Monthly Archives: August 2014

Show Recap for Friday 8/22/2014

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Since you’ve been gone I can do whatever I want, I can see whomever I choose, I can eatimage (5) my dinner in a fancy restaurant, but nothing, I said nothing, can take away these blues. Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you. But now that you’re here it’s all good in the hood yo. Oh and today’s recap is brought to you by the tastey, delicious, beautiful bacon and dick torturing bacon splatter. Somewhere in the conversation on bacon Jason and Tully started talking about Kurt Russell, then Goldie Hawn, Kate Hudson, The Hudson River, Superman, and finally Kevin Bacon. See! Everything in life leads back to bacon. Tully saw Mia at the car dealership. I don’t know who she is but I guess she got famous by singing a song with ODB then he fucked her and now she’s fucking creepy Audi salesman at the Mercedes lot. Because Michael saw this sorta famous chick they brought back everyone’s favorite bit, Hollywood News. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon broke up. Who cares. Kim Kardashian’s shitty app got beat in jacksondownloads by Tom Hanks shitty app. Lindsay Lohan failed the ice bucket challenge because she got champagne dumped on her but nobody filmed. Michael Jackson threatened to throw shit snowballs at staff and leisurely pissed all around his house because he’s the mother fuckin king of pop and he’ll piss wherever the fuck he wants. Timberlake offended a bunch of bitch ass pussies on twitter. Rhianna is kicking ass and flickin the bean on Twitter, and Paul Walker is still dead. There’s moto this weekend so keep an eye out for that at a moto track near you. There’s also a UFC fight so keep an eye out for that at an, ummm a UFC track near you?

After the break Katie joined Ellis and Tully to talk about roller coasters and putting bacon in their mouths. But first, some news! A dude and his buddy kidnapped and robbed his fiancé but she used her engagement ring to escape, and after moving in with a long distance boyfriend in Texas some chick to killed him with

Bacon in your mouth!

Bacon in your mouth!

a romantic tub of flaming death. Tubs of flaming death are metal. Harley Morenstein of Epic Meal Time finally came in studio, and he did not come alone, he brought bacon. During the interview between mouthfuls of delicious crunchy bacon they talked about bacon, turkey bacon, Canadian bacon, bacon-kabobs, bacon creole, bacon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple bacon, lemon bacon, coconut bacon, pepper bacon, bacon soup, bacon stew, bacon salad, bacon and potatoes, bacon burger, bacon sandwich. That- that’s about it. If you like bacon check out Epic Meal Time on YouTube.

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Stripped Vocals, so hot!

Tully introduced a new segment called Super Creepy Real Life Stories. Today’s story is about a Russian guy with a collection of human sized dolls. The catch is that they were human sized because they were real humans. Almost. They were dead, fresh from the grave yard. Christian joined the party with his signature hit segment stripped vocals. Here are some of the highlights of the segment. Ronnie James Dio, Brad Delp of Boston, The Temptations, The Turtles, The Beatles, and midway through the segment Ellis invited Catherwood into the studio so he didn’t have to rock out alone in the hallway and coincidentally Christians CD started to malfunction. Coincidence or conspiracy?

After listening to Metallica’s worst song ever, the guys managed to get the CD fixed so we got to hear Lamb Of God, Morrisey, Layne Staley of Alice In Chains, and finally ending with Steve Perry singing Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing. Fucking beautiful. Wanna know what else is fucking beautiful? Fuck Line with Mike Catherwood. But that’s not what they did, 133009they played Who On The Show Is The Most Mexican. Some of the questions were, do you own any Raiders gear? Do you own any Dickies? Have you ever used avocados for anything but good? Have you ever used a check cashing service? Have you ever worn cutoff jeans for swim trunks? Do you like cilantro? Have you ever dated a chick with kid? Have you ever ate balonga in a tortilla? Do you pluralize words that shouldn’t be? If you answered yes to most of those questions then you might smell like tacos and tequila. Ellis and Katie are the most cholo with Jetta being the most obvious super white vanilla gringo on the show. After a barrage of mind numbing retardedry of phone calls Hotdogs ended the show with his weekend plans. He’s going to party, fix some shit, renew his medcard, and then he’s gonna fuck yer mum, LOVE IT!

Show Recap for Thursday 8/21/2014

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Some people just have that fire in their eye, you know, and it makes you know that you are not the person to be fucked with because you have fire eyes, and hopefully your eyes aren’t on fire because I’m pretty sure having eyeball nerves melting would suck pretty bad until only your pupils were remaining to be burned cause, you know, no pain receptors there. You know who has fire in his eye as he’s deftly maneuvering around the basketball court of his local LA Fitness? Tully. That’s right…and my, oh my, Tully apparently sure looks refreshed for today’s show. Probably because he was just doused, as is the oh so popular thing right now, by a bucket of ice water over his head. Tully admits that he feels super refreshed and is digging on his whole spikey hair and swim trunks vibe that he’s rocking in the studio, so much so that he didn’t change into the clothes that he had brought along for after the stunt. And also, yeah, he has fire in his eye when he plays basketball, and tennis, and (in my opinion) anything else competitive. I mean, you guys heard the Best Of from the other day, where he and Ellis were playing Pictionary against CumTard and…some guy….some comic book guy…god, whose name I seriously can not remember right now, but man Tully got full on snarky within seconds of beginning to draw. And apparently, pick up basketball at LA Fitness is a sewer of lying, cheating, pieces of shit who have fights over the score and call stupid fouls because they’re sore losers and Tully basically needs to get his trash talk on. Ellis, of course, is also a man with fire in his eye, and he used to say ‘Fuck’ at the vert ramp. Like, a lot. He said there were times that he should have put a plug in it, but he didn’t, and- hey, speaking of skating, Ellis is thinking of going to Venice Beach this weekend and get his skate on. That sounds so lame. Obviously I have never done more than rolled down the street on my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles skateboard back when I was eight. But yeah, Ellis went for a bit of a ride around on his new deck yesterday and did a couple ollies and went ‘weeeeee’ and landed them, like a professional skateboarder does, and he doesn’t have the kiddies Saturday so GAME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Ellis says that he feels like his body still knows how to skate and he’s pretty sure if he got on a vert ramp and was given 5 minutes he would be able to pull some shit out, but there is a part of him that so seriously does not want to run into anybody and really really does not want to fall.

