Tag Archives: Lance Armstrong

Show Re-cap For Friday 1/18/2013

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4229-life-sucks-and-then-it-gets-better-and-then-it-sucks-again-and_247x200_widthLife sucks but if it’s bad then it will be good later but the bad needs the good otherwise the good will be bad. Get it? Here let me demonstrate, this blog used to be small, only me and @bitPimps, now it’s huge with up to and possibly more than a dozen readers! Still confused? Its like a hooker with no arms or legs, you just gota be good at suckin dick. Ellis has no cancer or aids because he’s a champion who has a plan and takes opportunity when it comes, also his skin doctor said so. Ellis’s mom might visit or get new boobs she’s not sure, but that’s just how they roll down in Australia.  Speaking of plastic surgery, Ellis is thinking about getting Botox to make his eyes “less tired” looking. Here’s the chain saw bird. Josh has been working out but it also looks like he is getting fatter. The light run and chicken nugget diet doesn’t seem to be pulling the results that he has hoped.

Manti Tay’o of Notre Dame had girlfriend die and made a bit to-do about it and shit but  it turned out that he never had a girlfriend in the first place. I really don’t give a shit and if you do then here is a link for you. Today was New Music Tuesday Friday, lucky us. Will.i.am and Brittany Spears made some shitacular music together,

I rock so hard that I just shit myself!

I rock so hard that I just shit myself!

Mackamore and Ryan Lewis did more crap, 2 Cellos ruined more good somgs, and ASAP Rocky did something else that probably sucked. But more importantly in Finish news, and in Korean news. Kelly and Sam visited from Toronto and played  Tullys Steven Segal true/false game. Did you know that Segal loves wine? And that he is so full of shit that he actually believes the shit he spews to the point that he might be one of the most fascinating dudes ever. Oh and Kelly didn’t lose so there wont be any dick sucking but Sam is gonna slob some major know toinight!

Lance Armstrong did roids and told Oprah, woopiddy-fuckin-do. Hollywood news, who gives a fuck, it’s Friday and I don’t live there. During Final Calls we learned

NOT A DRAMATIZATION!!

NOT A DRAMATIZATION!!

that if you get drunk and stabbed it’s probably because you hang with stabby people. Ozzy set his house on fire, and that’s metal as fuck. Joe Rowe is in love with Two Two so much that he sand about him. Andy Dick stopped in for the last 15 minutes and talked about weed, brain damage, tap dancing, ambiguously gay famous people, Joe Rogan, broken bones, and sang a song about stalking his neighbor and finger banging her. I was very happy to hear this, not because the song was good, but it’s nice to know the Andy Dick is treating yer mum so well, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/28/2012

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This has nothing to do with anything, I just liked it.

Hi guys! Hi! Howdy-diddly-do? Sup? How are yuns? I hope you’re doing better than Lance “One Regal Ball” Armstrong. Is he banging the Olsen twins or something? I don’t even know. He might look good to the ladies and shit, but those ladies ain’t ever seen @rude_jude ballin’ all over the studio while in a k-hole. Speaking of studio, Ellis says it’s time the studio gets a makeover, he wants red carpet and black walls, looking like a photo developing room or some shit like that. Or maybe something else, he’s open to ideas. Being from Alaska, Katie’s pussy had permafrost until Ellis came along to warm up them fallopians. Ellis couldn’t finish the eat like Rawdog challenge yesterday, he skipped the KFC pot pie – which was probably a good thing or we might not be having a live show today.

I hope you’re happy with what you have done!

Dr. Drew stopped by the show today, he was there for an intervention for Rawdog and his eating habits. Rawdog got to hear how his life choices are making Ellis and Tully sad and that his eating habits are not only hurting him, they are hurting the people that love him as well. It was revealed that Rawdog had just seen his therapist a day or two previous to this encounter, and he actually spoke to his therapist about his eating habits and how it has been a topic recently! This is good news because the first step is admitting you have a problem. Rawdog feels like he’s being attacked, and his natural behavior is to not want to be told what to do. The more people are nagging him about his diet, the more he wants to do the exact opposite of what he knows he should be doing, eating healthier. This was actually a pretty involved segment with lots of little bits of information, but the gist is that Ellis is going to back off when it comes to calling out Rawdog for his diet, he will also make an effort to learn how to read more better (get it?) and Rawdog will make an effort to start changing his dietary habits.

Christmas. It’s not just for fucking a stranger in your house anymore!

Melody Jordan was on the show after Dr. Drew and a Danzig break, she’s a porn star who can do porn star things and Rawdog can’t help but to call Bigfoot, Bookfoot. That porn star chick? Her butthole has it’s own twitter, and the owner of that butthole talks a lot about shitting, her shit sewer, enemas, etc.She sounds like mommy’s little disgusting angel. Another porn star came in to join the intensely erotic “taking a shit” discussions, but I missed her name – her name isn’t important though, right? She really sold herself when she said she’s not very interesting, I assume when compared to a gutter slut talking about taking pictures of the shits she takes, you might be considered tame. But lady, let me tell you, I’d probably rather see your porn than the “butt mustard” girl’s porn.

