Tag Archives: Tony Hawk

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/7/2013

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A long long time ago, in a far far away place, on a Thursday too coincidentally, someone somewhere made a huge mistake, accidental genius one might say, and let some Aussie washed up skate boarder hop on a microphone and riff.  I don’t think it was Birdman he was referring too, and sharp things fucking suck dude.  Drama nearby the swing-house studios.  Cop cars and ghetto birds flying around, apparently looking for some former cop who went AWOL and started killing other cops n shit, fucking gnarly shit bro.  Awso equawwy as fucking gnarwy, check out who’s in the Huffington Post sewwing his super accurate fortune cookies.  Did you know when Ellis works out, Fionna Apple is too little, and Sepultura’s 1st album is too much.  You can thank Rawdog for that first artist being on Ellis’s ipod.  Speaking of Rawdog, he’s getting all cut up, well not yet but he is working out and getting into it, you go girl!  Did you know phones make us bad parents?  But not Tully, superdad got his twinkle twinkle skills down.  Bindi Irwin, daughter of no longer with us superdad Steve Irwin, told Hillary Clinton to shove it, yo also go girl!  She also is apparently in Bindi’s Boot Camp, but it ain’t no JewManji so I ain’t checked that out yet.  Oh shit, how could I forget, Ellis was working the heavy bag when he felt something happen, possibly a slipped disc, or displaced rib, that or he’s pregnant, and the baby collapsed his lung, something like that….

 

Hey Hey it wasn't my fucking idea!

     Hey Hey it wasn’t my fucking idea!

 

Self proclaimed ledge Steven Seagal has a new posse to teach front kicks to while overlooking the Arizona public school system.  I wonder if Seagal uses the same facial creme Ellis got in the mail today?  Whateves right – Remember DirtShark from DirtShark.com fame, if you don’t he came on the show a while back with a moto dude, and personally it was some of the shittiest TJES I’ve ever heard, still better than 96% of the shit out there though.  Anyways, this dude seems to get sweeter by the minute, starting with his Sharklets he’s bringing by later to play a game, kinda sweet huh.  So the game has some questions that need to be answered ahead of time, and Rawdog Ellis n Tully were the first to go.  Short n sweet, Ellis fucks like he plays rugby, while Rawdogs a sorta table tennis kinda guy.  While Tully’s Mom’s best feature is her smile, Ellis’s has to be her tits. Tully refuses to fuck hatians, Ellis wont do a Nazi, and Rawdog is against slamming any retards.  Women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, drive or play basketball on TV per Ellis.  About then Tully committed to a plan to go softy McFrostington on ’em saying women shouldn’t cry without a shoulder to cry on, PFFFfag.  And how much on a first date should you spend?  Rawdog calculated the average over his last few dates, he spent 70 bucks.  Ellis was willing to spend whatever it takes, while Tully would pay whatever she costs…..kinda the same thing idn’t it?

 

This is why Rawdog will Never go to jail!

This is why Rawdog will Never go to jail!

 

Bitch Had It Coming News is just fucking nasty, and sounds like a NoYouAre joke to me.  What would happen to your ass in jail?  Well we all remember that Rawdog is doomed as a drug mule so there goes his ass.  Ellis thinks he’d be raped for sure, or shanked, or both, at the same time.  Wonder if Rawdog would get shanked, possibly Tully thinks somebody would have too even if just cause they finally can kill someone.  And what if you fuck a dude in jail, do you come out of jail with a totally different outlook on ass and whos it is?  This and more on The Jason Fucking Ellis Show Barry Damn It!  So yesterday I told you not to quote me on the email address for Unsigned Farts, and hopefully you didn’t.  If you have an Unsigned fart, email it to jellis@siriusxm.com.  Shout out to all you muthafuckers who sent in farts n burps for today’s vulgar display of awesomeness.  Truth though, if your gonna make one of these, you gotta try to get the vocals and the fart/burp together at the same time.  Except for that dude who said “I cum under it from under” you keep doing what you do homie!  Aussie News is just lame man, fucking pussies.  If Ellis were president, he’d not only ban birthday singing at restaurants but set a minimum grade for all meat.  This of course doesn’t apply the Bee restaurants and their famous Honey Burgers, I mean really.  Mexicans Am I Right?  So did they take all the shitty jobs from the 14 year old white kids, or are today’s youth just too lazy or good for working the drive through at Burger King?  Who knows, but they got cool cars and their chicken is pretty fucking slammin’ too.