Ellis watched some videos of him racing UTV’s when he went last weekend and even though he didn’t do so bad, he says that he is a bad driver and he sees a lot of room for improvement. He says that he wiggles too much in there and needs to tighten things up a bit, because things like that mean seconds in terms of improvement and races are won in those seconds. Red Dragons. Maybe. Ellis then talked about how he saw a story that some 15 year old kid who was racing in the Lucas Oil Series got shit whipped and punctured and lung and just, Fuck that, man. Ellis would be so pissed if he were racing and after all of that time and effort and hard work he did something that almost made him die. Fuck that. Super bitter. But Tully chimes in to say that, well, shit like that can happen even if you aren’t racing UTVs. Lungs be collapsin all over the damn place. Sometimes they do it for no reason (that’s me lying to you) and, you know, hey, you could be walking down the street and someone could be trying to rob a bank by throwing a brick through the window (because of all of the times that has been tried and worked) and since they obviously aren’t very bright as they are trying to rob a bank by smashing a window, they miss the window and the brick hits you square in the chest and bing, bang, boom, motherfucker, you have a broken lung. Or something. Anything could kill any one of us at any time, so we really should all just stay home, except no, because most Fatal Accidents occur inside the home, according to Tully, so really there’s no reason to get out of bed, but uh-oh, there are tons of ways to die in bed as well. Fuck it. Ellis makes a joke about how he would die in bed, and Tully does that whole guy thing where he’s like “Hell yeah!” but quickly takes it back, because really, that isn’t the shittiest way to die, but it isn’t the best way to go either. Ellis agrees saying that it’s gotta suck to be all of a sudden having a great time, to having a heart attack and that fear and then being dead and then having the lady your with shaking you and pumping on your chest trying to bring you back to life while she cries out your name, because at that moment in time, every lady turns into that stereotypical heroin junkie girlfriend pathetic and desperately trying to revive her OD’d lover. That’s a proven fact, son. Tully brings up that if he were given the choice if he were fatally ill and had the oppurtunity, he’d give his family his farewell speech and get high as fuck until there was no more high to fuck. Ellis is super on board with this idea and they riff for a while about getting high and dying, which really wasn’t as morbid as it sounds, and Ellis talks about different ways to go out with the highest fuck of a bang with the contenders being getting super high and shot over/into the Grand Canyon, getting high and shot into space, or getting high and going into a submarine and into the deep ocean to be chill and isolated and depressed as fuck for his last few days while listening to Morrissey. Well, Tully finds that last idea unappealing, but that motherfucker hates the beach. Who hates the beach? I mean, he’s from Jersey. There was a really horrible show about a the Jersey Shore…how can he hate the beach? And that sand excuse? Fuck that. Sand is wonderful. And it washes off and vaccuums right up. I know. I live on an island. There’s sand around here in fucking excellent supply, even if you’re in the middle of the island. But, Tully does agree that if you’re gonna do something super depressing while your dying, Morrissey is the way to go because that dude was affected, if you know what I mean, in fact, if you are currently dying or about to shoot yourself in the face or something (please don’t be doing that because I would be really sad) you should prolly check out a song called ‘Asleep’ because it is the ultimate soundtrack to your death if you wanna put it on repeat.

Ellis has been finding some interesting things on Instagram that he kind of can’t believe is on Instagram, as if he posted pictures like that he’d be on his fourth account by now, and one of the things has been a lingerie (Lawn-jer-ay…every time he said it I giggled) line called Belle de Nuit (Beautiful Lady of the Night) and it makes him think that Courtney Love is making a comeback because they have pictures of her on their website, and she doesn’t look all that bad. Which is good. Good for her. Tully thinks that it may be because her daughter, Frances Bean, is old enough now to kind of be the ‘mom’ and make sure that Courtney isn’t flying off the rails, which is also good, but really kinda sad. Tully tells a story about a time when he saw Courtney Love outside of Swinghouse back in the day (the days where she was really nowhere near the rails…well…maybe one kind of rail ;) and he said that she looked completely disconnected from reality with darting eyes and being corralled by a handler and looking like a Junkie ET. Tully then brings up that he is into Jean Provocateur Lingerie, but it’s super expensive and he has yet to actually buy any of it for that Lady Friend of his that he calls his Wife. They get into a discussion about what they find sexy and how their sexual lives started very differently, as Tully had to try and catch sneak peeks of boobs in R-Rated movies and sometimes hang out with that one kid he knew whose dad had a stack of Playboys, whereas Ellis remembers that the first porn he watched as a child (like, fully as a child) included a scene where a bunch of dudes all came on some salad and the ladies ate it. That’s pretty advanced. This led to talks about the other interesting things that Ellis has found on Instagram that should be on an app that Tully needs to invent (before someone else does) called Sinstagram that include some serious dominatrix stuff and that’s cool, even the picture of a girl who was rocking mousetraps on her side thingies (labia) and a giant fishhook up her butt was kind of cool. What Tully brings up that makes Ellis kind of squeamish is the whole Rape Fantasy thing, which Tully purports or rather common in the kink world. Or even the not so kink world. They talk about rape fantasy for a bit, and like I said, Ellis seemed sort of squeamish about the whole thing even though he’s into Domination, but he really doesn’t like the thought of pretending to rape someone. It’s a hard topic to really talk about and not sound kind of like an asshole unless you have a psychology degree…so that’s really all I’m going to say about it. I don’t have a psychology degree.

