Tag Archives: Barbara Walters

Show Re-cap for Thursday 3/28/2013

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et another Thursday for you and I my friend – I bet your wondering what Ellis said first.  Well, your a fucking pussy.  Yup, were all pussies, including Ellismate himself who said his vag needs to harden the fuck up too.  Apparently The Wing was having a shit day moment, Pansy Fest to be exact.  You see with all the business n shit that came with but after the radio show, its kinda forced Ellis to say shit he usually wouldn’t.  Not all the time, but once in a while is more than he’d enjoy as well all know.  What if it was just radio, and none of the other bullshit like trying to get a TV show for instance.  Like Ellis says, too many fingers in too many pies and the bigger he gets, the less he feels he can say without pissing someone off = Sellout.  I personally don’t agree with that totally, but there is an angle there, and no one wants fish+chips with pizza!  Of course Tully loves beer and ice cream in bed with Ms Tully, its a tradition in the Oxford household.  But #FuckTully right, so back to Ellismate who says he holds back about 1% of the shit he wants to say.  Damn that 1% sounds like some good fucking radio gold but I get it.  He also used to eat his food n think of shit for the show, but now he just thinks of how to handle all the people involved in this Ellis empire!  There is good news for The Cowboy though, he can train at Bas Rutten’s gym since its only down the road……except that when he n Katie made the trip the night before, it turned out to be about 20 miles down the 101, which in LA at 7:30am means forced anal rape-age so that fucking sucks too.  Well what else can go wrong – then JizzCult enters the studio and you know were all doomed.  Nah, Will’s cool and he brings some new drops – and something for you #EllisFam.  If you live near the studio, or your in town, and wanna be in studio playing games on the show?  Fuck yeah you do shithead – email jellis@siriusxm.com with the DATE(s) and/or TIME(s) plus your CONTACT INFO and get it up ya!  83140196 So Tom Green saw a drone today and tweeted that shit, which was finally an upside for Ellis since he could sit back and listen to Rawdog n Tully battle it out on why drones are dangerous to our privacy says Josh.  Well, short n sweet, and a criminal investigator and some other conspiracy theory dude who’s got the criminal investigator now looking into him later = Tully Wins (Tully 1 – Rawdog 0).

 

 

No Shit!

No Shit!

Gay marriage laws are up for review by The Supreme Court says Rawdog, specifically the Prop 8 one and the Defense of Marriage at which was passed by Bill Fuck Yeah Clinton.  You know what’s not gay, being able to watch Big Fucking Mega Boat The Woodsman on EllisMania.com, ON YOUR SMART PHONE!!!!  So remember how Rawdog called out the lack of script for Big Fucking Mega Boat, which Tully said fuck you – Well Tully brought in the “script” for it, and Rawdog immediately started with an apology to Tully, BUT, he also sticks to his guns on not being the producer, only the editor.  Also the go cart track didn’t help much, well it did get everyone there, but then everyone was distracted for some odd reason.  But the script was what was in question, and how about the scene of the Big Fucking Mega Boat with tentacles n testicles, wheres that huh?  No scenes with the BFMB killing any celebrities either or the scene of Jagerbeard shoving a dildo into the rear of BFMB, with Belladonna’s ass as the self destruct button and Muska Kills tagged on the side of the ship. Again though, Rawdog isn’t the producer and the producer is who checks all that shit and makes it happen.  So who was the producer right?  Donald Schultz of course.  Ellis does remember them arguing over who wasn’t the producer, so maybe.  It also didn’t help they couldn’t get cameo’s from such legends like Benji Madden (Another 5 lines that turn into 20 minutes of sweet nothings like in The Woodsman) and Tony Hawk (Another creepy dude with a hat n a moustache like in The Woodsman).  Bottom line is Big Fucking Mega Boat ain’t no Woodsman, but being able to watch it on your iPhone fucking kicks ass.  In closing, Rawdog would like to say if there is another movie involving them all, such as maybe Steve Dead Load or Gory Hole, that he would love to be the producer and would “handle shit” = Rawdog Wins (Rawdog 1 – Tully 1).

 

 

Rawdog's doppelganger per Doug Benson

Rawdog’s doppelganger per Doug Benson

Cock News with none other than Doug Benson, good timing Doug, where a San Francisco school figured out about men who go to the ER for penis injuries mostly do from getting it caught in the zipper.  Well Ellis wasn’t satisfied with this version of Cock News, and Doug hasn’t heard the stories yet, so we got to hear about that one time he blue balled a staff hole into his dick, and the other time he ripped his Ronnie Rollback fucking that one chic, Red Dragons!  Tully got his junk caught in the zipper on his PJs when he was like 4 too, didn’t know that huh!  Both were better Cock News for sure but that’s not why we’re here.    DougLovesMovies.com and his new movie The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled isn’t why we’re here either, but its why Doug is here so check it out!  Were here to play a game with Doug of course, but first lets see what he’s got on the punching machine.  While checking out the board, he knew he had to beat Cumtard’s 40, but wsa threatened by Rob Corddry’s 58, oh and called out Sam Rubin but that turned out to backfire on him as his top score out of 3 punches was a respectable 49, but not enough to beat Rubin.  Hopefully Doug has enough in him to beat The Jason Ellis Show at their own game, kinda based off Doug’s game he plays on his podcast, but with a twist.  Will read off names which were either an Action Stars character name or a Porn Star.  I’m not giving you a detailed play by play, but I will say both Doug nailed the first one by naming the movie too, and Ellis got the first 5 right.  Rawdog n Tully kinda fell behind in the beginning and Doug just kept a solid pace.  Then the Wing fell apart dropping his last 5 and letting the other 3 all pull into a tie for the final question.  Well, the name was Tony Cage and Rawdog knew it a little too well perhaps, and of course was the only one to get it right = Rawdog Wins (Rawdog 2 – Tully 1)!!!

