How To Be a DJ On Shade 45

There’s a simple formula on how to be a DJ on Sirius / XM’s Shade 45 channel and I’m going to reveal that secret formula to you! Get this down and you’ll be just as good as most all of the DJ’s on that channel with the only exception being Jude (@rude_jude) Here are the “secret” steps:

  1. Play the same “popular” songs that have been played 3 to 4 times within a 12 hour period.
  2. Make sure you interrupt the song multiple times by pushing a button that says: “Warning. The drama king is in the building.”
  3. Push that same button at least 5 times in a row.
  4. Push that same button again after 10 seconds.
  5. Now push a button that sounds like an air horn.
  6. Push that same button 3 to 4 times in a row.
  7. Repeat steps 2 through 6 until the song is over, making sure the audience has only heard a maximum of 10 words. The rest should be button sounds.
  8. Repeat steps 1 through 7 for the remainder of your shift.

Congratulations! You are now a “professional” DJ on Sirius / XM’s Shade 45 channel.

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 3/7/2012

Chelsea Handler staying frostyYou know the start of the show, multiple topics. But the first big one was about the show’s fame and followers versus Chealsea Handler, which I think is kind of a silly comparison. For one, she’s on TV – how do you compare that to radio? Another thing is the fact that she’s female and not bad looking (not including the very not flattering picture I posted to the right), sex sells and it’s typically a woman that reaches the broadest audiences, rather than a male sex figure. Of course there’s also that whole speculation that she’s fucked her way to the top. I don’t think radio hosts will ever be as “known” or popular as people on TV or in movies. Howard Stern is well known, sure, but I think even his fame has declined a bit, especially when you think of someone like Johnny Depp. Depp has to make more money and is more relevant than Stern, especially when you start factoring in endorsements, commercials, etc. Anyway, this is kind of dumb as there is no comparison to be had here, so let’s keep this train a rollin’.

Uriah HeepUrijah Faber, I couldn’t give two shits about what he said on TUF, so instead I’ll talk about Uriah Heep for a second. When’s the last time you heard that song “Easy Living”? That’s gotta be their biggest hit, right? You know those fuckers are still making music? Me neither. Also, it has been confirmed that this Friday will be the last morning show as they will be moving to their normal afternoon time on Fridays.

As almost always on Wednesday’s, we play #WGW and today’s topic was World’s Greatest Thing You Can Do With $2000. And as usual, here’s the top 10 in order of their placing:

  1. Moose with a Top HatBuy a top hat, a shitload of Jack Daniels, and shoot a moose
  2. Demolition derby with four $500 cars
  3. Getting wasted, getting a hooker, rocking out to Limp Bizkit, and have the hooker “shave all my friends tonight”
  4. Stay frosty for 36 hours
  5. Hire an army of homeless people (or trannies) and have them reenact Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” in Beverly Hills
  6. Shitting on a Chik-Fil-A out of a helicopter
  7. Get Cumtard drunk and pay a tranny rape him (but won’t be rape because he’ll be drunk and willing)
  8. Buy a Pontiac Fiero
  9. Record a track with somebody from The Flipmode Squad
  10. Super 8 motel, tacos, beer, and hookers

And with that, I bid you adieu my frosty friends. There’s not much more for me to talk about, well, besides the fact that your mother loves to go ass to mouth. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 3/6/2012

ElephantitisHey, it’s “Big Balls” Tuesday and that is no laughing matter. Elephantitis of the nuts is a serious issue affecting at least a handful of people in the world. Speaking of big balls, Rawdog revealed he almost choked to death on a butterscotch candy when he was kid and now he won’t eat them anymore, I assume because he’s afraid he’ll die. I think this is probably where his “small throat” excuse comes from considering he can’t swallow pills or even a mouthful of liquid. Thankfully though, Tully has attended baby CPR classes so should Rawdog start choking on his own spit, Tully can save his life. So naturally, it was time to get Rawdog over his fear of butterscotch hard candies. Will and Dan came in with some butterscotch candies, it took awhile but he was finally victorious over the candy and did not die! Shout out to that legend of a man, beating out a butterscotch candy. Fucking gangster.

Come at me eseTully, Rawdog, and Jude were trash talking and challenging each other to a book report-off. I think I’ve officially heard it all now, especially when Rawdog busted out an “ese” while tough talking Jude. I don’t know much about Jude and his reading habits, but if speech habits have any bearing on the subject, Rawdog’s “book wepowt” is going to be full of mistakes. Tully seems like the front runner on this one, I mean he did go to Oxford, not to mention he can now perform baby CPR. That has to add something to his book report skills, right? On the other hand, Jude just might come out with a masterpiece, especially if he does it while on ketamine.