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                           Tara

Gemma

                     Gemma

        

So remember that game and those Sharklets that DirtSharks bring by, well he brought ’em by, say hello to Gemma and Tara.  One’s from Australia the other New Zealand, and both looking for that guy whos a FGC (Future Green Card).  They also both sweat Dingo, but then again it is fucking Dingo right!  Ellis had to school ’em on who was the first to make it America, really just revealing he’s getting up there a little in years.  Turns out these two chics live a few blocks away, and are willing to stop by everyday if the show just provides beer.  You thinking what I’m thinking…..Dingo’s fucking really cool huh.   One of them’s sponsored by Monster n one hosts something on Fuel TV, blah blah blah blah.  Look they’re pretty fucking hot, and if you ran the show you’d be sweatin’ this opportunity, plus we got a game.  Today’s game is brought to you by DirtShark Wednesdays  so get it up ya!   So you remember earlier Tully n freinds answered a few questions, well apparently so did Will Shindarvis, Cumtard, and the intern guy, and the Sharklets had to answer them.  Winner gets a date, loser got off lucky cause there was no penalty this go around.  First off, these chis are a lot of fun I’m sure, so Tully’s romantic soft thought out shit just didn’t cut it.  The fucking intern don’t really matter yet, so theres that.  Rawdizzle did ok, since he does draw the line at sticking shit in his ass without asking if you wanna a piece of the Dog.  Will read the questions and sabotaged Ellis’s answers, so The Wing was fucked from the start.  Despite Will’s antics, he still fell short with his chess like fucking skills, and his answer that practically begged for a date with these chics.  So would I leave out, oh shit Cumtard from sector Cumtard of Planet Cumtardia, well despite his bull riding skills in the moon bounce, he got stiffed on the date he won, and instead was jsut offered to take His Shirt off in front of them…..he respectfully declined.

 

Fucking Oath Mate – Just Like Me Mum

 

Coming soon Im sure, Ellismate approved pasties.  They’re just stickers, but they work like a champ, and damn near were tested live in the studio.  Its not insertion so its mellow, much like final calls were.  Anyone could have called in to talk to these chics, or DirtShark even, but nope they were just about all for The Wing.  Hey Ellis, whats it like for you and your chic to wanna fuck everyone all the time?  Yo Ellis, tell me more about old man balls on your chic at swinger parties.  Ellis, Ellis, did Rawdog microwave anymore cum?  Dirtshark did let us know to look for the possible ‘Chad Reedets’ coming soon, allegedly maybe?  Ever wonder what its like to watch TV with Ellis?  Poto, Pussy, Poto, Punching, Poto, Pussy, Punching, Pussy, Poto!  Glad to not the The Hills in there, cause everyone knows Josh Hansen is a huge start in Australia.  Its weird I know, much like Americans and their fascination with wallabies as pets.  Not as weird as Ellis’s nickname with his real friends – Bubbles!   Yeah but I don’t know him that well so I ain’t calling him that, ya didn’t heard me.  I am however calling your grandma after i wrap this recap up so I can stick skittles up ass, fuck her, and let her taste the rainbow, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/31/2012

