Show Recap for Wednesday 8/27/2014

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Much like Ellis has been doing over the last couple of days, this recap will be like shit in a bag.

Much like Ellis has been doing over the last couple of days, this recap will be like shit in a bag.

Ever had the kind of stomach problems where you had to shit in a hat? Me either, I usually assume sick degenerates like Cumtard are the only ones that are reduced to scooping their own poo into a bag so the doctor can tell you if you have worms or something. Well add Jason “Cat AIDS” Ellis to that list of sickly bastards. He doesn’t really have cat AIDS, he does have some kind of feline disease called Gertrude or some shit I couldn’t hear it clearly. So he’s gotta take some stuff, see some folks and he will be back to normal poopies soon. In other Ellis medical news, the doctor cleared him for physical activity so he is ready to get back in the gym and stop being such a fatty fat fat. And also he got picked up to race UTV’s on a team, so woooo racing talk.

Humpty

Short disclaimer before I continue, I was in and out on most of the show because the SiriusXM app is a steaming pile of shit on top of a anal cyst. So I will give you what I can, when I can, and you’ll like it because you are a dirty little bitch like that.

Still no Tully today, he is still suffering from EbolaSARSAIDSplague, and can barely get out of bed to wash his fever sweat soaked ass. Shout out to his infectious ass, get better soon, because Satan knows the show isn’t the same without him. Hail Satan.

In Tully’s place providing a wall for Ellis to bounce stuff off of is Christian Hand. They talk for an hour or so about straight razors and this company that makes battle axes and swords and shit. They are BaxterofCA on IG, and they shaved Jason’s head with a straight razor for a promo. Check them out if you like that old timey type of stuff. I checked it out, seemed cool enough if you’re into it.

After the break we came in with Katie and talk about how Bieber did some shit and paparazzi and blah blah blah. Maybe I’m just a bitter asshole, but maybe nobody outside of CA gives a fuck about the shit. CJH mentioned how Everlast wants to pay 3 paparazzi a million bucks a piece to follow that TMZ dude around making his life hell. Jason thinks having people following him around asking him offensive shit would be great, and he’d just start telling them how he was shitting in a bag earlier because he has cat AIDS. (Again, not cat AIDS, I just like cat AIDS).

CatSick

After the break, Katie started off a fun segment about creepy dudes. Apparently, there is an ‘Other’ inbox of messages on Facebook, and one single dude had sent Katie over 200 messages about how they should be together, and he thinks she is just the bees knees. The messages did start to get a little creepy when he started calling her a double flusher for not responding and accepting his love. I should have written down a lot more of things that were said in his messages, but suffice it to say, fuck you. Christian checked his inbox and found a long, detailed post-breakup rant from his ex Adrianne Curry who once fucked him with a strap on. (foreallyshow.com). After the show shared their stories, the callers opened up with stories about dudes who tattooed their names on their chest, followed them home, hired drug dealers to burn down their house and of course broke into their house and left one single item on the porch, to let them know they were there. Ah, young love.

Finally, we got to play “What’s in My Ass” with Joanna Angel. We weren’t finding out what was in her ass, however. The recipient of all the glorious rectal torture was none other than Jason Ellis himself. Don’t ever say he isn’t a team player folks. The basic gist of the game is Ellis puts his hole up in the air with his face on the floor like a good little girl, and Joanna puts stuff near his bum and he has to guess what it is. Just a few things that were put onto his Brown Eye:

  • A wet marshmallow
  • A vibrating mouse cat toy
  • Toilet Brush
  • Tooth Brush
  • Hair Brush (Pattern?)
  • Meal Worms (Holy shit.)
  • Ice (mellow)
  • Feather Duster (Gayyyyyyyyyyy)
  • Shock Collar, cranked up to 10 and shocked his anus. (DING DING DING)

That was all good for a laugh. Joanna Angel has a radio show on Channel 791 on the Sirius XM “Works all the time 50% of the time” App on Tues from 1-2. Check it out, she talks about getting dudes off, and they have a lot of creepy callers. Your Mom is basically the OxyContin John of Vivid Radio.