On to less Rape Fantasy things…Ellis is still looking at houses that he might want to and/or be able to buy and he brought up that whole wanting ninjas to fight him after breakfast idea, and said that may not be the most practical of all things…but he’s kind of thinking that he wants a room in his house to be a Dojo. And if he can’t have that room in his house…he could always build something like that in his backyard, right? Tully says, “Of course” and the subject quickly switches to Tully’s Ice Bucket Challenge Video which is pretty adorable and Ellis says he did a good job. People have been asking Ellis what he thinks of the whole Ice Bucket Challenge now that it’s reached that time in viral trend timeline where people are down on it because everyone is doing it and Ellis replied “16 Million dollars” which is a great reply. They ALSA is actually reporting closer to $40 Million dollars now, so fuck anyone who wants to hate on a silly activity that is doing astounding things for medical research. They talk about Cystic Fibrosis and AIDs research and Ellis talks about how he just wants everything that affects kids to be cured, cause the kids are innocent and they shouldn’t have to die before they even get to be people. It’s so true, my cousin died from Cystic Fibrosis when I was little and…that shit is fucking heartbreaking. Every charity should have something so popular, something that encourages people to donate, because those millions and millions of dollars are going to save lives.

Speaking of little kids, Ellis and Tully DadBro Down a bit about their kids and being fathers for a bit, Ellis saying that he likes hanging with Devin’s 9 year old friends for a few minutes when he picks her up from school because kids are open books, and Tully saying that Little Dude has thoughts no deeper than ‘Choo-choo’ and ‘Dump Truck’ and ‘Thomas’ and it was so much easier to think that deeper thoughts were happening when he didn’t talk so much. Ellis also says that he has been reading to his kids every night and feels like his reading is really improving. It’s a big step for him as a Dad because he always used to try and get out of the bedtime reading thing because he didn’t want to be made fun of for how he reads, and he’s pretty proud that he can read whole stories to them now. And i think that’s fucking awesome. I ‘awwwwwww’d out loud. Especially cause he understands the little dotty things better now.

Rounding out the discussion from the beginning of the show Ellis brings up the Podcast he recorded with Jesse Ventura since it wasn’t the friendliest podcast of all time and asks Cumtard if he’s heard anything from the Jesse Ventura camp as to whether it’s going to be posted or not. So far as anyone knows it’s going to be posted. Apparently they got into a disagreement over legalizing weed and gay marriage (we all know where Ellis sides with this, right?) and the fake/toughness of pro wrestling versus MMA. Again…we all know where Big Daddy J comes down…on the side of MMA. Jesse Ventura, being a former pro wrestler thinks he’s the toughest of the tough of the toughest of all the tough sports…but…whatever…who really cares? Is that guy still a guy? Or a thing? Who the hell cares? Of course MMA is a tougher sport…they’re athletes that are doing real things, not actors with tons of muscles getting fake body slammed again and again.

After the first break, Ellis enlightens us to the fact that he has a razor burn above his penis from where he got waxed…so…he has wax burn (i dunno if that’s a thing, but why not) and it’s uncomfortable and he doesn’t like it and will prolly never get that bit waxed again. Tully tells us about a news story where a man faked his death to get out of marrying his girlfriend because obviously that guy is both a pussy and a dick.  Then they get into a segment where each of the guys in the green room and Tully have picked 5 songs for possible play on Faction with Jason Ellis and Ellis is supposed to yay or nay and try and figure out who picked which song. And honestly…I wasn’t a fan of the segment. It took a long time and they didn’t always say the name of the song, or the band name, and I’m not really good at identifying music (i can’t even really do it to music that I always listen to). So…over the course of an hour clips of songs were played, everything Jetta picked got an ‘uh, no’ and Tully, Will, Cumtard, and HotDog all got at least one or two yesses for their picks.

At Halftime Tully reminds us that there are tons of other causes out there worthy of our attention, including Multiple Sclerosis, which you can learn more about by visiting Jack Osbourne’s site. Also, don’t forget that Ellis’s website is no longer Ellismania…that has been hijacked and it’s over and dead. Instead, go to Offical Jason Ellis and sign up or just watch the free video. Also, if you want, you can listen to TJES even when it isn’t live by using the OnDemand Function that is available with the SiriusXM app…and of course, there is also The Jason Ellis Channel 713 for all of your 24 hour, Jason Ellis needs.

At this point, Tully is about to open up a segment involving stories about people’s crazy ex’s because, “everyone has one” but then Will ruins it by saying, “Except HotDog” because HotDog, that oh so lovable intern who will be doing a second internship with the show so we don’t lose him (yay!!! So many yays!!!) has never had a girlfriend. Tully and Ellis call HotDog into the studio for a chatty chat. HotDog is 21 and a very lovable guy, from what we’ve all heard, and it seems kind of impossible that he has never had a girlfriend or even made out with a girl. But, he has eaten a girl out, which Ellis is quick to correct to he has ‘licked a girl’s cookie’. Hotdog says that sex really isn’t a top priority for him and he doesn’t want to go out and try and pick up girls, but he isn’t opposed to having sex with girls. To me, it just sounds like he doesn’t want to work for it. He doesn’t have anything against fooling around with pornstars, although he doesn’t really want to be jerked off by one poolside in front of a bunch of people, and Ellis believes him that he just really doesn’t care that much. The conversation gets sidetracked by The Wheel of Doom potential tortures, but the best one that gets brought up is from our very own Bitpimps and includes having Hotdog sit on your lap and tickling him til he farts. Oh, the mighty oracle has gifted us with the knowledge again. But then they get back to HotDog, and Ellis spends the rest of this segment kind of pep talking HotDog because Ellis suddenly no longer believes that HotDog doesn’t care about getting laid because he’s a man and men want to get laid and if he doesn’t feel the drive the go out and get laid it’s because he’s spending too much time home alone or with his kookie plant loving roommate (who in my mind looks like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) and he needs to get out there and be all that he can be because he’s awesome. Tully and Ellis tell him to just get out there, maybe join a bowling league, make a movie about his life, make some new friends in LA since he’s all lonely because his friends are back home in San Diego. And I’m like, yeah, go HotDog, just get out there and have fun and meet people and throw your dick around like King Kong!!!! That might not make sense, but I don’t have a dick, so work with me here!!! Tully does bring up that he understands how it could be easier to not have sex nowadays because of the availability of porn, and he says, “It’s just as good” which is when both me and Hubbs stared at the radio. Nononono, Tully…Watching Porn with dick in your hand is nowhere even in the same ball park as fucking. At All. No. Sex is…so much more wonderful with someone else there!!! I mean…just damn. Get out there HotDog!!! You’re adorable!!! Chicks want to bang you, you just don’t know it yet! Girls need to be chased a little, sometimes!!!