Mauro RanalloThere was a whole metric fuckload of talk about the recent Rush Limbaugh “scandal” and what is right or wrong or acceptable, advertising, who’s a prostitute or not, etc. It was supposed to be “Dude am I slut? Rush Limbaugh edition” but instead it turned into a circle jerk discussion about freedom of speech. In other news, Bro Brogan (@joerogan) apparently tried to get hair implants and now has a scar from it. I think we can all agree that the “bald” or shaved head look is way more popular today than it ever was. By the way, have you seen Mauro Ranallo after he shaved his head? He looks fucking hilarious / horrible with a shaved head. He also shakes his head a lot when talks and kind of reminds me of Seth MacFarlane.

BellaEllisBelladonna was on the show today and she’s bald too, I mean she has a shaved head now. But her cookie is probably bald as well. She used to come in back when the show was first starting out, and she was always a pretty cool guest. The major topic while she was there was people calling in with strange things they found sexy or hot or whatever. There were quite a few “strange” ones, but I think the blockbuster of the bunch was a guy that called in and said after doing some coke and drinking, he would put lube on his dick, tie rubber bands around his cock to keep it hard, penetrate his ass, wash it off, and then suck his own cock. I think what made the story even better was how matter of fact and dead serious he was while discussing it. He sounded very believable as well, especially with all his cokehead pauses while telling a story.

In other big news, Pendarvis has cleared the way to move the Friday morning shows to it’s normal afternoon time. He says this should happen not this coming Friday, but the next Friday. And you know what that means, the move is probably gonna be delayed indefinitely. HAHAHAHAA Get it? No? Well, fuck you then. Alternatively, you could fuck your mom, everyone else has. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 3/5/2012

It’s just another manic Monday, I wish it was Sunday, fuck that – no I don’t. Sunday’s suck just as bad as Mondays. The Bangles were fuckin’ dumb as shit, man. What I really just want to get across to you here is that it is Monday. So, sounds like Tully has invented something for babies, he’s even got a lawyer involved. He hasn’t eluded to what it is exactly and it doesn’t sound like he’s going to, at least anytime soon. Best of luck to him and his invention as well as his love for chucking spears.

It’s @DanOD5‘s birthday today, he’s 12 now! And Kirk Cameron is fucktarded. Rawdog went on another date and also has a setup for a different date and it sounds like this date might be about a threesome! Or it could be about Rawdog banging this chick while her other guy friend sits in the corner, sweating profusely and masturbating. She mentions something about “it would help if you were into polyamorous relationships”, and apparently she hooks up with another dude who also has online dating profile. So the suggested date includes her, the hookup guy, and Rawdog. I think they may want to treat him as a sex doll.

Dammit JimThe Backbone (@CullenSaidThis) interviewed George Takei today and asked him if and when he was going on The Jason Ellis Show. He was incredibly creepy with his voice and flirting towards Ellis, saying he can’t wait for their “m-e-a-t-i-n-g”. Wow. He also say’s he working on his jealous husband to allow him to go on the show. Moving on, the guys were asking for some suggestions for possible guests on the show. A lot of good ideas came up, some more likely than others, but good none the less. Hopefully something works out on that front.

The show went back to Rawdog and his father’s speech impediment. Rawdog completely denies that he or his dad has a speech problem, but it seems most everyone else in the world hears it, except him. In frustration, Rawdog had his sister Gabby call in to listen to the clips of the Dogfather saying certain words where he clearly is mispronouncing them. Instead of Gabby admitting that any of them have speech issues, she says, “You know both my brothers have a learning disability” I fucking cried laughing for several minutes while Rawdog was dumbfounded at what his sister just said. It was so fucking epic, maybe even just slightly more epic than how your mom looks getting an angry dragon. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 3/2/2012

It’s Friday you fucking animals! And who gives a fuck? Not me, not you, and not anyone we know. So let’s jump right into the mix here and see how the guys planned to top off an already stellar week of shows, shall we? We shall!

Ellis had a sleepover with Mayhem (@mayhemmiller) so he could be up and ready to come back on the show this morning. Mayhem damn near burned down the studio on his first time back in like 8 months and huffed some canned compressed air! He was so full of energy that I think he started to get on everyone’s nerves in the studio for a short while (it’s damn early for his high energy craziness), but still – he was pretty fucking hilarious. Mayhem said he hasn’t been on the show because he lost his license, which is probably true.

Dan the intern got a new nickname, “Madame Seduce-a”, sounds hot right? Rawdog was temporarily known as “Hot Pockets”, Ellis was temporarily known as “Frozen Pants”, for putting his pants in the freezer, and Tully was temporarily known as “C.B. Dollaway”.

Since it is Friday, and I don’t give a fuck, and nobody else gives a fuck, and because I’m ready to blow this taco stand, I’m ending this mother bitch right here and right now. And guess what else? Yup. You’re mom is still a massive whore, but again, nobody cares because it’s Friday. Let her whore it up, stick things all up in her holes, whatever she wants. FREEZE MY PANTS TONIGHT!