Category Archives: Overviews & Re-Caps

Overviews & re-caps of broadcasts from The Jason Ellis Show.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 8/21/2012

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Jude always gets some sort of applause.

Fair warning here, I missed a lot of the show today, but it’s all good. I think I got enough to make you sweat C & C Music Factory style! Rawdog’s tired today, and probably pilled out from his healthy lifestyle kidney stones. Enough so that Ellis called him on it right when he walked in to the studio before work, which automatically put Rawdog in a weird mood. He hung out with his chiquita (Brocolina) last night and drove her non-driving ass home. He also protected her from a raving, rabid dog on dem mean skreets. And since it’s Tuesday, our pal @rude_jude came on the show today and began talking in his latino home girl accent, confusing Rawdog as he got turned on by the accent and words, but was looking at Jude. Also, just in case Rosie is reading this, you should know that the more you get teased, it just means we love you that much more – well Rawdog really, but by extension I suppose.

Kids these days, golly!

Think about this kiddies, a lot of today’s kids don’t know shit from apple butter, or at least they don’t know a lot of shit some of us older people know. To be more specific, today’s 18 year-old crowd – they’ve never experienced many things that were the standard in some of our times. And now, here are just a few of those things that are completely lost on today’s youth: Mailing a letter (snail mail for you youngins), pointing to your wrist to ask for the time, Nirvana is classic rock to them, Ferris Bueller could be their dad, they’ve never had to watch scrambled porn, OJ Simpson has always been famous for alleged murder instead of football, they have no recollection of Michael Jordon playing basketball, they were not glued to the TV watching the fall of the Berlin Wall, some (or even most) of them probably can’t write in cursive, etc. It’s kind of odd for the older generations to think about these things that were so common, yet have become so obsolete. So there ya go – feeling old now? If not, than you’re probably young.

So you say you’re a new intern?

According to Tully, Geena Davis is the female version of Jeff Goldblum… and he’s fucking right! I’ve never really thought about that – you can understand why I’d block her from my mind – but after him saying that, I’m limp and may have erectile dysfunction. So a big fuck you goes out to both Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum. Potential new intern on the show today, “Charles”, who has worked in radio before, he’s 37 and going back to school for radio – particularly he would like to produce. Thirtyseven. Back to school. If you’re just now learning what you want, the road ahead is going to be bumpier than driving over the trash at an abortion clinic. Is that even a joke? I don’t know, I’m tired and give about zero fucks.

Anyway, he was there, introduced himself, and fielded a few questions from the guys – so we’ll see what happens. I would guess he’ll get his shot at being berated by everyone, so start thinking of nicknames for this third-world crack smokin’, pipe-dream havin’, potential intern. Don’t act like I’m some sort of mean guy. You know how everyone is, we don’t like new people at first and treat them suspect until they get a chance to eat our shit and then we judge them on how well they eat our shit. It’s the same all over the world I tell ya. The first time I shit in your mother’s mouth – I had to punch her in the jaw to help her chew it. She’s obviously gotten a lot better at it, as you can see by the six 1 dollar bills she gets to bring home at the end of a night of shit eating. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 8/20/2012

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Turning women into Wooderson

Hi everybody, it’s Monday. What did you all do over the weekend? Me? I practiced my sultry writing skills a la Fifty Shades style, here’s a sample: After having my gaping clam cavern fucked, he then proceeded to fuck my soft & tight turd-herder. The unrelenting orgasms from him slamming my smush mitten made me come so hard, I began sweating like a whore in church. The thrusting makes me spray my clunge gunge all over his piss pipe. By now, my cod cave was trembling like a tasered slab of chopped liver. So what do you think? Pretty hot, right? That’s the type of shit that will leave a girls axe gash oozing like a broken freezer. Anyway, on with the show… Ellis needs an backiotomy from his achy breaky back, and if you’re familiar with back pain, it sucks the balls of serial rapist baby killers. Also, he and Rawdog did some “work” this weekend, meaning they got to film naked chicks with a high speed camera.

The reverse Gobstopper effect causes kidney stones

Hey guess what? You know that “Goth Club” that Rawdog’s girlfriend wanted him to go to? Yea, it was a gay club. Whoops. Honest mistake on her part I’m sure, I mean especially considering that she also snowballed him and wanted him to wear assless chaps to this “Goth Club”. Super health nut, Rawdog, got some more kidney stones over the weekend – because he’s so healthy and shit. He drove himself to the hospital, had enough pain that he started puking, so they gave him some morphine and some percocets so he could manage and wizz those stones out. Of course, Rawdog believes this all came about again because it’s been a little hot out and he’s been slacking on drinking lemonade, not because of his diet. He’ll fight for McNuggets and against a fucking bite of fruit until his death.