So, today to wrap up the show, they talk about Crazy Ex’s because, you know, everyone has one. Lol. Ellis tells a story that is in his first book, I’m Awesome, about how his first ex wife once showed up at his house while Andrea was there and Andrea had to escape through the garage and the first ex scared the ever loving shit out of her because Andrea knew that she used to beat up on Ellis and not treat him so nice. Will told a story about how his ex called the cops on him for driving her car that they had shared, because, obviously she was a cunt. They took a couple of calls from guys with some extraordinarily crazy exes who beat them with spatula’s and kitchenware, got them arrested and labeled as felons, fired flare guns into their bedrooms and burned their houses down, and…guys…come on…was the sex really that good?!?!?!?!? They all say that the sex was phenomenal and totally worth it…and I’m just like…bitches be out of control. Never let a crazy girl know where you live!!! Seriously…i mean…unless they’re the me kind of crazy. I am the perfect kind of crazy because I went through years of cognitive behavioral therapy and therefore know how to reign in my crazy, but I’m still fucking awesome in bed. Boom. There weren’t really any final calls because it was all of a sudden time to go, so Ellis threw the mic to HotDog and HotDog invited us all to listen in again tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel.

Seriously…crazy girl sex is not worth having your house burned down.

The Thrilla In Senim Silla

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If you’re reading this, there’s no doubt you heard of Jude Angelini. You’re probably a fan of The Jason Ellis Show too. But are you a fan of the Foreally Show? How about a fan of Senim Silla or Binary Star? Well, if you’ve never heard of Ross (Senim Silla) or the Foreally Show, you should check it out. You’ll hear some familiar voices, and along with those familiar voices, you’re going to laugh and be entertained as Jude & Ross talk their way through pretty much any topic that might be on their minds at the moment. But what about the stuff they don’t talk about? Well, here is Ross to answer those questions.

Dad? Is that really you?

Dad? Is that really you?

How often have people on the street confused you with Darryl “DMC” McDaniels?
Not as often as I’d like. It’s a new one though. I get Will Smith semi regularly. Lenny Kravitz sometimes. It seems I’m pretty much interchangeable with every light-skin kat ever.

Jude recently mentioned to Jason Ellis that he’d like to have a show with you and Christian Hand on his new channel. Would you get Binary star back together to make a theme song for it?
Growing up a Hip Hop/Rap elitist, any kind of Rap used commercially, makes my skin crawl. To this day, I can’t stand seeing kats rap in commercials, tv, movies or even real-life most times. I think it’s because there’s such a thin line between good Rap and annoying-as-shit Rap. Anytime a kat recites a rhyme to me, it becomes a contestant for one of the worst experiences of my life. [And that’s including kats bussing my lyrics back to me]

When you’re teaching a young lady about hip-hop because you’re trying to get in her pants, do you ever just want to slap the bitch for not knowing the things you’re explaining to her?
I don’t use Hip Hop knowledge to get into drawls, it’s actually been proven to be the fastest
way to talk myself out of drawls. Because inevitably, some stupidity ensues that I feel like I have to correct. Not just for me but Hip Hop as a whole. Everything’s allgood until she says
“COMMON’s best album is ‘Like Water for Chocolate’ ” or “I think 2000’s Wu is better than 90’s Wu”

If you had to pick one fandom to exclusively be a part of for the rest of time (ie..never see a batman movie again if you go with The Hulk) which would it be and why?
That’s a damn good question. Can I choose all DC animated? I think I could live with just that. If not, and I have to choose one figure, I’d go with Batman. The batman universe is deep and out of all the comic book related offerings, it has been the most consistent on delivery. From all the animated series/movies to the live-action, dating back as far as the late 80’s.

justguythings-ross

Jude’s taking a piss, let’s talk about Gene.

I never would have thought to ask anyone this until you guys started talking about him, but what the fuck is Gene Hackman up to?
Unfortunately, there’s no new news on the guy but I can tell you that he turned down the lead roles in Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Your “I’ll bury the body for you” friend. There’s not a Tom Cruise movie he doesn’t love. You terrified for your life or you wondering exactly how far his gay goes?
I don’t understand the question.

Now that you’ve met Michael Tully, how long do you think before you sleep with his wife? And why do you hate Tully so much?
Well the questions need to be asked & answered by every dude that wants me to fuck his
wife. Lotta “depends” in that. 1. What’s his wife look like? 2. (If 1 looks good) I’d have to check with my wife to see if she’s willing to lead him along while I have relations with his wife. 3. Will I be drinking? 3a. How much time & effort is she willing to put into erecting a whiskey-dick?

As for my hate for Tully, I can’t say that much exists. I haven’t spent a whole lotta time with the man. He sat in on the Foreally Show briefly and other than his love of grape-flavored juice boxes, I couldn’t tell you much. I guess he might hate the British.

What’s it like being a sellout race traitor? No, but seriously, what are your thoughts about when people dog on you when Jude drops N bombs?
Nobody has ever said anything to me about Jude’s use of the word “nigga” or “nigger” or any variation thereof. I think real Black issues dwarf Jude rapping along with his favorite songs. There’s a lotta things that have fucked up Black America but Jude & the word “Nigger” aren’t on that list. We, the human race, have to stop giving Jude & the word “Nigger” so much power.

