew the guy on there named Jimmy who coincidentally did Rawdog’s tattoo. Supposedly he is a really nice awesome dude who Ellis really likes but doesn’t talk to much anymore.

Next up, Chester Bennington (Linkin Park) and Eric from Stone Temple Pilots showed up. This was pretty much where the energy of the show kind of drained out. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a bad interview, not awkward or anything, but I’m sorry it was just kind of meh. Ellis and Chester have apparently bumped into each other a few times but Ellis never said hi because Chester was always in the zone about to perform and he didn’t want to be the jackass hollering at him. Then they talked a little bit about how Chester is the new singer of STP and how he has to step in. I just got the feeling from the interview that Chester has sort of given all the same answers to about a hundred people by now on the subject. It’s not Ellis’ fault and he did keep me listening the whole time, but when you are a lead singer of a mega famous band and then all of a sudden you are the lead singer of another world famous band from 20 years ago, there isn’t much else to talk about. Like I said, it wasn’t a bad interview, and it kept me listening the whole time. It just had a big meh feel to it. One thing I will definitely say for Ellis is that he managed to get the whole interview without screaming  “CRAWWWWWLINNGGG IN MEEEEEE SKEEEEENN” Which had to be fucking tough to do, so good on ya.

Ellis still had some tickets to give away for Ellismania so he went to the phones, but the first dude was overly adamant that he wasn’t Mexican, almost bordering on racism so he was out. The next dude however worked with a bunch of Mexicans and he loves them, so he won. Cumtard came into the studio today to play the new signature segment “Tard that Tune” where he gets really stoned and mimics songs using only his mouth in a super tarded way and the guys have to guess. It was a lot funnier than it was the time before, but like the first time I re-capped this game, it’s really hard to relay exactly how something like this goes in word format. So ya know, onDemand if you care.

For some inexplicable reason people still don’t understand final calls. At the very least, they don’t understand that when Ellis says “Don’t Die” they have the stage to millions of people to say whatever the hell comes to mind. And the ones who seem to understand it just scream indiscriminately over the phone about dumb shit and aren’t interesting at all. Well, here is @Stapleneck to the rescue to show motherfuckers how it is done, so shoutout to that motherfucker.

  • Tickets to Ellismania are still available if you want to go
  • Wolfknive meeting is on Saturday, you will receive an email letting you know where it is, and if you don’t, find another Wolfknive and they will help you out.
  • Live show by the pool Friday at noon
  • D!D!D! concert Friday night
  • Ellismania Saturday night is available to watch on Ellismania.com if you sign up and pay the man.
  • Middle fingers to all of you who are going, I am jealous as hell and will be cutting myself to ease the pain Saturday night.

Show Re-cap for Friday 10/4/2013

I’m burning through the sky! 200 degrees that’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit! I’m travelling at the speed of light!!!!! I WANNA MAKE A SUPERSONIC MAN OUTTA YOU! Sorry, I’m on a Queen rampage(Fuck you, I mean the band) and I am un fucking stoppable! Much like Ellis, who seems to not be getting hit too hard with the anti-biotics and he is kicking ass at the gym and keeping his diet under control. But man, is pizza looking fucking good to him right about now. I mean, it’s bread which is awesome, plus cheese which is even better. How can you go wrong with bread covered in cheese and other delicious things like pepperoni, sausage, peppers and olives? He can still get the vegan, gluten-free pizzas they offer at hippie holes and he says they are still good, but seriously? Fuck off. You know when you are eating a pizza impostor and it’s always a little bit sad when you try and lie to yourself and pretend that you like the healthy shit. PIZZA ISN’T ABOUT HEALTH IT’S ABOUT HATING YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE DONE. I can relate to Ellis at this point a bit because I’ve been trying to cut down to 185 from 200 for a few months(From a high of 265, mind you) and it is fucking excruciating to not eat delicious food for sake of a number on a scale. By the way, I hit 183 on Monday so yeah, I ate a large greasy meat filled pizza to celebrate. Like I said, I am UN FUCKING STOPPABLE. Moving on.

I carved that bite out with my tongue. Ladies.