 

Well, either the show ended or I stopped writing notes. Just kidding, after that it was final calls and just general bullshitting about this that and the other. To be honest, my heart just isn’t in the thing as much when Tully isn’t there. Ellis is good at firing off random topics, and Tully is the perfect man to catch them as they come and turn it into a deeper and more hilarious conversation. Nothing against the CJH, but Tully and Ellis have that rhythm that comes from all the years of talking to only each other, and it simply can’t be matched. Often what I see happen in these shows is Ellis’ brain set on random just fires off in every direction, never landing in just one place, so the show becomes this singularly long tapestry of conversations. It’s not the worst thing ever to listen to, but it sure is fucking hard to recount without typing one thousand words. Well, on that note, I’m at 990 now so it’s probably time to go. Go. Go. 1000.

 

 

 

Show Re-Cap for Tuesday 8/26/14

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I’m on a conference call!!!

 

No seriously, we’re testing out a new auto repair information system.

 

It would be awesome if I was gonna still be working here after the end of next month.

 

But fuck it, cause at least I might get a password that I can pirate to make side money on my own time #CellPhoneSwashbuckler. And besides, the Jason Ellis show is taking a day off.

 

I’m gonna go get a burrito.

 

Red Dragons, Mother Fuckers ,,rr,

Show Re-Cap for Monday 8/25/2014

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kattan-pm-dawn

Don’t get it? It’s okay, it’s a joke from Foreally Show.

No Tully today – he’s not feeling well, so we’ve got Ellis, Dingo, & Christian James Hand. Maybe Katie later too. Some no talent kooks have moved the chairs, the camera, and whatever else they could, part of that whole sharing the studio thing built into the contract. At around age 8-9, that’s when kids start snooping through mom & dad’s shit and finding, weed, porn, pistols, lube, Christmas presents, and what have you. Supercross the Dragon vibes himself when he see’s his own reflection in the mirror, he’s a moron in the human world, but in the lizard world, he’s probably your average bloke. Dingo knows where Supercross’s dick is hidden, you may remember Dingo would cradle his dog’s balls because the dog liked it that way. Ellis has a new hand PG rated fuck you finger, he puts up his thumb & index finger as if to be saying this is how big your dick is. Ellis saw Chris Kattan at a liquor store. Oh, no. Ellis wasn’t there to shop for liquor, he was there to shop for flowers. Anyway, Ellis thought it was a dude that worked at the weed clinic where Ellis got his doobage, but turns out, nope, it was Kattan. Ellis said he looked like shit and couldn’t even bring himself to take video of him. Once and for all, is John Travolta gay? Gee. I don’t know. But who cares. Jake Ellenberger punched Ellis in the face for 4 or 5 rounds this weekend! Also, there’s cake in the studio!

News time will Ellis. A German man was evicted by his landlord because he persistently used a squeaky sex swing in his apartment, which frequently bothered his neighbors and caused many complaints. Suge Knight news, he got shot a bunch of times on Sunday evening at a Chris Brown party or some shit. Ken Block news, Ken Block got 2nd in a big race this weekend. And there ya go, Ken Block news. Moto news with Dingo, pee on Dungey, that loser! And now, time for a game, it’s You Sir, Are A Moron. From the green room, who would be your choice for navigator in a rally car? And here comes Dingo with his story about the one time he changed a flat tire in a rally race in the desert. Would you rather be a worried genius or a happy idiot? Based on your karma, you will come back re-created as what? Or as Dingo called it, “reincanarnated.” Pound for pound. Do you give up porn or weed for the rest the of your life? If you were at Heaven’s gate & God asked why he should let you in, what would you say? I missed a question or maybe 2 in there some where, but you’ll live.

maybe-not-really

Am I qualified to report the news?

MMA News time. There were fights. People fought at these fights and some people won their fight and some people lost their fight. Cung Le’s face got rearranged by “I know where you can get a great steak” Bisping. Ben Henderson got knocked out in the first round. And there was more stuff, you can Google that shit. Street League news time. Nyjah Huston won everything like everyone predicted because he’s the “it” guy right now. More moto news time from moto correspondent Dingo. Ken Roczen won the 450 motocross championship and likes pissing on people while they’re taking a shit. All this makes perfect sense because he is German. The fuzz is investigating Steve-O for his prank stunt against SeaWorld, where he changed a highway sign to read “SeaWorld Sucks”. It only took 2 days to get up on the sign. Katie keeps sending Ellis photos of hot chicks during the show. Some dumb chick is suing some dumb show she was on because she was too dumb to realize what the dumb show was about. So dumb. More ALS challenge videos, some dude put Icy Hot in his pants, ate a pepper, and… ahhh fuck it. You’ve seen a million videos of this shit. Jetta is falling apart and we’re hearing it happen live, he edited out the main portion of the video Ellis wanted to share. Ellis is black, he loves fried chicken and he was *bah dah bah bah bah*, lovin’ it.

sad-r2d2

No Tully makes R2-D2 sad.

