Show Re-cap for Wednesday 9/18/2013

Welcome to the blah blah Wednesday recap of fuck yourself let’s get this shit over with because I’m grumpy and want to sleep. The lights in the studio are still causing background noise into the mics and they drive Ellis crazy. They figure they should just do the show in the dark with candles circling the place like Dave Navarro or something.

Somebody on Instagram or Twitter or something was crying to Ellis about how he hates fat people. Ellis says he doesn’t hate fat people he just hates people who don’t give a shit about their health and don’t make an effort. So if you are fat, know that Ellis doesn’t hate you. But Tully does. Tully hates you with a feverish intensity that cannot be comprehended by such a dumb fatty such as yourself. He did recount how he has seen a lot of fat people who are awesome swimmers, which could be because of their close relationship with the manatee, or sea cow.

In a move that almost threatened making the show sound like a serious program, Tully brought up an argument for anti-immigration laws that sparked a political conversation. He and the missus have been looking around at moving to a new place with a yard so the little Tully can have a backyard with a little pool he can jump around in. So he went down to a police station to ask about how often they are in certain neighborhoods and he realized how few cops there are to cover such a huge population. The reason: Messicans. His point was really well though out, that he pays taxes to pay for the police to protect his family, and they are often called to protect non tax paying illegal immigrants. Poor Tully is becoming a Republican before our eyes! They discussed the possibilities of walls, and/or nationalizing immigrants that are already here and making them pay taxes. That would be a huge windfall for our failing economy. anyway, fuck serious stuff, back to crazy shit.

Ellis went to Christian’s apartment yesterday to lay some stuff down for his new DDD track. When he went to the building though, the building manager started vibing him hardcore and being a real dick, so naturally Ellis got pissed and was telling him to fuck off. Apparently the guy looks like Tony Todd (Candyman) and is known for being a dick, but Ellis got his tracks laid down and they are sending it to Rob from Machinehead to lay some guitar over it, which could make it a badass song.

Aubrey and Whitney from Onnit came by the show today and I love these people. They have a new challenge called the Look Good Naked Challenge, which is to make fatties look better. They also have a new chocolate which is dairy free, sugar free and is Mike Dolce approved. What’s more, is it is Rawdog approved which is worth it’s weight in gold for Onnit. Anyway, for what it’s worth, I’ve used a bunch of Onnit products and they really do kick ass and are totally worth the money if you can afford it.

Rawdog found some tracks of old classic songs played backwards where supposedly they speak about Satan and making you do drugs and stuff. Most of them, of course, were bullshit but the Stairway to Heaven actually had some clear shit, but it’s probably coincidental.  Speaking of music, New Music Tuesday was moved to Wednesday, and if you’ve ever wondered to yourself: “I wonder how Branden would cover New Music Tuesday if him and Shit Toboggan ever switched days.” Well today is your lucky day! Here we go!

Josh read off some Anti-Semitic headlines from somewhere that I didn’t hear because I got super distracted. With something. I don’t recall now. Cher started talking shit about Miley Cyrus and her VMA performance now that it’s been a month and Cher probably accidentally drank non-decaf coffee and caught E! News one time when she stayed up late. Personally, I’m sick of people complaining about that performance like it means a fucking thing. You want to know what that whole slutfest was about? Miley Cyrus wants to be in movies. She was painted as Hannah Montana for her whole young life, and once she became too old to play Hannah Montana anymore, so she had to look to what her new career should be. The crowd that listens to her type of music is fickle, so her career is maybe 5 years long at best, but in movies, you can land a couple roles every few years and make millions for life. But everyone will always think of her as Hannah Montana, so she will never be able to play serious roles without drawing a Hannah Montana crows. So now she is trying a legitimate music career(whatever you want to call it) but instead of just singing, she is going to be outlandish and slutty and wild and paint her way out of the Disney shadow she has cast herself in. What’s the best way to break that cycle? Grind on Alan Thicke’s son in your underwear in front of a national audience. I promise you I’m right. Cher’s a cunt.

Sweden made public masturbation legal, some chick’s pussy started turning grey so she patented some lipstick for her blushing beaver. Jesus Christ, I’m about tapped out. Maybe next week I’ll be a little less sleepy and I’ll be that happy ball of sunshine you all love. Probably not.

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