We don’t know a lot about Penarvalis, but more and more pieces of the puzzle are starting to get filled in. Paparazzi caught him “walking home from work”, presumably to meet his “friend” who definitely is not a Harley rider and who for sure doesn’t go by the name “Strawberry”.
He’s back, @CassetteCoast returns for another “Unsigned Bands” segment with his fourth installment of “The Jason Ellis Show Target Practice” and once again, he did not disappoint. Somehow he keeps one-upping himself, and this time he combined his as always slick & murderous lyrical style with some shoutouts to EllisFam! Seriously. This guy is fucking good. We’re talking like, Lil Wayne should be his gardener good. Don’t believe me? Listen and you be the judge.
Download (link to MP3)
Update #1: HE WON! His track will be in rotation next week on Faction! Congratulations Coast!
Update #2:
Here’s Jason & Tully listening live to Coast’s track.
Side note: Once again, Ellis hates hearing me mentioned. But he can’t stop it. Which as everyone knows, means he loves me. Around the 3:09 mark.
Download (link to MP3)
Lyrics
-You already know what time it is whenever Coast gets to flowing on some Unsigned Bands shit
-who the fuck y’all playing with?
-you aint play my shit the last time out of fear of somebody getting their pussy hurt
-I aint gon’ lie, it could occur
-who’s the first one to get this ass whoopin Kevin Kraft looking
-like the perfect candidate to get decapitated
-actually wait, let me sharpen up this razor blade
-give your neck a taper fade hoe
-Who let that trailer park trash broadcast that old soft ass podcast
-get up off that and go tard that tune bitch that’s all you’re hard at
-and we all laugh at your salty ass you’re a Saltine with fromunda cheese
-that mean that cracker foul now open your mouth and get some of that onion ring
-that’s a metaphor for that bitches butthole to be polite I’ll say Alexa’s pooper
-I wanna welcome y’all to the legal fuck show the home of lardvarks and ice cream scooper
-speaking of that go straight to HateBean the man that may seem to daze and daydream
-bout making baked beans that glaze his face seeing as all day long he can lick a plate clean
-the country boy with the angry lanyard he’s Alabamas Miranda Lambert
-no “fwampa fwampa” for Will Pendarvis just play the beat and he’ll go the hardest
-he can talk the talk and he can walk the walk but he’s sad as fuck on the low
-don’t cross Pendarvis he’ll call the boss up to pull the plug on the show
-oh now Michael Tully said a billion dollars ain’t enough to let go of the China boy
-and I was bout to offer like 30 dollars and a Beloved shirt with a dinosaur.
-I’ma find a cure for your sarcasm if it’s the last thing that I do
-the only thing more faggy than the way you be acting is a Castaway tattoo
-ooh kill em gotdamnit I’m feelin myself got a feelin I’m fitna win Unsigned Bands
-I’m the one man band that’s representing EllisFam that goes ham when you play my jam
-and I’m qualified to be death death die but Tyler Posey gotta step aside
-I’ll hit a retard with a keytar like a tee ball knock his teeth off then I check the mic
-I know Jase Cakes better back the fuck up I’m Mexican I got a switchblade
-and I’ll cut a hole for James Hepfield to stick his dick DEEP in the ribcage
-I been contemplating if Thomas Haydens kinda fond of gay men from Hollywood
-and if he told you suck his dick for that car man I aint saying you did it but you probably would
-On instagram you get a temper tantrum when kids be acting like trolls
-but it just so happens its a good old fashioned “What the fuck is wrong with your nose?” reaction
-I’m playin dog I love this show O & A nigga fuck them hoes
-You red dragons I’m red flaggin you can hit me up and I’ma rep for Faction
-like BitPimps Twisted Trucker Mike in Canada Shark Chucker
-Shit Tobogan and Wolf Kisser Shantanee whats good with ya
-Arizona Red Dragon too Stapleneck mane what it do
-Truk Norris and Little Miss Ellis Wayne the Pitt and the rest of y’all fellas
-matter of fact Cracker Stacker Twisted Metal Fab thats the last
-of my name drops but y’all all great and this flow was sponsored by ALLSTATE.