Hey, you know that whole Suge Knight got shot story? Well it doesn’t end there, some chick got shot in the ass during that whole incident. Shoebox is trying to his best Tully impression by giving us news, but nobody is having it. And now it’s time for shock pictionary. Cumtard will be drawing while Katie & Dingo try to guess versus Jetta drawing while Ellis and Shoebox try to guess. Team Ellis was winning with a commanding lead until the end when Cumtard, Dingo, & Katie found some synergy and came back. The game devolved into a constant shocking of Cumtard & Jetta until both were left helpless and in the fetal position on the floor. Once the game was wrangled back in, Team Ellis had 20 seconds to guess 1 final drawing. It didn’t happen so Team Tard ended up winning the game. Last 10 minutes of the show, Greg Fitzsimmons stopped by to help close out the show and drop some knowledge on motocross, because he’s such a huge fan. He talked about his shows Monday night on Howard 101, his Prius driving skills, his kids soccer game, and his 1 hour special on Hulu. He was texting his wife about his 13-year-old son’s soccer game and eventually asks what she’s wearing. Turns out, it was his son doing the texting on his mother’s phone. Awkward. And there ya go. That’s the show for this Monday. There’s a good possibility that Tully might not be in tomorrow either, so prepare yourself for that. He will be back when he’s no longer sick. Good night, and good luck.

Show Recap for Friday 8/22/2014

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Since you’ve been gone I can do whatever I want, I can see whomever I choose, I can eatimage (5) my dinner in a fancy restaurant, but nothing, I said nothing, can take away these blues. Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you. But now that you’re here it’s all good in the hood yo. Oh and today’s recap is brought to you by the tastey, delicious, beautiful bacon and dick torturing bacon splatter. Somewhere in the conversation on bacon Jason and Tully started talking about Kurt Russell, then Goldie Hawn, Kate Hudson, The Hudson River, Superman, and finally Kevin Bacon. See! Everything in life leads back to bacon. Tully saw Mia at the car dealership. I don’t know who she is but I guess she got famous by singing a song with ODB then he fucked her and now she’s fucking creepy Audi salesman at the Mercedes lot. Because Michael saw this sorta famous chick they brought back everyone’s favorite bit, Hollywood News. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon broke up. Who cares. Kim Kardashian’s shitty app got beat in jacksondownloads by Tom Hanks shitty app. Lindsay Lohan failed the ice bucket challenge because she got champagne dumped on her but nobody filmed. Michael Jackson threatened to throw shit snowballs at staff and leisurely pissed all around his house because he’s the mother fuckin king of pop and he’ll piss wherever the fuck he wants. Timberlake offended a bunch of bitch ass pussies on twitter. Rhianna is kicking ass and flickin the bean on Twitter, and Paul Walker is still dead. There’s moto this weekend so keep an eye out for that at a moto track near you. There’s also a UFC fight so keep an eye out for that at an, ummm a UFC track near you?

After the break Katie joined Ellis and Tully to talk about roller coasters and putting bacon in their mouths. But first, some news! A dude and his buddy kidnapped and robbed his fiancé but she used her engagement ring to escape, and after moving in with a long distance boyfriend in Texas some chick to killed him with

Bacon in your mouth!

Bacon in your mouth!

a romantic tub of flaming death. Tubs of flaming death are metal. Harley Morenstein of Epic Meal Time finally came in studio, and he did not come alone, he brought bacon. During the interview between mouthfuls of delicious crunchy bacon they talked about bacon, turkey bacon, Canadian bacon, bacon-kabobs, bacon creole, bacon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple bacon, lemon bacon, coconut bacon, pepper bacon, bacon soup, bacon stew, bacon salad, bacon and potatoes, bacon burger, bacon sandwich. That- that’s about it. If you like bacon check out Epic Meal Time on YouTube.

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Stripped Vocals, so hot!