Oh sa-nap

Security guards and women, am I right? Of course I am! Insert all your own stories about either of those groups, there are plenty to go around. Some security guard had to call the real cops for some reason or another and more teachers are banging more students – now in groups! That’s hot. There was only one single story I can remember going around during my time in school, which is not hot. Speaking of which, a roofie story from back in the day, Ellis went to this house where he used to get weed. He was drinking, these young girls wanted to do things with him, he said no – thinks he got roofied and passed out only to wake up in a bedroom with both of them on him. Yay for rape! Would you rather be 10 feet tall or 1 foot tall for the rest of your life? This is just one example of the problems facing our nation today – nobody has a really good answer for that one. There is an answer however as to how your mother can tell all her children apart even though you all have the same first name. You all have different last names. OH!

No better feeling

Show Re-cap For Friday 8/17/2012

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Remember this guy?

Welcome to Friday’s show re-cap! Yo Ease let’s do this… I am a nightmare walking, psychopath talking, king of my jungle just a gangsta’ stalkin’… Wait. Sorry, this isn’t A Tribute To Ice-T’s Colors is it? NO! It’s not! We’re all getting older, time is flying, and some people fuck holes in the ground. Jizzy, jizzy on the wall, which Disney Princess has the biggest tits of them all? An overwhelming majority say Pocahontas. TMZ caught THC, Ellis, and Pendarvis leaving the studio. TMZ wanted to ask THC about his life saving heroism that he mentioned on TJES, but he didn’t want to talk to them about it – which means that you, the listener, got to hear that story exclusively on TJES! We all good on the acronyms?

Oh the things Gabby could show you!

Rawdog’s super hot, sexy as hell, totally fingerable, absolutely fuckable, sister Gabby was on the show today – and so was @OGEverlast, who’s turning 43 tomorrow and just found out he’s having another baby. Get this shit, there’s a real possibility that the Richmond siblings might all be snowballers! Gabby, along with Everlast (and the rest of the world) were floored to hear Rawdog got snowballed, when asked if she did that to her boyfriend, Gabby kind of clammed up and was clearly uncomfortable. I assume probably more because she’s hearing talk about her brother, his load, and him eating his load. That has to be one of the most awkward conversations to have with your brother and/or sister in the room.

Sup bitches!

Donald Schultz had super massive news today, he called in from Switzerland, piss drunk and slurring his words like a motherfucker – to tell us that the huge news is that he’s jumping off some big ass cliff that nobody else has ever jumped off of. Also, having two friends die is better than having three friends die. Next up, listeners got to call in with their favorite Rawdog stories, you know, so Gabby knows just a little bit more about her big brother. If you have been keeping score, she’s learned her brother: Got snowballed, got jacked off by 3 porn stars and ended up finishing by himself in a Popeye’s bathroom, he boned Sparky 2 times with the same rubber, his lost car at Coachella story, and how he washes his ass in the shower.

It’s true.

Listeners also go a treat as we got to hear “Doing Stuff with Gabby”, where she tried to explain how to tap a keg, change a flat bike tire, unload a boat off a trailer into a lake, how to start a gas grill, and how to get rid of a raccoon in your home. There were a couple more, but fuck it – it’s Friday and I don’t give a shit. Ellis will be working hard tonight and tomorrow, slapping porn stars, amongst other things, and recording it with a high speed camera. I don’t care if you film it in HD, high speed, a shaky camcorder, a phone, or a goddamned 8mm projector – hot naked bitches are awesome no matter what. Your mom was filmed in HD once, it was when NASA accidentally landed the Curiosity rover on her fat ass instead of Mars. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 8/16/2012

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I hear 90 is the new WTF

Good evening folks, hope you are all snuggled in by the fire with your hot coco and your snuggie. Oh wait, is summer, fuck that shit. I hope your naked in the pool, that’s more like it. Toady started off like a pyro in a fireworks shop, first they talked about dino on dino violence and how that shits uncool, but its a good thing they’re dead otherwise the violence would be out of control. Bam had Kat Von D on his show, if you heard it then you were the only one. Rawdog laid his man card on the table and told his girlfriend that the chaps are out and she hasn’t brought it up since. Jackie Stallone, Sylvester’s mom, is pretty hot for a 90 something broad. Don’t fucking cuss around your fucking kids otherwise the little shits will start talking like I fucking do. Chicks that fake orgasms are just ruining it for themselves, honestly, if your man can’t get you off, then he really doesn’t care to begin with. RawdiggidyDog doesn’t think that Cher is the ultra massive icon that she is, and instead of making the argument, I will just say that she is. It’s on the internet, that means it’s true.