Bonus:
Missed the first 3 Target Practice tracks? Here’s all of them!
Taking stupid to new levels!
Sexual degenerate Jason Ellis is live! But let’s not fuck around here, we got some serious news to get into. MLG and ESPN have teamed up for the first-ever e-sports event at X-Games in Austin, Texas. That’s right, the world of action sports has been so diluted now that button pushing video gamers will now have a chance to win an X-TREME BRONZE, or a REALLY X-TREME SILVER, or the all mighty REALLY SUPER DOUBLE X-TREME GOLD medal in the X-Games. Ah yes, people will remember where they were at when Jimmy Pisspants pulled off the first ever “trash talk you mom, B, A, B, A” button combo! Remember that one time that video game character died and got tea bagged by another video game character? Riveting. Ellis is heated about this and refuses to go to X-Games. Dingo, being the savvy investor he is, understands the bold move but also thinks it’s pretty funny. Tully agrees that fine, people can be into video games and watch other people play video games, but the combination doesn’t belong or work together. This topic took up the entire first hour of the show, which is understandable due to the nature of the channel, the show, and Ellis & company.
Dingo’s reaction to Kenda calling in.
Before the show could go into break, Kenda Perez called in with this past weekends UFC bouts in Baltimore. Overall, the fights were pretty good. Two quick side notes here. 1. Ellis had a dream about Rhonda Rousey where she wouldn’t let him train at her gym but held his hand while she told him this, so that’s sweet. And 2. Dingo needs a potty break, but toughed it out since Kenda was on the phone. Anyway, Jones once again defended his title, this time against Glover Teixeira. Phil Davis lost his fight against Anthony Johnson. Some dude with gauges in his earlobes fought with his gross jump rope earlobes taped up so a finger or toe wouldn’t accidentally get caught in there rip that shit. Oh, and this 5′ 11″ chick fighter dressed in all green looked kinda like a female Jolly Green Giant – also, she lost her fight. Anyway, I’m not reporting all that, you can go online to read what all happened if you haven’t already seen it. And that lead us into the first break where Dingo could go potty.
An alleged peek into Hardcore’s flat last night.
Moto news time. Villopoto won and seemed like he hated it and he’s still on top of the overall standings. Eli Tomac took 2nd, and Josh Hill took 3rd. James Stewart withdrew from the race with an apparent injury to his left leg, allegedly. That pretty much wraps up the season, even though there is still 1 more race to go. Hey, did you see that piece of shit dad who was caught on tope kicking his 6-year-old son down a skateboard ramp? Pretty fucked up. We got to hear some HateBean tracks today. We also got to ask how everyone is doing today and thankfully everyone seems to be doing very well, except for Hardcore & Cumtard – he’s a little cranky today. Ellis tried to whip him back into a good mood, but Cumtard feels like he received mixed messages during the motivational talk. I don’t know how the message could be mixed. I mean, “Tell yourself you’re worth a fucking shit, you stupid bag of retarded cum.” seems pretty clear to me. HEYOH! Anyway, the guys all spent about 30 minutes giving advice and pep talks to Cumtard and his mental & physical health. So why is Hardcore all cranky? He’s got girl problems son. He doesn’t really want to discuss it, but he did admit that he slept on the couch last night and when he woke up this morning, they didn’t say a word to each other and he just went to work. As we all know, that means you’re wrong – even if you’re right – you’re still wrong. He’s gonna have to bite the bullet on this one and stop being stubborn. And this took us into our second break for the day. Hour and half segments today, there’s just TOO MUCH SHOW!
Looks like she has a drinking problem.