I carved that bite out with my tongue. Ladies.

As we have all heard The Onnit Naked Challenge is a thing Tully is doing so he can shed some weight and feel better about walking around the house without pants. He says he is feeling a bit in his upper thighs. Enough about the dude, because the other person who is doing the naked challenge, Katie, is way hotter and sounds way better doing the challenge today. If you didn’t still have a hard on from yesterday’s show, Katie showed up briefly to get her workout in. And I uhhh….I don’t really know how else to put this: If you go back and listen to her working out, you could probably masturbate to completion a couple of times on your way to work. I mean, I was cooking dinner for my family when I was listening to it and my junk was flinching a bit. I’m just gonna go ahead and admit here I have a gigantic fantasy crush on Katie. She is smoking hot and Jason is a lucky fucking dude. Again, I’m going to just move on before it gets weird.

How I would see myself getting kicked out of the studio if I were there.

As we heard previously, Tiger has discovered his testicles and is manipulating them in increasingly hilarious ways. And in proving he is a true chip off the old block, he’s got some jokes about how when he smashes them together they look like butt cheeks. And how he is no longer going to use his regular butt cheeks to go poopy, he is going to use his new ones. Fuckin’ adorable eh?

When is New York gonna give me my nuts back?

When is New York gonna give me my nuts back?

Rapid fire stuff from early on: Will looks like the fat guy from My Name is Earl and Mallrats. (Louie Lastic from Remember the Titans is how I remember him). The dick punch machine has gone missing. All logical signs point to Rawdog being the culprit so he doesn’t have to get cock punched with it anymore. The only thing he has that might clear him of any wrongdoing is that he may not be strong enough to lift it by himself and he has no friends who will help him. Poor little bugger. Fred Durst and Billy Ray Cyrus found out how to make aborted fetuses into musical instruments. And Chris “Thor” Hemsworth is apparently super outback, claiming to have lived in a farm with some Abbos back in the day. This lady’s boyfriend gave her AIDS on Instagram and Facebook. Josh found some more bullshit Sasquatch pictures. To sort of re-work Tully’s argument that if ghosts exist, we would have video proof with all of the camera phones in the world these days: If Bigfoot were real, out of all of the rural areas Bigfoot is supposedly sighted in, why hasn’t anyone shot one yet? It would stand to reason if someone saw something they would actually think is a Sasquatch (Or a Squatch if you haven’t seen a vagina in 10 years) that someone would have bagged and tagged shithead by now. And you know what? I FUCKING HOPE THEY DO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER. THINK YOU CAN ELUDE US FOR THIS LONG? HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS???? FUCK YOU! DIE! BEEF JERKY WHORE!

Women Am I Right? Thomas Hayden Church interrupted Women Am I Right today because why the fuck not? THC is the coolest dude ever, still filming his movie called Cardboard Boxer about a homeless dude who is pitted against other homeless guys in boxing matches by a bunch of rich kids. He is starring in it opposite Terrence Howard, which I just learned from this article. They played some Ellis Jeopardy which was unfairly rigged to fuck THC over, asking questions about people he has worked with in the past, and current TV shows. The game actually ended with nobody winning at all, goose eggs across the board, but was the usual entertainment that comes with Jason describing words that Wilson writes down for him. THC is an amazing guest too, because the game was treated with intermittent stories and conversations that sprouted off organically, and were genuinely interesting. Did I mention the dude got set on fire 8 times the night before? I didn’t? That dude is the man! What’s more is he finally called Tully’s wife to deliver the line “I need money” to her. For those who don’t know, Tully’s wife developed a running joke after she saw Spiderman 3 where she imitated THC’s line of “I need money” around in daily life. This just speaks to how cool THC is, that he would patronize himself for such a one-off inside joke like that for Tully and his wife. Cool Motherfucker.

