Welcome to the end, not the for reals end, just the end of the week. Ellis was almost late today also. Not because he was playing bumper cars but because he was not prepared but fuck it. Hahaha butt fuck it. Welcome to the Friday recap folks and stay tuned for more hilarious commentary like that. Ellis is having issues with finding a sparring partner, it’s tough to find someone to punch early in the morning. Apparently all the good guys are in the gym in the middle of the day because they don’t bother with peasant work and actors don’t like getting punched in the face. He did however get the opportunity to box with a ginormous shredded black dude. Ellis got rocked because the dude was way better of a boxer but during the fourth round he was just trying to keep Ellis motivated to keep going. And he called Ellis baby, then they went for tea. It was a wonderful evening. Tully might have to take a staycation again because he’s working on another book, he says it’s his fault that they are not taking a proper vacation but personally I blame The Man. Ellis is still planning on going to Panama and jumping into the ocean off his deck. Rawdog didn’t say where he’s planning on going, so most likely he will just be giving his girlfriend the D the entire time. Ever watch Rocky and wonder how many miles he’s running in that classic scene? Neither did I till now, some dude figured it all out so I can finally sleep at night. A dude called in saying something about obesity being a disease and not a decision but honestly it’s a little of both. It has everything to do with metabolism, eating habits, activity levels, genetics, etc. Speaking of lard asses, a baby in Saudi got up to 72 pounds and is the youngest person to get gastric bypass ever. All the experts say that you shouldn’t diet, it’s a life change, you actually need to change everything you do, oh and also educate yourself, all them word books might learn you a thing or two.

Damien Esteban, son of Satan and Gloria, was a teacher who served jury duty and got caught with heroine in his backpack and then got fired and then cried like a bitch to the courts and then had to get rehired so now Mr. Smack is back to work teachin the youth of tomorrow. The mythical blue tiger of China may have been spotted but most likely it had stripes, da dum tssss. “Cocaine up the butt story singer woman” <- this was in my notes and it made me laugh so enjoy. The new iPhones are selling mainly because you can get a finger print one or a cheap one with a number of color options, or because they also come in gold. The cool thing about the gold ones is that they are ergonomically designed to fit inside your rectum with minimal discomfort Then they talked about the weird shit in food flavoring like that castorium stuff that comes from beaver buttholes. But I think we have talked enough about beaver buttholes on this site so I will refrain from discussing beaver buttholes any more. Beaver buttholes.

And you thought cat buttholes were nasty, but at least this tastes like vanilla.

Cumtard the Cumtardian from Sector Tard came in to do the two things he does best, smoke weed and put things in his butt. All alleged of course. The alleged idea is that somehow they would get weed smoke inside Kevin’s ass with the attempt to get him high and also to get him to fart smoke. I can’t properly explain the technique used during the first attempt but I can assure you that it did not work too well. After the first failed attempt, Kevin and Rawdog went into the green room and emerged with the mechanics of the second try, a balloon full of smoke. With the help of Tully and Josh, Kevin accepted an entire balloon of smoke that was attached to the end of the turkey baster. All in all the experiment didn’t turn out as well as hoped. The smoke farts were almost none and the discomfort of cramming a turkey baster in your turd cutter makes it a far less desirable way of getting high than the many other options, but he did catch a good high, allegedly.

“Cumtarding” and how it might be killing your kids, tonight at eleven!

An Arizona man has been accused of branding his initials on his girlfriends genitals, hopefully he will die from a thousand AIDS dicks cramming him in every orifice for the next fifty years. On a more awesome note, a  61 year old man in Texas went into the hospital drunk but hadn’t drank a drop, it turned out to be a yeast allergy and was essentially brewing beer in his stomach, God likes him a lot.

In case you missed Metallica Live from the Apollo on SiriusXm channel 111 our good friend, the artist formerly known as @Cobratits, @SXMRob, has a gift for you.

Thomas Hayden Church joined us after the break. They talked about Kevin being a dick on the phone, Metallica, keeping the faith, the clap getting clapped outta your dick, the porche, and THC’s newest movie that he’s filming that he’s playing a street fighter in. Thomas talked about the movie industry and the drop in movies and how he doesn’t want to be on a TV show because he doesn’t want to be away from his kids in Texas. And then they just hung out and chatted and bullshitted like friends that haven’t seen each other in a while and are catching up over a bucket of beers. I’m trying to think of something funny to say for the ending but I’m not in the mood because I’m outta money and yer mums free trial is already over, OH!