You’ve become increasingly skilled at talking on the mic in a radio/podcast setting. When did you realize that you used to say “you know what I’m sayin'” excessively? Is there anything else you do that you want to work on?
After the show became more popular, we received a few emails clowning me about it and that was when I first became cognizant of it and began trying to work out of it. Next, I’m going to work on these “Rights”. I also have to increase my threshold for negative comments it seems. The feedback you get in this radio/podcast shit can be like YouTube comments at times. And the way I’m wired, I always gotta respond to these assholes. So I’m going to work on that.

If cooked to perfection and served with your choice of sauce, do you think you could eat 96 ounces of Lord Sear to have your picture on the wall and win a t-shirt?
No. Comment.

There is a dude on The Jason Ellis Show who does crazy stunts, eating gross stuff, getting tortured, ya know, regular shit. Could you please make the nastiest jail pie you can dream up for that dude? What would be your choice to really grime up a jail pie?
I’d feed him the kind of shit we’d eat in Oakland County Jail. We had this shit we called
“Cathead”. Which was basically like a food loaf. It had meat product, bread & maybe some
potatoes in it. They’d smother it in the grossest gravy & serve it with green beans or corn. So I’d take that, add some ramen noodles and mix it all together with generic brand cheese wiz. Just like Mother Love makes. PS: Mother Love is a 6’5″ muscle-bound monster dressed in cut-off state-blue shorts and a tight-ass t-shirt tied in a knot to expose his stomach.

What is your vision for the podcast in the future? Would you like it to become more frequent, as in a daily show, or are you happy with the one a week setup?
We’re talking about this right now. We’d both like to do more but know we have to build with our growth. So we’re always thinking of more ways to add value to the show for our listeners. Also in October, we’re launching the show with BitTorrent as one of their bundles and plan to do a number of different things with that.

How is that visual element for the show coming along? Did you take that camera out of the box yet? Or are you gonna sell it and put the money towards a real camera?
Hahhahaa…still in the box. It sits near the foot of my bed, so I have to step around it when
going to bed and when I wake up. I now hate it and everything that has to do with DSLR
photography.

How many grammatical and/or spelling errors did you find in these questions?
There was only the one about the friend and hiding dead bodies while watching Tom Cruise movies. I didn’t know wtf that was asking.

THE END

Thanks to Ross for being cool as fuck and doing this Q & A session with us even though he barely knows us or how stupid we are. If you haven’t heard the Foreally Show yet, you really should – it’s pretty fuckin’ hilarious and entertaining. Ross & Jude are childhood friends, it’s like sitting in on a bullshit session with your best friends.

Show Re-cap for Wednesday 8/20/14

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Hey there. Here is the part where I introduce you to the recap, but yeah, nothing witty or funny is coming to mind, so fuuuuuuuckk you. On with the recapping.

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A man named Crazy called the show early on, (Not Crazy Jerr, this was a point of contention) and he had a wicked case of hiccups, so Ellis shot him in hopes to fix that. Remember kids, if you or someone you love has the hiccups, get a bullet in them. Speaking of getting bullets in ya, Ellis has been kind of down lately, maybe because of the stress of negotiations coupled with being sick and not being able to work out because of his heart stuff. And when he gets down, the hard stuff in his childhood takes the front seat and fucks with his head. But he powers through and realizes that even the bad stuff shaped his life. And Ellis has the connection with other people who went through the same thing because they all have the same mindset. Tully agreed that a lot of the time, people who went through certain circumstances and situations, are sort of put in play for certain lifestyles. Whether that is as simple as being gay, or being into kinky shit, or just being into dark stuff, there isn’t anything wrong with any of that, but essentially your experiences or situations can push you a couple of steps in a certain direction. This is too serious. Bring on the racist jokes!

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Tully’s mother in law is in town, and it’s making him realize just how much Japanese got leaked into his kid. She made breakfast for them this morning which consisted of rice wrapped in seaweed and tiny, whole fish. And she made a soup with tiny little fish in it too. What. The. Fuck. Haven’t these people learned about lucky charms? Who the fuck makes fish cereal???  But, the Littlest Tully digs on the Asian food, so what can you do?

 

So the ALS Ice Bucket challenge has been sweeping the nation and there really is no way to escape videos of people dumping water on themselves. The good news is that the ALS foundation has received $16 Million in donations vs. last year’s $50,000. So no matter how annoying it is to see it over and over, no matter how unoriginal and lame people trying to be original and cool are doing the videos, tough shit, it’s working. That’s not enough for Cumtard though, who says it’s jumped the shark, and is lame now. So he did not participate in dumping water on his head when challenged by the Champion of the World Butterballs. Instead, he just donated the $100 and fucked it off. This wasn’t enough for Jason because he supposedly told everyone in the green room to do it, and they all fucked it off. Ellis got pissed about the whole thing and yelled at everyone for a minute (Except for Tully, who got called out but is of course protected under contract and can’t be challenged for charity.). Will did the same as Kevin and donated the money and yada yada yada. Funny thing was, Ellis was challenged a few months ago by some moto dudes, but didn’t do it then because he wanted to do it bigger or something. Ellis made them both spin the wheel I’m assuming because they didn’t do what he said. Will had to eat anchovies while listening to Bon Jovi, which made him fake vomit and everyone laughed joyously. Kevin had to put Bengay under his armpits. It didn’t do anything. Later in the show, while Cumtard didn’t do the challenge, the Smartest Box in the World, AKA: Kevin’s balls ended up doing the challenge, and it was kind of funny. so….

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There was a video of Mel Gibson talking about Robin Williams and a bunch of people think Mel is on coke. Ellis thinks that’s bullshit, that the dude looks great for a racist alcoholic psychopath. The video kind of boiled down to him touching his nose so everyone jumped on the cocaine train.