And we’re back! Next week the show is going to do a “worst music on YouTube” segment that you can help with by sending in links to said horrible music to the show. That does not include the video I sent into the show called “Shit Don Frye Says”. Turns out Don’s a little creepy, but he’s also pretty funny. And insane. And tough as hell. And he don’t give two shits who the fuck you are, he’ll talk shit on ya. So the owner of the LA Clippers, Donald Sterling, has been caught on tape with a racist rant. Supposedly only 15 minutes of the audio was leaked, but there is over an hour’s worth of this audio, allegedly of course. What makes it really odd, I mean, besides his clear racism, is that his girlfriend is half black and half Mexican. Also, gross. He’s got old balls. I missed a few minutes after that because I’m sought after fellow for my sage-like advice and wisdom. HA! When I came back, there was talk about acid and some dude getting some harsh jail time. This led us into talk about brain steroids, aka Adderall, and how them pesky college kids are doing that shit up. And this in turn brought about a story of Ellis getting a massage in Thailand from this lady who smoked some meth before getting to work on the massage. Apparently Dog The Bounty Hunter hasn’t been to Thailand because the ice is flowin’, son! Oh yeah, and there’s some discussion going on with Ellis’ manager and the possibility of EllisMania 10 and possibly SpikeTV! Dingo surprised the show with gifts and it’s not even Christmas, he gave everyone some Beats by Dre headphones. We left off with some final calls, where a lady-boy from Taiwan was happy to be able to smoke crack with Mr. Jason Erris and say how much they miss him. So there ya have it, a nutshell. So to speak. And now it’s time I bid you farewell, until we meet again. If you catch my drift. BONER JAMS 2014!
There’s a new segment called “What’s Wrong With You?” where people ask if there is something wrong with them concerning a portion of their lives. To start it off, we hear from Wilson Pendarvis. He could be a passive / aggressive dick, or maybe he’s like the cowboy with shit on his mustache and just looking for love in all the wrong places?
Download (link to MP3)
Let’s not forget, this is the same segment where everyone first met, and fell in love with, our sweet, sweet Manny. He carries a burden on his shoulders only an angel could bare.
Tie-dye is coming back? It’s only a matter of time until crispy, crimped 80’s hair comes back too.
It’s fucking Monday, you motherfuckers! Let’s fucking see what the motherfucking show has for us motherfuckers today. Well, the fucking white boy is back intro is back in rotation, which I think is a good thing and so does motherfucking Wilson Pendarvalis. Fucking tie-dye has apparently come back, according to motherfucking Dingo and Tully – Tully even saw that fucking shit at the motherfucking Gap. Alright, fine. I’ll scale back on all the “fucking” and “motherfucking” – for now. Dingo didn’t realize Ellis had already spilled the proverbial beans on their make-out session from last week while they were at the Chateau Marmont. Oh la-la! I don’t how this guy ends up being a topic on the show as much, but Sal Masekela talk came up. I don’t even know why or how he fits into the divorced chicks & people kissing other people at the Chateau conversation, but there ya go. Since Ken Block & his wife were there, inevitably, we heard about how rich he is and nobody really knows how he’s still so rich, and he has a waterfall and hot tub and shit. This beget discussion about Ellis MiniMoto Mania and how even though it’s meant as a PG-13 event, there’s no promises a titty or a “fuck” isn’t going to be making an appearance at some point. Super dad weekend sounds like it went off pretty well, Devin even kept her word and rode even though she was really hesitant and had a few freak out sessions. But she did it and that’s what counts! Oh, and she’s okay with shit now too. Ellis almost pulled Fifty’s head off because he kept fucking with Tiger and being a dumb dog. He also ran over Burger because she’s a dumb dog too and tried to bit the tire of Ellis’ bike. The first hour was filled all kinds of information (such as Dingo’s “friend” named Stephanie), stories, and what-not. But the main thing I would like to bring attention to is the fact that Dingo did not speak over anyone in the first hour. So shout out to the man with the luscious locks! He’s becoming quite the radio professional.