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Boo motherfucker!  What else would you wanna do on Halloween but kill someone, but like for real!  Thats what Ellis is all about today, and Adrianne Curry equates it to tripping balls basically, well the whole hallucinogenic part of it anyways.  Ahhhh Adrianne Curry, makes me wanna go “Shazing”, which is the sound made when your dick goes into a perfectly fitting carnival or shitbox.  Always learning something on the Jason Ellis Show, like Jason wants a sex couch, Rawdog is a Beverly Hills Ninja for Halloween, and that Adrianne goes to strip clubs for a nice place to talk.  She also said its cool if you check out another chic, but no more than 10 seconds.  But if the nipples are hard, then its ok for at least 20 seconds.  But good ol’ Ellismate found the loophole, if your seeing if her ass is real or fake, you can stare as long as it takes.  Some other shit we learned, some dude called in with 2 dicks and its called Diphallia, and strippers fucking freak out when they see it.  Apparently dude can piss or cum out of either of them.  Gnarly!  Speaking of cool shit with dicks, Ellis can slap his dick and make a Spoon Man kinda vibe with it, which he later in the show recorded and played live!!!  We also learned that “Randy” in Australia means horny, and it gives RawDog’s ‘Macho Man’ voice a whole new meaning.  Then Adrianne found the shake weight and we all stopped and listened……..

 

 

The elections are almost over people, and this little girl is sick of Bronk Obama and this whole erection thing.  Then we learned more about rape, and how in some states dudes can claim rights of “their child” in situations of impregnating a lady they raped.  Fucking sick right – Adrianne said she take a crowbar to the thing if she wasn’t allowed to choose.  Shoebox said he got accused of rape his senior year of high school.  Some bitch put him through the ringer for a while, and then just admitted it was a lie = CUNT!  Speaking of cunts, Cee Lo has been accused of rape and of not skipping a midnight snack.  Best spot for a snack near Hollywood, Adrianne suggests Hatfield’s and Rawdog offered Grill ’em All.  Shoebox offered us the TV series ‘The Walking Dead‘, which Rawdog said wasn’t that good, so its probably the greatest show ever made.  Oh man, serious Halloween tip for you here, Adrianne reminded us if your going to fuck a zombie you gotta remember lube!  That goes for any ladies in their eighties too kids!  And if you somehow impregnate this zombie bitch and make a zombie son you can always name him either Chainsaw, Cannibal or Hannibal, all solid choices and Ellismate approved.  Seriously though people, if the zombies do come for real, Ellismate is heading straight for the jet skis.  Not bad idea, unless you follow @SharkPeople on twitter!

 

Nothing gay about this at all.

What is the World’s Greatest Thing Done While on Cocaine?  Could it be Lawrence Taylor or Michael Irvin, both of which won superbowls and did mad whores while on coke.  Maybe its Stephen King who wrote his best novels with a toot here or there.  And who could forget musicians like Eric Clapton or bands like Fleetwood Mac.  Oh fuck, how about that one dude who called in a while back and rubber banded his junk, contorted it until he got it in his ass, and literally fucked himself!  Possibly the winner was Elvis and his days of liquid cocaine, but we will truly never know who or what, is, the World’s Greatest Wednesday since they just gave up on it!   We did learn some key info though, like Adrianne once won a bet to sniff a bands name spelled out in coke, and that Stevie Nicks blew her nose out so bad she had to take lines up the ass.  And if your going to fuck while on cocaine, either get it hard first, or pop a cialis before the start of your night!

 

   “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!”

