I’m back! I know, thank the sweet baby Lord Jesus, right? Here’s what I have for you so far for the first half of August.
Starting Thursday August 27th, Jude is supposed to be doing a 1 hour show every Thursday immediately following TJES! It’s his own show on Faction and it’s all his to do whatever he wants. This should make your Thursday’s a whole lot better!
We’re talking sounding. No, not your eccentric grandfather’s version of “sounding”, but the Rule #34 of sounding. The kind that involves the “meatus”, and let me tell you this, there is no shortage of Rule #34 meatus. Let’s listen to the enthusiasm in Will and Andrew’s voices as they say “meatus” – which in this instance is the piss slit hole located at the tip of your weird dick.
08-14-2015: Final calls actually brought us not just 1, but 2 gems! Trust me, you’re going to want to listen to both of them – in their entirety. First up, we have a guy whose girlfriend enjoys beating up his dick. No, you read that right. Beating up his dick – she physically punches him in the dick – and he’s not so into it anymore. Next up, we have innocent little Ashley, who probably shouldn’t even be listening to the show in the first place. She doesn’t know what she likes about the show, other than “the Australian”. But that’s not the payoff here. The real gold comes at the end when Tully asks her if she heard a portion just previous to her call – and then her and her friends giggle out the show.
The guys played a game where they had to guess if the verses were from pre-teen poetry or a terrible pop song. Ellis soon realized he could write his own pop song if he just read his daughter’s diary over some music – so here’s Ellis’ new pop hit “I Love Your Butt Anus”.
In another segment, the guys were talking about Fabio and the terrible audio tape he released to lonely, bored, housewives who crave romance with extra cheese and body odor, so they can masturbate to it. They had to come up with their own Fabio style readings to get the ladies nice and lathered up in their nether regions. Here’s how that played out.
Here are some of the highlights of the show from July:
Ellis has to get Twitch’s face tattooed on his ass for losing a bet at the races. I can’t remember if that was covered in a previous re-cap or not, but there it is anyway.
Tully was on the speech & debate team in high school, he finished 2nd once in a tournament for his dramatic reading of something about a guy with skin cancer or some kinda shit like that.
Ellis and company have been pre-recording themselves so they are DJ’ing in the mornings on Faction, everyone loves it.
07-13-2015: Kevin Nealon stopped by the show – it was pretty awesome. He’s part of the comedy elite just from his long days past on Saturday Night Live. It was also the first time he had ever been on The Jason Ellis Show. And to top it off, he and Ellis found some common ground with heart palpitations and anxiety attacks, which led them to chest bump one another in a moment of solidarity! That’s pretty rad. Minus the anxiety. That part sucks. Bad. Trust me.
07-15-2015: News From Some Asshole (audio from Entertainment Tonight) has been struggling. However, today they saved the bit by doing their own version of “ET” as “Instagram Tonight”. It was pretty funny and worth a listen if you can.
07-15-2015:@waydub thought he might have heard a familiar caller into the show today. He questioned if we had heard a bi-polar version of Snow White. You make the call:
07-19-2015: Ellis is leaving for New York this Sunday along with Tully and Andrew. Plans are to do live shows Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and fly back to LA for live shows on Thursday and Friday. While in New York, Ellis is scheduled to go on Howard Stern and Sway in The Morning.
07-21-2015: Ellis was on Stern today, subjects included his family, the whole dad molestation thing, MDMA therapy, ayahuasca, his and Katie’s open relationship, and the inadvertent STDs picked up along the way. Robin seems to love to give Ellis a hard time and Ellis gave it right back to her, however she claims to not want him to eat her ass for an hour. She seemed hot and cold during the whole interview. She needs a man. Stern is fascinated with how dark Jason is as well as his sexual activities, especially of the polyamorous kind. Thanks to Howard’s tired, old shtick, it seemingly started off a little disrespectful, but ended up being an overall good appearance.
07-21-2015: Just after the Stern Show, Ellis was on Sway In The Morning on Shade 45, which seems like kind of an odd show for him to be appearing on, but it was good, some funny stuff in there, especially the fabricated trash talk to get Sal Masekela to fight Sway. Other subjects included his broken bones from skateboarding, his tattoos – mainly his head tattoo, and looking like a dangerous drug dealer.
07-21-2015: Shuli Egar dropped by the show, he always makes an appearance when TJES is in New York – and of course that was funny. It’s always nice to hear Cullen on the show too. Eminem kept walking past the studio, presumably to go to the bathroom, allegedly he either has tiny piss tanks or was doing blow in there.
07-30-2015: Andrew may have to sing in Tiger Box and judging by his past performances on the show, he will need some practice. The guys gave him a few songs he knows and loves to practice on, this was the result:
07-30-2015: HateBean opened up a can of new tracks today, 1 fully professionally produced track “Diamond In The Muff” that really showcased his European disco queen side, it was amazing. And then he freestyled on 1 experimental track “There Will Be Chunks / Retarded Orgasm” that has yet to be officially produced, but shows real potential. Now give yourself an eargasm by listening to the sweet, soothing sounds of HateBean:
07-31-2015: Breaking News! “Rowdy” Roddy Piper is dead at the age of 61 from cardiac arrest.
This could be the last show. Ever. Probably not, but you never know. It’s the last live show this week anyway. Ellis might have AIDs. So that’s pretty fucking terrifying. Plus this show was touted as having less AIDs than other shows. Let’s hope it stays that way. So Ellis & his kids and Pendarvis & his kids saw that Thomas Haden Church movie, “Max”. Ellis didn’t cry and Pendarvis didn’t either, but he might have gotten a little choked up. José Aldo, is he in, is he out? Nobody knows for sure, they’re still waiting for test results. Something about Rick Ross being arrested on kidnapping and assault charges. He also used to be a correctional officer. I missed most of the first hour of the show and this was the rejoin into the second hour. Were pirates the original metal guys with their Jolly Roger flags and shit? What about Vikings? Now it’s time to review the 1994 classic movie “On Deadly Ground” starring Steven Seagal. Continue reading →
Waddup mah ethnically and racially diverse members of whatever sex you identify with? In – out – in – out. That’s how the fucking goes. But what if you just kept going in and never out? Like a tractor. Ellis had a really good weekend, just livin’ and not worrying. Ellis trimmed off his beard, it was getting out of control. Continue reading →
Y’all got your shit on fleek? Keeping it 100 and/or trill? Great! Good to hear! Keep on keepin’ on, brothers and sisters! Ellis didn’t realize Pet Sematary had dead cats being buried and coming back as zombie cats. Why you gotta go burying dead pets and kids on sacred ground when you know them shits are coming back all evil and zombified? Big surprise here, Tully has never seen it. Ellis has been waiting for his kakoozie and pool to be all cleaned and working. He’s really been waiting for the kakoozie dude, but kakoozie dude was lollygagging and shit. Continue reading →