Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/28/2012

This has nothing to do with anything, I just liked it.

Hi guys! Hi! Howdy-diddly-do? Sup? How are yuns? I hope you’re doing better than Lance “One Regal Ball” Armstrong. Is he banging the Olsen twins or something? I don’t even know. He might look good to the ladies and shit, but those ladies ain’t ever seen @rude_jude ballin’ all over the studio while in a k-hole. Speaking of studio, Ellis says it’s time the studio gets a makeover, he wants red carpet and black walls, looking like a photo developing room or some shit like that. Or maybe something else, he’s open to ideas. Being from Alaska, Katie’s pussy had permafrost until Ellis came along to warm up them fallopians. Ellis couldn’t finish the eat like Rawdog challenge yesterday, he skipped the KFC pot pie – which was probably a good thing or we might not be having a live show today.

I hope you’re happy with what you have done!

Dr. Drew stopped by the show today, he was there for an intervention for Rawdog and his eating habits. Rawdog got to hear how his life choices are making Ellis and Tully sad and that his eating habits are not only hurting him, they are hurting the people that love him as well. It was revealed that Rawdog had just seen his therapist a day or two previous to this encounter, and he actually spoke to his therapist about his eating habits and how it has been a topic recently! This is good news because the first step is admitting you have a problem. Rawdog feels like he’s being attacked, and his natural behavior is to not want to be told what to do. The more people are nagging him about his diet, the more he wants to do the exact opposite of what he knows he should be doing, eating healthier. This was actually a pretty involved segment with lots of little bits of information, but the gist is that Ellis is going to back off when it comes to calling out Rawdog for his diet, he will also make an effort to learn how to read more better (get it?) and Rawdog will make an effort to start changing his dietary habits.

Christmas. It’s not just for fucking a stranger in your house anymore!

Melody Jordan was on the show after Dr. Drew and a Danzig break, she’s a porn star who can do porn star things and Rawdog can’t help but to call Bigfoot, Bookfoot. That porn star chick? Her butthole has it’s own twitter, and the owner of that butthole talks a lot about shitting, her shit sewer, enemas, etc.She sounds like mommy’s little disgusting angel. Another porn star came in to join the intensely erotic “taking a shit” discussions, but I missed her name – her name isn’t important though, right? She really sold herself when she said she’s not very interesting, I assume when compared to a gutter slut talking about taking pictures of the shits she takes, you might be considered tame. But lady, let me tell you, I’d probably rather see your porn than the “butt mustard” girl’s porn.

Everything that’s been said about your mom? Yea, it’s all pretty much true.

Today was NMT and boy was it a treat! There was this band, they sucked. And then there was this other band, they blew. After that was another band, terrible. Then, another band, and then the terrorists won. Raccoons have bones in the peckers, and people make toothpicks out of those bones, ALL. THE. TIME. Our home girl @KimDultz called into the show, I think it was about her pussy and some kid related shit, and thanks to @CobraTits, you can listen to her call here. Sorry, I kinda didn’t hear because I was busy imagining her saying nice things about my wiener, can ya blame me? UPDATE: Consider this your notification, it has been decided that we’re replacing “Truck Yeah” with “Butt Yeah” until further notice. Thank you. And now something about your mother. As per usual, she was being her typical self, stupid and annoying. But I kinda felt bad for busting a nut right in her eye after she got done blowing me, so I asked her what was wrong. She said she had a yeast infection. I told her that now she knows what it’s like being with an irritating cunt. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/21/2012

Jude always gets some sort of applause.

Fair warning here, I missed a lot of the show today, but it’s all good. I think I got enough to make you sweat C & C Music Factory style! Rawdog’s tired today, and probably pilled out from his healthy lifestyle kidney stones. Enough so that Ellis called him on it right when he walked in to the studio before work, which automatically put Rawdog in a weird mood. He hung out with his chiquita (Brocolina) last night and drove her non-driving ass home. He also protected her from a raving, rabid dog on dem mean skreets. And since it’s Tuesday, our pal @rude_jude came on the show today and began talking in his latino home girl accent, confusing Rawdog as he got turned on by the accent and words, but was looking at Jude. Also, just in case Rosie is reading this, you should know that the more you get teased, it just means we love you that much more – well Rawdog really, but by extension I suppose.

Kids these days, golly!

