Show Re-cap For Monday 4/23/2012

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Hellos to people read these bolg, today I likes you and tell of you fans strong of fight and don’t even take a shit if you don’t have to! I tell everyone do not take shits for anyone, only give shits, and see futures in balls. Talking was done over fans, listeners, New York, Chicago, Steve Astephen, fuckings, and monies. Oh noez, I sucks and are a pieces of shits. Okay, okay, I’ll stop talking fucktarded. It’s only funny for a little bit. For everyone whose read “I’m Awesome” all the way through, soon you won’t have to worry about spoiling anything for people by talking about the book, because bits and pieces from the book keep getting talked about on the show. Knowing that, you should probably hurry up and finish reading the book if you haven’t yet.

Ellis and Tully got a ride home from the po-po from Max’s Bar in Chicago, and they even got to go check on a domestic disturbance call. Ellis made out with some hot chick while his face was painted up with death mask makeup, and then Rawdog tried to get a smooch in on the chick too, but sounds like she snuffed him on the lip kiss and presented him with her cheek instead. Rawdog also tried to get all rock and roll on his keyboard and smash it, but the little fella wasn’t doing a very good job at it so Ellis took over and destroyed it for him. The guys met Danny’s mom at one of the book signings in Chicago, and according to Ellis his mom is hot as shit. HotMommyOD5 apparently told Dan’s daddy that Ellis is pretty good looking too – so yeah – this shit could get really fucking weird like really fucking quick.

Rawdog went to pick up his car this morning, everything was as it he had left it, movie props and weed were still there – so let’s just assume nobody but Rawdog and the tow truck driver had stepped foot in his shitbox on wheels. He still likes to share the blame with the local police department, because you know, it sucks having to own up to having a moment of tardness all by yourself. Along with Dingo, Cumtard and Skin stopped by the show today to bullshit and play a little bit of shock trivia and Skin used an annoying fake British (or Scottish) accent. As usual, Cumtard probably got the worst of the treatment – but he likes taking shots for the team so I don’t think he minds too much. It’s weird, because just as Cumtard takes shots for the team, your mom takes shots of man load from hordes of nasty men on a daily basis – for free. OH!

Your mom won an iron

Show Re-cap For Friday 4/20/2012

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Great googly moogly! It’s Friday, it’s 4/20 duuuuuuude, and it’s also the last day of TJES in NYC. Some of you lucky shitbirds are going to get to go see Death! Death! Die! tonight, so who’s dressing up in black and painting their face with death makeup? More weirdo Josh moments were discussed, like how he walks through revolving doors wrong, turnstiles wrong, and just his general awkwardness. Gobbledorf is now an official employee of Sirius XM and now gets to be paid for doing radio! Congratulations to ManBoy for kicking a goal, he deserves it and apparently he’s embracing it to the point of almost sucking off everyone at Sirius XM. DDD was in studio today, they took a few requests and then that massive slut Rachel started singing. The entire first hour of the show was the guys jamming out in the studio, so not a whole lot to say about it other than the vocals were too low. Got that Shoebox? TOO FUCKING LOW!

And guess what else? That’s all folks! It’s Friday and I don’t feel like doing anymore writing so I’m cutting it off here. Oh, what? You’re disappointed? You think I’m slacking? You wanna tell me I suck? Well check this out.

This is you falling on your face

This is what you need to do

And this is your mom’s dump truck ass, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 4/19/2012

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Dear Diary,
It is day 4 of TJES in NYC and on an unrelated note, I really like using acronyms. Rawdog’s car has been recovered, it was on the Coachella lot – he fucking misplaced his own car! He looked for it like 4 or 5 different times, even with a cop on a golf cart and he just never found it? And there’s pot in car, the car that the police found – but he has a medical marijuana card so Mr. X should be good to go. Sweet fucking Lord of the Flies. I have to believe that this story of Rawdog misplacing his car is now a joke email being forwarded to precincts all across the country. Diary, Rawdog is soooo cute. I wonder if he likes me. Because I like him.

Frank DeCaro stopped by the show today, he has such a huge crush on Ellis. I can only imagine what is written in Frank’s diary, you just know it’s gotta contain explicit material. @notchhillbilly pointed out that DeCaro and Pendarvis both have very similar laughs, only one is slightly gayer – which I thought was a very keen observation. There was an entire assload (get it?) of conversation about Ellis’ dick, gays, lesbians, and red public hair. Diary, I’m so confused. When will I get red pubes?

@Daniela555 was in the studio today to do makeup and hair for Ellis and Rawdog, they’re getting all dolled up like death metal dudes for the Death! Death! Die! show tomorrow night. I’m assuming Rawdog is staring directly at her tits the entire time she’s doing his makeup. Some chick called in because she got rushed during a book signing where Ellis misspelled her name, got it squared away and then got rushed along before she could get a picture. Bummer deal for her ass. Some dude called in to bitch about insurance and how it doesn’t cover Cialis and some shots for syphilis? Bummer deal for his ass. Another dude called into to say he’s also been stuck in the prize chamber, which is weird because apparently there’s like 10 of us stuck in there and only room for 3. Bummer deal for our asses. Diary, when will I get some food, see daylight, and get these two dudes off my lap? It makes me feel uncomfortable. I think someone touched me in my secret place. But I’m not sure.

I got my copy of Ellis’ book today, sadly, it wasn’t signed nor did it have the golden ticket. But it’s all good, because some of you chumps ain’t even got a book yet! Diary, two things. Number one, fuck Jay Thomas. Number two, I have some really important information and I’m not sure if I should tell anyone. I think they might already know, but I’m afraid that if I tell them and they don’t know, it will make them cry. But since I’m a real friend, I feel like I should tell them, so here it goes. Hey all you out there, I went to your house, rang your doorbell and asked your mom if you could come out and play. She let me in your house and started rubbing me. I don’t think you were home because she started moaning and nobody ever showed up. Anyway, ever since then we’ve been hooking up once a week and now when me or any other people come over, they bring her ice cream (see below) before she starts going to town, munching on our cocks. And that is how she came to be a fat whore. OH!