If you haven’t noticed Tully isn’t in today, so in keeping in the spirit of #fucktully, our good ol’ friend Jizz Cult laced us with his pics on Instagram, so be sure to follow @Deadletters on Instagram for all of Will’s hilarious photos.  Adrianne used to have a pet Tarantula, and it bit her, and she got really fucking sick from it, Woman Am I Right?  Seriously ladies, don’t ever drop a “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!” if you in bed with a dude, cause its a legitimate reason to hit a bitch.  Speaking of my homies, check out Tony Hawk’s RIDE Channel on youtube for todays featured video of Birdman and Ellismate, bon appetite!  Rawdog had a game for Shoebox, Adrianne and Ellis, all Halloween themed and shit.  The game was lame, but the voice Rawdog blessed us with was classic!  Think of it like a cross between Rip Taylor and The Monster Mash dude.  The rest of the show was spent on the the new segment, “What have you stuck your dick in?”  We’ve done this before, but with Adrianne in studio it seemed a good time to refresh our memories.  Of course we got the basics out of the way, such as a vacuum cleaner, warm shampoo bottles, and in between two mattresses.  Some dude called in about the time he and his buddy DP’d a calf-liver.  And how could we forget the guy who cut a hole in the wall and lost his virginity to it.  He goes back from time to time to visit his family and his ex.  Cans of corn beef, pie filling, trannies, basically anything slightly warm and gooey will do.  The winner for me, some dude fucked a bong and later his buddy took a bong rip from it, what a douche.  From there the show was bombarded with ‘Dick Sticking Stories’ from a ton of #EllisFam, all of whom are listed here, that have fucked your mom over and over and over!

Ellis on SiriusXM – 10/16/12

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If you missed it, Ellis made two ‘appearances’ today on the satellite radio while on vacation.

The 1st was a call in to Lisa G of Howard 100 News to discuss Tim Sabean getting injured while dirt biking in PA.


Download (link to MP3)

The 2nd was a call in to a live Tony Hawk’s Demolition Radio with Jesse Fritsch and John Dale. He announced that he has officially taken possession of Thomas Haden Church’s custom Porsche 911 turbo.


Download (link to MP3)

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 9/11/2012

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Go Cullen, go Cullen, it’s yo birfday

It’s a NYC Tuesday! Let’s first get the 9/11 date out of the way. While your hearts may be feeling heavy today, your hearts should also be filled with pride. On that day, you watched ordinary people turn into heros, and you also saw most of the world standing behind the USA. Crazy man, crazy shit. Okay, let’s move on, @Cullensaidthis turned 36 today, so happy birthday to the Backbone of Faction and half of the @Jingleberries! Tully came in with yet another spot on observation, Rawdog looks like the Notre Dame logo when he’s fighting – that old-timey, fisticuffs style. And a caller actually had an observation as well, he looks like Sex Machine when he turns into a vampire, from the movie From Dusk Till Dawn.

Girls when they see Will in action.

Pendarvis was helpful to a couple chicks that were on the radio, he parked their car for them and now he might be getting some poon for his kindness. However, instead of going out with some chicks, he took Cullen out for a steak dinner – no word on if he got to first base or not. But Will did get an opportunity to make some poor waitress nervous, but I assume he didn’t get to take it to the next level where he follows her home in his car and flashing his lights. Jude is in NYC as well, so he stopped by the show today and apparently lookin’ and smellin’ all good & shit for the fellas. Why do fat people have black necks and bad breath? Diabetes, that’s why.

When Rawdog appeared with his shirt off.

Lance Bass of N’Sync fame was on the show today, I’m not real sure why, but hey – there he was. He’s getting into radio and guys’ butts. HEYOH! Actually, he seems like a pretty cool dude and his appearance on the show went well. Right after that, another surprise guest stopped by the show today, Robb Flynn of Machine Head. He’s into wake boarding and sweet licks. Just like Lance, he seems like a cool dude and his appearance on the show went well too. The world renowned Tony Hawk made a short stop on the show as well, TH talked about the TH TH (Tony Hawk Town Hall) that went on yesterday. He’s into skateboarding and cheeseburgers. Chris Brown got a new tattoo. He’s into beating women’s asses and shitty tattoos. Rawdog, sans shirt mind you, interviewed some Chippendales dudes about cocoa butter, workouts, nutrition, and cock. He also took a picture with them that you should definitely see, it’s on his Instagram. By the way, he’s into circle jerks and planetariums.

LA stinks like shit and rotten eggs lately, and I’m left wondering how people are just noticing that LA stinks like shit? They’re trying to blame it on the Salton Sea, but I’m not so sure about that. My theory is that your mom is wearing a dress and that’s what’s been making LA and neighboring states stink like shit and rotten eggs for over 40 years. OH!