We had 2 guests on the show today, the second one being WWE superstar/Fozzy frontman Chris Jericho. Now, if you’re like me, when you heard Chris Jericho was about to come on TJES you thought “What the fuck? Really?” Well, I’m hear to tell you, Chris Jericho is a fucking awesome guest. Him and Ellis warmed up to each other trading stories about injuries, music and chasing dreams from really early in life. Chris has even toured with Metallica with his band, Fozzy. The conversation flowed really well and it seems like Ellis and Jericho actually run in pretty much the  with connections like Corey Taylor, Jim Florentine, Sebastian Bach and a couple others I can’t remember because of beer. They covered a lot of ground talking about how Chris’ band opened for Metallica, how he was originally a part of The Metal Show when it was a radio show but they booted him when it became a TV Show and Mike Tyson. Jericho even laid into Rawdog for being so little and nerdy for a while which was fucking hilarious. He hit the punch pad, landed a 63  tying with Sebastian Bach (Who Chris joked probably screamed “Duuuuuuddee” the whole way up to the pad). The interview went so well it took the show all the way to a close because Ellis had to go pick up his kids. I was really hoping it could have gone longer, but hopefully Jericho will come back because he left a good impression on the show and I could see him coming and riffing with the guys any time he is around like all of the guys I’ve mentioned earlier.

This was probably the most comprehensive Re-cap I have written in some time, and I attribute it to beer and QUEEN! Tonight I’m gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world it’s turning inside out Yeah!
I’m floating around in ecstasy
So don’t stop me now don’t stop me
‘Cause I’m having a good time having a good time

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to dance my way to the fridge, and make my wife question why she ever married me.

 

Show Re-cap for Wednesday 9/25/2013

The main thing I want you to take away from this re-cap is this: Life is a dick. And it will slap you in the cheeks until they are rosey and bruised. Today in our ongoing relationships with the hosts of TJES’s genitalia, Jason is pissing blood(METAL!). But he didn’t find this out from taking a normal piss of course. He was in the bathtub and wanted to make Katie laugh so he stuck the tip out and went “Hey Katie!” but when he peed a coffee colored blast came out with a little black dickhole guppy. Yup. Ellis got punched hard in the kidneys so he’s peeing a little bit of blood. As is tradition, If you have something wrong with your dick, Dr. Listener will call in and tell you that your dick has cancer-aids and is going to turn black and fall off. Some think maybe Jason has something called Rhubda or something which is caused when someone is over training. But it’s probably just the massive shots to the body Ellis got while he was training.

This somehow led to a story about how Tully bought a can opener a few months ago because he needed to open a bottle of wine and he just figured he’d take it back when he was done because he only needed it once. So he went to the store to return it but he didn’t have a receipt, and then he felt weird about asking them to refund his money for a random bottle opener he could have just ripped off the shelf. This was all brought on because Ellis was talking about all of the little things he doesn’t have time to do with all of the leading up to Ellismania and trying to get tv shows and getting tshirts made for Ellismania. Ellismania still has a shit load of tickets left, and it needs to sell out so get your tickets on ticketmaster.com if you can make it. Tickets for Rawdog’s gangbang however will only be available at the Hard Rock Hotel the weekend of Ellismania if you are a blonde chick with big boobs and want to bang Rawdog? Some chick called in and she just broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her and she should definitely go get her some McTumble Bum.

In some little town in Utah, there is something where dick shaped foods are outlawed because people can’t control themselves and will just jam carrots up their ass. And in Florida, a group is giving away free shotguns to anyone who wants them because, hey, Florida. I can see the point they are trying to make, but it’s a fucking dumb way to make your point.

South Korean men are most likely to wear makeup, says a study Rawdog found. Rawdog tried to make the point that men will, in the future, be more likely to wear makeup to make them look better at meetings or something. Apparently Rawdog has lived in LA a little too long and doesn’t realize that men probably won’t throw a bunch of shit on their face every morning to look pretty. Man, I had a whole thought process with this bit of the show that was really good, I swear. But South Park is on now, and I don’t remember.

The guys played a game made up by @Mike_in_Canada where Ellis and Rawdog had to guess the average dollar amount of things like average household income, average house cost in America and shit like that. Turns out Ellis pays a ludicrous amount for his rent, but the average American pays like $900 for rent. Also, you can buy a house in Buffalo for like $50K if you can stomach living in Buffalo. It was a sweet game, but really hard to recap, so check it out on demand.

