Tag Archives: Tiger Woods

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/24/2013

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Yet another Aids Thursday at The Jason Ellis Show, but today was just a little feminine, well more than usual.  In fact, we all had vaginas before we were born, which probably explains why Rawdog knows the words to TLC’s ‘No Scrubs’.  Yes he did sing it for us, but wasn’t near as gay feminine as the dong Tully played from his personal library.  Enough with the pussy talk, did you know Tiggy has butt cheeks in his feet, named Bill and Ted.  And even more manly than that, Rawdog fish tailed in his car the other night,   and almost kept it on the road.  Even more manly than that, is keeping civil conversations with yo’ baby mama’s so you don’t fuck the kids over.  Also important to never trust a Catholic Priest for the same reason really.  Of course if he’s just a priest from another Christian religion, just keep an eye on that dude aight!  As much as we hope there’s a ghetto in heaven, we equally hope hell’s got something righteous for these kid fuckers.  Of course, if hell is like Tully seems to recall, then were just in a constant state of fire, which Ellis wouldn’t mind too much.  Jerk his fire dick and shoot his fire load, Red Dragons!  More on Catholics, Jizz Cult sent a link to Tully about how they conveniently said fetuses aren’t people when being sued, but they are when it comes to kicking your chic down a flight of steps if she’s gained a few pounds, ya know for added insurance.  Sure that might make for a bad first date, sure glad Rawdog didn’t use those tactics for his 1st date with this new short petite chic.  No titties or BJ’s for the Dog, just back to the house to jerk it to Sonic Youth and celebrity porn.

 

Watch out for those waterfalls Rawdog!

 

What is The Jason Ellis Show without a dose of Hometown Hollywood News?  Probably a reply, but today we found out that Justin Bieber is a funny muthafucker, and told this Colette bitch to shut the fuck up.  Kris Jenner used to beat her kids, and a lot of other dudes off, so says Bobby Kardashian’s journal.  If you were curious what that “chic” Manti Te’o had a false crush on sounds like, Bobs your uncle!  Sylvester Stallone paid his half-sister off, either for abusing her back in the day, or most likely cause its easier to pay the crazy pill popping bitch off than put up with it.  Halle Berry is seriously selling the shit out of Tostito’s, check her guacamole titties out!  Lindsay Lohan’s new movie The Canyons Movie was rejected from both Sundance and South By Southwest citing its lack of quality in a movie.  Good Grief, Charlie Brown was arrested for stalking, which just reminds Tully with today’s technology, stalking is as easy as its ever been.  It didn’t take Tiger too long to get some new snatch, check her out.  And it didn’t take Tiggy that long to drop another #FuckTullyHellYeah.

 

I knew something was up with that dude

I knew something was up with that dude

 

In STD News, those sick cunts may have found a cure for Aids.  Then we played a game, and shout out to @mike_in_canada for this one……Ultimate Survival Tactics with Rawdog as your host.  Well, the game was a great idea, but having Rawdog be the voice of reason made for some radio gold.  Here’s the setting, Donald Schultz flies Ellis, Tully and Cumtard out to Africa, to get away from any Blick Dragons and back to nature.  Only the helicopter crashes, Donald burns up with it, and the 3 are left to fend for themselves.  So hotshot, what do you do?   Despite Tully’s ideas of killing Cumtard, you basically just put a stick in everything and you will survive.  Here’s the best I can tell you to do if ever lost in the Savanah of Africa, first you gotta find shelter, and tie shirts around your legs to soak up water from the grass.  Then, you just set the whole fucking place into a wildfire to stay warm, of course if the helicopter’s explosion hasn’t already achieved this goal.  Then you take an air bath using dirt for soap, clean your teeth with a stick, and lock your hands together when crossing a river.  Oh, don’t forget to throw a rock in the river, so you can properly gauge the depth, that’s key!  If you get a tick, just shoot your jizz over him to suffocate him.  If your foot hurts, just harden the fuck up.  Oh, and last but certainly not least, if your ever in a snow storm, in Africa mind you, just take a shit in the coroner and let the heat and smell waft your way to keep you warm.  This is all true!

 

What do you do hotshot?

What do you do hotshot?