Tully introduced a new segment called Super Creepy Real Life Stories. Today’s story is about a Russian guy with a collection of human sized dolls. The catch is that they were human sized because they were real humans. Almost. They were dead, fresh from the grave yard. Christian joined the party with his signature hit segment stripped vocals. Here are some of the highlights of the segment. Ronnie James Dio, Brad Delp of Boston, The Temptations, The Turtles, The Beatles, and midway through the segment Ellis invited Catherwood into the studio so he didn’t have to rock out alone in the hallway and coincidentally Christians CD started to malfunction. Coincidence or conspiracy?

After listening to Metallica’s worst song ever, the guys managed to get the CD fixed so we got to hear Lamb Of God, Morrisey, Layne Staley of Alice In Chains, and finally ending with Steve Perry singing Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing. Fucking beautiful. Wanna know what else is fucking beautiful? Fuck Line with Mike Catherwood. But that’s not what they did, 133009they played Who On The Show Is The Most Mexican. Some of the questions were, do you own any Raiders gear? Do you own any Dickies? Have you ever used avocados for anything but good? Have you ever used a check cashing service? Have you ever worn cutoff jeans for swim trunks? Do you like cilantro? Have you ever dated a chick with kid? Have you ever ate balonga in a tortilla? Do you pluralize words that shouldn’t be? If you answered yes to most of those questions then you might smell like tacos and tequila. Ellis and Katie are the most cholo with Jetta being the most obvious super white vanilla gringo on the show. After a barrage of mind numbing retardedry of phone calls Hotdogs ended the show with his weekend plans. He’s going to party, fix some shit, renew his medcard, and then he’s gonna fuck yer mum, LOVE IT!

Show Recap for Thursday 8/21/2014

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Some people just have that fire in their eye, you know, and it makes you know that you are not the person to be fucked with because you have fire eyes, and hopefully your eyes aren’t on fire because I’m pretty sure having eyeball nerves melting would suck pretty bad until only your pupils were remaining to be burned cause, you know, no pain receptors there. You know who has fire in his eye as he’s deftly maneuvering around the basketball court of his local LA Fitness? Tully. That’s right…and my, oh my, Tully apparently sure looks refreshed for today’s show. Probably because he was just doused, as is the oh so popular thing right now, by a bucket of ice water over his head. Tully admits that he feels super refreshed and is digging on his whole spikey hair and swim trunks vibe that he’s rocking in the studio, so much so that he didn’t change into the clothes that he had brought along for after the stunt. And also, yeah, he has fire in his eye when he plays basketball, and tennis, and (in my opinion) anything else competitive. I mean, you guys heard the Best Of from the other day, where he and Ellis were playing Pictionary against CumTard and…some guy….some comic book guy…god, whose name I seriously can not remember right now, but man Tully got full on snarky within seconds of beginning to draw. And apparently, pick up basketball at LA Fitness is a sewer of lying, cheating, pieces of shit who have fights over the score and call stupid fouls because they’re sore losers and Tully basically needs to get his trash talk on. Ellis, of course, is also a man with fire in his eye, and he used to say ‘Fuck’ at the vert ramp. Like, a lot. He said there were times that he should have put a plug in it, but he didn’t, and- hey, speaking of skating, Ellis is thinking of going to Venice Beach this weekend and get his skate on. That sounds so lame. Obviously I have never done more than rolled down the street on my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles skateboard back when I was eight. But yeah, Ellis went for a bit of a ride around on his new deck yesterday and did a couple ollies and went ‘weeeeee’ and landed them, like a professional skateboarder does, and he doesn’t have the kiddies Saturday so GAME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Ellis says that he feels like his body still knows how to skate and he’s pretty sure if he got on a vert ramp and was given 5 minutes he would be able to pull some shit out, but there is a part of him that so seriously does not want to run into anybody and really really does not want to fall.