Steve called the show today, but when Ellis called his name, he was nowhere to be found. Where is Steve? What happened? He was just on the phone and now we can’t find him! The show came to a halt to find the whereabouts of Steve, and even his brother called in to express concern. Thankfully, Steve called back to say he got arrested because he got pulled over for speeding while he was on hold. Red Dragons and I’m glad everything is ok Steve.

The guys didn’t get to New Music Tuesday yesterday so you get treated to my signature recap segment of NEW MUSIC WEDNESDAY!!!!

Zac Effron Od’d on Ocycodon because he’s a little bitch who got all sleepy from railing bitch pills. Awww poor Zac Effwon got sweepy from snorting some pills. Ellis watched Tosh and thinks they have ripped off a few things from their show. I’ve thought that a couple of times myself actually, but most of them were very loose connections so it’s hard to say. Ellis and Tully actually said he thinks Tosh is good at what he does, especially in the pre-recorded bits, I’ve always liked Tosh in his stand up, but his show is kind of weak but it may be because of the format but who cares this isn’t a fucking Tosh recap.

DMX is broke as shit. As in, only $50 to his name and the clothes on his back. That’s what happens when you smoke crack and act like a criminal. Some guy named Walter called and wanted Ellis to fight him for a benefit for bees. He’s a moron, but he only called because he just got Sirius and liked the show and thought he was clever. Another dude who just got Sirius called to say fuck walter and his bees, but he started loving the show because they called Yoko Ono a cunt which she is.

Chris Sucks.

Jake Rules.

Pre-Order Jason’s new book: The Awesome Guide to Life: Get Fit, Get Laid, Get Your Shit Together and we’ll see if we can get him another best seller. Good night fuckers.

 

Show Re-cap for Wednesday 9/18/2013

Welcome to the blah blah Wednesday recap of fuck yourself let’s get this shit over with because I’m grumpy and want to sleep. The lights in the studio are still causing background noise into the mics and they drive Ellis crazy. They figure they should just do the show in the dark with candles circling the place like Dave Navarro or something.

Somebody on Instagram or Twitter or something was crying to Ellis about how he hates fat people. Ellis says he doesn’t hate fat people he just hates people who don’t give a shit about their health and don’t make an effort. So if you are fat, know that Ellis doesn’t hate you. But Tully does. Tully hates you with a feverish intensity that cannot be comprehended by such a dumb fatty such as yourself. He did recount how he has seen a lot of fat people who are awesome swimmers, which could be because of their close relationship with the manatee, or sea cow.

In a move that almost threatened making the show sound like a serious program, Tully brought up an argument for anti-immigration laws that sparked a political conversation. He and the missus have been looking around at moving to a new place with a yard so the little Tully can have a backyard with a little pool he can jump around in. So he went down to a police station to ask about how often they are in certain neighborhoods and he realized how few cops there are to cover such a huge population. The reason: Messicans. His point was really well though out, that he pays taxes to pay for the police to protect his family, and they are often called to protect non tax paying illegal immigrants. Poor Tully is becoming a Republican before our eyes! They discussed the possibilities of walls, and/or nationalizing immigrants that are already here and making them pay taxes. That would be a huge windfall for our failing economy. anyway, fuck serious stuff, back to crazy shit.

Ellis went to Christian’s apartment yesterday to lay some stuff down for his new DDD track. When he went to the building though, the building manager started vibing him hardcore and being a real dick, so naturally Ellis got pissed and was telling him to fuck off. Apparently the guy looks like Tony Todd (Candyman) and is known for being a dick, but Ellis got his tracks laid down and they are sending it to Rob from Machinehead to lay some guitar over it, which could make it a badass song.

Aubrey and Whitney from Onnit came by the show today and I love these people. They have a new challenge called the Look Good Naked Challenge, which is to make fatties look better. They also have a new chocolate which is dairy free, sugar free and is Mike Dolce approved. What’s more, is it is Rawdog approved which is worth it’s weight in gold for Onnit. Anyway, for what it’s worth, I’ve used a bunch of Onnit products and they really do kick ass and are totally worth the money if you can afford it.