 

Woman Am I Right?  So this Portland lady got stuck in between two buildings, and this is the 3rd story like this  in months.  This lady in Washington smothered her man to death with her huge knockers, again another instance of this but resulting in death this time.  Curious to see the world’s widest hips, check her out.  In Juno, Wisconsin at ‘Silk Exotic’, these two bitches fought over a dollar, despite one of them being with child.  Women in Vancouver have started their own fight club, Woman Am I Wrong?  Nope, its a pillow fight club, check it out!  Some girl bit her mom’s thumb off during an argument, but couldn’t find that link.  I did find this link, to these two bitches at their holiday party, and the bitten off finger nail that transpired.  In Scotland, this Chinese lady stole this other Chinese lady’s valuables, cause the other lady is a dumb bitch.  I also tried to find the story about the lady who stole a 40pound dildo, but every key word just found me tons of porn.  OK, I’m back!  Just in time for this lady, who got out of 6 speeding tickets, by calling in a fake nearby emergency to 911.  This Swedish woman stole and crashed a fucking train into an apartment building, which ain’t that easy to do.  From there, just a Reno woman who killed her man over porn, some lady bit her mans ear off for her 19th offense since 2003, we heard about the lady who drove 900+ miles instead of 90 cause she’s a moron, and some lady got her 5 dead cats names tattooed on her back.  Woman Am I Right?

 

 

Remember when Will notified us that Woman are now allowed in combat?  Well, that was the rest of the show.  Woman are fucking awesome in war, woman fucking suck in war.  Period blood attracts bears so that’s not good at times of war.  You can leave a dude to die, but you can’t leave a bitch to die.  Callers Am I Right?   Brand new for today,  EllisMate is posting a photo on Instagram, and reading the comments at the end of the show….so be sure to follow @wolfmate on Instagram, and get some better shit for him to read or its over.  Also, don’t forget to check out the Roast of Dee Snider tonight, with Jim Florentine, Jim Norton and many others, all on AXS.tv.  I personally won’t be able to catch it, as I will be knee deep in your mom’s snatch, looking for shelter like Rawdog told me too.  But not until I first throw a rock in that pussy to see just how deep it is…..still waiting for a ‘Ker-Plunk’, OH!

 

 

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/1/2012

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Goddamnit Bob, be nice!

It’s Tuesday, it’s also the first day of May, so listen to what I say, or I shall proclaim you gay. Damn man, look out Ja Rule, I’m a rhyme master! On an unrelated note, two fucking minutes before the show started, my online player suddenly set me back about 8 whole donkey dick minutes so all my tweets are probably going to be off. By the time I tweet something, they’ll be on an entirely new topic. To that, I say filthy words and ‘scuse me while I curse the skies. There was some more dick talk today, specifically circumcised versus un-circ’ed – which lead into how much Tully thinks of the orgasms his son will have one day. And that, led seamlessly into retarded people and how when they stare off into space, they could potentially be thinking about how retarded they are instead of unicorns.

Don’t listen to her

Somebody claimed Venus and Serena Williams are virgins, it doesn’t seem to be confirmed, but I think the real potential story here is that it’s quite possible that they have penetrated themselves with a tennis racket. That’s just one theory I’m bouncing around in my head anyway. Apparently Octomom is broke and is masturbating in porn to make ends meat. And the real question here is, who in the fuck wants to see that ditch pig rub her bombed out box? Joanna Angel’s movie trailer for “Rock-n-Roll In Your Butthole” features music from Taintstick – you know you’ve made it when your band is played during a montage of anal scenes. The real kicker here is that Ellis’ then 3-year-old daughter is also in that song, so yea, that seems like it should probably be edited or something.

I hope this isn’t true, but it looks like Michael Jordon might be a huge asshole. First was his Hall of Fame speech in 2009, where everyone felt he was settling old scores rather than being graceful. It was also revealed awhile ago that Tiger Wood’s friends and lawyer claimed that Jordon had been a bad influence on Tiger – particularly concerning his affairs and such. And now Chamellionaire is claiming that Jordon is in fact, a super asshole. In the end, I don’t claim to know if Jordan is or is not an asshole, you can make that call on your own. And then there was new music Tuesday! And then I decided to not write about it! And now, since you don’t know much about your whore mother, I’m going to tell you another story about her when you were just a child.

Nobody likes your mom

A few days after Christmas, she was working in the kitchen listening to you playing with your new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and you said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the fuck off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train.” She went nuts and told you, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours and think about what you’ve done.” Two hours later, you came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with your train. Soon the train stopped and she heard you say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today. For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your luggage under your seat.” Your mom began to smile, and you added, “For those of you pissed about the two hour delay, please see the cunt in the kitchen!” The moral of the story here? Even when you were a kid, you knew your mother was a worthless whore. OH!