Ellis watched some videos of him racing UTV’s when he went last weekend and even though he didn’t do so bad, he says that he is a bad driver and he sees a lot of room for improvement. He says that he wiggles too much in there and needs to tighten things up a bit, because things like that mean seconds in terms of improvement and races are won in those seconds. Red Dragons. Maybe. Ellis then talked about how he saw a story that some 15 year old kid who was racing in the Lucas Oil Series got shit whipped and punctured and lung and just, Fuck that, man. Ellis would be so pissed if he were racing and after all of that time and effort and hard work he did something that almost made him die. Fuck that. Super bitter. But Tully chimes in to say that, well, shit like that can happen even if you aren’t racing UTVs. Lungs be collapsin all over the damn place. Sometimes they do it for no reason (that’s me lying to you) and, you know, hey, you could be walking down the street and someone could be trying to rob a bank by throwing a brick through the window (because of all of the times that has been tried and worked) and since they obviously aren’t very bright as they are trying to rob a bank by smashing a window, they miss the window and the brick hits you square in the chest and bing, bang, boom, motherfucker, you have a broken lung. Or something. Anything could kill any one of us at any time, so we really should all just stay home, except no, because most Fatal Accidents occur inside the home, according to Tully, so really there’s no reason to get out of bed, but uh-oh, there are tons of ways to die in bed as well. Fuck it. Ellis makes a joke about how he would die in bed, and Tully does that whole guy thing where he’s like “Hell yeah!” but quickly takes it back, because really, that isn’t the shittiest way to die, but it isn’t the best way to go either. Ellis agrees saying that it’s gotta suck to be all of a sudden having a great time, to having a heart attack and that fear and then being dead and then having the lady your with shaking you and pumping on your chest trying to bring you back to life while she cries out your name, because at that moment in time, every lady turns into that stereotypical heroin junkie girlfriend pathetic and desperately trying to revive her OD’d lover. That’s a proven fact, son. Tully brings up that if he were given the choice if he were fatally ill and had the oppurtunity, he’d give his family his farewell speech and get high as fuck until there was no more high to fuck. Ellis is super on board with this idea and they riff for a while about getting high and dying, which really wasn’t as morbid as it sounds, and Ellis talks about different ways to go out with the highest fuck of a bang with the contenders being getting super high and shot over/into the Grand Canyon, getting high and shot into space, or getting high and going into a submarine and into the deep ocean to be chill and isolated and depressed as fuck for his last few days while listening to Morrissey. Well, Tully finds that last idea unappealing, but that motherfucker hates the beach. Who hates the beach? I mean, he’s from Jersey. There was a really horrible show about a the Jersey Shore…how can he hate the beach? And that sand excuse? Fuck that. Sand is wonderful. And it washes off and vaccuums right up. I know. I live on an island. There’s sand around here in fucking excellent supply, even if you’re in the middle of the island. But, Tully does agree that if you’re gonna do something super depressing while your dying, Morrissey is the way to go because that dude was affected, if you know what I mean, in fact, if you are currently dying or about to shoot yourself in the face or something (please don’t be doing that because I would be really sad) you should prolly check out a song called ‘Asleep’ because it is the ultimate soundtrack to your death if you wanna put it on repeat.

Ellis has been finding some interesting things on Instagram that he kind of can’t believe is on Instagram, as if he posted pictures like that he’d be on his fourth account by now, and one of the things has been a lingerie (Lawn-jer-ay…every time he said it I giggled) line called Belle de Nuit (Beautiful Lady of the Night) and it makes him think that Courtney Love is making a comeback because they have pictures of her on their website, and she doesn’t look all that bad. Which is good. Good for her. Tully thinks that it may be because her daughter, Frances Bean, is old enough now to kind of be the ‘mom’ and make sure that Courtney isn’t flying off the rails, which is also good, but really kinda sad. Tully tells a story about a time when he saw Courtney Love outside of Swinghouse back in the day (the days where she was really nowhere near the rails…well…maybe one kind of rail ;) and he said that she looked completely disconnected from reality with darting eyes and being corralled by a handler and looking like a Junkie ET. Tully then brings up that he is into Jean Provocateur Lingerie, but it’s super expensive and he has yet to actually buy any of it for that Lady Friend of his that he calls his Wife. They get into a discussion about what they find sexy and how their sexual lives started very differently, as Tully had to try and catch sneak peeks of boobs in R-Rated movies and sometimes hang out with that one kid he knew whose dad had a stack of Playboys, whereas Ellis remembers that the first porn he watched as a child (like, fully as a child) included a scene where a bunch of dudes all came on some salad and the ladies ate it. That’s pretty advanced. This led to talks about the other interesting things that Ellis has found on Instagram that should be on an app that Tully needs to invent (before someone else does) called Sinstagram that include some serious dominatrix stuff and that’s cool, even the picture of a girl who was rocking mousetraps on her side thingies (labia) and a giant fishhook up her butt was kind of cool. What Tully brings up that makes Ellis kind of squeamish is the whole Rape Fantasy thing, which Tully purports or rather common in the kink world. Or even the not so kink world. They talk about rape fantasy for a bit, and like I said, Ellis seemed sort of squeamish about the whole thing even though he’s into Domination, but he really doesn’t like the thought of pretending to rape someone. It’s a hard topic to really talk about and not sound kind of like an asshole unless you have a psychology degree…so that’s really all I’m going to say about it. I don’t have a psychology degree.