 

 

Oddly enough Sly checked in for both categories!

Oddly enough Sly checked in for both categories!

 

Hollywood News was kinda limited today kids, but Barbara Walters old ass is calling it quits.  They also talked about Justin Bieber spitting on that dude but kinda didn’t give a shit since its so close to Friday n all.  Rawdog did some Teen Advice as well with seniors dating 8th graders and Am I A Lesbian, which just ask yourself 3 simple questions.  Am I Fat?  Do I Wear a Ball Cap?  How Big Are My Calf Muscles?  Again I didn’t pay much attention but this time case I was too busy laughing my ass off at Rawdog give a good 5 minutes of drops, that would fill up at least a page on Ellis’s board, acting like the chics asking this bullshit.  I’m sure we will hear those in the future while listening to The Future.  See what I did there?  Your grandma didn’t see what I did there though, well not after last night’s escapades involving a dart board with a Gory Hole drilled through the bulls eyes swinging from a chain hooked to the ceiling, while she was tied up to the folding chair I keep in my basement with some good ol’ duckie mate, as I did 5 spins around the baseball bat between 5 lines of coke and 2 cialis, and ran full speed targeting your mom’s face hole timed with the swinging board trying to make her tear from gagging the back of her throat.  Well I missed her throat, still got the tears, and came up with a whole new meaning for BullsEYE, OH!

 

 

Show Re-cap For Monday 11/12/2012

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Mom, Dad… One day I’m going to grow up and become the Tsar of Candyland!

It’s Monday and the only thing that could be worse would be if your wiener was so chapped, it just kept flaking and peeling until you were left with a nub. You on your ass game? Keeping that shit smooth and buttery? No? Ellis is. According to Ellis and Tully, Rawdog is looking mello today, like a smooth criminal. His beauty secret? He’s tired and didn’t use any product in his hair. It’s finally starting to sink in, Rawdog is going to have to suck on a dead horse’s dick – and it’s starting to trouble him. Especially when he thinks about his parents seeing pictures of him suck on said dead horse’s dick, and how he’s going to have to explain that to his parents. How will this happen? Because he’s friends with his parents on Facebook. What’s more? They hate Ellis, allegedly. He’s asked them at times to not listen to the show, but sometimes they still do. One way that was discussed to get them to butt out of his work life a little… take pictures of himself fucking his mom’s underwear and send her the pictures. Tully was name dropping some big guns, speaking of him walking / talking with Cameron Crowe, only to end up walking into a room only to see some other famous person and Elton John playing The Bitch Is Back. Ellis went to see Guns N’ Roses this weekend, said they sucked and Axl Rose sucked, but has stage presence, and I don’t think any of us listeners were surprised by that news.

One of the bigger differences between men and women?

Here we go, Hollywood news time. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have broken up, but wait! There may still be hope for the two forlorn, star crossed, lovers. Prepubescent teens and grown ups everywhere are devastated, but hopeful. Elmo of Sesame Street fame, actually the man (Kevin Clash) that does Elmo’s voice, is denying that he molested a 16 year-old boy. Instead, he waited until the boy was 18, and then fucked him senseless. Something again about Lindsay Lohan and a Barbara Walters interview. I don’t know, I’m still puking / making jokes about Elmo molesting children. Matthew McConaughey has looks like he has AIDs, it’s for a role in some new movie he’s doing – I think it’s called Elmo Strikes Again. The Mowgli’s (of Death! Death! Die! fame) will be on Leno sometime in the upcoming days, so shout out to those happy indie pop-rock artists of the future.

If robots want to become women, this is how it can be done.

CIA Director David Petraeus resigned amid an extra-marital affair and people are full on circle jerking about his judgement and decision making. But what women and their decision making, am I right? HA-HA! There was some kind of big brawl in NASCAR’s Sprint Cup race over the weekend. Some feller crashed into another good’ole boy, who later crashed into that first daggum sunnuva-gun too, then there was some bull malarkey in the gal-durned pits, dude ran to a NASCAR trailer and by golly if other dude didn’t trot on over to fight that dude, but then all these other dudes from dem der pits startied fighting other pit dudes, and then everyone high fived, drank beers, hit women, and shit ike-at. YEEHAW, YOU SONS A BITCHES!!! Do you know the secret to a longer, healthier, and happier life? No, it’s not NASCAR, it’s sex bots! Except the big problem with that is, they don’t actually exist yet so until I get to fuck a sex bot, I’m calling bullshit. However, I will fully back a US Rapebot for freedom and democracy across the globe, and until every man, woman, and child has been raped by a robot until they are free – I will not rest. Bad news on the home front today, your mom got stuck in a tree. But it’s okay now, the noose was cut and she is now out of the tree and tied to a bumper. OH!