Rawdog found some tracks of old classic songs played backwards where supposedly they speak about Satan and making you do drugs and stuff. Most of them, of course, were bullshit but the Stairway to Heaven actually had some clear shit, but it’s probably coincidental.  Speaking of music, New Music Tuesday was moved to Wednesday, and if you’ve ever wondered to yourself: “I wonder how Branden would cover New Music Tuesday if him and Shit Toboggan ever switched days.” Well today is your lucky day! Here we go!

Josh read off some Anti-Semitic headlines from somewhere that I didn’t hear because I got super distracted. With something. I don’t recall now. Cher started talking shit about Miley Cyrus and her VMA performance now that it’s been a month and Cher probably accidentally drank non-decaf coffee and caught E! News one time when she stayed up late. Personally, I’m sick of people complaining about that performance like it means a fucking thing. You want to know what that whole slutfest was about? Miley Cyrus wants to be in movies. She was painted as Hannah Montana for her whole young life, and once she became too old to play Hannah Montana anymore, so she had to look to what her new career should be. The crowd that listens to her type of music is fickle, so her career is maybe 5 years long at best, but in movies, you can land a couple roles every few years and make millions for life. But everyone will always think of her as Hannah Montana, so she will never be able to play serious roles without drawing a Hannah Montana crows. So now she is trying a legitimate music career(whatever you want to call it) but instead of just singing, she is going to be outlandish and slutty and wild and paint her way out of the Disney shadow she has cast herself in. What’s the best way to break that cycle? Grind on Alan Thicke’s son in your underwear in front of a national audience. I promise you I’m right. Cher’s a cunt.

Sweden made public masturbation legal, some chick’s pussy started turning grey so she patented some lipstick for her blushing beaver. Jesus Christ, I’m about tapped out. Maybe next week I’ll be a little less sleepy and I’ll be that happy ball of sunshine you all love. Probably not.

Show Re-cap for Wednesday 9/11/2013

Welcome to the Vodka Re-cap of the Jason Ellis Show brought to you by vodka drink vodka for vodka vodka and you will all be vodka in all of your vodka. Jason opened the show talking about how you can look into a person’s eyes and totally get what they are feeling and what they are all about. And you need to take a look into your Bro’s eyes every now and then and not be afraid that it’s gay or anything. GAZE INTO YOUR BUDDY’S EYES! @BitPimps! I wanna gaze in your motherfucking eyes! Vodka.

Rawdog mentioned that while Jason can look into people’s souls through their eyes, he (Jason) wears sunglasses inside so that nobody can see him. I never got that whole thing that Jason and Stern do with the sunglasses in studio but there must be something to hiding behind the glasses makes you feel cool enough to run the show.

Today is Day 2 in the new studio which it turns out isn’t in Beverly Hills, but it is Beverly Hills Adjacent. Meaning they can look out the window and see Beverly Hills, but they aren’t quite high brow enough to be in actual Beverly Hills because…ya know….the Jew. Jude stopped by the show today for a bit. Today was his first day in the new studio and he is sort of warming up to it but he is jealous of all of the sweet sunshine coming in through the Jason Ellis Headquarters.

OH YEAH! there are new interns, most notably, two girls. Which Tully thinks is a perfect opportunity to pit them against each other because they don’t work at the same time. So they can tell one chick one thing, and the other another and make them fight to the death over who is the best intern. The one we got to hear today is named Vanessa, and she is Messican/Cooban so she has a fiery psycho streak in her for sure. She popped off some ‘Papi’s’ for Ellis and he seemed a bit flustered so this one could be trouble. They can’t traumatize these ones as much as the other ones because they are girls and you have to be nice to girls ladies and gentleman because….well… they sue.

Jason’s son (I’m not typing out his name because he may google his name and find this shit) should be a dating consultant. Reason being, because kids are honest as hell, and if you get a group of single people together and tell the kid to pick out who is nice and who is an asshole. I could just see little T**** leg kicking people to see who is cool or not. Speaking of little T****, Jason met Katie’s dad yesterday and T**** warmed up to him right quick and was leg kicking the crap out of him. Jason said her dad was super cool playing with the kids and that is awesome. I’m pretty happy (because of the vodka) for Jason getting a little more serious. Katie is an awesome chick who fits Jason perfectly, so he needs to get as deep as possible into family and stuff because Katie needs to stay. Vodka.