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Kaleem is a boy with gigantic hands. He’s from India, which seems to be the part of the world where these kinds of things happen. Unfortunately for Hammer Fists, the Jason Ellis Show has a deep well of jokes for people with giant hands. Tully proposed he could come to America and star in insurance commercials alongside Dikembe Mutumbo blocking shots like a madman. He can use his hands, gripping stuff but really it’s more like he rests them on things. He could also be a god damn superhero if he swings one of those sledgehammers at someone’s dome. Ahhh the legend of MittenHands.

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After the break, the guys had a segment that Cumtard put together of the most horrible rappers of Youtube. First Up 50 Tysonwho is a Youtube rapping sensation with autism. Can you believe the nerve of Cumtard? Trying to get Ellis and Tully to make fun of a dude with a genuine disability? Pretty fucked up if you ask me. I’d be willing to bet Cumtard went to tard school with this kid and got humiliated in a rap battle and this was his long game at getting back at him. Foiled once again, tard boy. The rest of the rappers in the segment were all horrible, but like 5 of them were all people who were on tosh.0 a couple of years ago so it wasn’t anything new if you’ve watched that show or been on the internet for an extended period of time. Names like: Froggy Fresh (Who was Krispy Kreme), The Why Must I Cry dude, the (Above) Average (Racist) Homeboy, and the Cold in the D chicks. Maybe I’m a negative asshole, but I thought it went on a little too long. The bad music thing never really does much for me, especially when some of the acts are intentionally being bad, or are so bad that it’s more annoying than funny. The hope here is that you can make fun of it enough to where you can make the segment funny, but it just didn’t do much for me.

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Final calls were as final calls do. Not a whole lot of hits, but one guy did ask Tully and Ellis how they met. The boys regaled (One day I’m going to go back and see how many times I’ve used ‘regaled’, I bet it’s at least once per recap) us with the tale of how “There they were, and there was a hole, and a man is only a man and a man has needs as only a man can, and they bonded through the hole before they got to know each other and they exchanged fluids and became compatible for a 4 hour radio show format.”

A lady in Oregon set her husband on fire because he refused to not put weed killer on their lawn to protect their dogs. Fucking hippies.

Here’s a clown.

Step into my fucking lair!

Cup the balls….Like THIS!

 

Show Re-Cap for Tuesday 8/19/14

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I just renewed my truck insurance and health insurance and god damn if it didn’t feel like a barbed stone cock just got aggressively forced into my rectum. I mean, I’m going to the land of free health care and I doubt a California minimum policy from GEICO is gonna cover me in another country. Somebody bring me that fucking British gecko, I got some god damn questions I need answered. That pig ain’t gonna be no help, but if you wanna chop him up and make me a BLT you can hunt him down too. And whatever animal’s paw print they used for the Kaiser Permanente logo, BRING ME ALL THE MASCOTS!!! I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH YOUR CORPORATE POLICIES AND YOUR ANIMAL REPRESENTATIVES SHOULD BE TRAINED TO HELP ME!!! While I wait for a veritable Noah’s menagerie of fortune 500 figureheads, I figure now would be a good time to recap the Jason Ellis show!!! Today kicked off with a mighty thunderous fart (from me) and some talk of bugs eating poo inside the human body and how next time that happens, Tully is fully allowed to take the reigns. Jason went to the doctor yesterday because he’s had a rumbly in his tumbly for a while now and he’s old enough to know that tempting fate is a luxury reserved for the young and stupid. Luckily though, the symptoms haven’t included diarrhea so it was no problem over the weekend at the UTV race. So, the doctor gave Ellis some stuff to clean himself out, but if it doesn’t work, he’s gonna have to do like Cumtard did that one time and shit in a plastic cowboy hat and have the scientists analyze it. Tully has had to shop for a new doctor cause Dr. Creepy won’t take his phone calls anymore, strangely enough, starting the day after they started calling him Dr. Creepy on the air, but he has a few things saved up to get poked and fingered and swabbed in the near future. Jude came in to hang out with the guys in his “gave up on life” look, which includes swim trunks and a plain t-shirt over some boat shoes. Jason went on the Jesse Ventura podcast and couldn’t help but call out the guy with the minigun in “Predator” on not knowing that pro wrestling is a lot less work than a legitimate sport like MMA or Playstation 3. Jude and Jason are both on a “fuck the world” kick right now cause really, a guy was able to raise $20,000 to make fucking potato salad on KickStarter, so what the fuck should I be amped about? The guys talked McDonalds for a bit cause they know they all have a particular menu item they routinely get, and it speaks volumes about a persons status in the world of pedophilia. Tully saw a video of a guy smoking McDonald’s french fries, and this quickly turned to drafting Jetta to toke up on some potato and wood pulp goodness. Jason told Jude about his experience racing this weekend and how he was kicking way more ass than normal and that’s always a nice feeling in your guts, not like bugs eating your poo. Jude told the guys he can’t even drive a stickshift, which makes sense cause American cars are huge in Detroit and they’re notorious for not making a manual transmission version of just about anything. Jude went antiquing at the flea market this weekend, which is far less gangster than off road mini truck racing, but he WAS fucked up on muscle relaxers, and he’s an amazingly white mother fucker, so it actually kinda worked. The guys talked about how cleaning when you’re high is usually not a good sign, even though your apartment is gonna be fucking SPOTLESS!!! Somehow, the story of Jude buying some crystal liquor glasses turned into a lesson about the Freemasons and how a collection of old rich Christians have put a magical Jew into power over everything. Luckily though, Zach Galifinakis has nothing to do with them, so when Hangover 6 comes out, it’s still OK to watch it without feeling like a traitor to free thought or anything like that. Ellis got caught saying “bullshit” in front of his kids this weekend, but Jude was able to calm him down by letting him know that the more you cuss in front of your children, the more they’ll rebel against you and turn into upstanding young citizens. Jason also went to El Compadres for dinner with the kids and somebody was using foul language really loud and as Jason was leaving he got a text from Blasko saying it was his friends and that they’re sorry for tainting the youth and will wait until they’re in junior high and developing their own personalities before they take that honor. The guys talked parenting for a while cause they’re all dad’s except for Jude who’s a fuckin’ Champiooooooonnnnnn but still sees his daughter. Tully’s kid is gonna be a track star someday and Tiger Ellis is gonna be wrecking shit at the dirt bike track like Return Of The Yard Sale: Electric Boogaloo. But that shit doesn’t matter so much cause Jude’s book Hyena is dropping on the 23rd and if you got the first sun, there’s gonna be more of it in the new version and if you didn’t get it on the first run, you can suck a dick, then learn to read and go buy it! And if you have a huge clit, Jude will not turn you away. Just don’t be a massive cunt. Some people called in to talk about cursing in front of your kids and whether or not it’ll make your kids shitty or if it’s really kind of a moot point. I for one, have noticed that kids are idiots, and idiots latch onto things really easily, so if you think it’s something an idiot shouldn’t be trusted to do safely and correctly, keep it the fuck away from them. Jude had to step out to do his regular gig, but he did let us know that next Monday, we’re gonna hear Tully on the Foreally show! Which is fucking awesome for all of us who love some Foreally, like me, and a bunch of other people who work here. And remember folks, vomiting stops people from rioting, so if you’re shopping for home defense accessories, an industrial drum of ipecac and a bunch of Super Soakers is a great idea.