Everything that’s been said about your mom? Yea, it’s all pretty much true.

Today was NMT and boy was it a treat! There was this band, they sucked. And then there was this other band, they blew. After that was another band, terrible. Then, another band, and then the terrorists won. Raccoons have bones in the peckers, and people make toothpicks out of those bones, ALL. THE. TIME. Our home girl @KimDultz called into the show, I think it was about her pussy and some kid related shit, and thanks to @CobraTits, you can listen to her call here. Sorry, I kinda didn’t hear because I was busy imagining her saying nice things about my wiener, can ya blame me? UPDATE: Consider this your notification, it has been decided that we’re replacing “Truck Yeah” with “Butt Yeah” until further notice. Thank you. And now something about your mother. As per usual, she was being her typical self, stupid and annoying. But I kinda felt bad for busting a nut right in her eye after she got done blowing me, so I asked her what was wrong. She said she had a yeast infection. I told her that now she knows what it’s like being with an irritating cunt. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 8/24/2012

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On this 24th day of August in the year of our Lord John Connor & The Resistance 2012, we celebrate it being a Friday by aggressively not giving a fuck. Amen, brothers and sisters. So big surprise for you sisters, you have balls – no dick, just balls. And that’s okay, but us brothers have dicks to go with them balls, we talk to our dicks, our dicks are cool – just sayin. Housewives need a good pounding, and I couldn’t agree more – I’ve done my fair share of pounding my own wife, right in her twat – and it was sweet. Some bitter dude on Twitter said Ellis sounds like a wanna-be Stern and is a hack, but that turd eater don’t know shit from shinola so, yeah! There’s another you inside you, deep inside you – and it likes to start off slow but quickly gains a faster and faster rhythm until you climaxes.

Ellis and Rawdog are going to see who can last longer in a hot or a cold environment, once again, the bet is Ellis has to eat 3 Rawdog meals and Rawdog has to eat 3 Ellis meals, and Tully’s just gonna eat it all because he’s in-fucking-sane like that. Lance Armstrong, not to be confused with Stretch Armstrong, has been stripped of all of his titles amidst the steroid use controversy. He has been banned for life from the sport as well, which who gives a shit really because I thought he was done anyway. Some caller chimed in to correct this whole situation by stating it was only the US anti-doping agencies are the ones burning Lance at the stake, not the International Cycle Union – which again, who gives a shit. Ken Shamrock tried to break up a chick fight when some massive hose beast jumped on his back and he put her ass on the floor, he thought it was a man. That’s an ugly bitch. Yea, I said it! So what? Suck on my inner me’s dick, man!

One of the hot porn chicks that was part of the super slow-mo shoot Ellis and Rawdog did over the previous weekend came in on the show today. She drinks, smokes weed, sticks things in her vagina, you know – porn star shit. Speaking of porn, Brazzers contacted Ellis yesterday but nobody knows what for yet, they said they’re fans of the show. But I suspect Brazzers might have other business adventures in mind, you hear me Rawdog? You wanna be a star? This could be your big break into the porn industry! There was some Canadian power couples talk on the show today, and I completely zoned out for most of that segment. That is until hordes of Canadians got all butt hurt and called into the show to voice their objections, kill humor, and completely ignore the joke that flew over their heads, dropped bombs, circled back around, dropped more bombs, and then dropped pamphlets to explain the joke. Okay, okay, okay, I was exaggerating about the “hordes” part, it was probably only like a handful or so, but still – holy shitballs!

Can someone please tell me why it’s only Faction 41 that goes out on the app or online player? Seriously, every fucking time the feed goes silent, I switch to any other channel and it plays instantly – go back to 41 and still no fucking feed. Why is it only that channel? This is ridiculous and someone needs to get down to the bottom of this! WILL! Fuck! Okay, I’m done complaining for now. But watch the fuck out channel 41, I’m on to your antics. Some computer tech dude called in on his Bluetooth ear piece, looking like a doof I’m certain. He wants to move in with Ellis, because two straight dudes at 40 years of age living together is pretty much normal. Which reminds me, shortly after, I ran into that same caller and your mom! They came into the same diner I was at, sat down at the counter next to me, and your mom ordered a bowl of chili. The waitress told her that I had just ordered the last bowl, so your mom looks over to see my bowl of chili untouched. She asked me if I was going to eat it. I told her no, so she took the bowl and just starts chowing. About halfway through the bowl, she looks down and sees half of a dead rat. She immediately vomits back into the bowl. I told her, “yea, I made it about that far too.” OH!