@KevinKraftSucks stopped by the show to talk about what’s going on with him lately. He is still doing his Mad Scientist Party Hour (He’s down on the bottom left) podcast and doing wacky shit. Jason karate chopped his face, and they played a game sort of like Godwar where he sang the songs or something. I missed this bit while I was in a store making paper, but twitter tells me it was pretty damn funny. Check it out on OnDemand. He also has a new app coming out which is a video/picture filter app with a horror type theme to it. It actually sounded fucking sweet as hell, but he didn’t give out the name of it so I can’t plug it here. I’m happy for the dude, seems like he is doing a sweet job of staying off the streets smoking crack for dick.

Sinead O’Connor  got BQ tattooed on her face. Some say it’s the initials of her boyfriend, but Tully put the pieces of the puzzle together and realized it actually means Burger Queef. Some guy named Daniel doesn’t know how to party (or does he?) he started out going out with his friends one night when his wife let him have his balls for the night. At the end of the night he proceeded to piss in the streets, walk into a kabob place and hump the counter and floor with his pants down, and then proceed to walking out into traffic and make sweet love to a land rover. Land Rovers are basically the start of all the shit box cars like scions and Honda Elements and shit so fuck Land Rovers, as Daniel did. I salute you, Daniel. Butter Bean and Kimbo Slice are going to fight. Sounds almost like an Ellismania fight that could be called the “Out of Shape Fat Knockout Guy” fight.

Tera Patrick came on the show today. She’s super cool as far as porn chicks go. Not a total porn whore talking about how much she likes to suck dick and such. I like that in a porn star guest. Although she isn’t a porn star anymore. Moving on. Vodka. She is going to be fighting Sam “I’m a fat windbag” Reuben Sandwich at Ellismania and once she hit the punch pad, it seems she may be in trouble. scoring a 26. Pathetic. Right next to Josh “DudeLikeBro” Hansen. Anyway, she stuck around and talked about feet, and Tully whipped out his foot and it….is….GLORIOUS. Apparently Tully has a super hot foot. So he got super amped on that and him and Tera sort of had a moment there and Jason got jealous. Anyway, she was there for a while and nothing exciting happened so I’m gonna move on, fuck you. Vodka.

Jelly Fish kill more people than sharks per year. Local media sucks ass, feeding off of the sad stories of normal people going through tragic shit like they were celebrities going out for coffee and they should all fuck off. A guy called in spoiling the ending to Sons of Anarchy’s season premier which I’m going to spoil again right now: The episode ends with an 8th grade kid shoots up his school. The caller wanted to know what Ellis’ opinion was about TV shows showing that with all of the school shooting that have happened lately. Usually, this is the part where I start shouting at my radio, but Ellis surprised me and said that the show shouldn’t be painted as evil, because after all it is just a TV show. And freedom of expression through art should never be scrutinized for depicting things that actually happen in life. My vodka opinion on this is that you have a world brimming with parents who fail to do their jobs. If your kid shoots up his school, you fucked up. It is not the fault of someone who wrote an episode if a TV show, who is depicting events that have happened in real life because someone else was a shitty parent. People are very quick to blame media when a tragedy happens because it is an easy target. And you can draw similarities from almost any show to a real life event because those shows are almost always inspired by some real experience the writer had personally or heard of. I defy you to find a writer who wrote a horrific scene such as a school shooting with the intention of making someone copy it in real life and kill real human beings. It’s just not logical, and if you believe that, you are an un-evolved, illogical person with hysterical tendencies. Fuck Off.

 

Also, if you want to be in an Ellismania fight, tape yourself punching something (Heavy Bag, mattress, your wife(do not punch your wife because I just said that)) and send the video to fightclub@ellismania.com other than that, take it easy everyone, I’ll see you next week. Also, sorry there weren’t more pictures, but I had vodka, and then I had sex, so I was kind of rushing it.