Contrary to what you might think, this is not Dingo meeting people.
What’s Nick Lachey up to these days? He and his wife Vanessa Minnillo left their 18-month-old son at home for a quadruple date with friends where the group ordered red snapper tacos, celery root ravioli, chicken and waffles and warm donuts for dessert. This mega-breaking-story could only be trumped by one thing and one thing only. And that is the fact that Dingo has met Vanessa before. The guy has literally met everyone. Actually there’s another Dingo story we need to discuss. He went to a taco festival Saturday, came home and cough-vomited all over his balcony. Speaking of cough-vomit, we have a porn star named Siri in studio now. From her own Twitter profile: “The face that fucked a thousands dicks.” She’s there to try and record some lines for the show intro. Dingo could care less that’s there’s a porn star swinging a kettle bell in front of his face, he’s got Hollywood shit to do. She did her thing and just like that, she was whisked back out of our lives and out of the studio. But before she left, she left us with a parting message of having 10 guys cum on her head, and it wasn’t even on video, it was just a Wednesday. So real quickly, we go back to the sports desk for some Moto News with Dingo. Villopoto retains his points lead, Stewart has moved ahead of Dungey who is in third and the injured Chad Reed has finally dropped off the top 10 list. Now over to the new desk with Tully for a story about a listener who stuck a ball pump needle in his dickhole and tried to pump up his junk. Quickly back over to Dingo for some piss talk which Ellis isn’t too jazzed about because god damn it, THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW! Just kidding, he just doesn’t want people to think he and Katie are constantly giving each other golden showers. Anchorman 2, Dingo and Tully hated it, while Ellis and Wilson thought it was awesome. Wilson thinks maybe they didn’t like it because they’re fucking assholes. This of course led us to talk about Sea World, orcas, and nice cows. Ellis is starting to feel weird about eating cows because they’re so damn nice, or so they want you to think, and that’s when they attack! Total dicks.
Get ready to learn, it’s history lesson time with Ellis & Dingo!
Frank DeCaro will be on the show tomorrow, which gives us a perfect segue into Napoleon’s little dick. A British show called Dead Famous DNA says it has confirmed that Napoleon had a “very small” pecker, measuring in at a whopping one-and-a-half inches. On this very day in 1947, Henry Ford died, and contrary to popular belief, he did not invent the car, he invented the assembly line. Motherfucker found a way to pump out Model-T’s while inadvertently destroying the lives of future American workers. Tully continued testing Dingo & Ellis’ knowledge of other historical facts about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, George Washington, Pocahontas, and more. It’s always an entertaining time to hear Ellis and Dingo spill their vast knowledge of history. Well motherfucking fuck-shit. My computer is all fucked up and now I’m frantically trying to get this done from my wife’s laptop so I can try to fix my motherfucking machine, so bear with me here. Wilson came in the studio and sounded mad, said he wasn’t going to discuss something or another with Ellis and that he knows what’s what because he’s no dummy. I have no idea what that was about. Tully does not currently have a special place where he wants to fuck his wife other than the bed. Brock Lesnar still has diverticulitis. Cumtard still has diarrhea, which has been going on since last week. They Skyped up potential fighters for the biggest loser fight at EMX, one stand-out was John. Apparently he’s an ex-wrestler (or maybe current) and a large dude who is also a gym rat, allegedly. He seems like the kind of dude that’s going to turn someone’s ass into a pile of chewed up bubble gum. David Letterman is retiring, Micky Rooney and Peaches Geldolf are dead, like my motherfucking computer, and Octane is unsurprisingly playing horrible music at this very moment – and probably at any given moment. Shout out to Rural Radio. Ted Nugent is a racist asshole, there’s a Goonies sequel in the works, and Trick Daddy was arrested and got plump. There was some more but motherfucking fuck that shit, I’ve got a computer to toil over. Final calls. Bing-bing-bam-popcorn and the shows over.