On to less Rape Fantasy things…Ellis is still looking at houses that he might want to and/or be able to buy and he brought up that whole wanting ninjas to fight him after breakfast idea, and said that may not be the most practical of all things…but he’s kind of thinking that he wants a room in his house to be a Dojo. And if he can’t have that room in his house…he could always build something like that in his backyard, right? Tully says, “Of course” and the subject quickly switches to Tully’s Ice Bucket Challenge Video which is pretty adorable and Ellis says he did a good job. People have been asking Ellis what he thinks of the whole Ice Bucket Challenge now that it’s reached that time in viral trend timeline where people are down on it because everyone is doing it and Ellis replied “16 Million dollars” which is a great reply. They ALSA is actually reporting closer to $40 Million dollars now, so fuck anyone who wants to hate on a silly activity that is doing astounding things for medical research. They talk about Cystic Fibrosis and AIDs research and Ellis talks about how he just wants everything that affects kids to be cured, cause the kids are innocent and they shouldn’t have to die before they even get to be people. It’s so true, my cousin died from Cystic Fibrosis when I was little and…that shit is fucking heartbreaking. Every charity should have something so popular, something that encourages people to donate, because those millions and millions of dollars are going to save lives.

Speaking of little kids, Ellis and Tully DadBro Down a bit about their kids and being fathers for a bit, Ellis saying that he likes hanging with Devin’s 9 year old friends for a few minutes when he picks her up from school because kids are open books, and Tully saying that Little Dude has thoughts no deeper than ‘Choo-choo’ and ‘Dump Truck’ and ‘Thomas’ and it was so much easier to think that deeper thoughts were happening when he didn’t talk so much. Ellis also says that he has been reading to his kids every night and feels like his reading is really improving. It’s a big step for him as a Dad because he always used to try and get out of the bedtime reading thing because he didn’t want to be made fun of for how he reads, and he’s pretty proud that he can read whole stories to them now. And i think that’s fucking awesome. I ‘awwwwwww’d out loud. Especially cause he understands the little dotty things better now.

Rounding out the discussion from the beginning of the show Ellis brings up the Podcast he recorded with Jesse Ventura since it wasn’t the friendliest podcast of all time and asks Cumtard if he’s heard anything from the Jesse Ventura camp as to whether it’s going to be posted or not. So far as anyone knows it’s going to be posted. Apparently they got into a disagreement over legalizing weed and gay marriage (we all know where Ellis sides with this, right?) and the fake/toughness of pro wrestling versus MMA. Again…we all know where Big Daddy J comes down…on the side of MMA. Jesse Ventura, being a former pro wrestler thinks he’s the toughest of the tough of the toughest of all the tough sports…but…whatever…who really cares? Is that guy still a guy? Or a thing? Who the hell cares? Of course MMA is a tougher sport…they’re athletes that are doing real things, not actors with tons of muscles getting fake body slammed again and again.

After the first break, Ellis enlightens us to the fact that he has a razor burn above his penis from where he got waxed…so…he has wax burn (i dunno if that’s a thing, but why not) and it’s uncomfortable and he doesn’t like it and will prolly never get that bit waxed again. Tully tells us about a news story where a man faked his death to get out of marrying his girlfriend because obviously that guy is both a pussy and a dick.  Then they get into a segment where each of the guys in the green room and Tully have picked 5 songs for possible play on Faction with Jason Ellis and Ellis is supposed to yay or nay and try and figure out who picked which song. And honestly…I wasn’t a fan of the segment. It took a long time and they didn’t always say the name of the song, or the band name, and I’m not really good at identifying music (i can’t even really do it to music that I always listen to). So…over the course of an hour clips of songs were played, everything Jetta picked got an ‘uh, no’ and Tully, Will, Cumtard, and HotDog all got at least one or two yesses for their picks.