In Drunk MMA Sasquatch News, Forrest Griffin will not retire from the MMA, at least not yet. There’s a kid in Texas that should be recruited by half the college football teams in the country right now. 12 year old Elijah Earnheartis 6’1″ and weighs 197lbs, he would

When is Sandra Bullock gonna get here?

dominate, at least until it was time for recess, but after that, WATCH OUT! Some jealous dude is suing Tommy Lee because he ripped of his idea for the upside down drums, but lets face it, only Tommy Lee could pull that off and this pud whacker is just jealous of his mad skills. Linden B Jhonson was the most Boss President ever, and some chick from some movie fucked the director and got canned from the sequal. Looks like its back to the casting couch for you!

The Church of Hayden has returned! That’s right ladies and fondlers, the number one famous celebrity and Emmy Award winning actor Thomas Hayden Church has arrived, again. Not only that but just before getting to the swinghouse, THC became the hero of one small throated man. This dude was choking on some pasta and like a hero, THC jumped in and gave him the Heimlich until the sweet sweet breath of life reentered his body. They also talked about movies, surfing, Marlon Brando, their Dads, and his new movie, Killer Joe, in a theater near you. If you missed the interview/guest appearance, our friend Cobra Tits has once again proven that he is the man, here’s the interview. At the end they played, Guess Who’s Nipple, and Josh lost. For losing Ellis got to pick someone out of his phone to text and as we hoped, Jason picked his girlfriend. Unfortunately they thought bitPimps suggestion was too mean (I will see you tomorrow, my girlfriend is being a bitch right now), and went with the confirmation that Josh WILL wear the “assless chaps.” I tried to get yer mum a pair of assless chaps once, but I felt bad after I found out how many cows they would have to kill to wrap them around her gigantic gelatinous thighs, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 8/15/2012

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Texting and driving, it can be dangerous, so remember, wait until you get to a stop light, but your beer in the cup holder and then text. That way you can do it safely. Word on the street is that Thomas Haden Church is back in town and he reclaimed his car. And in case you haven’t heard it’s not just any car, its a Porsche Supra Extra Turbo with built in jet packs and rocket launcher. Okay maybe not, but it is pretty fucking awesome. Josh’s load sharing girlfriend has yet again stepped up her game, now she wants to take Josh to a Goth Bar. But that’s not the really great part, she want’s him to wear assless chaps there. He made a joke of it and kinda said no, but she texted him again today (probably while driving) about it. I have a feeling that in the near future we will start seeing a more clumsy Josh, falling down stairs, hitting door knobs, you know, girl shit. Hell, even a gay Canadian bull riding cowboy wouldn’t wear assles chaps, and that’s straight from the horses mouth!

Are you a Porn Star? Do you know a Porn Star? Do you have rug burns on your dick because all you do is “get to know” Porn Stars? Well good news for you and your beaten meat, the Ellis Show is trying to get more porn stars on. Are you done groaning yet? I just hope that these will be entertaining and not just the usual ditsy girls that have a protein count that’s usually reserved for body builders. Speaking of Porn Stars, did you know that David “I ruined VanHalen” Lee Roth has a daughter in porn? Of course you didn’t, who pays attention to their names anyhow.

She’s got her fathers eyes.

Big Gay Baby is still married to Big Ass Kardashian, I think that he is throwing a fit over the prenup or some shit, I could care less, that douche canoe got more money for those two days than most people make in a few years. Will “was that lightning or just my shins in the sun” Pendarvis brought in a new game, Pop Culture Pop Quiz. Rawdog won, which means that Rawdog lost, anybody that knows that much about kid shows and doesn’t have kids shouldn’t be allowed near schools or parks. It would seem that there is a RedBull Conspiracy going on in the swinghouse. Someone put full cans of Redbull outside the fridge while putting the empty box in the fridge. Simple case of mistake, maybe someone got a little distracted? Fuck no! Teberculosis Bitch Navarro claims that he did what Pendo told him to and Pendavich says nay. Maybe we will never know, it will always be a mystery, that and those fucking magnets.

Dave Mustane is entertaining thousands of Asians with his political theory’s, which is a much better idea than doing it with his music. Some nasty skank girl got a tattoo on her butthole (yes I giggled when I typed butthole, try it). If you want, you can watch it, and if I know you, you do. In an effort to not wake up with a bondage mask on, Ellis had Josh try his pimp and on the part time call screeners  Erika Ashley (@Erika_Ash) and Jolene (@JoleneParties), and he proved that even for a little dude whose only 5’2″ (Ok, he’s more like 5’6-1/2″) that he knows how to treat a bitch when she steps out of line, even though we all know Erika could drop him with one swing. Tomorrow shall be quite interesting. Our favorite stylish sluts, Rachel and Sarah, did some final calls and we learned that Sarah is bleeding like a stuck pig and thats cool with her, more lube for the lovin. The rest of the final calls were average, like usual. That’s all for tonight folks, sorry but my best endings are in your moms ass, OH!