Ever had the kind of stomach problems where you had to shit in a hat? Me either, I usually assume sick degenerates like Cumtard are the only ones that are reduced to scooping their own poo into a bag so the doctor can tell you if you have worms or something. Well add Jason “Cat AIDS” Ellis to that list of sickly bastards. He doesn’t really have cat AIDS, he does have some kind of feline disease called Gertrude or some shit I couldn’t hear it clearly. So he’s gotta take some stuff, see some folks and he will be back to normal poopies soon. In other Ellis medical news, the doctor cleared him for physical activity so he is ready to get back in the gym and stop being such a fatty fat fat. And also he got picked up to race UTV’s on a team, so woooo racing talk.
Short disclaimer before I continue, I was in and out on most of the show because the SiriusXM app is a steaming pile of shit on top of a anal cyst. So I will give you what I can, when I can, and you’ll like it because you are a dirty little bitch like that.
Still no Tully today, he is still suffering from EbolaSARSAIDSplague, and can barely get out of bed to wash his fever sweat soaked ass. Shout out to his infectious ass, get better soon, because Satan knows the show isn’t the same without him. Hail Satan.
In Tully’s place providing a wall for Ellis to bounce stuff off of is Christian Hand. They talk for an hour or so about straight razors and this company that makes battle axes and swords and shit. They are BaxterofCA on IG, and they shaved Jason’s head with a straight razor for a promo. Check them out if you like that old timey type of stuff. I checked it out, seemed cool enough if you’re into it.
After the break we came in with Katie and talk about how Bieber did some shit and paparazzi and blah blah blah. Maybe I’m just a bitter asshole, but maybe nobody outside of CA gives a fuck about the shit. CJH mentioned how Everlast wants to pay 3 paparazzi a million bucks a piece to follow that TMZ dude around making his life hell. Jason thinks having people following him around asking him offensive shit would be great, and he’d just start telling them how he was shitting in a bag earlier because he has cat AIDS. (Again, not cat AIDS, I just like cat AIDS).
After the break, Katie started off a fun segment about creepy dudes. Apparently, there is an ‘Other’ inbox of messages on Facebook, and one single dude had sent Katie over 200 messages about how they should be together, and he thinks she is just the bees knees. The messages did start to get a little creepy when he started calling her a double flusher for not responding and accepting his love. I should have written down a lot more of things that were said in his messages, but suffice it to say, fuck you. Christian checked his inbox and found a long, detailed post-breakup rant from his ex Adrianne Curry who once fucked him with a strap on. (foreallyshow.com). After the show shared their stories, the callers opened up with stories about dudes who tattooed their names on their chest, followed them home, hired drug dealers to burn down their house and of course broke into their house and left one single item on the porch, to let them know they were there. Ah, young love.
Finally, we got to play “What’s in My Ass” with Joanna Angel. We weren’t finding out what was in her ass, however. The recipient of all the glorious rectal torture was none other than Jason Ellis himself. Don’t ever say he isn’t a team player folks. The basic gist of the game is Ellis puts his hole up in the air with his face on the floor like a good little girl, and Joanna puts stuff near his bum and he has to guess what it is. Just a few things that were put onto his Brown Eye:
- A wet marshmallow
- A vibrating mouse cat toy
- Toilet Brush
- Tooth Brush
- Hair Brush (Pattern?)
- Meal Worms (Holy shit.)
- Ice (mellow)
- Feather Duster (Gayyyyyyyyyyy)
- Shock Collar, cranked up to 10 and shocked his anus. (DING DING DING)
That was all good for a laugh. Joanna Angel has a radio show on Channel 791 on the Sirius XM “Works all the time 50% of the time” App on Tues from 1-2. Check it out, she talks about getting dudes off, and they have a lot of creepy callers. Your Mom is basically the OxyContin John of Vivid Radio.
Well, either the show ended or I stopped writing notes. Just kidding, after that it was final calls and just general bullshitting about this that and the other. To be honest, my heart just isn’t in the thing as much when Tully isn’t there. Ellis is good at firing off random topics, and Tully is the perfect man to catch them as they come and turn it into a deeper and more hilarious conversation. Nothing against the CJH, but Tully and Ellis have that rhythm that comes from all the years of talking to only each other, and it simply can’t be matched. Often what I see happen in these shows is Ellis’ brain set on random just fires off in every direction, never landing in just one place, so the show becomes this singularly long tapestry of conversations. It’s not the worst thing ever to listen to, but it sure is fucking hard to recount without typing one thousand words. Well, on that note, I’m at 990 now so it’s probably time to go. Go. Go. 1000.