 

MOTO NEWS WITH A BIG FAT DICK FO YA MOTHAFUCKIN’ MOUTH!!! In the 450’s at Indiana this weekend, it was muddy and there was racing and Ryan Dungey got cock-blocked like a priest at an all boys military school. I mean, Josh Grant for fuck’s sake. Josh Grant. Like many times when I have no idea what I’m talking about and just feel like being a dick, I’m sure Dungey is feeling the pain without any help from the public and will try harder next time. Now, I didn’t watch any of it, but the guys talked moto for a while longer and sounded like they knew what they were talking about better than I would. Jason would be enjoying moto some more on his own time if it weren’t for the fact that he had to give his bike back to Suzuki, and also he has a turd brewing that would suffocate a moose. There was some MMA talk which I also only vaguely paid attention to, but it sounds like it was good watching for the weekend. Tully has found himself more racist against the English than he used to be, mostly because of Jason Ellis and the UFC. There was talk of how Josh Koscheck is an announcer now because when you get punched and kicked in the head that severely for that amount of time, it’s a shitty move to lay somebody off. Tully suggested that Affliction should do an endorsement deal where they find people with out of date looks and give them makeovers with new Affliction gear, AND AT THE SAME TIME redesign Affliction gear to not look so shitty. But hey, none of that’s important cause WOMEN!!! AM I RIGHT?!?!?! A guy in Oklahoma is in the process of divorcing his wife and since he’s worth a few billion dollars, the courts are trying to figure out if he earned it legit or if he did some crooked shit, and that’s important cause his future ex-cunt is trying to get half of it. That’s right, half of 17 billion fucking dollars. Another lady in New Mexico was living with another lady and was dating that lady’s brother, and the siblings found out that the first lady was having sex with their dog on a regular basis. Now, after she admitted it, the brother broke up with her, and one night they were all having dinner together (cause the spirit of forgiveness is pretty similar to idiocy in some particular cases) and the brother and sister noticed that the water they were drinking with their meal had…sort of a tint to it, but didn’t stop drinking it, and had a funny taste, but didn’t stop drinking it, and it was only after dog fucker kept encouraging them to eat that it started to seem like a murder plot, WHICH IT WAS! Cause  dog fucker put rubbing alcohol in their water and toilet cleaner in the food cause HOW DARE YOU BREAK UP WITH DOG FUCKER?!?!??! DOG FUCKER BREAKS UP WITH YOU!!! A CNN reporter was at the US embassy in Baghdad and got picked up for being drunk and disorderly and apologized for telling emergency workers “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!?!?!” while attempting to bite paramedics who (in a fit of reverse Darwinism) were trying to keep this lady from wandering into traffic or being stoned like an unwed mother in biblical times. A lady in Albany, New York stole a python from a local pet store, slung it around her neck like a scarf, and drove her prius into the side of a fire station cause apparently the subway doesn’t run anywhere that a person might actually want to go around there. A woman in Scotland went to the doctor cause she was losing weight and couldn’t stop shitting herself, and the doctor found a ten year old sex toy stuck in her vag. Hey, at least it wasn’t a toilet baby, am I right? A chick in Eerie, Pennsylvania was trying to rescue a cat from a tree, and ended up getting stuck there herself because some people don’t understand that nature will fucking handle itself and when that cat wants to come down it will, it doesn’t need your moronic attempts at help in which you do yourself more harm in the process. And finally, a woman in Indiana was driving home after eating a burger and got a message from god that she should let go of the wheel (which makes me think that’s a tasty fucking burger) and the second she let go of the wheel she rear ended a guy on a Harley and the bitch kept rolling like she didn’t just fire a guy across three lanes of traffic and narrowly missed running over his head, but took a nice digger over the guy’s midsection. And to make matters worse, she stuck to the story after the cops showed up. A guy who was stationed in Baghdad with that CNN lady said that she’s always been fucking nuts, but then again she’s also been reporting live from Baghdad for about a decade. The guys took a break cause that much estrogen can make anybody need a snack, and I need to take a piss.

