2012

Posted on April 13, 2012 by bitPimps 中

It’s Friday the 13th fuckers, oooooohhh, spooky dooky! Talk started off with people who look horrible but try really hard to keep up their really horrible looks. Such wonderful specimens as Danny Trejo, Garry Shandling, and Jason Voorhees fit well into this category. Apparently some people are really passionate about Rob Lowe, I’ve never met anyone infatuated with him, but I’m willing to bet someone has some fan fiction about him, not to mention Rule #34 is still in full effect. Ellis claims that instead of washing your jeans, you can just stick them in the freezer and viola, their magically clean and do not fade. I guess this works if your jeans aren’t dirty, but what about when you go around doing slides into first base everywhere? You could spread dry ice on them bitches and they ain’t coming clean. Rawdog masturbates to Rihanna, allegedly (purely my own speculation), he was defending her hotness pretty hard.

You can now submit and view pictures of you and others doing push-ups during halftime in America to: itshalftimeamerica.tumblr.com so botch your balls and get ready to do your push-ups, or masturbate, whichever is on your to-do list. Sounds like the guys are taking ideas for another possible fight at Ellismania 8 – which by the way, you can now purchase tickets to. There were tons of ideas from a bunch of fans and the guys, but most everything got shot down in favor of a centaur fight. Mayhem came on the show, and the fight ideas discussion took the remainder of the show, I couldn’t possibly list all the ideas so, I won’t. However, what I can do is tell you that if you purchase a large pack of condoms, several gallons of lube, and some meth – a mysterious, dark, large, smelly figure will appear waiting with a gaping ass. You will know it when you see it, because it’s your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 4/11/2012

Posted on April 11, 2012 by bitPimps 中

Y’all motherfuckers here? How are yuns? Good? Good. I’m glad to hear it. Ellis wasn’t doing so hot at the start of today’s show. He’s feeling alone again, apparently he and Katie aren’t dating any longer and he’s been annoyed the past few days with other things going on his life. I’m looking at you FuelTV security guard! The fan that “stole” Ellis’ glasses yesterday? Yea, they didn’t. The sunglasses turned up, and that same fan said they weren’t going through the phone, he was just trying to put a picture of his dick on the phone. Sounds legit.

Mickey Avalon was on the show today, he plays President Queefer Sutherland or something in the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie. He sings better than he speaks, I heard the word “like” at least 783 times in the first 10 minutes. He painfully stuttered and stammered his way through a few stories. Even though it was torturous at times to listen to, overall he was an interesting interview – he certainly had some entertaining stories. I think the reason it was hard for me to listen to is because I have heard and told so many fucking wasted stories when I was younger that I just get frustrated now. Stories where just after starting a sentence, there’s seriously at least a 3 minute pause while everyone gathers their thoughts – and then you finish the sentence. That’s how all stoner stories end up going until 7 AM and someone says they should probably go to bed.

That was pretty much it. No “World’s Greatest Wednesday” happened today, Ellis is signing copies of his books everywhere but where you and I live, some 42 year-old chick would suck the life out of Rawdog’s penis, his mommy also cut the crusts off his PB & J, and a bunch of people love TJES. Some other caller said he got pulled over, said “red dragons” and the cop ripped up the ticket (liar), another guy is on his way to his first marriage counseling meeting (pussy), some other guy is totally training jiu jitsu and wants to fight for a living (sucker), some chick totally quit smoking because of Ellis and is like totally hot and stuff (ditch pig), and your mom has a new picture hanging in her bedroom (total whore). OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/10/2012

Posted on April 10, 2012 by bitPimps 中

Has everyone recovered from the bloody madness that occurred last night on Twitter? I hope so, because this train keeps-a-rolling, and we’re gonna chug right along into today’s show. Cricket is lame as all fuck, I think we can all agree on that – see, we already have that in common! Rawdog claimed that Michael Jordan came up with the baggy shorts look in the NBA because he would wear his old college shorts under his NBA shorts. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I suppose that it is plausible – and Tully said Jordan also has a big dick, so that seems to seal the deal.

Ellis won, in his group, at that go kart racing thing for the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie shoot. Rawdog finished second to last place, and the only thing surprising about that is he wasn’t in dead last place, that spot belongs to the illustrious Cumtard. However, Cumtard posted an image that seems to disprove that he was the worst driver, instead it’s speculated that Rawdog was indeed the slowest. A fan stole Ellis’ sunglasses, tried to gank Dingo’s sunglasses, and also was going through peoples’ phones while they were on the track. What a fucking dickhole. Also, bitches be trippin’ on shrooms and shit.

There was talk about how to make golf more interesting, and I’m not sure it can be done. Sure you can just get shit-hammered and cruise around in a golf cart, but even that has its limits. Tomorrow’s WGW might just be “World’s Greatest Man-Boy” with early potential front runners being Rawdog, Thom Yorke, Ellen Degeneres, and your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 4/9/2012

Posted on April 9, 2012 by bitPimps 中

Easter is over and so is your fucking life if you don’t read this post in it’s entirety, because I have some potentially life saving information for you later on, but first, this: EllisMania 8 dates have been changed, again, no I’m completely serious, and these are solid dates. *wink*wink*nudge*nudge* In all complete seriousness, it is July 14th, so there ya go – or not – whichever. Ellis went riding crotch rockets with Donald Schwartz, Grant Cobb, & some other dude this weekend, and if you didn’t already know – Donald is apparently not afraid to die. Aside from fucking with dangerous animals, and skydiving, he pops wheelies! As fun as sport bikes are, it’s usually only a matter of time before something not good happens – so let’s hope Ellis doesn’t get to keep the bike for long.

In business news, Microsoft paid over $1 billion to acquire 800 patents owned by AOL, and Instagram was purchased by Facebook for $1 billion. Also, we are all fucking poor when compared to the aforementioned technology companies, so who gives a shit? Ellis and Rawdog might get married, for gay rights of course, and I for one would support their union. In sporting news, tonight is the big go-kart race with a ton of people for the Big Fucking Mega-Boat movie. Rawdog got stuck in a corner while riding go-karts previously, and it was also revealed that he has bumped the shit out of his sister while driving bumper cars. And in weather, titty sprinkles.

Now with the ever so important, potentially life saving news that was promised earlier. The CDO and other International agencies are warning people of the potential for acquiring the deadly AIDs virus. How do you make sure you don’t contract this deadly virus? Scientists say it’s simple, first is to identify the carrier (see image below), and the next step is to stay away from the carrier, which goes by the name of: mom. OH!

Go Karts – 6/21/10 (History)

Posted on April 9, 2012 by CobraTits

The crew is out filming “Big Fucking Mega Boat” at the K1 Speed Indoor Go Kart facility today thanks to Donald Schultz. However, the original idea for go kart racing actually dates back nearly 2 years ago. J.Ellis was never able to organize it, but the idea has been bounced around ever since.

Rawdog vs. Burt Bacharach and J.Ellis vs. Mayhem? – 6/21/10

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