Think about this kiddies, a lot of today’s kids don’t know shit from apple butter, or at least they don’t know a lot of shit some of us older people know. To be more specific, today’s 18 year-old crowd – they’ve never experienced many things that were the standard in some of our times. And now, here are just a few of those things that are completely lost on today’s youth: Mailing a letter (snail mail for you youngins), pointing to your wrist to ask for the time, Nirvana is classic rock to them, Ferris Bueller could be their dad, they’ve never had to watch scrambled porn, OJ Simpson has always been famous for alleged murder instead of football, they have no recollection of Michael Jordon playing basketball, they were not glued to the TV watching the fall of the Berlin Wall, some (or even most) of them probably can’t write in cursive, etc. It’s kind of odd for the older generations to think about these things that were so common, yet have become so obsolete. So there ya go – feeling old now? If not, than you’re probably young.

So you say you’re a new intern?

According to Tully, Geena Davis is the female version of Jeff Goldblum… and he’s fucking right! I’ve never really thought about that – you can understand why I’d block her from my mind – but after him saying that, I’m limp and may have erectile dysfunction. So a big fuck you goes out to both Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum. Potential new intern on the show today, “Charles”, who has worked in radio before, he’s 37 and going back to school for radio – particularly he would like to produce. Thirtyseven. Back to school. If you’re just now learning what you want, the road ahead is going to be bumpier than driving over the trash at an abortion clinic. Is that even a joke? I don’t know, I’m tired and give about zero fucks.

Anyway, he was there, introduced himself, and fielded a few questions from the guys – so we’ll see what happens. I would guess he’ll get his shot at being berated by everyone, so start thinking of nicknames for this third-world crack smokin’, pipe-dream havin’, potential intern. Don’t act like I’m some sort of mean guy. You know how everyone is, we don’t like new people at first and treat them suspect until they get a chance to eat our shit and then we judge them on how well they eat our shit. It’s the same all over the world I tell ya. The first time I shit in your mother’s mouth – I had to punch her in the jaw to help her chew it. She’s obviously gotten a lot better at it, as you can see by the six 1 dollar bills she gets to bring home at the end of a night of shit eating. OH!

“Brockalina” AKA Rawdog’s Girlfriend – 8/21/12 (Buttons)

“Si!”

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“You’re all man”

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“I am her”

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“He is so handsome, he look like just like Jesus”

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“Mijo I wanna come over”

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“Mijo I’m coming to see you today. I don’t have a car so you come get me”

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“You give me your chorizo”

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“I listen to The Smiths and you fuck me”

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Rude Juesday – 8/21/12 (Jude’s impression starts around the 11min mark)

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Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/14/2012

The ghost of Rawdog made his debut on the show today, he claims to have saw bright lights and Saint Peter trying to snowball him. If you were to believe this apparition, he said he told good old Saint Peter North that it was not his time, but we all know he loves his own load, so there ya go. Jude was also on the show today, talking about how he got all fucked up on morphine pills – which just might be the pill Tully has been looking for. And speaking of Jude and pills, he wants to shove a morphine pill up Rawdog’s sister’s butt, no biggie. However, Rawdog does not share Jude’s enthusiasm for his sisters holes and so he is cock blocking. This is a man that didn’t spit out his own load that got snowballed into his mouth because he didn’t want to make his girlfriend feel uncomfortable. When addressing the snowballing move to his girlfriend, he said “that’s kind of weird”, her response was “don’t be such a baby” Sweet Jesus! This chick is going to rule over the Rawdog, it’s starting to sound like an abusive relationship.

Keeping with the abusive relationship topic, Ellis said everyone should just leave Mayhem alone. He’s going through a tough time that he was unprepared for and it’s a hard transition to make. I really know nothing of Mayhem’s plight, but I do wish him all the best and you should too – if not only just to be a compassionate human. More talk about Staph Shaffington and his infected ding-a-ling, quite a few callers chimed in about the staph infections they’ve had in various places, such as on their balls, shaft, ass crack, etc. Shout out to all those staph genitals out there in the world, you make my eye twitch! In news that’s not really news at all, America is on the cusp of an obesity epidemic. Lot’s of people are overweight and many of them could probably do something about it, but choose not to. Whatever, there’s not much more you can really say about that except, BOOM-BOBBA-BOOM! Today was NMT, that is all. And now I leave you with a final thought, remember all those screaming sounds your mom makes when she’s getting DP’ed? Doesn’t it sound exactly like Stevie Wonder answering his clothes iron? OH!

P.S. Tully gave our site a shout out today at the end of the show! Thanks to @EllisMate, @RadioTFB, and @possiblytully because that gave us a boner!