 

Let’s all wish Everlast a happy birthday, belated as it might be, cause he’s a good dude and it’s nice to be appreciated. You should also donate to cystic fibrosis research cause that would be a huge help to him and his daughter. After that though, you should get the cock off your chest, cause Brock Lesnar is now in the WWE and that’s a lot of cock to get off of a person’s chest. To start things off, Tully found a story about a 50-something year old Scottish guy who died with a vibrator in his ass cause he got it stuck and decided not to go to the hospital for five days, because today’s cock off you chest should hopefully be a sexual one. Any of your dark, weird fetish shit that your mother would disown you for, that’s what Tully wants to hear about. WILSON had to do 8 hours of community service and pay a $600 fine for littering (sexy littering). One caller said he pisses in the sink on a really regular basis, and not just at his own house. Next caller let the guys know that when he was in high school, his dad married a fine ass younger lady and one night while him and the stepmom were sitting around the house drinking, one thing led to another and they ended up fucking BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE, the son didn’t do a great job disposing of evidence, so even though the stepmom didn’t sell him out the dad still thought she was cheating with somebody and divorced her ass. Next we heard from a guy who was having group sex with another couple and felt a little stubble around his dick during a blowjob and when he hit the lights it was his buddy going down on him, not one of the ladies. After that we heard from a guy who also accidentally got blown by a dude at a porn shop jerk off booth when he stuck his dick through the glory hole and now he’s become kind of a regular patron of the glory holes. After that we heard from a lady who broke up with her boyfriend and started banging his best friend while she was on her period (LAAAAAAAMMEEE I’ve done that, it’s called being in your early twenties). Next we got a call from a guy who would routinely jerk off or blow his friend in his sleep, to completion. It gets weirder though, cause apparently the friend is as queer as a three dollar bill, but only in his sleep cause at times he would reciprocate, in his sleep. Next caller let his friend stroke him to completion when he was pretty young because his friend convinced him they had to do it as practice for when they start having to worry about girls. Next guy who called went out partying one night with some friends and his sister and after getting blackout drunk and not knowing what happened, he woke up naked, next to his sister. Yep, his sister. Next caller was a guy who had sex with his friend’s bride to be on a pretty regular basis and she knows all the same people and it’s a whole family thing and game of telephone bullshit. After that was a guy who was in a dispute with his girlfriend in the process of breaking up with her, and he had to break into her mom’s house to steal his dog back. Next was a guy who routinely hocks loogies in his boss’ slurpees and wipes his ass sweat in the dude’s respirator filter. After that was a dude who had a terrible phone connection but was able to let Hot Dog the call screener know that he illegally buried tons of fracking chemicals. Next was a guy who was fucking his girlfriend and his dog started licking his balls AND HE SWEARS IT’S A TRUE STORY but he doesn’t want to tell his girlfriend cause he kinda enjoyed it and didn’t try to stop the whole thing. Next we heard from a guy who was dating a virgin who didn’t want to fuck until marriage so he banged her best friend on her birthday. Then there was a dude who got his beer stolen in the high school locker room so he pissed in the dude’s shampoo. After that we heard from a bartender who banged a married lady who was going through a divorce and might have made a baby with her but he can’t be sure cause he doesn’t remember if he shot a load or not. Finally, we heard from a fellow who kept his old phone in his bathroom for playing sudoku on the john, but also had it set up as a motion detector camera so that he can record his wife fiddling the bean when she takes a bath. Voyeurism!!! The guys invited WILSON back in to give more details on his littering arrest, cause that shit is the kind of thing that only happens to black people in the 1950’s, and definitely not a white guy in a progressive state like ours in this day and age. The guys discussed for a while whether secretly filming your partner in their most self-intimate moments is a bad thing, and basically as long as it’s someone really close to you it shouldn’t be a big deal, but definitely not OK to do to your buddies or your sister. Shitting would be less of a problem to film than masturbating, so that opens up your options a bit, but still, just be sure you and whoever you’re filming are open and honest about your logs. So, back to Pendarvis getting racially profiled by a shitty cop, the reason he got a ticket for littering was because he tore up a receipt in a fit of modern day paranoia and somehow that enormously pissed off the cop that saw him doing it so he got a fine and community service for being an unreasonably nervous citizen of the digital age. And in a live performance that was probably missed by everyone, Wilson Pendarvis the Third was cleaning up trash on the sidewalks of Hollywood all day on Saturday. The guys tried to find some angle where this ticket actually makes sense not to resist, but given the way police have been acting lately, I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to poke the bear without a well appointed “us taxpayers won’t be taking your bullshit” type mob backing me up, which is hard to find cause the kind of people who would fight cops in the street usually aren’t taxpayers. There was more talk of how this particular cop is probably just pissed cause shit isn’t working out like all those action movies he’s been indoctrinated with and he’s THIS FUCKING CLOSE to being suspended for numerous citizen complaints, so he was probably just being a dick because the universe keeps kicking him in the balls and he unwittingly invites it by acting like an asshole. A lawyer called in to tell Pendarvis that he’s a bitch for not tacking that ticket and bitch slapping the officer with it, because it really is the most frivolous and pointless waste of public funds to continue employing that fucktard and it should be made as clear and public as possible. Another cop called in to tell him that he only got the ticket for having a shitty faux-hawk and googly eyes. Cumtard stepped in to tell the guys that when he got his jaywalking tickets he went to court on one of them and he got it thrown out cause even the cops know that some shit is too petty to bother showing up to court for and all they’re hoping is that you’re a bitch who won’t bother knowing your rights and making it a drain on others for cops to be idiots and not solve real crimes. Hot Dog never has to deal with the cops cause he’s too doughy and lovable, so it’s hard to consider him a menace to anything for jaywalking or tossing a cigarette butt. A male nurse in Croatia has been collecting the cocks of the dead for quite a while now, and was finally sussed out by the cops and is gonna have to… do something about it, cause postmortem castration is a shitty thing to do. Cumtard insisted that he’s heard of this happening here in the developed world but he can’t find a YouTube link so the jury is still out on it. The guys took some final calls as they’re known to do, and it was friendly and not fucking stupid, as they’re known to be. Oxycottin John called in too, and he’s doing good, so shout the mother fuck out. And now, I have to get back to my real job, insulting telemarketers until they kill themselves and wrangling cats.

 

Red Dragons, Mother Fuckers ,,rr,