At Halftime Tully reminds us that there are tons of other causes out there worthy of our attention, including Multiple Sclerosis, which you can learn more about by visiting Jack Osbourne’s site. Also, don’t forget that Ellis’s website is no longer Ellismania…that has been hijacked and it’s over and dead. Instead, go to Offical Jason Ellis and sign up or just watch the free video. Also, if you want, you can listen to TJES even when it isn’t live by using the OnDemand Function that is available with the SiriusXM app…and of course, there is also The Jason Ellis Channel 713 for all of your 24 hour, Jason Ellis needs.

At this point, Tully is about to open up a segment involving stories about people’s crazy ex’s because, “everyone has one” but then Will ruins it by saying, “Except HotDog” because HotDog, that oh so lovable intern who will be doing a second internship with the show so we don’t lose him (yay!!! So many yays!!!) has never had a girlfriend. Tully and Ellis call HotDog into the studio for a chatty chat. HotDog is 21 and a very lovable guy, from what we’ve all heard, and it seems kind of impossible that he has never had a girlfriend or even made out with a girl. But, he has eaten a girl out, which Ellis is quick to correct to he has ‘licked a girl’s cookie’. Hotdog says that sex really isn’t a top priority for him and he doesn’t want to go out and try and pick up girls, but he isn’t opposed to having sex with girls. To me, it just sounds like he doesn’t want to work for it. He doesn’t have anything against fooling around with pornstars, although he doesn’t really want to be jerked off by one poolside in front of a bunch of people, and Ellis believes him that he just really doesn’t care that much. The conversation gets sidetracked by The Wheel of Doom potential tortures, but the best one that gets brought up is from our very own Bitpimps and includes having Hotdog sit on your lap and tickling him til he farts. Oh, the mighty oracle has gifted us with the knowledge again. But then they get back to HotDog, and Ellis spends the rest of this segment kind of pep talking HotDog because Ellis suddenly no longer believes that HotDog doesn’t care about getting laid because he’s a man and men want to get laid and if he doesn’t feel the drive the go out and get laid it’s because he’s spending too much time home alone or with his kookie plant loving roommate (who in my mind looks like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) and he needs to get out there and be all that he can be because he’s awesome. Tully and Ellis tell him to just get out there, maybe join a bowling league, make a movie about his life, make some new friends in LA since he’s all lonely because his friends are back home in San Diego. And I’m like, yeah, go HotDog, just get out there and have fun and meet people and throw your dick around like King Kong!!!! That might not make sense, but I don’t have a dick, so work with me here!!! Tully does bring up that he understands how it could be easier to not have sex nowadays because of the availability of porn, and he says, “It’s just as good” which is when both me and Hubbs stared at the radio. Nononono, Tully…Watching Porn with dick in your hand is nowhere even in the same ball park as fucking. At All. No. Sex is…so much more wonderful with someone else there!!! I mean…just damn. Get out there HotDog!!! You’re adorable!!! Chicks want to bang you, you just don’t know it yet! Girls need to be chased a little, sometimes!!!

So, today to wrap up the show, they talk about Crazy Ex’s because, you know, everyone has one. Lol. Ellis tells a story that is in his first book, I’m Awesome, about how his first ex wife once showed up at his house while Andrea was there and Andrea had to escape through the garage and the first ex scared the ever loving shit out of her because Andrea knew that she used to beat up on Ellis and not treat him so nice. Will told a story about how his ex called the cops on him for driving her car that they had shared, because, obviously she was a cunt. They took a couple of calls from guys with some extraordinarily crazy exes who beat them with spatula’s and kitchenware, got them arrested and labeled as felons, fired flare guns into their bedrooms and burned their houses down, and…guys…come on…was the sex really that good?!?!?!?!? They all say that the sex was phenomenal and totally worth it…and I’m just like…bitches be out of control. Never let a crazy girl know where you live!!! Seriously…i mean…unless they’re the me kind of crazy. I am the perfect kind of crazy because I went through years of cognitive behavioral therapy and therefore know how to reign in my crazy, but I’m still fucking awesome in bed. Boom. There weren’t really any final calls because it was all of a sudden time to go, so Ellis threw the mic to HotDog and HotDog invited us all to listen in again tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel.

Seriously…crazy girl sex is not worth having your house burned down.